03/16/2012
All morning Ive been shifting back and forth behind the podium, hoping to
my audience I still appear confident, educated, prepared. Gazing out into the
pool of academics I can see that some of them may sense my uneasiness and I
reassue myself that they likely think Im nervous about addressing them. My own
mind obviously knows the root cause of this almost squeamish feeling. I have
spoken publicly and taught numerous times, and it doesnt ever bother me.
I finish speaking and open the floor for a brief Q & A session; my panic
rising by the moment. Im nervous, and cant recall a time I have been this worked
up inside. After finally exchanging pleasantries and contact information, I am
walking out of the building to begin my drive.
I dont have to go far, less than 10 minutes actually. I arrive and go in to
check into the hotel but am told that I can not until atleast 1130a; it is only
1015am. So knowing I have time to kill, I decide to go back a couple exits and
try to silence my mind by shopping. I browse through the handbags, the jewelry,
the clothes.....looking for any impulsive purchase I can make to calm myself. No
such luck. Its a futile fight and I leave the store empty handed to return to
the hotel.
Entering the room I am sick. I turn on the tv to CNN for background noise
and send a text to confirm the room number with Professor. I pace back and
forth. I sit on the bed and press a pillow to my face to scream into it. I am so
scared. I knew when Professor told me to arrive first that Id be feeling this
way. I wouldnt have the control of knocking on the door this time. I was here,
he was on his way and I was scared. So scared.
We had planned a session to address my attitude but immediately after our
last session, I got pulled over for speeding which was one topic of many driving
lapses the previous punishment was to address. I cried when that cop pulled me
over; I knew I was in big trouble. I confessed to him immediately on the phone
and apologized profusely. He grounded me and said that we would address this
little lapse at the start of our next session. Id sent him an email asking him
on a ten scale, where he rated this offense. His answer was short.....8. Yep, I
knew I was in for it this time. How could I have been so careless? Especially
right after being spanked for it days before. I wouldve given anything in that
moment to go back in time and have a do-over. I knew I was going to have to face
him and answer for it.......soon....very soon.
I sat on the bed again, my legs underneath of me and a pillow pressed to my
chest. The confidence long gone. Im sure I looked as pathetic as I felt. A very
nervous girl waiting to hear her father's footsteps as he came to discipline his
naughty daughter. That whole, "just wait til your father gets home"
situation......prior to this day, Id never experienced it and actually laughed
and thought my friends were over-reacting or being big babies when they were
concerned about going home to face their dad when they'd done something wrong.
Now, sitting here in that same position, I realized they werent being overly
dramatic.....they were scared. And now, so was I. This sucked....alot.
Wondering why he hadnt texted yet or arrived, I stand up to grab my phone
and see "error:message not delivered". 'Oh fuck!' I yell out as I dial his cell
phone number as quickly as I possibly can. His voice unnerves me even more as
I tell him of the error text and instruct him where to park, what door to enter
and what room he can find his naughty little girl in. I wait about 5mins after
the call ended and my phone rings again, it is Professor. I answer and hear the
displeasure in his voice, "Door D is locked so come down and let me in." My
heart is in my throat as I rush down to open the door for him. "I.....I um
forgot something in my car, Ill be right back." I mumble as he steps inside the
door, glaring at me.
"What did you need to get from your car?" he asks. I simply hold up the
ticket to him and try to walk up the stairs but his hand outstretched stops me.
"Did you not pay attention to this sign on the door?" he asks while tapping the
plate on the door as I read it, 'All doors are secured for your safety. You will
need your room key to re-enter the building.' I honestly hadnt even noticed it,
big mistake. I look up at him hesitantly, "Im sorry Professor, I didnt see it."
His stare intense, jaw set as he speaks again, "I see. You knew I would be here
to punish you for your behavior and you didnt think it was important enough to
pay attention to details and make sure nothing went wrong Natalie Lynn?" His
voice is elevated and I can see housekeeping down the hall from where we stand
in the staircase and my only thought is he did warn me that he wouldnt hesitate
to spank me in public if it was warranted. My mind is in a panic. I look up at
him pleadingly, determined that if I am ever going to maintain eye contact it
has to be now. "Im so sorry Professor. I guess it just slipped my mind because I
was so nervous. Im really sorry. I promise it wasnt intentional Sir." Scanning
his face for any hint of softening. "I have no doubt it wasnt intentional Natalie Lynn. Thats not the point. You have to learn to slow down and not overlook small
things that can cause big issues. Understood?" I nod my head and offer a, "Yes
Sir." He sighs as he steps to the side so I can walk past him, "We will discuss
this before our session even begins. Take me upstairs Natalie." I breath a sigh
of relief that Ive escaped an impromptu stairwell spanking, and rush up the
stairs with Professor on my heels.
