tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1336150561284209783.post994001929808658047..comments2022-03-29T03:03:05.373-07:00Comments on Discipline of a Naughty Irish Imp: Confrontation Irish Imphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08952206854964186402noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1336150561284209783.post-78742320600810303302012-09-06T05:30:09.121-07:002012-09-06T05:30:09.121-07:00I agree with Susan. You should have been offended ...I agree with Susan. You should have been offended by this woman, who it sounds like, had no real right to complain about your child who is well mannered and behaved. And since when is being in the military a bad thing? Military = Deiscipline, Organization, Respect, Committment etc.<br /><br />Susan steals my thunder a bit on her next point as well. You simply need to hone and polish your confrontational skills. Cuss people out in a manner which gets your point across in without being disrespectful. <br /><br />You accomplish more that way as well. The offending party is more likely focus on their poor behavior when it is pointed out appropriately. <br /><br />When you are just plain rude in your responses, they will focus on your behavior and how offensive you are, and your point, valid though it may be, will be lost.<br /><br />JeffotkAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1336150561284209783.post-5436233604251571532012-09-04T17:26:12.334-07:002012-09-04T17:26:12.334-07:00It is not hard wiring. It is learned behavior. I...It is not hard wiring. It is learned behavior. It is a habit for you to respond the way you do. Substitute a new and better habit. Ask for help in learning new ways. Yeah, it is easier to give help than ask for it, right? Do it anyway. <br /><br />I'm not saying you should repress your anger. You cannot hide from yourself. If you just keep the anger stuffed inside you, it can eat you up, turn to depression and anxiety. But you do need to learn to express it in a more controlled way. <br /><br />You know what I think? Most things are so easy for you to learn, that when something isn't, you don't know how to handle it. Here's how you handle it: try again, and again, and again until you get it right, and it becomes second nature. I do not want to hear "I can't" from you, got that? (I think I was channeling Dev just then.) <br /><br />Susannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1336150561284209783.post-17801742669681235712012-09-04T08:31:53.414-07:002012-09-04T08:31:53.414-07:00No ma'am, I wont fight you on this. :) I didn&...No ma'am, I wont fight you on this. :) I didn't want to analyze myself into inaction....but I guess at times I get frustrated when it feels like even when I work to be cognizant of it and *try* to react differently, it gets frustrating when I still engage and I wonder if it is some sort of hard wiring. Ughhh....frustration at its best. Irish Imphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08952206854964186402noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1336150561284209783.post-35516751292448558532012-09-03T14:59:01.012-07:002012-09-03T14:59:01.012-07:00Natalie Lynn, I don't think that you are going...Natalie Lynn, I don't think that you are going about this is the right way. You are thinking yourself into inaction. You can spend the next 5 years trying to determine how you ended up as you are, and NEVER figure it out. So, you'll just keep doing what you have always done, wrong though you know it to be. <br /><br />It really does not matter how you got to be this way or whether you would be different if your personal history were different. You cannot rewrite history, you have to just move forward from it. You are thinking yourself into inaction. <br /><br />I don't think being confrontational is a character flaw so long as you can control how you do it. Being confrontational is being willing to stand up for yourself, to take care of yourself, to look out for those you love. Your problem is that you choose the most aggressive way to go about it. I don't know if that is nature or nurture, but what difference does it make? The real question is, can you change it? Of course you can, but you may need someone to show you the way. You are very smart, but keeping a lid on your temper is outside of your experience, so I think you might need help learning to do so. Learn some behavior modification techniques. Role playing, maybe - not my favorite idea either, but it can work. <br /><br />I'm not really the right person to take you through this because I have never had a problem with impulse control, but I can give you some things to contemplate and tell you what I would have done.<br /><br />You need to recognize that when a person criticizes you the way that acquaintance did, sometimes she is trying to protect her own ego, to tell herself what she does is right. Teaching your son manners must be wrong since her kids don't know zip about that. Got it?<br /><br />What would I have done? I would have used my words. (You should be rolling your eyes now.) I probably would have said one of two things.<br />1) Sarcasm being MY weapon of choice, "Really? You think that teaching my child to be polite is WRONG?!" I would have followed that with hysterical laughter.<br /><br />OR<br /><br />2) If I felt that she was just beneath contempt: "There are people in this world that I have to justify myself to. YOU are not one of them." Follow this, by turning and walking away, which ends the fight.<br /><br />You can be what you decide to be. Let me say that again. You CAN be what YOU decide to be. You have learned the lessons of your history, you know the way you handle things is wrong, you can learn new ways. I am sure of that. I will help however I can. <br /><br />Now, you want to fight me on this? ;)<br /> Susannoreply@blogger.com