Spoiled Lil Brat :)

07/31/2013

Yep......that's definitely me........a spoiled little brat.......and Ssshhhh......I kind of like it........a lot!   :)  

I'm also a very happy girl right now.   :) 

My Daddy Dom is away on his annual family vacation.....he's been gone 10 days now & still has a couple weeks before he will be back home. Last year during his vacation, I struggled with feeling disconnected. We had very limited contact.....primarily just a few emails a week. To some people, that's not too bad......but compared to our "normal", it was restrictive. I was used to emails every day, Yahoo IM chats, calling him almost every day......that is our "normal." 

This year as his vacation approached, I started preparing myself for the same experience as last year.......but hoping to behave in his absence this time. This past 10 days has had ups and downs.......I miss him a lot and our contact is less than is "normal".......BUT.......it's no comparison to last year. 

So far this time, Daddy has come onto instant messenger to check in with me a handful of times. My disciplinary emails are consistent. And......in just this first 10 days of separation......Dad has tried to call me 6 times.  :)   That's an up and a down.......4 of those times, I missed his calls because they were spontaneous and I hadn't known to be available.......and seeing I had missed a chance to talk to my Dom puts me in a pretty awful mood. 

Today, was one of the days I got his call.  :)  And I was available. We talked for about a half hour. Caught up on stuff, laughed a lot, lectures thrown in for good measure.  :)  Just hearing my Daddy's voice puts a smile on my face. He sounded great. I miss him but it is tolerable this time around.........

He definitely does need & deserve his time away........but it makes me pretty darn happy to know he is thinking about me & making sure to give me what I need/want regardless of how far from home he is.  :)  

I am a lucky girl.....

A lucky, happy, spoiled Daddy's girl.......

And I love it!

Waiting for My Daddy

07/29/2013

As of yesterday, my Daddy has been gone for a whole week....but it's only the 1st week of his annual 3 week family vacation. I take solace in knowing he truly does *need* a vacation & spending time with his kids always puts him in a great mood. I'm doing alright.....but I'll admit, I miss him so very much. 

I'm not feeling as disconnected as I did last year during his absence. Our emails have been consistent.....he has somehow found the time to have a couple IM conversations on Yahoo with me.....even though it is difficult to get away, he has made the effort to call me 3 times this past week. He is pretty amazing at multi-tasking and has done a remarkable job of balancing his family time on vacation and still providing me measurable long distance discipline. I still miss him....but I know I am loved. 

I've had just one offense on my Punishment List for 6 weeks now.....but that one offense is my blatant disrespect toward Dad when we disagreed in June about a medical issue. I'm not in trouble for disagreeing.....I'm in trouble for how I reacted to him. I argued, I talked back, I swore at him, I ignored him, I questioned him, I yelled at him.......you get the idea. So as I said, I only had ONE offense on my list, but it is one of the worst offenses.....disrespect......never handled lightly in this relationship. And I've struggled with respect before & been punished for it......so technically this is also a repeat offense. I've felt guilt for doing it and I do want it addressed so we can move past it, but on the other hand I'm not looking forward to the "discussion" because I know how harsh it will be for the offense. As much as I know I deserve the severity of punishment I am facing, it doesn't do much to ease the trepidation & anxiety.

Now for Daddy's 1st week away, I behaved like a perfect little angel......mostly. It was actually my goal to not add even one more offense to my list during his entire vacation, so he could come home proud of me.....unlike last year. And I tried really hard.....and thought I'd behaved well......but Dad told me last night to add an entry to my list for a miscommunication error that caused my family to worry about me. I didn't want the entry......and I didn't think I deserved it......so I told Daddy this:

Me: Daddy I expected to get an entry for how I reacted to your guys concern because I was sort of abrasive, defensive & a bitch......but I did not think I'd be punished for the miscommunication.

Him: You know I hold you to high standards, Natalie Lynn. But you are right, you deserve to be punished for your reaction as well, add that as a second entry.

Me: No no no, that's not what I wanted!

Him: When did I ask you what you wanted?

Me: Daddy I like being held to high standards, but I don't see any way I could have prevented or predicted this technological fuck-up.

Him: What did you just say, young lady?

Me: And I sure as hell didn't bring it up so you could try to add more punishment list entries now. No no no.

Him: Watch your mouth, young lady. Did I ask why you brought it up?

Me: No Sir, you didn't ask.

Him: Then why are you whining to me about it? Record your two new entries and thank me for caring enough to correct your behavior. 

Me: I'm not whining. I DON'T WHINE! 

Him: Want to go for a third entry now for how you are talking to me, little girl? Which BTW would be a repeat of the one offense currently topping your list (blatant disrespect).

Me: No Sir. I didn't want ANY entries. I've only had one for 6 weeks now; I've been behaving, or I thought so.

Him: Then stop your 'non-whining' and accept your new entries.

Me: Fine. I give up.

Him: Wrong answer, try again young lady.

Me: Yes Sir.

Him: Better. Watch it, Natalie Lynn. 

So now, even though I have worked incredibly hard to behave myself entirely......I guess I didn't.......I failed.......and now I have 2 more damn offenses on my PL to be punished for.  **sighs**  It frustrates me because I have actually always agreed with my Dom that I deserve to be punished for an offense......and this communication one, I just didn't. But my agreeing is pretty much irrelevant because I am *His* girl and standards for my behavior are his to set, not mine. My job is simply to trust him and submit to him......both of which I will do. 

I just hope I can figuratively, pick myself up from this fall and keep on moving forward. I have 2 more weeks of my Dom being gone, and I'd like to keep any and all possible offenses off of my punishment list. I want to be a good girl, I want to behave, I want to meet his expectations......I want my Daddy to come home proud of me this year, rather than disappointed in me, like last year. 

Finally Held Accountable

05/24/2013

I finished blow drying my hair and walked out of the bathroom, glancing at the clock.....9:45 am. Dad said he would be coming to "discuss" my recent offenses at 10 am. My phone beeped: low battery. I looked in my purse, on the desk, in my implement bag.....no charger. "Damn it." I thought aloud. I picked up the phone and dialed Dad's room number; I knew he had an Android too. 

