Naughty Irish Imp

Naughty Irish Imp

Sunday, April 19, 2020

Living Hell

I've not seen my family in 14 days. I miss them. I'd love to go home to hold them, but I can't. I'd love to cuddle up with my dogs, but it's been 14 days since I've seen them.

While many people are enjoying a lengthy "vacation".........working remotely........ soaking in precious family time......... binge watching netflix............ I, and thousands of other emergency medicine professionals are functioning inside of a living hell.

Never when I began my medical career could I have ever foreseen a time where I would be mandated to reuse gloves, masks or gowns on multiple patients. Never in the wealthiest country on the planet would I have believed that I'd be responsible for finding my own PPE. Never outside of battlefield medicine did I imagine having to crisis-plan color-code patients.

This is a nightmare.

All of the comforts of home, family, connection seem so far gone now. All of the typical self-care strategies are a thing of the past. I can not walk on the beach to reflect. I can not go to the gym for a hard workout to clear my mind. I can not meet a friend at a pub for a drink. I can not even see my own baby.

6 months ago, our ER was a busy but manageable place. A challenging but uplifting atmosphere. If I'd had a particularly difficult case, I could vent to my colleagues. Now we are all overwhelmed and scared. There is no casual chatting, no humorous banter, no familiar smiles from which to seek support. Many of us never leave the building; while we didn't sign up for this risk, we dutifully accept it.........but not for our families. We are fighting an invisible enemy that is literally dropping bodies at our feet. Many of my colleagues are sick. Three have succumbed, I know more will follow.

I am seeing people younger than me require ventilators to survive the night. I am watching perfectly healthy adults deteriorate in a matter of hours to the point they are critical.

We have just entered our "surge". And we are all battle worn already. Even with a field hospital set up to provide overflow care, we are functioning in contingency medicine. If our numbers continue at this pace for another 48 hours, we will be in crisis medicine.

How do I look at 4 different human beings and decide which 2 of them will get medical care and the chance at life.........and which 2 will simply be given comfort meds, as not to waste medical resources?!?!?

I try to provide the best care possible. I do not give up; but I have lost some of these battles........too many, and each replays in my mind as I try to seek solace in 4 hours of sleep. I struggle to show compassion to my ailing patients while donning gear equivalent to an astronaut on a space walk.

"Can they see my sincerity through this mask?"

"Can they hear the compassion in my tone through my respirator?"

As exhausted as I am, as my colleagues are, our trauma must be tabled for now...........because there are more patients and they desperately need us. We are not only providing life-saving care, we are also their sole support, as our hospital can not allow any family, friend or visitor. Our patients are alone and they are scared.

I am now not simply the provider...........I have been thrust into the role of mourner as well. My patients will not die alone.......I am there. I am holding tablets and listening to spouses, children, parents and siblings say their "goodbyes". I am holding the phone when clergy call to perform last rites.

And just when I think I can not possibly take any more, when I sink down to the floor outside of a curtain and bury my face in my hands...........another ambulance is backing in. Another patient is in respiratory distress and needs my help. And suddenly a small burst of adrenaline has me back on my feet and rushing to meet the bus in the bay.

As badly as I want to rush home to see my child..........facetime will have to do for now, because someone else's child is struggling to breathe and depending on me to help them.

Stay home. Stay safe.

Thursday, October 3, 2019

Submission Is.......

What, specifically, is submission?

I tend to categorize my answer to this question into two separate things:
  1. Obedience aka Reactive Submission
  2. Surrender aka Proactive Submission
Category #1 is self-explanatory. It encompasses all of the "yes, Sir" and "no, Sir" and following instructions, abiding by rules, protocol, maintaining position, etc. It is in direct response to what He says/does/wants.

Category #2 is quite a bit more nuanced.

It was waking up every day and asking myself what I could do to please Him that day.

It was making note of his favorite things, important dates, preferred foods, friends/family, routines.

It was hearing Him say that he needed a doctor or lawyer, and me finding him the best in the field and scheduling the appointment.