Once inside the room, I sit down on the bed and clutch a pillow to my chest
and try to slow my breathing. "Put it down" he barks. I continue to blink,
trying to force back the tears welling up in my eyes as I sit it down on the
bed. "Stand up" he orders and I quickly do as I was told. Standing infront of
him I feel incredibly small and incredibly nervous. My hands fidgeting at my
sides, my eyes on the floor. "Look at me Natalie. Who is over there? Not there,
not over there.....right here. You will look at me when Im speaking to you.
Clear?" I take a deep breath and raise my eyes to meet his as I whisper, "Yes
Sir." I *hate* seeing that look on his face and I know he knows this. I am
regretting my speeding and now my rushing and being forgetful. Small...very
small.
"I told you to be here in this room, on that bed waiting for me to come and
punish you at noon young lady. I would think you would have done everything
possible to make sure you didnt add anything to this punishment. Instead I get
here and you not only are careless in forgetting how I couldnt enter the
building but then you brush past me to go to your car to get the ticket. You
knew that ticket was the first thing we would discuss so I dont know how you
forgot it. You need to slow down Natalie and pay attention to small details." I
know he is right and Im pretty irritated with myself for being so forgetful. "I
know youre sorry Natalie but I can not let this go. So now you're going to be
punished for all of these little careless mistakes before we begin our session
as planned. Come here. Pants down and over my lap now."
Seconds later I am upended across his strong lap and he is expressing his
displeasure in the way I learn the best. He only swats a couple times with his
hand and then begins to apply a brush quickly. It stings, alot. The last session
he spent quite a while spanking me otk with his hand and though it stung like
crazy, it almost prepared my bottom for the wooden implements to come. This
time, no such luck. My breathing is as rapid as his swatting. "Im sorry Sir. Im
sorry." The swats continue to fall down another minute or so before he directs
me to the corner, my pants tangled around my ankles.
"Come here young lady." I turn, expecting to see him in the chair but
instead, find him standing infront of the window. I slowly walk over and stand
next to him.....feeling incredibly small. His strong arm reaches across me and
pulls the drapes back so we are now standing looking out at the interstate. He
standing tall, confident, his arms folded across his chest as he looks out. I,
right next to him, my pants enttangled around my ankles, my eyeliner smudged, my
long hair in disarray, my head lowered as I remain quietly standing next to
him.....so small. "In your profession Natalie it is vital that you pay attention
to even the smallest detail. Imagine the doctors you spoke to this morning,
driving on that freeway. If they happened to glance up and see you standing
here, next to me, pants around your ankles, like a naughty girl who just got her
bare bottom spanked by her father.....what do you think they would think? What
would they say? What would you say?" Im unsure if his question is rhetorical so
I remain tight-lipped as he continues. "Oh he was coming to discuss my stupid
misbehavior with me and I just ignored all the small stuff and then the best
part, I made him wait for me in the stairwell while I had to go to my car to get
the ticket I had forgotten too." he mocks. His tone of voice attempting to
impersonate me is kind of funny but I know better than to laugh at him right
now. "Im sorry Sir. I didnt mean to do it. I just wasnt thinking. I promise it
wont happen again Sir."
"I want you to come sit up here for a minute so we can talk Natalie." he
says as he walks acros the room to the dresser and pats its solid top. I follow
him and sit on top of the dresser as he sits on the foot of the bed and looks at
me. "Natalie I am not unreasonable. I dont expect perfection. What I do expect is
effort. Clear?" I look at him and answer, "Yes Sir." His look stern but not
angry as he continues, "If this speeding had happened 6 months from now, I would
probably take it uch more seriously and personally and be very disappointed. I
am not happy about it Natalie but I can see the effort youre making to improve so
while I may be upset about it, I am not disappointed because I see the effort.
Does that make sense to you?" Fighting back the urge to cry because that has
been my biggest concern since the lights were flashing in my rear view mirror. I
*hate* to disappoint and Professor is starting to mean more and more to me each
day. I truly respect this man. I look up to him, admire him, want to please him.
"Yes Sir. Thank you Professor." His eyes soften for a second in acceptance of my
gratitude, then just as quickly his face returns to that of a determined,
agitated disciplinarian intent on teaching his naughty daughter an important
lesson.