"Hello." He answered. 

"Daddy can you bring your charger with you please? My cell is almost dead and I can't find mine." I asked.

"I'll be there in ten minutes, young lady." He replied before hanging up.

Just his voice made me anxious. He hadn't punished me in almost 5 months! He did spank me last night, but just because. And now.....just his tone of voice on the phone was firm and all business.....I wasn't certain I was ready for the accompanying look on his face. My stomach was in knots as I paced the room, mindlessly twirling my long red hair around my fingers. 

Then I heard it, he was knocking on the door. I froze and stared at the door. I knew I'd given him a key the night before. He must have realized this at the same time I did because I heard the lock disengage as the key card unlocked the door. I stood still staring at the door, chewing the corner of my bottom lip. He walked in and the door closed behind him, audibly sighing before he spoke, "Go change your shirt....NOW." I bit my bottom lip so I wouldn't giggle aloud, I knew better. I was wearing a t-shirt that said: "Rule #1: I'm Always Right. Rule #2: If You Think I'm Wrong, Refer to Rule #1." :) Apparently Daddy's sense of humor and mine differed this morning. 

I ran into the bathroom, laughing at myself while simultaneously questioning my bold decision. I changed quickly and folded the t-shirt up, throwing it on top of the towel rack before I walked back into the room. I looked up at my father and for the first time this morning, his eyes engaged mine...my breath hitched in the back of my throat and I stood frozen staring at him as he quietly approached. 

"Better." He said as he extended his left hand, offering me his charger. I took it and smiled softly as I turned to plug my phone in. "Thank you, Sir." 

I left my phone charging on the desk and slowly turned to face my father, nervously fidgeting with my fingers. His eyes locked onto mine and without saying a word, he slowly approached me. My stomach began to turn with nervous anxiety. Dad reached around me to grab my punishment list from the desk and held it up to my face. I glanced at it quickly and then lowered my eyes.....I didn't need to read each offense, I already had them each playing over in my head. 

"It's been months since I've punished you, Natalie Lynn. Overall, I was pleased with your behavior in the extended absence. But there were incidents we need to discuss that are on this list. Aren't there?" He asked. I softly replied, "Yes Sir." I began to nervously chew the corner of my bottom lip, still looking down, until Daddy tucked his hand under my chin and raised my face to his. "Look at me when I speak to you, young lady. How do I punish my little girl when she has offenses on this list?" He asked, his eyes holding my own captive. I could literally feel the heat in my face as I began to blush while replying to him, "You um, you s-s-spank me, Sir." Just saying that out loud always makes me blush like crazy. "Yes, I spank my daughter when she misbehaves. Go put your nose in the corner." He directed and I scooted off to the corner, thankful to be out from under his intense gaze momentarily. 

As I stood there facing the corner, my mind was in a free fall and my stomach flip flopped. I hadn't been punished for 5 months now. I knew my bottom would be even more sensitive.....even Daddy hand spanking me just because last night during our hockey game had stung......this punishment was definitely going to hurt. 

"Come here young lady." Daddy directed. I slowly turned from the corner to see him seated in a straight back chair in the middle of the room. I approached, my eyes somehow stuck on his.....and as I stopped to his left side, I continued to maintain that eye contact. His eyes were intense, set in a grim resolve but I couldn't turn away. "Pants down, over my lap little girl." He instructed. I fumbled with the button on my capris and slowly slid them down, leaving them bunched at my knees. Dad reached forward, wrapping my wrist in his right hand and pulling me down over his lap. 

I was staring at the floor, my red hair blanketing the carpet; Dad's strong left hand was resting against my pantied bottom. "When my little girl is naughty, how do I spank her?" He asked. I began to blush furiously again as I quietly answered back over my shoulder, "You s-p-pank me hard, Sir on my b-b-bare b-bottom." The butterflies in my stomach seemed to dance about as his knees pressed firmly against my torso. 

"This first lesson happens to be a repeat.....and we both know how much I love repeating myself, young lady. You twice AGAIN were disrespectful in court. We've been over this many times.....I don't necessarily believe every authority member deserves your respect, but my little girl will show respect for the position of authority regardless because she knows it is what I expect. Clear?" He scolded. "Yes Sir." I replied simply. Dad's fingers slid between the waistband of my panties and my skin and he slowly pulled them down to my knees. Any time my Dom lowers my panties himself, instead of ordering me to do it, it just adds another aspect of vulnerability and helplessness. My senses were heightened and every nerve ending in my body was alert......it had been 5 months since I was last punished by my Daddy, and I seemed to be getting lost in this moment with him, soon to be punished.......hard!

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Daddy's large, left hand connected again and again with my bared bottom. I crossed my ankles to avoid kicking or squirming. His hand stung my flesh again and again......he made sure to pay particularly close attention to the sensitive area where my bottom & thighs meet.....my "sit spots"......he spanked briskly and with purpose behind each stinging slap of his hand.

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I struggled to stay still as he spanked my pinkening skin. He didn't scold me, he didn't have to, he simply let his actions convey his displeasure. After several minutes of hard hand spanking, he stopped. His firm hand now kneading my skin. I love when he combines harsh spanking with soft caressing.....it quickly drops me into subspace. Daddy ran his fingertips along my tender thighs, and I closed my eyes savoring his touch. 

"Your bottom is already hot." He said, seemingly pleased with himself. "I know....I haven't been spanked in over 5 months, Dad." I spoke softly back to him. "5 months is far too long for my little girl, isn't it?" He asked, his hand skimming across my still stinging bottom. "Yes, Sir." I responded as I smiled, still lost in his touch, probably loving this more than I should have been knowing it was a punishment. 

Dad quickly spaced his feet further apart, hoisting me up higher, my feet unable to reach the floor, my legs dangling helplessly from his lap. I whimpered slightly, feeling the unease of helplessness setting in, draped across my Daddy's knees unable to reach the floor to brace myself for the upcoming swats. 

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My breath hitched in the back of my throat, my legs instinctively kicking behind me. Daddy was paddling my bottom with my hairbrush. The brush isn't overly large, not like our bathbrush, it's just a typical sized hairbrush, solid oak wood and it packs an amazing punch that always seems to take my breath away. 