It was knowing that 'starting over' was difficult for Him, and changing my schedule to go view properties with him.

It was attending his professional events or athletic events he coached simply to support Him.

It was knowing logistics overwhelm Him, and ensuring I found, purchased and delivered literally everything he would need for a new home from each piece of furniture to the linens to the silverware to the rugs to the artwork.

It was decorating together, rearranging furniture together, holding the ladder as he hung the curtains I picked out, staining blind rods together.

It was sensing His hesitance to his new life alone, and finding photographs of His mother and His children and framing them for Him to hang in his new home.

It was encouraging Him to visit his family, for the first time in almost a decade, and paying to upgrade his seat on the flight and arranging parking away from the busy airport for convenience.

It was making sure his holidays were exactly what He wanted, not what others expected.

It was "hiding" an important part of my kink experience to make him happy.

It was listening to Him vent about work or marriage or child rearing concerns.

It was spending 2-3 hours each week cleaning His home and preparing meals for the coming week so He could relax after work and have edible dinners.

It was hearing how sick he was, dropping everything and rushing to take care of him. It was cleaning up the vomit off the floor, coaxing medication & fluids into him, staying awake all night to watch Him and going to work the next day knowing he felt better.

It was helping Him find the 'right' gift for his wife when he hadn't a clue.

It was seeing his sadness when he unpacked his childhood sock monkey his mother made him and seeing it was falling apart.....knowing I sucked at sewing and offering to fix it for him because I knew how much it meant to him. I may have stabbed my own finger 1000 times, but his sock monkey was repaired.

It was laying quietly over his lap while he watched baseball.........although I hate baseball.

It was cutting off toxic friendships at his direction and not questioning it......simply trusting he would only do what was best for me.

It was knowing he wanted a prison strap and finding an authentic one to gift him.

It was asking him to teach me to do something new and committing to learning to do it.

It was watching him take care of everyone other than himself and making him my priority.

It was knowing he hated to shop, so I shopped for a new wardrobe and shoes for him.

It was trying to anticipate his needs or wants.

It was truly growing, learning and maturing under his guidance.

Physical acquiescence isn't all there is to submission.......

Submission much more

Thursday, August 15, 2019

Lyrical Kink

Perhaps it's because I am a hard-wired spanko, or maybe I just have an eclectic taste in music, but I can find D/s or BDSM-themed lyrics in oh so many songs :) Below are some of my favorite.......feel free to share your own kink songs/lyrics!

"I want you to be my keeper......but not if you are so reckless........"

"You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And you say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours"

"Before I put another notch in my lipstick case, you better make sure you put me in my place. Hit me with your best shot"

"Cause I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me"

"You see these shackles, baby
I'm your slave
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave
It's just that no one makes me feel this way"

"It's you, babe
And I'm a sucker for the way that you move, babe
And I could try to run, but it would be useless
You're to blame
Just one hit of you, I knew I'll never be the same"

"Pain without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all"

"You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me, and take my hand
When the lights go out, you'll understand"

"Once you put your hand in the flame, You can never be the same,
There’s a certain satisfaction, In a little bit of pain"

"I’m dominant by definition, I’m turned on by your submission,
The dark side is how we’ve been living, Let me show you what you’ve been missing"

"Dominated, humiliated, hear my command
immobilized, tranquilized, obey my demand."

"Domination’s the name of the game, In bed or in life they’re both just the same
Except in one you’re fulfilled, At the end of the day"

"I wanna be your dominated love slave, I wanna be the one who takes the pain
You can spank me when I do not behave, "

"I will dress you in constraints, with the promises of pain, let me show you what I can,
I will tie you to a chair, kiss your neck and pull you hair,"

"Some of them want to use you, Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you, Some of them want to be abused"

Big Difference.....Be Honest

I am so very tired of seeing other kink friends hurt. I'm not certain why this isn't somehow obvious......but allow me to share something with you:

There is an enormous difference between wanting a playmate and wanting a submissive.

One requires only physical acquiescence, while the other involves emotion and a deep trust and connection. One is for now, in scene only while the other is a commitment and transcends time.

