You Can NOT Be Serious

07/09/2013

Excuse me for a moment while I have a "WTF?" moment and roll on the floor laughing hysterically.

My inspiration for said outburst? Ah, so glad you asked......read on:

"I love your blog and find you intriguing. Would you consider being a Pro-sub? Do you think your Dom would mind?"

I'm sorry, but this amuses me to no end......and I just have to reply publicly to such a notion. :)

First, do you reside on the same planet I do? 

If so, maybe we have a language barrier? 

There is NO WAY you are reading MY writing and thinking I would be an ideal "pro-sub." Really? LOL! 

Because I jump off the screen and strike you as so naturally submissive, right? 

And the phrase "yes Sir" comes as easily out of my mouth as utter bullshit seems to from yours? LOL! 

Would my Dom mind??? I promise if he doesn't die of laughter, reading this, I'll ask him......Don't worry, I won't let my Daddy die of a coronary (certainly not one I haven't caused any how).......But please don't hold your breath awaiting his answer.......Funny informational tid-bit about my Dom (and most any dominant man I know): they tend to be possessive of what they claim as their property. 

AKA: I'm kind of His, He is kind of mine and we both kind of like it this way. 

And someone with intelligence, please explain to me what "Pro" even means in TTWD? People get PAID for Dominance and/or submission? Daddy......quit your day job! :) 

A small amount of further information: I suppose to an idiot, gaining submission could seem rather simple. And I imagine, if you were physically imposing enough & wore kevlar, you *may* be able to overpower me physically......or most women, for that matter.......physically. Funny thing about true submission, it's only really about 25% physical. The more difficult task lies in not dominating a woman's body, but her mind. 

If you have really read a post on this blog, you've heard & should understand the term "mindfuck".......he can dominate me because he worked his way into my head and has spent the last year & a half in there figuring out what makes me tick and mastering those controls. It is the mind and the heart that holds back & requires far more than a capable hand to conquer. Trust and respect are sort of essential to acquiescence. Submission is not taken.....it's not given without prerequisite......IT IS EARNED. 

I am cutting the lecture short for now.......but simply for good measure, I have to add just one more:

WTF? 

Deeper & Darker....Struggling to Understand

07/08/2013

Analyzing the deeper reasons for my actions.......the darker provocation of my behavior. 

I've thought, I've wondered, I've questioned, I've spoken to a friend, I've cried, I've analyzed....

The "hypothesis" I just emailed to my Dom:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daddy...........

I didn't want to spend our time on the phone this morning discussing this topic but I am still really not okay with this weekend; I was up most of the night analyzing (go figure) and I wanted to share my thoughts with you about this.......and since you have an 8 hour flight, well you have plenty of time to wade through the emotional turmoil inside of your red-headed brats over-analytical mind. 

I know I was wrong in the majority of my communication with you this weekend; what upsets me even more, is that I knew it was wrong before I did it.....and I did it anyway. So I spent a lot of time last night trying to decipher "why?" I think I've come to the conclusion that I have two very distinct me's vying for control. For the most part, what the vast majority of the world sees is the adult me......the capable, smart, dominant woman ready to take on the world at a moments notice & without a second thought. My confidence can border on cockiness but I tend to walk that line very well most of the time. The other "me" is very different and though she controls a lot of my impulsive, reckless behavior very few people see her. She's the little girl inside of me that really has never grown up. She's arrogant & abrasive but laden with self-doubt. Wanting to be "good enough" but never quite sure I am. 

I wrote in my Father's Day blog post to you "life has taught me to fight"......and I'm not sure there is a more accurate statement in the world. I am always ready to fight. Always donning armor and ready to defend myself. I've been hurt.......and not even always intentionally. The adult me knows that neither my mother, nor my husband 'chose' to leave me........but the little girl in me says intention aside, they left. I think that's why I have worked so hard to build the walls I have in place to protect myself. It is hard for me to trust people because it requires a certain level of vulnerability. If I am abrasive and keep people out, push them away then the hurt & the risk is minimized because I am the one with the control......I walk away, I am not simply left or abandoned. 