He rises from the bed and calls me over to the chair again. "I want you to
bend over the back of this chair, feet shoulder width apart, hands flat on the
seat. Do not make the mistake of moving out of position Natalie Lynn." I do as
instructed and offer a, "Yes Sir." I know from reading the blog of his last
naughty girl that he is going to paddle me.....hard. The only thing I do not yet
know is which paddle he will select for the job. "Stay there and dont move" he
barks as I hear the door open and close. My mind is spinning.....where is he
going?.....it is only March, surely he cant be going to cut a switch......oh God
please dont let him be cutting a switch. The door opens and closes again, he
says nothing but continues to seach through bags and items. "Have you misplaced
something Sir?" I ask, hoping to be helpful. WHAAACK WHAAACK WHAAACK. Im
surprised by the rapid placement of 3 heavy swats on my bottom. "Natalie Lynn,
what is the rule about speaking when you're being punished?" I cant believe how
forgetful Im being today, I know this rule and it isnt a new rule to me. "Speak
only when spoken to. Answer Yes Sir and No Sir unless you ask for elaboration
and if that is the case then I am to answer immediately Sir." I ramble off and
shift from foot to foot trying unsuccessfully to ease the intense burn in my
bottom.
His large hand slaps down a paddle infront of my face on the chair and he
places a piece of paper on top of it. "I want you to number this page when I
tell you to begin and each swat I apply I want you to count and then alternate,
odds and evens, between I will not make my disciplinarian repeat his lessons and
I will take steps to improve my behavior. Understood? And you better write
neatly. Understood?" I sigh and answer a quick, "Yes Sir." Im still unsure of
which paddle he is using on my bottom.....is it his or is it mine? Whichever it
is, oh my God does it burn. He pauses after each swat for me to write. After 8
heavy, hard swats I begin to write slower, hoping for more time to recover in
anticipation of the next swat. After 15 very firm swats have found their mark he
takes the paper and instructs me to go back to the corner.
I stand in the corner and try desperately to ignore the awful burn in my
bottom. I press my forehead against the cool plaster and wish hard that I could
place my punished cheeks against its cool surface. "Come here Natalie Lynn." his
voice so deep, so calm, so piercing. I walk over to the table where he is
standing and has pulled the end table up to it and tells me to sit on it. "I am
going to give you 15 minutes to write a paragraph about the importance of each
of those two sentences. You have very little space so you better think it
through and make sure you get your point acrossed in that space or I will paddle
you again. Understood?" I shake my head, "Yes Sir. Um Sir, do you want me to
print it or write it in my lovely doctor scribbles?" I snicker slightly as I
ask. "Stand up now." His voice echoed and was elevated, sharing his displeasure.
I slowly rose to my feet, scared and regretting my witty remark. WHAAACK WHAAACK
WHAAACK WHAAACK. I bite my lip to not squeal as his paddle again connects with
my sore bottom and thighs. "The right time and place Natalie; and this is clearly
not the right time for your wit. Clear?" he questions as he tucks his hand under
my chin, raising my face up to his eyes. "Yes Sir. Im sorry." I pout slightly,
hoping he sees the genuine regret on my face. "You have 15minutes young
lady."
I finish writing and send him a text message and my phone rings. "The key
wont work to open the door. You may pull up your pants and come open the door
for me." I giggle slightly and hurry to let him in, wondering if he would have
seriously made me come let him in without pulling my pants up. This man has been
able to completely mind fuck me in such a short span of time. His dominance is
almost overwhelming. With him I feel so small, but not in a bad or degraded sort
of way. I feel a good small. A little girl in the presence of her
father....being called on her coyness, her lack of discipline, her
sass.....being cared for enough to be corrected, to be taught, to be punished.
Trusting, safe, secure, cared for. Vulnerable but protected....if even from
myself. Truly cared for and I love it.
As we return to the room he reads over my writing. "I want you to text
these paragraphs to Lauren, she needs to learn from your mistakes too. While
youre typing I want you to be thinking of someone you can call in a bit. I dont
care if it is one of your friends, brothers, maybe Brad.....I dont care who it
is but I think it is important for you to have to tell someone else that you are
being punished for your behavior. For you to assure them that your irresponsible
behavior is going to be changing and youre being held accountable. Clear?"
Nervous but completely trusting in his judgements and determined to submit to
any punishment he chooses to administer, I agree, "Yes Sir." After sending the
texts I am sent back to the corner.
"Come here. What is this word above my pen?" I walk out of the corner over
to him at the table and look down at my writing. S-p-a-k-e-d. I giggle as I
realize I forgot the 'n' in of all words, the word spanked. He grabs hold of my
wrist and sits in a chair, pulling me down across his lap. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT
SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT His hand rapidly spanking my hot bottom. "Another
careless mistake caused by youre not slowing down and paying attention. Spell
the word Natalie Lynn." he commands as he continues his assault on my bottom. "S
p a n k e d spells spanked. S p a n k e d spells spanked." He accentuates each
letter with a swat. My face has to be as red as my bottom. "Back to the corner,
now." I rise off of his lap and again scurry to the corner. I hear him moving
around behind me, the water running in the bathroom. Pressing my face to the
wall again I feel his touch. He is inspecting my bottom and thighs and softly
runs a cool, wet washcloth across my left sit spot and thigh where my skin had
broken during my paddling. I had noticed it when I got up to go let him back
into the building but didnt say anything to him because I didnt think it was a
big deal and I know some men will freak out about such things and end a session.