Dominating a body isn't difficult, dominating a mind, heart and soul is a very intricate balance.
Do NOT confuse the two. Do NOT use the terms interchangeably. Playmate and submissive are NOT synonymous.

Know what you want. If you don't know, say so. But don't lie to prospective partners. Don't intentionally mislead people and toy with their emotions to get what you want at the expense of their emotional pain. If you just want to play.......say so! Many people will play with you no strings attached. But don't encourage and initiate connection and trust if you're only in it for the fun and "good times".

Much in D/s, as in life, is emotional. Some people aren't equipped to handle emotion. Some are emotionally ignorant. Others still, have no emotional integrity. And unfortunately for all of us there are a few sociopaths out there that prey on emotion, are devoid of empathy and couldn't care less who they hurt as a means to their end.

Seeking submission when you're not willing or able to care for the gift it is, is setting your relationship up for failure. Encouraging a submissive to depend on you, trust you, share with you, grow with you, build with you, want you and need you without committing to responsibly caring for that dynamic is cruel.

Seeking a casual playmate only but expecting benefits of a D/s relationship like loyalty or exclusivity without committing to earning trust and working to remain worthy of submission is one-sided and selfish.

You have far more than a responsibility to assure another's physical safety when you're accepting submission. You have a responsibility to assure emotional and psychological safety as well. If you can not accept that responsibility, perhaps power exchange isn't for you........get a pet rock.

Hurt happens, sometimes inadvertently. But there would be so much less of it if people were honest about their intentions, expectations, capacities and emotions.

Trust.....Thought Provoking

"When you trust someone completely, fully and without any doubt or reservations, you will end up with one of two results: a person for life or a lesson for life."

"The person who wants to tear down your walls is the same person who will ultimately break your boundaries. You taught me to fly, but then you shot me down."

"Stop asking me to trust you when I am still choking on water from the last time you let me drown."

Very thought provoking quotes on trust

Sharing Is Caring.....My Thoughts on Poly

Poly isn't everyone's cup of kink, and I respect that. If it offends you, move along.

I, personally, have never had an issue sharing my Top/Dom/Disciplinarian. I think it is egotistical at best and delusional at worst to believe that any one person can meet and fulfill all the needs of any other person entirely. This is why my thoughts on monogamous marriage are less than traditional.......ah I digress......that's the topic of another entry.

We all have our "people" in life that meet different needs for us. Different relationships meeting different needs. Parents, friends, colleagues, romantic partners, siblings, kink partners, etc. Human beings are social creatures. We are all capable of loving, caring for and committing to numerous relationships with numerous people at the same time.

Similar to a parent with more than one child, each relationship is as unique as the individuals involved. You love out of separate accounts.

If navigated appropriately, poly kink relationships can be phenomenal. The health of one relationship only strengthens the next relationship and the next. Unfortunately, not everyone is capable of or understanding of poly kink relationships.

Honesty is paramount! Not simply to your partners, but also to yourself.

Don't convince yourself you have the capacity to fully love, guide, lead, support 6 different submissives if you truly don't. Particularly if you're in a power exchange relationship and encouraging submission, you choosing not to be honest with yourself or your partners is likely to emotionally devastate one or more people who look to you for guidance.

Don't compare the relationships or partners. Every human being is different, every connection is different and every relationship is different........its truly apples to oranges, so don't make comparisons and turn it into a competition..........they should be entirely separate yet complimentary relationships.

Be patient. Not everyone adjusts to this dynamic overnight. If you're patient and open with your partners you can create an amazing poly kink dynamic. If you hide it or rush it or force it you are just going to truly hurt people who love you.

Don't insult one partner by saying "you're just jealous of relationship #1" simply because they're asking you about changes or challenges in relationship #2.

Similarly, don't put that burden of responsibility on partner #1 by saying "partner #2 and #3 are jealous of you." Its cruel to make someone feel responsible for something over which they have no control.