The adult me knows you only have my best interests at heart and always have. But the little girl, at times, refuses to listen to that logic and instead of truly listening when you're speaking to me......she is too busy with internal dialogue prepping her self defense, wanting what she wants and constantly questioning "why should I do it *his* way when he is going to leave like everyone else anyway?" The adult me knows better and realizes that even when you're angry with me, you've always been here for me and you've always done what is best for me because you *do* love me. I just seem to still have an issue reconciling the two "me's". Maybe I'm broken? 

Then I had to analyze why I continued the disrespectful tirade throughout the weekend. I'd been a bitch Saturday night & argued with you.....I felt bad, apologized but did the same damn thing Sunday. Why??? Yes they were extreme circumstances and yes I was emotional.......that's not an excuse, just a convenient scapegoat. Then I decided that part of the reason I am so angry & upset with myself is because you weren't. I know that probably makes no sense at all and I should have embraced that leniency but I didn't, I did the exact opposite. I think when the rest of my world falls apart, I have gotten used to being able to fall into you. I take stupid risks and run through life at triple digit speeds but in you, I've found my "wall." You stop me....without permanent damage done and you don't break or bend like everyone else does. I think I can very easily accept or embrace your firm, unwavering & demanding demeanor but I struggle to accept your understanding. I know you're not unreasonable and though you can be in certain circumstances, you're not a prick......and that's part of the reason I love you as much as I do. You've given me limits, but you don't micromanage. You're strict but fair. I suppose as I have two distinct "me's".....you do as well. Part of you is a demanding, no-nonsense disciplinarian who has perfected the art of mind fucking and is the ideal sadist. The other half of you is my Dad......you're loving, nurturing, understanding, caring and you love me despite my ridiculous behavior. 

I think when I began to fall apart Saturday and started being disrespectful, I expected a far different reaction than I got. And when I didn't get it, I initially felt unanchored, unsure so I continued to push the envelope.....perhaps seeking that reaction I felt I deserved. I can't ever recall in the last year and a half, intentionally 'testing' you but I wonder now if that is what I did this weekend. And that bothers me a lot because this is not a game to me. But replaying the weekend and my behavior, I started to lose it and though you stood your ground, you were understanding and I couldn't or maybe wouldn't accept that. I got a couple firm "No's".....you told me to stop.....you raised your voice (all caps)......you gave me mandates.......and yet I continued to fight you. Why? Realistically I know it never would have happened in person, but I'm not okay with it happening at all.....period. 

Then I think maybe you knew what was fueling my rebellion was that antagonistic little girl and you weren't going to give me the reaction I wanted or felt I needed. I've said for a long time that you always seem to know what I need, even when I don't or can't articulate it......maybe I should have focused less on fighting you and more on trusting you. I adore being your little girl, you've fulfilled a need I've always had and given me something I've always wanted.....a father. I love knowing that when the rest of the world seems chaotic, I can run to you and you'll shield me from it all for a while. I love the effects you have on me, the calm I feel when I am with you, your voice, your eyes, your touch.....the emotion is palpable. The intensity of this relationship dynamic, when orchestrated right, can not possibly be paralleled. The trust, admiration, love and respect I have for you is not something I'd ever imagined possible prior to 02/2012. Our relationship, our connection, our bond is not something the adult "me" would ever play with or risk as part of a ridiculous power-struggle tantrum......but I think the little girl in me did that this weekend.......and I hate it.......and I can't just let that go, Daddy because I feel like I merely got a slap on the wrist, when what I needed & deserved was slapped across the face. 

I'm so sorry for how I behaved and spoke with you. It wasn't okay, the circumstances are irrelevant and you didn't deserve the disrespect you were shown. I hate that I did it and I'm not going to be able to let this go easily, Daddy. I know ultimately we are and will continue to be okay........but I'm incredibly angry at myself for how I spoke to you and the more I try to analyze it, the worse I feel. I'm sorry I did this. Please help me "fix" this, Sir. The more I think, the worse it gets.......the more mercy you extend, the harder I am on myself. Am I broken? 