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"Owwwieee." I squealed as I grabbed Dad's ankle in my hand to prevent me from reaching back to cover my bottom. Dad rested the hairbrush on the small of my back as he again firmly kneaded my skin. Before I had even caught my breath, he set about paddling me again, this time focusing his harsh swatting on my sit spots and mid-way down my tender thighs as I kicked and squirmed. 

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"I understand that respect has to be earned so I don't mandate that you respect anyone.....BUT Natalie Lynn, my daughter will show respect for the position of authority regardless of what she thinks of the person in that position. Clear?" Daddy lectured. I sniffled and quickly answered back to him, "Yes Sir. Crystal clear." 

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That hairbrush fell again and again, crisp & harsh swats covering every inch of my upturned bottom and thighs as I whimpered out my distress. I lay limp across Daddy's knees, no longer kicking or squirming to escape. I just held tightly to his ankle and concentrated on the growing burn in my naughty bottom. I saw the brush fall to the floor, and Daddy began to lift me from his lap. I slowly stood in front of him, my jeans & panties still tangled at my knees, my bottom on fire, my hair a disheveled mess, my hands clasped tightly in front of me so I wouldn't make the mistake of rubbing my punished bottom. Daddy held my eyes hostage for a few moments, not saying a word before rising to his feet and walking me across the room, his strong hand on the small of my back quietly but firmly guiding me to my corner. 

My bottom and thighs still stung but I fought to keep my hands away from them. After a minute or two, I almost reached back to rub my bottom, but caught myself. Not wanting to be paddled, I decided to interlock my fingers on the back of my head, placing my elbows on the wall as Daddy likes me to do while reflecting in the corner. 

"Stack the pillows in the center of the bed and lay over them.....I want your bottom nice and high for this whipping, clear?" Dad demanded in a very deep, all-business tone of voice. My heart began to race as I turned from the corner and did as I was instructed, answering with a quiet "yes Sir." I crawled up onto the bed, positioning my bottom and thighs up over the stacked pillows, raising them to the perfect position for a whipping. 

"We have also addressed this next offense a couple times. You are NOT Wonder Woman. You can not simply choose to ignore medical advice or directions when they're clearly warranted, Natalie Lynn. You completely ignored some very critical advice, putting not only yourself in serious danger, but others in danger as well....including your son. Am I right?" He scolded, his voice hinting at his disdain and irritation. I rested my head on the backs of my arms, my long red hair cascading across my face effectively hiding me from his eyes as I answered, "Yes Sir. I didn't think, Daddy. I never would have made the choice I made if I would have stopped to think about it, I swear." 

Dad paced from one side of the room to the other, sighing audibly before replying, "I know you wouldn't intentionally put your child in harm's way, but you DID! Not only did you ignore the medical advice, but you also blatantly ignored my mandate that you stay put, recover & come home. You disobeyed me....intentionally.....sending me smart-ass instant messages BEFORE doing what you knew I had forbidden. You defied me and mocked me immediately before doing it! Do you get that?" He snapped. I sniffled, I knew he was right, I meekly replied, "Yes Sir. I'm so sorry."

The bed dipped down as Dad sat next to me, he began to slowly apply vitamin E oil to my reddened bottom and thighs. This has the same effect as being strapped on a wet bottom.....the sting is even more intense to moist skin. "I know you're sorry and I believe you but you're going to be punished for all of those things: ignoring medical advice, disobeying me, risking your safety, risking harm to others and defying me while mocking me about it. Got it?" He asked as he worked the oil into my skin. "Yes Sir." I answered back to him from over my shoulder. 

"This is going to be a very hard lesson, Natalie Lynn. Some aspects of the offense are repeats.....which increases the severity. You more than deserve this punishment and you know it. I know you've struggled with the guilt from this offense for 2 months now. We've discussed this incident many times and you know you were wrong.....but now it's time to pay for those mistakes so we can move on. Don't you dare get out of position or put your hands back to cover your bottom......this is going to be a very severe whipping and you deserve every single swat you're going to get. Understand me, young lady?" He lectured and warned. 

My stomach sank, I knew he was right & I certainly did deserve this punishment, but any time Daddy says I'm going to get a severe whipping.....he means just that.....and I was scared. Tears began to roll down my cheeks as I tilted my head to the side to speak, "Yes Sir, I understand." I laid still and listened to the sound as Daddy unbuckled his belt from his waist. Inside I was full of nervous panic, I knew this was going to hurt.....a lot.......and I was scared.......guilt-ridden but scared none the less. I'm not allowed to speak when I am being punished unless I am asked a question, but I couldn't stop myself this time......I was just scared.......and I cautiously addressed my Dom as he was folding his belt over, "Daddy...." I paused, practically choking on my sobs. The belt fell to the bed beside me and the bed dipped down again as Dad sat next to my trembling body. I slowly tilted my head to the side and spoke again, "D-D-Daddy I'm so s-s-sorry." 

Dad reached forward, entwining his left hand in my flowing hair and running it down the length as his right hand softly held my shoulder. He spoke firmly but his tone was incredibly caring, "I know you're sorry baby. And we both know you need this punishment for us to move forward. Am I right?" I pushed the hair back from my face so I could look up into his eyes, they had changed. They were still dark & set in a steely resolve but they softened briefly as he reached forward, swiping a stray tear from my cheek with his thumb. "Yes Sir, you're right. I do need this punishment....and I want it....I'm just scared." I sniffled as Dad rose to his feet again, picking up his doubled over, thick, leather belt as he replied, "You should be scared, this is going to be a very harsh whipping. Don't move." I slowly turned my face away so I wouldn't see it coming.....resting my head on the backs of my arms while keeping my wet, oiled bottom raised up high for my whipping.

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The first several dozen swats fell fast & furiously.....not more than a second between them. I crossed my ankles to keep from kicking as Daddy whipped my bottom.

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Daddy paced from one side of the bed to the other, applying swat after searing swat. I cried hard into the backs of my arms, the pain triggering the emotional release I had needed for 2 months now while bottling up this guilt. It felt so good to be able to let go and accept my punishment......the physical pain lessening the emotional pain. As much as the belting hurt, it was an incredible gift to me in relieving the emotional turmoil, shame & guilt I had struggled with since the incident occurred. 