Don't insult one relationship to another partner. Assuming we "want to hear" that our relationship is the best/most important/most're really just making us wonder what you're saying about our relationship with you to your other partners behind our backs. If you're insulting one partner to another, we know you're insulting all of us.

Don't minimize or lie about how much you care about another partner. We are happy if you are happy..........there is no competition here. Downplaying or hiding another partner by saying things like "oh she's just a playmate, not my sub" or "oh she's just a girl I knew years ago" makes us wonder what else you're lying to us about when we find out the truth. Being honest upfront about your poly kink is not only right, it will also help you avoid hurt feelings and lost trust.

Don't sacrifice quantity for quality. I assure you that we would rather see you once a month and have an amazing kink experience versus seeing you every week and you being exhausted and overwhelmed cheating us out of what could have been a great time. Particularly if we've historically always had amazing disciplinary scenes with you and now our kink is some last minute after thought rushed in at the end of an evening. I can promise you we'd rather see you less often and know our time together is mutually beneficial versus feeling like we are a chore.

Don't openly talk to partner #2 about all of the amazing kink scenes you're dying to live out with partner #1.........when you're only giving partner #2 whatever energy you have left at 9pm on a Friday after working all week.

Don't shame a partner for being emotional simply because they "were never emotional before". And don't assume it has anything to do with your other relationships. Just listen and support your partner(s). Not everyone is comfortable sharing emotion........if we are sharing emotion, it's because we trust you........don't violate that.

Everyone is capable of making mistakes........several mistakes........particularly where emotion is concerned. Yes, even you, Mr Dom are capable of making mistakes. Acknowledge them! Don't justify them with "I did/said that because I didn't want to hurt you". We probably already know you didn't want to hurt us........but guess what, did, so own it, apologize sincerely and learn from it.

Don't belittle us for feeling hurt by your words/actions. Emotion is not logic and insulting a person's emotions is insensitive and devastating to the person who loved & trusted you enough to share those emotions.

Being comfortable with another person is great but the same as men complain about the "wife who gained 30 lbs and never wore makeup after the wedding"......don't just stop caring or trying with one partner.........they will notice.......and intentionally or not, you're sending the message that "you're just not important enough for my effort".

Don't insist one partner help find you new "playmates" if you're then going to hold them accountable if the new prospects don't work out. You're sending the message that your current partner doesn't matter and your relationship is contingent upon them finding you "new toys". And holding anyone responsible for the actions of others simply isn't fair.

Don't micromanage side connections between your various partners. If you're not comfortable with your partners talking to one another then either A) you don't trust your partners or B) you're concerned what they each may find out if they speak outside of your presence. "Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing."

Let's be honest.......whether your kink relationships are overtly sexual or not, there are underlying erotic undertones.......don't get so comfortable with a partner that you've been with for a long period of time that you stop caring or trying to fuel their kink fantasies. Relationships are not one sided. Relationships take work. If your partner is putting in effort to their attire, hair and appearance to be pleasing to you.......but you show up in your pajamas or're sending a very clear message of "I don't care enough to try for you anymore."

Don't expect one partner to excuse your behavior, explain your choices or apologize for your mistakes to another partner. I assure you that if you'd just acknowledge and apologize to all involved yourself it would be received far better than having sub #3 explain to sub #1 why you did or said something wrong.

Communication is key to every relationship in life. Don't lie about your own thoughts, feelings or struggles. If you need support........allow your partners to help you! Don't say the crap response of "nothing is wrong. Everything is great" when you're asked "what's wrong?". Its bullshit and we know it is bullshit.

Poly kink can be truly amazing for all involved if given the care, concern and transparency it demands. Unfortunately, it can be emotionally devastating to multiple people if not conducted appropriately.

Just my own two cents

Friday, November 16, 2018

To Our New Readers


Welcome! I am writing this post as a forward, of sorts, to this blog. If you just stumbled upon this blog, some of the newer entries may confuse you in depth. As with most good stories, it's always best to start at the beginning.

This blog is not fiction. It is the story of a journey. It is my thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc as one half of the relationship depicted. It is real and it is raw. I make no apologies. But for you to understand the depth of this relationship, you'll need to start at the beginning.