I love you.

{{Hugs you tightly}}
Your Disrespectful Little Brat,
Natalie Lynn

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Feeling Like a Failure

07/07/2013


I don't know what has gotten into me lately. 

What the hell is wrong with me???

I'm stressed and dealing with medical issues and other situations that have me at times, feeling like I am at my breaking point......and beyond. 

Typically, when I feel backed into a corner, I know I have a safe place to fall.....my Daddy. I can run to him and I know he will hide me away from the world in his arms and lull me back to sanity with his deep, resounding voice. He "fixes" the chaos and protects me from the insane world in which we reside. 

But this time.......with this mess.......and latest stress and bout of medical mishaps.......I've not run to him. :( I've run in the opposite direction. 

*I've ignored him, 

*Pushed him away, 

*Been abrasive, 

*Withheld information, 

*Sworn at him,

*Stuck to my typical "I'm fine" theory, 

*Argued with him, 

*Told him flat out "NO!" multiple times, 

*Made him repeat himself, 

*Made him argue with me over stupid shit, 

*Made him raise his voice at me, 

*Made him mandate things I should have willingly done on my own. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know I'm stressed but that is absolutely no excuse for how I've behaved. 

I just feel like such a failure right now. And I've again, done it to myself. 

WHY DO I DO THIS???

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

Happy Independence Day

07/04/2013

Happy Independence Day USA! 

Always hard, but getting easier. 

To the pricks with an agenda burning our flag.........remember, we have fought to given you that right.

Enjoy your paid day off and enjoy the fireworks and festivites to mark this occassion. 

Politics aside, your may never agree with our government but you have no reason not to stand behind the man and women who volunteer to wear that uniform. 

Tho the families supporting such loved ones......Thank you!

To those still fighting half way around this world in a living hell we can only fathom.......Thank you and stay safe. You are america's 911 and I will forever be thankful for your sacrifice. 

And if you don't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them.

Freedom is NOT FREE!

A Walking Contradiction

07/02/2013

Strong women do not *need* to be taken care of; but at times, we *want* to be.

We are not helpless or weak, we have a mind and a voice.......we simply want a man who can stand up to us. 

There is nothing as reassuring to me as knowing that in a world where men are my equals, there is one man who can control my mind, my heart, my body. 

Days when I have to analyze & get caught up in the chaos of life.......nothing quiets my racing mind quicker than hearing his voice, searching his eyes and savoring his touch. 

It takes a very special man to make me weak in the knees when I am about to be pulled across his. 

The freedom and beauty of my submission lies not in the act, but in the will.

Natural & measured dominance has a very primal appeal. As does the possession and ownership aspects of this D/s dynamic......I do not care what he chooses to call me, as long as it begins with "My."

It takes strength to lead and strength to follow. I am not typically submissive, but with this one amazing man I long to submit to his will. It pleases me to please him. 

Submission is a gift earned through compassion, respect & trust. It can be given, but never taken. 

Most men can easily dominate a woman's body.......the key to connecting on this level of intense intimacy lies in your Dom's ability to render your breathless with his mind fuck. His innate ability to take a strong, defiant, naughty girl on willingly and to work his way inside of her head. Find out what makes her tick. Break down your barriers and truly meet his girl underneath of it all. It's a rare phenomenal experience...........but once acquired, absolutely breath taking. I had never allowed another person  unedited access to the "real me" until I took that chance with my Dom. 

Life is all about the experience. I simply prefer to partake in my own rather than live life watching others take theirs. 

Last Alarm

07/01/2013

I understand this post is completely off topic to D/s, BDSM, DD, spanking, etc........but I can't not share this. Having been on a volunteer fire department during my college years and having an older brother who is now a firefighter......this is very personal to me and I am utterly devastated by the last 24 hours events.

Our country just lost the most firefighters in the line of duty in a single incident since Sept. 11, 2001 when 343 were killed in NYC. 