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"I'm s-s-sorrrryyyy Daddyyyyy." I cried out. The belt again fell to the bed, beside my face as Daddy knelt on the bed, applying more oil to my burning bottom, before rising again and retrieving our heaviest leather strap. 

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He strapped my thighs particularly thoroughly with this strap. I would have trouble sitting for several days after this blistering. I cried into the backs of my arms as Daddy continued to punish me. 

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"You're my little girl, my daughter.....I love you too much to let you hurt yourself by taking stupid risks. Any time you endanger my daughter, you will be severely punished, do you understand me?" Dad scolded. I sobbed, my heart tugging at me, his words hitting their intended mark as I meekly replied, "Yes Sir."

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The strap fell to the bed. Daddy ran his hand up and down the length of my hair over and over as I leaned into his touch. I was crying uncontrollably, my bottom absolutely on fire but the emotional burden seemed lighter. Daddy paused, his hand gripping a fistful of my long red hair as he tilted my head to the side, forcing me to face him as he asked, "Do you think you've been punished enough for what you did?" I cried even harder, any time he has ever asked me this question, I've had the same answer. Though my burning bottom is screaming at me that I've had enough, I still held onto some amount of guilt for the choice I'd made and I felt I deserved more punishment. I sobbed but locked my emerald eyes onto his as I answered, "No Sir, please whip me more." His eyes narrowed as he studied mine momentarily before that dark wall seemed to again rise in his chocolate brown eyes.

He released my hair and began to rub more oil into my thighs and bottom before walking over to the desk to retrieve an implement from his bag. I laid perfectly still, crying softly and awaiting the next phase of my punishment. 

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I squealed into the backs of my arms, my feet instantly pounding the bed as Dad whipped me with an extension cord. I absolutely hate this implement, but I suppose that only makes it more effective, and it's reserved for only the most serious offenses. I could literally feel each searing white stripe rise into an angry red welt, criss crossing my bottom as I cried into the pillow. 

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Daddy knew I was struggling internally with this offense and had been for more than 2 months now. He knew by my answer to his last question that I wanted to let it go but I simply couldn't.....not until I felt I'd paid for it......and he set about pushing me through that wall.......pushing me through my physical pain threshold......completely stripping away any power or control I had.

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I laid perfectly still, completely spent, my legs no longer kicking, my bottom raised up to meet every stroke I knew I deserved, my tears soaking the pillow beneath my face, my sobs and whimpering audible but not overly loud.

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Daddy picked up the belt, the strap and the cord and took them all over toward the desk, discarding them there before again approaching the bed. He said nothing to me but he encircled my wrist in his large hand and pulled me up off of the bed, leading me behind him toward the chair he sat in the middle of the room. He sat down and then very gently sat me on his lap, his right hand guiding my tear-streaked face to his chest as his left hand cupped my incredibly sore bottom. 

I sat there in his lap for at least ten minutes. He held me close to him and rubbed my back as I cried onto his chest. He hugged me tightly, stroked my long hair, kneaded my properly punished bottom, traced the welts on my thighs with his fingertips. His heartbeat and his breathing calming my own as I clung tightly to him. I felt so incredibly small but also incredibly loved. 

"Only one more item to discuss, Natalie. 4 days ago when we were scheduling this weekend together, I was scolding you for texting while driving and you snapped at me and said what exactly?" Dad questioned. I raised my face and locked my swollen eyes onto his as I spoke, "I'm sorry, Daddy. I didn't mean it." His left hand firmly swatted my bottom twice.....

SLAP!  SLAP!  

"I asked you a question, don't make me repeat it again. What did you say to me, young lady?" I winced at the sting in my bottom and scanned his eyes for a sign of softening, but it wasn't there, I was met with pure agitation & resolve. I took a deep breath and lowered my eyes in a silent offering of my complete submission to my Dom as I meekly answered, "I said: 'get the fuck over it.' , Sir." I was disgusted just hearing the words come out of my mouth. I obviously wouldn't ever say that to his face and I hadn't even meant it when I said it by phone, I was just annoyed at some other factor and lashed out at Dad because he was closest at the time. I apologized immediately after saying it but it was too late, he told me to add a PL entry for it and I did. 

Dad tucked his right hand under my chin and raised my face to again meet his as he spoke, menacingly soft, "Look at me little girl." My teary eyes locked onto his as he spoke again, "Say it to my face." I bit my bottom lip, not wanting to say it to him but knowing better than to disobey. I took a deep breath and fully expected to be slapped across the face as I quietly repeated that disrespectful retort, "Get the fuck over it." Dad's dark brown eyes seemed to stare right through me and the intensity overwhelmed me......I honestly would have preferred if he had slapped me across the face.......I hate seeing him look at me like this. 

"Go fetch the paddle." Dad barked at me. I was clearly pouting, sulking and feeling sorry for myself as I slowly obeyed, dragging myself over toward the desk and retrieving Daddy's heavy wooden sorority paddle. I slunk back toward him at a crawling pace, running my hand up and down the smooth but thick wooden paddle, feeling it's weight in my hand.....it is an insanely heavy paddle and produces a very heady thudding pain that seems to always radiate and linger for hours after I'm paddled with it. 

I stopped directly in front of him, kneeling at his feet and outstretching my arms to present him with his paddle, my eyes fighting to maintain eye contact as they began to swell with tears again. Dad took the paddle from my hands and ran his left hand down the length of my hair as I knelt next to him. I instinctively leaned into and relished his touch......I absolutely love when he runs his hands through my hair......Daddy loves my hair, it is *His* and he regulates it's length......I love that too much for words......I literally smile every day just brushing my hair because it reminds me of my Daddy and the relationship dynamic we share. I closed my eyes, resting my head in Dad's hand and wrapping my own arms around his calves and laying my head on his knees......my hair cascading down as I cautiously peered up at my father.