In 2012, when this relationship began, it began as simply play. Professor was an older, authoritative man with a penchant for providing real discipline to naughty girls. I was a mid 20's naughty girl seeking an outlet for my spanko kink with no strings attached. He was married and saw several girls off and on for this kind of arrangement. I had recently lost my spouse and was emotionally unavailable for anything more than a spanking-only arrangement.

Over the last 7 years, we have been through a ton together. Clearly our kink relationship deepened, but we also formed an amazing friendship. At 27, when I was diagnosed with metastatic cancer for the 4th time, He was my safe place to hide. In everything else in life, I am the strong one.....I am in charge. I am incredibly independent and most often run the show. With Professor, it is different. I am vulnerable, small, safe.

In mid 2013, Professor collared me. Prior to that, I was simply his spankee. From that day forward, I have been His submissive, and he, my Dom. In the 30+ years that he's met young women for spanking play, He had *never* collared a girl. In the 15 years that I have been actively involved in the spanko lifestyle, I have never accepted or allowed a man to collar me. I had no interest in being a submissive......until Professor. I love spanking.....particularly punishment/discipline......but prior to Professor, those who spanked me did so for fictitious bratty offenses. With Professor, it has always been *real*. To be open and vulnerable and accept real punishment for real offenses requires a deep trust and respect......Professor and I painstakingly built that with one another. Prior to Professor, I had never kneeled before a man........with Him, it was natural. Prior to Professor, I would have never even considered calling a man "Daddy".......but for a time in our relationship, it was right. None of this happened overnight.........we have spent 7+ years building this relationship.

Neither of us planned for our relationship to blossom the way it did, but neither of us would change a thing now. He is happy, and I am happy. I love Him, He loves me. What we have built and continue to share is absolutely amazing.

Professor still occasionally sees other young women for spanking, and I've always supported that. He has the capacity to provide discipline to multiple girls at a time; but He has only ONE submissive. I know providing real spankings to other young women pleases Him, and thus it pleases me. I, on the other hand, would not play with another man, I do not have the capacity to do so, nor would my Dom allow it. I am *His*.

As you read here, understand that this is OUR relationship. Perhaps it's not "right" for you and that's fine. We don't need your approval. If you're envious or jealous of the relationship you read about here, focus on building your own relationship, spanko or otherwise. If you don't like our relationship or the emotions you read of here, find another blog to stalk.......we will not change US for you. If you have questions about our relationship or the evolution of it, feel free to ask. Try to read this blog chronologically so you can follow the natural progression of our relationship...........we did not meet and everything was "perfect" on day #1. I didn't call Him "Daddy" at our first session. I wasn't collared and owned in the first week of seeing Him. This all took time, trust and a lot of work to build. We worked hard to build our relationship and morph our fantasy into reality. We have small issues, like any couple does, but we work together to continue to grow.

I began this blog as a way to journal my own thoughts, emotions, etc as I embarked on a new spanko connection. I had no way of knowing then the depth and intimacy that would come along with it. I write openly, honestly and at times, emotionally. Our relationship is the single most important thing in my life, outside of my son. My Dom has been my anchor, my compass, my kink partner, my best friend, my safe place to fall, my confidante, my disciplinarian, my unconditional support and love through some of the hardest years of my life. As He has faced tough times, I am always beside Him and will continue to be. We love one another. If that bothers you in some way, stop reading here and go find a new hobby. I apologize for nothing!  

Thursday, August 30, 2018

It's Been A While


It's been a while.

A long while.

I probably haven't blogged in more than two years.

My darling Dom and I are still winding our way through this journey of D/s life. Many things have changed in the last 2 years, but the constants that matter are still in tact.

Very recently, I've been struggling with my own submission.

I verbalize it as "what I want now versus what I want most."

I think if I could stop analyzing and get out of my own way, things would be fine. Better than fine even, Blissful, wonderful, Dom/sub heaven. If I could just S-T-O-P.

More to come.......