19 men from a "Hot Shot" unit out of Prescott, Arizona were killed battling a wildfire outside of Yarnell, AZ. Our entire country has just 10 of these elite units; and an entire unit of them was lost yesterday (6/30). The loss is absolutely staggering. I knew none of these men personally, but emergency services is a brotherhood profession and I am effected anytime I hear of even one fallen hero.......but this is a catastrophic blow. 

Kevin Woyjeck, 21

Chris MacKenzie, 30

Billy Warneke, 25

Scott Norris, 28

Andrew Ashcraft, 29

Anthony Rose, 23

Eric Marsh, 43

Robert Caldwell, 23

Clayton Whitted , 28

Dustin Deford, 24

Sean Misner, 26

Garret Zuppiger, 27

Travis Carter, 31

GrantMcKee, 21

Travis Turbyfill, 27

JesseSteed, 36

Wade Parker, 22

Joe Thurston, 32

John Percin, 24

These men were husbands, sons, fathers, brothers........some had served their country seeing combat overseas........others were newlyweds expecting their first babies this fall. My heart aches for each and every one of them & my thoughts are with their families. 

To those still battling that blaze: STAY SAFE!

To all of those brave men & women who grab that bunker gear everyday and run into the blazing hell that everyone else runs away from......THANK YOU......You are America's HEROS. 

His Eyes Speak Volumes

06/30/2013


He can communicate with me in so very many ways; but nothing speaks more intently to me than his eyes. I've heard the eyes are windows to the soul and it may very well be true. Of course his deep, resounding voice and the words he chooses to use will elicit reaction from me. As will his hands raining down hard, stinging swats or softly caressing my skin. But this man's eyes have a power over me that I can not explain. They are absolutely gorgeous......dark, deep, expressive. 

Most of the time, his eyes are warm and inviting and I love to look into them. Even in scene, when that cold, dark wall rises I can enjoy watching the sadistic flash in his eyes. And even if I am not looking into them......I can always feel them when I am with him. When I am facing the corner or have my face in a pillow or am kneeling in front of him with my eyes downcast......I can literally feel his eyes on me and adore that strength of subconscious connection that we share.

But there has always been a look I can not remain stoic or composed under for long......and I see that look in those enticing brown eyes only when I have really, seriously screwed up.......it is a glare of disappointment and it will break me every time I see it. I absolutely hate the accompanying facial expressions, tone of voice, body language.......but it is his eyes that speak deeper to me........it is his eyes that reach into my heart. 

I recently did something insanely ignorant and was caught almost immediately.......and had to face my Dom just hours later to answer for my actions. I once again had to see that look of disappointment in his eyes and it broke my heart. It is a mixture of emotions that combine to result in disappointment.......he was shocked at my blatant ignorance/arrogance because he knows that I know better.......he was angry that I would do something so dangerous.......he hated that I had disobeyed him intentionally to do what I wanted in the moment.......he was worried about me.......and perhaps more than anything else, he loved me. It's that last part I think that makes me respond the way I do when I see his disappointment in me. Processing just anger would be a piece of cake........it is seeing his love & concern written all over his face and recognizing I've really let him down that just inflicts such a stinging blow. 

He has the ability to cause me serious pain without ever touching me and he knows it......and is very restrained in his wielding that power. I know damn well that when I see that look in his eyes......I have pushed way too far & I absolutely deserve the reaction I am receiving......but it doesn't make it much easier to endure. Any time I have disappointed him, I've probably been harder on myself than he would be and I suppose in that aspect, his punishing me is almost a gift because the physical pain can help me to let go of the emotional turmoil. I just hate to see that look in his eyes.......I immediately want to turn away, look down or hug him tightly hiding my face in his chest.......anything to escape that penetrating glare.......but he will insist I maintain eye contact until he's certain I've received the message. There is nothing that will bring me to tears & contrition quicker than seeing that look. I love him, respect him and need to please him.........I fell far short of that this time. 

I will eventually write about this specific session, but for now I am still just lost in this man's eyes. 