"This is your last lesson of the day and then your punishment list will be empty......and it had better stay that way, little miss, clear?" I smiled briefly as I replied, "Yes Sir." Dad smacked the paddle against his open right palm and it made me jump, my body trembling as I watched nervously. "My little girl told me to 'get the fuck over it'.....problem darling is that my daughter is NOT allowed to speak that way to anyone.....but especially NOT TO ME! You were flippant, vulgar and disrespectful, young lady, weren't you?" He asked, his eyes watching mine carefully as I nervously chewed the corner of my bottom lip. "Yes Sir, I was extremely disrespectful to you and I'm really sorry." Dad's eyes narrowed at mine as he spoke again, "Get up......over my knee NOW."

He raised his voice, causing my body to jump as I quickly complied with his order and stood before draping myself back across his capable lap. My bottom and thighs were sore and heavily marked from the days prior lessons and as I laid over his knee, presenting them for further punishment, I began to sob again.

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK 

"Owwwiieee!!" I shrieked out over my shoulder as my left hand shot back to protect my bottom from the barrage of heavy paddle strokes. "Move it now, little girl. You know better." Dad admonished. I sniffled, sobbed and slowly lowered my hand as Dad spaced his legs further apart, again rendering my completely helpless over his lap, feet dangling above the floor, my right hand wrapped around Dad's ankle, my left hand pressed against the floor. 

"In fact, give me that hand." Dad instructed. I whimpered and whined, "Daddy I'm sorry, I'll keep it away, I promise." The paddle came down a half dozen times with force across the backs of my thighs......

CRACK!! CRACK!! CRACK!! CRACK!! CRACK!! CRACK!!

I twisted and squirmed and squealed. Daddy again demanded, "Give me your hand....NOW....Natalie Lynn!" I cried and slowly raised my left hand behind my back and Daddy quickly took hold of it, pinning it to my lower back. I was vulnerable, helpless, small......upended over my father's lap, my feet unable to reach the floor, my right hand holding his ankle tightly, my left hand pinned to the small of my back by my determined Daddy as he set to making me a very sorry little girl for the disrespectful way in which I had spoken to him. 

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

Usually when I am paddled with our heaviest paddle it is a set number of swats and there is time between each and every swat......it is painful but tolerable at that pace. But today.......there was no time between heavy, harsh swats.......Daddy was paddling me with this heavy paddle the same as he would with a hairbrush......and I was absolutely helpless to squirm away or try to cover my bottom. Daddy firmly held me in place as he paddled my naughty bottom thoroughly and gave each thigh & sit spot several punishing swats as well.......and I just laid dangling over his lap crying uncontrollably as the burning pain in my bottom only increased and pushed me again beyond my physical pain threshold.

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

I finally laid limp across Dad's knees, accepting the balance of my well-deserved punishment. Finally the paddling ceased and I felt Daddy's strong left hand slowly massaging cool lotion into my bruised skin. I flinched and winced at even the slightest touch.....I hadn't been spanked in 5 months and I was incredibly sensitive and this had been an extremely intense punishment. I laid sobbing over his lap for several minutes as he kneaded and caressed my bottom and thighs, admiring his handiwork. I was off in my own little corner of subspace, relishing in his firm touch, completely content to just be with my Dad after such a long separation. He could have whipped me all day......I did not care......I had my Daddy again and that is all that mattered to me. 

After helping me to my feet, Daddy again held me on his lap for a while as we talked. I absolutely love when he holds me on his lap......it's just an incredibly safe feeling. I adore being his little girl. About an hour later we were both famished and headed down the street to an IHOP for lunch with each other before he had to go off to a soccer meeting and I had to go back home and to work. I loved every single second I had with my Dad the last 2 days. 

The 5 months I was away from home were incredibly hard on me for many reasons......but I got through it because at the end of every day I always knew I had my Daddy's support and his loving discipline was waiting for me back home.  :)  Absolutely amazing & incredibly reassuring to know that no matter how old I get, I am always going to be my Daddy's little girl. 

Spanking Survey

07/27/2013

**I was sent this survey by a blog reader & asked to take it. Finally decided to complete it & post since my mind is on my Daddy & spanking but he is away on vacation now. Enjoy**

#1: Were you spanked as a child?
A handful of times.......nowhere near as often as I probably should have been.

#2: Do you like to be spanked?
Um.....yes, I clearly fit in the spanko category.

#3: Are you spanked over clothes, panties only or bare bottom?
Bare bottom......aside from a few quick swats on my pantied bottom before they're pulled down.

#4: How many people spank you now?
One.......only one.......*my* Dom/Daddy

#5: How many people have ever spanked you?
Truly spanked me (not counting play scenes, parties, etc) four

#6: Are you spanked for fun or punishment?
Both.......though most often punishment/discipline.

#7: Are you scolded during your spankings?
Most often, yes I am scolded throughout the entire scene (before, spanking, corner-time, etc)

#8: How frequently are you spanked?
Not nearly often enough.  :)  My Dom & I don't live together, so spankings are scheduled. Once or if I am luck, twice a month.

#9: What are you most often spanked for?
Driving offenses, my attitude, swearing, disrespect toward authority

#10: How much does your average spanking hurt on a 1-10 scale?
On average......probably a 7.5 or 8......effective but not overwhelming. Though I have earned a few 10+ sessions.

#11: What are you spanked with? Hand? Implements?
Daddy's hand, my wooden hairbrush, Daddy's belt, leather straps, rubber straps, oak bathbrush, paddles, cane, wooden spoon, cord. 

#12: Is your bottom red & sore after a spanking? For how long?
Yes....always.....my Dom is good at what he does. I can usually still see his marks on my bottom & thighs for 3-5 days post-spanking and the tenderness lingers 3-7 days. 

#13: How many swats do you get?
I have no clue. Occasionally my Dom will make me count a specific number of paddle swats but most often there is no set number I am to receive.......Daddy simply spanks me until he is certain I have learned my lesson & have been sufficiently punished. 

#14: How long does a spanking usually last?
My punishment sessions with my Daddy are usually 2-4 hours long. Including several spankings with several implements, corner time, holding after, etc.