Friday, February 19, 2016

You've Got Mail


That is how it all began. An email, actually several hundred, but initially.......just one.

I wasn't really looking for a partner at the time. Actually I am not sure I even knew what I was looking for, if anything at all. I had long prior convinced myself that the man I sought and the relationship that I yearned for did not exist.

I wanted to be spanked. I needed to be spanked. But anything more than that simply did not appeal. I was not ready to open up to anyone, to share with anyone, to be vulnerable with anyone. The physical was important, the emotional I was completely blocked off and guarded against. The lust was important, love was not an option. It would take one hell of a Dom, one hell of a man, to ever begin to unarm me.

I read that introductory email at least a dozen times prior to replying. And my response was drafted, edited and redrafted at least as many times.

He was different. Articulate. Educated. Respectful. Dominant. Confident. Courteous. Handsome. Open. Inviting.

Our wants, needs, desires in this arena were closely aligned. Our likes, triggers and turn-ons were incredibly complimentary. Though we would continue to explore our kink and one another for 2 more weeks prior to meeting in person, I knew at the end of email #1 that I would in deed meet this man.

I simply never could have imagined that night what the next four years would hold. He was as perfect in person, in scene as he had been virtually. As hard as I tried to keep my own wounded emotions from entering the game, I simply couldn't remain closed off to this man. His subtle dominance overwhelmed me. His voice turned me on immensely. His sadist was an expert in providing the delicious pain that my masochist needed. His hands on my body was my own naughty version of paradise. His piercing brown eyes bore through me and pulled at my heart. I wanted to please him. I wanted to make him proud. I wanted to be his girl.

The physicality of our relationship certainly was priority #1 in those early days of our budding D/s relationship; but over time the emotional connection took center stage.

He has provided unwavering support for me. He is my shoulder to cry on. He is my best friend. He is my source of advice on all things. He is my moral compass, my very own internal Jiminy Cricket voice piping up to keep me behaving when I struggle with choosing the right path. He is my motivator. He is my Disciplinarian. He is my Daddy. He is my Dom. He is the *only* man I have or will ever kneel before. He is the enticing sadist to whom I relinquish all control. He is the strong embrace in which I feel safest as I hide from the world. He is the metric against which I measure all men.....and not one adds up.

The last four years has been full of ups and downs but around every corner, he was there. He never had to be; he chose to be. I will never be able to repay him for the impact he has had on my life and the woman I now am.......but I will happily spend the rest of my life attempting to. Pleasing him truly pleases me.

Days like today, marking a significant milestone in our relationship, gives me pause as I reflect on the course of our relationship. The depth of our connection. The strength of my submission. The power of his dominance. The astronomical possibility of our ever finding one another in the first place. The compatibility. The friendship that blossomed in the midst of what I planned to be a strictly physical relationship. The trust. The adoration. The genuine respect. The depth of devotion. The limitless love.

And every time I pause and reflect.......I smile. It all began with "You've got mail."

Happy Anniversary, Sir. I love you beyond measure and far more than words could ever hope to express. The last 4 years of our life has been difficult at times but amazing none the less, I look forward to the next 4. Being yours has made me the woman I am today and I thank you for that. No man has ever made me weak in the knees when I was about to be pulled over his.......until I found you. Fate? Luck? Irrelevant.......all that matters is that we found one another.......and I could not be happier. XOXO

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Play Date


It feels like it's been forever since I saw my Daddy Dom for a spanking session.


The weather sucks, the monotony of day to day life sucks.

I need an escape. I need my release. I need a day spent dangling OTK, having my naughty bottom blistered, and being overwhelmed by his palpable dominance.

Is this really too much to ask for?

Friday, January 1, 2016

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Birthday Wishes

Happy Birthday, Daddy!
I love you, I miss you and I hope today is a wonderful day for you.
I will happily take your birthday spankings for you as soon as we can finally see one another and be together. Soon, Sir, very very soon.
You still look pretty damn good, even if you are getting old.......ER. :)
You rock my world, Daddy and I love you to the moon and back.
Happy Birthday, Sir!
Daddy's Little Girl