Twisted? Hardly.....LOL

06/29/2013

So recently a negative article was written regarding domestic discipline or D/s relationships. The literary vomit inspired many daytime talk shows and late night comics to broach the subject of how "twisted" we all are. I typically ignore the media hype and crazy blog lurkers who have clearly never been lectured on the importance of "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all."  :)  But this time I just have to open my big damn mouth. Enjoy!

I imagine to the straight-laced people who feel they have the right to judge us (because God knows they've never done anything outside the normal scope) we are a perplexing population.......GOOD! I am flattered to know that you spend so much of your time attempting to analyze me when I couldn't give a shit less about you. :)

I've been a spanko since I can remember; I personally think we are born this way......it's in our DNA. Whether your niche is BDSM, or more erotic spanking or strictly discipline......you didn't learn to be this way, it's an innate quality.  :)  I have been in both DD and D/s relationships and it annoys me that these "journalists" would write something so one-sided and based on blatant ignorance. 

If you are curious or have a question......ask us......most of us have no issue explaining our extra curricular activities. But stop trash-talking like a Yankees fan in Fenway Park. We really aren't all that "twisted" at all. We are normal people, we pay our taxes, work in respectable fields, sit on the same PTA you do. If you don't like my lifestyle......you're entitled to your opinion.....personally, I just think you need spanked......and I am entitled to my opinion too.  :)  

Of all the destructive things we could do to ease stress, I would think spanking between consenting adults would be harmless. We could be alcoholics.....or chronic gamblers.....drug addicts. Oh wait.....those are 'normal' afflictions, right? 

And for f#ck's sake, stop calling me a "victim" or "battered woman"........I promise I am a willing participant in my own life and am a victim to no one. There are HUGE differences between domestic violence and domestic discipline......I'd elaborate, but I imagine you closed-minded idiots wouldn't understand my use of big words.  :)  I am not "abused".......and if I am, I like it. Analyze that. 

Also keep in mind while you worry about how "screwed up" we are, that there are hundreds of people in this country who fuck livestock......that oughta keep your analytical minds preoccupied long enough to leave us the hell alone. Hopefully this enlightening post has helped you to realize that some of us just really need to be paddled on a regular basis........or we open our oppressed little mouths and insult your intelligence (or lack there of).  :)  

Restraint

06/25/2013

Unfortunately, I'm not discussing the above pictured restraint in this post. :)  

If the insanity over the last 48 hours had happened say about 2 years ago.......my reactions would have been a bit more explosive. I managed to keep it together and practice self-restraint. My poor Daddy has had to watch this craziness via Instant Messages & phone calls.......but he has, as always, been right there with me through it all. He's kind of amazing like that.

When we spoke tonight, he told me he was proud of me for the restraint I'd shown. Regardless of reason, I always smile hearing that sentiment from him; I far prefer pleasing him over disappointing him. 

But thinking after our phone call, I realized something. The restraint I've shown hasn't truly been self-imposed. Personally, I would have *loved* to respond in an opposite manner than I did. :)  I wasn't stopped from misbehaving because I cared about what could happen if I reacted with my temper......frankly, I didn't give a damn. The ONLY thought that weighed the scales in these situations was "would Daddy approve?" That's it......the single, solitary deciding factor......the reaction of my Dom. As is often the case now. 

So technically I didn't show self-restraint.......I showed His restraint. Even when he isn't physically with me, he is *always* with me now. I've called Professor a "world-class mind fuck" a number of times on this blog......I promise it is an accurate assessment. The man is definitely inside of my head.......always. For the rest of society.....that is a good thing. :)  For the intelligent, independent, forward thinking feminist I am.......well I suppose it makes me a walking contradiction of terms. 

Control is sort of my thing. I love it......can't get enough of it......fight for it......relish in it. And yet with one man, and one man alone......I happily surrender it. More than 'happily' even.......relinquishing control to this man is an amazingly freeing feeling for me. While I may demand control in every other facet of my life......I don't want or need it with my Daddy. There is something so primal and intoxicatingly exciting in complete acquiescence to a dominant man who has earned my trust, my respect and my adoration. 