#15: Does your spanker yell when spanking you?
My Daddy very, *very* rarely raises his voice at me. He will elevate his voice to emphasize a certain word or phrase, because he knows it will get my attention & make me jump......but he doesn't necessarily "yell" at me......he has never punished me when he was angry, so he is always measured & mild-tempered by the time he is taking me to task for an offense. 

#16: What's your favorite implement(s) to be spanked with? Why?
Hand.....I love the skin to skin contact & the closeness of the OTK position usually used for hand spanking. Daddy's Belt.....I love to hate my Dad's belt.......leather is appealing (sight, sounds, smells, feel) and the sting produced is intense......I also love that it is *His* and removed from his body to punish me when necessary. My Hairbrush......it isn't overly heavy wood but it is solid and packs a punch.....it is a perfect implement for OTK spanking and my Daddy gave me my hairbrush as a gift :)

#17: Do you cry from spanking?
I have, yes......but it is incredibly rare that I will cry from the spanking itself......physical pain is a trigger, but not necessarily the cause. Most often when I cry during a spanking it is because I know I have truly disappointed my Daddy and that hurts me......the spanking relieves me of that guilt and the tears provide the emotional release I need to "let go."

#18: Have you ever asked for a spanking?
Yes, I have asked my Dom to spank me.......or told him I felt I deserved more than he originally administered. 

#19: Were you ever spanked in school?
As a kid.....no, never. I have however, as an adult, gotten caned in my Daddy's office at the university he teaches at.  :)  

#20: Have you been spanked in public?
By my Dom......not yet (aside from his office). In a prior relationship......I was spanked outside if that counts as public. It's definitely on my "bucket list" of things to do with Daddy.  :) 

#21: Does spanking only pinken your bottom or do you get darker red or bruised?
A spanking is barely beginning when my skin is pink....lol. I am Irish so I have finicky skin......one day I will mark extremely easily & other days I could be spanked for hours and be nothing more than red. Typically I will bruise from wooden implements and welt from leather.......but I find having my Daddy's lingering marks on my bottom & thighs a HUGE turn-on. 

#22: Have you ever been able to talk yourself out of a spanking?
No.....never. If Dad says I am getting spanked.....I am getting spanked.....period. 

#23: What position are you spanked in?
That depends on the implement being used. For hand, hairbrush, wooden spoon I am most always OTK. For paddle I stand pressing my hands to the wall and sticking my bottom back & out. Laying over pillows on the bed for a belt whipping, strap, cord. Bent over back of a chair for paddle, rubber straps. Pressed against & tipped over Daddy's outstretched thigh for brush, wooden spoon, small paddle. 

#24: Are you punished with anything other than spanking?
Writing essays, writing lines, restrictions/grounding, corner-time, mouth-soaping to name a few. My Dom is a creative & resourceful man and he has mastered the art of discipline.  :)

#25: Are you looking forward to your next spanking?
In one way I am......I want to see my Daddy & I have felt guilty for weeks now and long to resolve that issue. But on the other hand, I am *not* looking forward to it.......I know it will be incredibly hard both physically & emotionally........my next spanking is for deliberate disrespect (swearing at, talking back, arguing with, disobeying) my Daddy which is not ever acceptable......I feel horrible & know I was wrong so I do want it addressed.....but I am not looking forward to the look on my Dom's face, his tone during the scolding, or the severity I know is waiting for my disrespectful ass. 

Missing & Daydreaming

07/26/2013

Ahh.....what a perfect way to spend an afternoon.   :)

Love this particular photo. I have no idea who it truly belongs to or the story behind it's origination, but I've seen it dozens of times and always pause to think & smile. 

I love the academic or intellectual feel of the picture......I have always been very attracted to my Dom's intelligence. 

Perhaps more than that though, I love the inequality of this photo. The man & woman pictured are a stark contrast to one another. He is well dressed, she wears nothing. He's leisurely reading, she simply content to kneel at his side with her head resting on his knee. 

I also find the intimacy touching......his hand in her hair & the smile on her face speaks volumes. I personally love when my Dom runs his hand down the length of my hair. 

Of course as I came upon this photo today, it naturally just made me think of & thus really miss my Daddy. He is on vacation & our contact is limited compared to our "normal." I miss him terribly.......but definitely feeling the separation more today. 

My Secret......Sssshhhh

07/22/2013

In the medical community BDSM, DD, D/s, Spanking, etc have always been considered a psychological "condition". We are labeled as "deviant". 

Well if the doctor says it, then it must be true, right?  (If you unfortunately do take what your doctor says as "full-proof".....please know the #6 cause of death in this country is avoidable medical mistakes.)

Certainly the vast population view our interests in these areas as exactly how they are labeled by the AMA......."deviant." That goes a long way in explaining why completely vanilla persons attempting to 'understand' us would construct such elaborate psychologically screwed-up backdrops for explaining our hobbies......"50 Shades of Grey" comes to mind. 

Because of this stereotyping, many of us have to keep this aspect of our lives private. Not that I am suggesting that spanking should be a routine topic at the dinner table.......but I don't think we should have to hide who we are in order to please other people or avoid constant criticism. Or for that matter, spend countless hours thinking and over-thinking why you are a 'spanko' and what is 'wrong' with you. 

Yes, of course there are psychos in our community........there are psychopaths & sociopaths in *every* population (particularly Republicans, Giants fans, Catholics......oh wait, that's stereotyping :) ). But honestly, the overwhelming majority of our spanking community are really amazingly 'normal' people. We work, pay taxes, obey laws (traffic doesn't count), raise families, nurture vanilla relationships, etc. We aren't some sub-species of human being. Not all of us come from psychologically debilitating backgrounds. 

I have said for a long time that the vast majority of "us" spankophiles, are born this way. It is either in your DNA or it isn't. I'm clearly not the only person with a brain who thinks so, as 2 major medical schools in this country are investigating this exact theory. 

I'm a thinker.......an analyzer.......and yes, a medical professional. So I had to find a "scientific reason" to explain our favorite past time. Psychology simply can not explain it.......perhaps physiology can. 

Why does anyone partake in a hobby? Because they ENJOY it. When you are enjoying yourself, your brain releases dopamine.....a neurotransmitter that controls your brains' reward & pleasure center......hence it being called your "feel good hormone".