He has long been able to elicit a submissive response from me when we are together. His hand tucking under my chin to tilt my face up toward his as I'm quietly kneeling in front of him.......ensuring eye contact. His piercing brown eyes stopping me in my tracks when I contemplate a flippant response. His deep, silky smooth voice completely quieting my chaotic internal dialogue whether in person or by phone when I'm in a difficult mood. The man has had me securely wrapped around his finger for a year and a half now......but I believe I just became aware of the true control he has over me tonight when I realized that self-restraint hadn't inspired my good behavior......His restraint had. 

D/s relationships are, in my experience, typically very intense. Perhaps it is the level of trust or respect required......or maybe it is the openness and vulnerability.....perhaps it is the primal statement of ownership and possession.......whatever the reason, a solid connection in a well-orchestrated D/s relationship brings about a level of emotional connection, intensity & intimacy that can not possibly be paralleled. I've been aware of this for some time but perhaps I just wasn't as cognizant of it until this very moment in time, with this very amazing man I quite happily belong to.  

Physically, my Daddy was not with me throughout this ordeal.......but then again, he didn't even have to be. I made the 'right' choice because regardless of geography......He is *always* inside of my head......and He is *always* inside of my heart.......and though the distance between us may change, His control over me remains very firm. That's a very reassuring feeling.........almost as warm, comforting and restraining as a cute little collar.  :)  

Demanded VS Earned

06/23/2013

Aside from the inane and annoying 'questions' or comments I receive here.....every once in a great while, I get one that will really cause me to stop and think......and then to reply.......this is one such question:

"I'm new to the spanko community & D/s. I love your blog and very much envy the relationship and closeness you share with your Dom/Daddy. I am curious, how you became so loyal & trusting. I understand that a lot of that is time and stuff but you had to start some where right? Did you just immediately submit from day #1 when he demanded respect?     -Liz-"

First, welcome to our little world. :) Second, thank you for the kind blog comments, I enjoy sharing my writing with you all and have met some amazing friends here. Thank you as well for complimenting my D/s relationship; I believe it has definitely been worth it and I love it. Onto your loaded questions..........

Yes, we had to start somewhere. That somewhere for us was a lot of communication. I personally think open communication is vital to any relationship, whether it is within the D/s realm or a romance or even a working partnership.....communication is important. Professor and I 'met' online and shared a lot of very long, detailed emails back and forth for a few weeks before even meeting in person. And to be completely honest, by the time that day arrived.....us meeting face to face.....I was already putty in the man's hands. 

Next, honey, my Dom has *never* demanded my respect.....period. He has at times demanded I speak respectfully.......like if I am emotionally wound up about a heated topic and cursing too much for his liking. Two entirely different concepts. Part of our communication in the infancy of our relationship was discussion of wants, needs, expectations. We were remarkably compatible in what we sought. He may have from the proverbial 'day 1' demanded my obedience.......but *never* has he demanded my respect.......HE EARNED MY RESPECT.

I'm a guarded girl and I have been hurt.....I also work in a career that offers me a front row seat to some of the best and worst facets of this life.....due to those two things, and other small contributing factors, I am guarded. I do *not* trust easily. I have *always* questioned or rebelled against authority. I have always been hard-headed, stubborn and strong-willed. I'm not what you would call "naturally submissive." 

I can list for you a select number of people in my life who have ever attempted to 'demand' my respect.......and I assure you, not one of them ever received their demand. Trust & respect is EARNED.

The man I very endearingly call my Daddy worked from our 'day 1' to earn my respect and my trust. Unfortunately, there are a lot of idiots who dabble in D/s......a lot of arrogance.....ignorance......posturing......loud, obnoxious idiots who have no business having control of a poodle, let alone another human being. Thankfully, I found what I term an "ideal, naturally & overwhelming dominant man".......a *very* rare find, I might add. My father is a 'Dom/Top/spanko' via DNA......but he is a natural leader in most all facets of his life. Very intelligent, highly intuitive, experienced in this realm of our wonderful lil world. Flattery gets me nowhere, so I assure you this is simply my honest, unguarded opinion......I found 'perfect'........at a bare minimum, 'perfect for me.' 

He very quickly earned my respect, trust and admiration because of the man he is, the man he is not and the way he has taken care of me. I've faced some pretty unimaginable nonsense in the last year & a half......every time I have struggled, stressed or just plain felt like throwing in the towel......I've turned to Him. When I've needed him, he is *always* right there. His life was full & busy *before* me......and yet he has somehow always made me a priority. I've discussed things with him that I have with no one else......he listens, advises me and supports me. He knows what I need, when I need it.....even when I have no idea or at the very least can not articulate those needs.....he knows and he meets my needs every single day. 

From the time I was a little girl (growing up with older, bigger brothers) I have always viewed crying as a sign of weakness and I lived accordingly......my own husband saw me cry just twice in the 6+yrs we shared, my best friend since childhood has seen it maybe 3 times, and I had *never* allowed a D/s partner to see me cry......prior to my Daddy. Our first few sessions, I refused to cry.....or allow him to see it. But after a few months, it didn't even matter to me anymore. I trusted him completely......I am His, He is mine and allowing myself to show emotion with Him was no longer an issue. I, over time, became more and more invested emotionally in 'us'.....in a way I hadn't ever previously with a D/s partner. His opinion meant a lot to me.....his approval means the world to me. If I was going to be happy....truly happy.....I had to allow myself to open up, allow Him inside and that included not editing my emotions. He has heard me cry, he has seen me cry, he has held me while I've cried. To know I've disappointed this man now, truly breaks my heart. 

Compared to where I was emotionally a year and a half ago.....I've done a 180......and I attribute that to the unwavering support, non-negotiable rules, no-nonsense discipline & unconditional love this man has provided for me. I could write a book on the things he has taught me, the changes he has made in the person I am, the amazing influence he has been on my behavior & my life. I am quite happy belonging to this man and being His little girl puts a smile on my face every day. I am fiercely protective of him and I can't think of anything I wouldn't do to please Him......because I love Him........He is *mine* and I am *His*. I took a chance.....He EARNED my respect.....I offered my submission.....and we continue along our path of combining fantasy & reality within our D/s and now, our real lives. 

That doesn't happen over night, Liz, so give it time......when the time is right and when the Top is right......you'll see that things worth having are worth working & waiting for. 

Low IQs....Zero Patience

06/22/2013

Those of you who read this blog on a regular basis have likely noticed that I've posted less as of late. Not that I don't love my writing, or my Blogger......I do (on both counts)......this month is simply a challenge for me every year and since returning to "normal" a month ago now, nothing has been...well.....normal. As I catch up on stuff in my real life, I promise you wont be neglected long.....and yes, I am alive. 

HOWEVER

If you (anonymous) insist on leaving me comments or worse, privately contacting me via gmail........please, for f#ck's sake, STOP sending the following:

#1: Will you marry me? I've asked like 4 times.
Nope....never. And yes, I would have thought after being ignored 3 times, you'd have taken the subtle hint. 

#2: You work in medicine right....how's come owls can turn their heads all the way around & I can't?
Yes I do......HUMAN medicine. However, I'm tempted to assist you in making your head spin around. And please, don't procreate......and stay off the drugs. 

#3: Where do you people come from? How do I find you?
I had no idea someone able to type and correspond via email would need basic human reproduction explained to them.....sad lil world we now inhabit, huh? Please ask your mother or Google where 'we' come from. As for how to find us.....if you meant people.....get off your computer, genius. If you meant spankos.....well that's even easier, since my Daddy walks me around on a leash and carries a paddle in his other hand. :) 

Sad but true people, IQ's are dropping.......obviously, dramatically. While I typically have a high tolerance for idiots, it's wearing thin at the moment......take note before clicking "send."

Thanks.

Superman? Nope....Just My Daddy

Any man can be a father......it takes someone special to be a Dad.

June 16th, 2013

My mother may have taught me to speak.......but my father has taught me to choose my words wisely; and for that matter, when to shut my mouth. 