And some people enjoy risk more than others so they take up hobbies with added excitement or danger......skydiving, bungee jumping, collecting poisonous snakes, harassing Doms :) .........this group of people have such hobbies because that added danger element cues your body to release the hormone & neurotransmitter called adrenaline........you've all heard the term "adrenaline junkie"......this simply means the person enjoys the "high" they experience by intentionally triggering a fight-or-flight response in the body by engaging in stressful or risky behavior. 

Most of the world population enjoys reaching orgasm.......why you may ask? Because your body then releases oxytocin......a neuromodulator responsible for increasing trust, reducing fear, increasing empathy, romantic attraction, monogamous pair bonding (fidelity).......hence its' nickname as the "love hormone." (Sorry ladies, I outed us.....no more using a headache as an excuse not to have sex :) ).

Still following me here? Good......now it's going to get a bit tricky. 

Vasopressin is a neurohypophysial hormone found in all mammals. It's primary function is to regulate your body's retention of water. 

But this is afterall a blog on spanking, so a strictly renal benefit wouldn't make much sense, now would it? Of course not......spanking has nothing to do with your damn kidneys. :) 

However, neuro-geeks (like me) have recently discovered that vasopressin isn't only released into the bloodstream via your posterior pituitary for it's renal benefit.......it is also released directly to your brain.......and when that happens, the effect is much like that of oxytocin the "love hormone."

Now, why ladies and gentlemen, have I bored you by lecturing on these hormones and how each effects your brain? And what the hell does it mean in regards to spanking? 

So glad you asked. :)  

When I wrote a post about my wonderful Dom being "better than sex" last winter......I, of course, was not simply sucking up, I honestly meant every word.......but now I can PROVE every word. Sex & orgasm triggers the release of oxytocin in the brain........

BUT.........

Spanking (BOTH administering and receiving) releases ALL 4 of these hormones: dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline & vasopressin!!! Just one of these hormones alone will create a pleasant psychological & physiological experience.....natural pain relief, stress relief, etc. ALL 4 of them at once?? Spank-happy-euphoria! :)

So you may all now physiologically explain your favorite past-time. 

And you all now know the *real* reason I chose to work in medicine.  :)   I trust, of course, that you'll keep this secret. 

Anchor's Away

07/21/2013

Here comes August........There goes my Dom. 

Every year, Daddy takes his 3 week family vacation before his fall semester starts. He's not all that far away really, actually just a couple hundred more miles geographically. But it *IS* different. 

Our constant contact is limited. I ordinarily could call him every day if I chose to......but I can't while he is on vacation. 

Typically, I can IM with him most every day........but again, not while he is on vacation. 

Our contact while he is away with his family is basically just emails. Strange that would bother me, considering it is how the bulk of our original communication transpired in the infancy of our D/s relationship......long emails. But I suppose I've become sort of spoiled over the last 19 months or so, and gotten quite used to regular communication through any variant of methods.......so being restricted back to just email is difficult to adjust to.

Last year while Daddy was away, we were still relatively "new", having only met one another 7 months before his vacation. I struggled a lot with feeling disconnected from him. I did my best to behave myself, and for the first 2 weeks he was away......I was a very good girl. That last week of his trip however, I went a little naughty-crazy. By the time he got back, I'd also relished in my independence and gotten quite an attitude.......particularly when he came home and began to scold me for my behavior. Oh what a mess. 

This year, as Daddy's vacation grew closer, I realized that while I have a building sense of missing him already, I'm not feeling disconnected and I'm not nearly as anxious about the brief separation. This makes no sense to me since logically with me being much closer to him emotionally now, I should struggle more with his absence, right? I'm not though.......I'm actually really sort of okay. I'll miss him......I always miss him......but I'm not feeling nearly as adrift as I did last year.

Over the last 12 months, as we've grown much closer to one another, we've also seen or faced some pretty ridiculous things. A lot of stress, worry, concern. Daddy has traveled multiple times for work and I spent the first 4 months of this calendar year stuck in a medical/legal hell 1200 miles from home. Regardless of where, geographically, either of us has been.......he has still *always* been with me. The physical distance hasn't been much of a match for the emotional connection we share. Any time I have needed him, he is always with me.......always supporting me........guiding me........restraining me........anchoring me. 

I'm sure I'll wain from assurance to disconnect and back again over the next 3 weeks as my Dom is away; but I don't seem to look at this vacation as nearly as daunting as it seemed last summer. And, naturally, since my Daddy is the world's best Dom, he made sure to call me last night for a half hour to give me my fix of his voice before he departed.  :)  And I know he will call me when he can over the next 3 weeks, which will undoubtedly make me smile.  

Daddy is always in my head and always in my heart because I am *His* and he is *mine*........and that's a pretty reassuring feeling. 

A Man of Few Words

07/18/2013

I like to think it is because he is a disciplinarian, but I know the reason my Dom is such a natural lecturer is because he is an educator. 

Suppose whether it is discipline or education.....he is still teaching something, right? :)  

My Daddy can definitely lecture.....but if he had his choice, he wouldn't do it much at all......he is a hermit. He is quite content to quietly think and be left alone by the world's inhabitants. He socializes very selectively.......probably because he gets all of the insanity he needs from me. :)  

Joking with a fellow spanko girlfriend today about the differences in our Doms & their lecturing/scolding abilities, I realized that it is when my Daddy says very *little* to me that he gets the most desired response. 

The phrases that lack length, are certainly more powerful in depth. The couple words he chooses to use, leave my little mind spinning with everything that phrase promises in the words left unsaid. 

"Got it?"
"Now"
"Young lady"
"Stack the pillows"
"Am I clear?"
"Excuse me?"
"Natalie Lynn"
"What did you say?"
"Little girl?"
"Over my knee"
"I love repeating myself"

The man always has my undivided attention when he speaks to me; but when all he chooses to say is one of the above........I always somehow seem to get his intended message much quicker. :)  

Short, sweet and to the point. 

Backlash

07/17/2013

Wow! Talk about jumping from the skillet into the flames.  :)  I've got to be extremely loved here.  