Life taught me to fight......but my father has taught me to pick my battles. 

Giving in doesn't necessarily mean giving up & not every question has a logical answer. 

"No" means No.......and for no other reason than he said so. <----His patience in teaching me this lesson had to have been stretched thin :) I've always been a "why?" kind of girl.....it's taken a while, but his "No" doesn't inspire a "why?" anymore, it simply inspires acquiescence. 

I may often times see the worst in others......but that doesn't ever mean I don't have to personally do my best. 

Patience is acquired not innate......I may not have been blessed with the virtue, but I am capable of learning it. 

Someone else being wrong does not necessarily make me right. 

"Walling myself off" from the world hurt no one but me. 

"Fair" is a 4-letter F word......he defines it and my agreeing is irrelevant. ;)

Some things in this world I can not control........my reactions to this world, I can. 

Beginning any conversation with "I love you Daddy" will *always* get the same response:   "what did you do?" 

Driving is a privilege, not a right......and traffic tickets are *not* appropriate "collectibles." 

There is not a fear in this world that his voice can't ease.......and no stressor that wont quickly dissipate when he wraps me in his arms. 

Every bratty action has an opposite & equal disciplinary reaction. 

Never settle.......period. 

"Most girls" may be vulgar, unruly brats......I am *not* 'most girls'....I am different because I am *His.* 

Ignorance is not curable......my pointing it out & getting angry, still ain't fixing the problem. 

A disapproving look can break my heart........the tone, not volume, of his voice can make me cry.

Loving & trusting may be difficult but it is essential to happiness. 

Some lessons taught through his words......other through his actions......and several over his knee.......all equally important. Being a parent is the most difficult job in this world, but by far the most rewarding. The most incredible thing is this man never *had* to raise me.....he *chose* to. I learn more from him every day; his strength, his devotion, his character.....in a word: amazing.  

Happy Father's Day, Daddy!

I love you. 

Finding Your Strength Through Submission

Summer is upon us and with that season ushered in, so too it is time for D/s, BDSM, DD scene events. I have attended several and met some amazing people through these functions. I've received my invitations for the season but have yet to commit to any. I know I will attend a couple, but the decision of which ones and with whom are no longer a choice I make. 

An acquaintance in the scene has messaged me multiple times, requesting me to play publicly at an upcoming event. **sighs** I've made it pretty clear that I'm not a lap-hoppin' brat........I simply can't just allow any man to spank me.....not judging others, its just simply not my thing. This 'acquaintance' is somewhat intrigued by my tolerance or threshold to pain and wants to "test drive" me. Gag me now. I am the personal property of ONE man in the scene, and he will be the only one touching me.....sorry.

For every submissive/masochist there is a need met by her Dom/Sadist. Yes I have an above average level of physical pain tolerance, but I promise you that did not happen overnight. My 1st discipline session with my father was certainly not the most intense. Actually the first couple punishment sessions were a dance of sorts between the two of us. He would push, I would bend........and somewhere along the way we found the "norm" for us. I have no problem submitting to even the most horrid of punishments now, even when the most agonizing implements are to be used (cords, canes, frat paddles).......why?  T-R-U-S-T

I respect my Dom......I love my Dom......and above it all, I trust him completely. 

He earned my trust......not an easy feat. But once earned, he has strengthened it time and again.....anytime I need him, there he is. He can read my chaotic lil mind, calm my erratic mood and make me smile when I hadn't in years. 

There have been times I've been so concerned about facing him for an offense I knew deserved a seriously intense session........and the session that follows was nothing close to what I had expected. Though I'd never say my father is a push-over.....I will say he is selectively merciful......another piece of the puzzle that is my Daddy. :) 

For me, yes the pain is important. I want him to push my limits. I want him to challenge me. I want him to smile knowing there is nothing in this world I wouldn't do to please him. I want but more so *need* to submit to him.......need to accept my punishments & be present in that pain.......in order to know that in the end I will have gained his forgiveness and won his approval.