I posted earlier in this week about my Dom's choice & my proud acceptance of receiving His collar. Since just posting that to this blog a couple of days ago, I have received numerous comments and personal emails from friends, blog followers, complete strangers, lurkers and Blogger buddies. Many have been positive......some have been outright negative......but the majority have been "just checking" sort of messages. I wanted to clear this up and reassure all of you who truly care for me..........I AM OKAY..........I promise, I really am a happy girl. I know that to most anyone in my life, I am the LAST girl to strike you as submissive, so maybe my "His Collar" post truly confused you. Read On:

I mentioned in that post, but perhaps didn't specify enough to put your minds at ease, that D/s & spanking is "our thing".......not the full spectrum of BDSM. Daddy is my disciplinarian, so naturally he does punish me. Obviously, I am a pain slut, so many of my true punishments may be more intense than most girls could tolerate......a physical pain threshold is as individual as the parties testing it. Though he can & will use restraints, they are not our "norm." We have many implements, but a whip is not one of them. Post-punishment I will have *His* marks on my body, but nothing permanent, damaging or extensive. 

I am *not* a slave. 

Daddy is *not* a Master. 

Though he has caused me minimal embarrassment or blushing by scolding me in public when I've been naughty, my Dom does not humiliate or degrade me in any way. We both enjoy the intensity of the complete power exchange of our Dom/sub relationship, and though we each have interest in other scenes/scenarios more in the BDSM realm, neither of us are into the extremely dark aspects of the kink. Not at all judging anyone else, it is just simply not "our thing."

Though our relationship is not one of equality, by choice, my Dom does very much respect my opinion. In fact, I'd venture to say that his focus is always what is in my best interests (physically, emotionally, psychologically). He loves me and takes amazing care of me and is protective of me as if I were truly his daughter. I, too, love him, admire him, respect him and am fiercely protective of him. Biology to me is irrelevant........This man *IS* my father. 

I do attend spanking parties or events in the city & have met some amazing friends at them. Most often, if a girl is not accompanied by her Dom & has no symbol of her relationship.......she can be and is approached by unattached Doms/Tops who want to play & spank random girls. I have no problem simply saying "No".......and in fact, attending parties last year I did just that. It is however much easier and less annoying not to be approached at all........and I voiced this to my Daddy. 

I also seem to struggle with feeling "disconnected" or "unanchored" when I am geographically separated from my Dom. We do not live with one another or see each other every day, but I prefer distance between us to not exceed 50 miles.  :)  I know that probably sounds ludicrous, but I genuinely do feel "farther apart" on an emotional level when we are separated by great distances. When I was in the midwest the first several months of this year for example.......I was miserable. When Daddy travels for work........I miss him terribly. When he takes his annual family vacation for 3 weeks each summer........I feel adrift. I can't even really explain my apprehension because I understand it is completely irrational.......I simply know I feel it and hate it.

Daddy chose to collar me knowing it was practically a mutual agreement as we had discussed it. It is not as if at our first meeting he chose to collar me.......I likely would have laughed. Actually, prior to this, I have *never* been collared & my Dom has not ever collared another girl. Prior to now, I was actually not only opposed to but offended by the notion. I am not a slave, I do not want a Master. I had always somehow equated a collar with the darker extremes of BDSM and it did not interest me. Now, however, I truly am excited about receiving my collar. I am humbled and extremely proud to know Daddy wants me to wear *His* collar. 

I suppose the simplest way to explain this to everyone who was legitimately concerned is this:

In the vanilla world, a wedding ring is accepted as an outward symbol of a loving & committed relationship, rendering the parties who wear them as "off limits." In our world, D/s DD & BDSM, a collar is seen as that outward symbol of a loving & committed relationship, rendering the girl wearing it as "off limits" without the consent of her Dom. 

Daddy has a wife & a family & a very public career........so he is not able to accompany me to every event or party I may choose to request permission to attend. He will accompany me to some, but realistically he can not always be there with me. That is also true of my day to day life.......he can not always be there when I want him with me. *His* collar CAN be. Whether it is on my neck or on my dresser, it will *always* be with me as a symbol of what we share, an extension of my Dom & his restraint over me, a physical symbol to those in our lifestyle that I am 'owned', a loving & reassuring reminder to me of just how much I really mean to my Daddy.  :)  I truly smile just thinking about it. 

I will not wear my collar every day........it will not be on my neck at work, grocery shopping, coaching my son's soccer, cleaning my house, running to the bank, at the gym, etc. I always know that I am *His* property and I don't need a reminder of that every day.......but there are specific times that this collar is needed. It will make scene parties & events much more enjoyable as I wont have to deal with numerous, random requests to play from spank-happy Tops/Doms. It is a simple yet ornate & functional piece of "jewelry" that I can wear to sessions when I am playing with my Dom. It is also a very visible & tangible item I will have on days when I am struggling with my submission or feeling particularly disconnected from my Daddy. For all of the aforementioned reasons..........I L-O-V-E this idea & am anxious for it to arrive. 

I have always loved the possessive and ownership aspects of TTWD. I am a natural born spanko girl so I could obviously get into a well-crafted spanking scene without it.........but I truly prefer spanking when it is accompanied by the possession. Belonging to the man who is spanking you makes the experience far more emotionally intense. It also connects us on our own level, rendering me completely helpless to his mind fuck. It is because I truly belong to this man that he can truly feel disappointment in me when I fail and pride in me when I succeed. Belonging to him is a very safe & reassuring feeling. I have *not* ever even ONE time needed a safeword because physically he can test me & push my limits without ever going too far......he can read me & knows what I need without me ever saying it......we're simply connected on a deeper level. I love when he calls me "My daughter", "Mine", "My little girl", "My brat"...........I smile every day knowing that I belong to Him. No man chooses to 'own', possess or claim anything that he doesn't truly care about. Having my Daddy call me his own means the world to me. Knowing that he has chosen to visibly show his ownership of me & my commitment to him to the rest of the world makes me feel incredibly proud, incredibly loved, incredibly safe, protected, valued. 

I promise you all.......Daddy placing *His* collar on me is a *very* good thing & I am truly very happy, loved & feel extremely proud & lucky to belong to this amazing man.  :)