He said nothing to me, just gently wiped my tender skin as I closed my eyes and
remained quiet. He stepped away but then returned handing me my cell phone.
"Have you decided who to call?" I think but havent chosen so ask, "Do you have a
preference Sir?" He answers, "It is up to you Natalie. Do you want to call Brad?"
I scan my contact list for his number and call but get his voicemail and leave a
message for him letting him know I am being punished today and will be changing
my behaviors. As I hang up and hand my phone to Professor, he says, "Good girl."
I smile.....love hearing that from him.
"Turn around." his voice close behind me as I stand facing the corner. I
slowly turn and see in his hand is the rubber looped strap. I swallow hard and
blink back my tears. I look hesitantly up at him, pleading with my eyes, begging
for anything but this implement. Im scared.....so scared. "Your sister told me
you joked with her about leaving this implement at home today so you can thank
her for what youre about to get." Im mad.....furious.....pissed off. "Oh that
little bitch." The words escape before I can stop them and I can hardly believe
what Ive just hear myself say. My fear is ten fold now. I begin to shake.
"WHAT?" his voice a commanding yell. "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" I swallow several
times, eyes locked on the floor, too scared to speak, to move, forgetting to
breath. Not knowing what to expect and shocked that I could let that slip
infront of him. My mind is in a panic.....is he going to slap me?.....wash my
mouth out with soap?.....paddle me again?......Id deserve any one of the three
right now, actually probably deserved all of the 3. I am surprised at myself and
as remorseful as I am nervous. "I heard what you said." the volume of his voice
lowering as he takes the loop and walks past the table. I remain quiet but
follow.
"Place your palms on the wall and bend slightly at your hips to push your
bottom out." I do as I am told, too scared to disobey him now even if I do hate
this implement. I know I deserve this and would be willing to accept anything to
be back in his good graces after that incredibly ignorant slip up. "What did you
say Natalie Lynn?" I speak, concentrating so my voice doesnt crack, "I said the b
word Sir." He sighs audibly, "SAY THE WORD" the volume of his voice making me
jump and leaving no doubt as to his anger in my choice of words. "bitch" I
whisper barely audibly. CRACK! The first swat catching my upper thighs, below my
sit spots and penetrating deeply. The burn is immediate. "Say it AGAIN." he
orders. I fight back the tears and urge to apologize profusely and beg him not
to use this implement, "bitch". CRACK CRAACK CRAACK. Three well placed and quick
swats with the loop fall one right after the next. I bite my lip to prevent my
crying out. My head dizzy with the pain. This implement is absolutely
unforgiving. Id prefer hundreds of strokes with a cane than even 2 with this
loop strap. The belt is by far the most psychologically effective and is
physically intense but this loop strap is absolutely the most physically
painful. The welts rise instantaneously. CRAAACK CRAAACK CRAAACK CRAAACK CRAAACK
CRAAACK CRAAACK CRAAACK. I pull my hands away from the wall as 8 more very rapid
swats descend on my angry bottom and thighs. Quickly realizing Ive moved, I
immediately return to my position and hope this act of submission will work in
my favor. The pain is incredible and Im quickly losing my battle to remain a
"tough girl" and refuse to cry. Another 7 swats bite into my skin and I whimper
audibly but remain in position, determined to submit and accept my well-deserved
punishment. Each searing swat inflicting such an intense pain immediately and
wrapping around and biting into the side of my hip. A few tears escape my eyes
and Im shaking, whimpering. CRAAACK CRAAACK CRAAACK CRAAACK Finally, after
applying four more harsh, unforgiving swats he sits the loop down and called me
over to the chair and Im back over his knee.
His hands slowly and gently massaging a cool ointment onto my bottom. I
steady my breathing and praise myself for being a good girl and accepting my
punishment when his voice shakes me again. "I am only doing this to prepare your
bottom for my belt Natalie Lynn. The belt has an impact on you and right now, you
need a belt whipping. Understood?" I hang my head and another tear falls as I
whisper, "Yes Sir." He finished massaging and softly pats my aching
bottom...."Up". I slide off of his lap and follow him over toward the bathroom
where I see his well-worn belt draped across the luggage rack. Im atleast
relieved that he doesnt wear this belt, part of the panic caused inside of me by
the belt is the unnerving sound it makes as it is unbuckled and pulled through
its loops.
"There is one of these in almost every hotel room and after today you will
not ever look at one the same again. This is a luggage rack but it makes a
wonderful tool to have a naughty girl lie across to get her bare bottom whipped
soundly with a belt. Lie across it Natalie." he instructs as he lifts his belt
and snaps it. The sound makes me flinch and I quickly move and lie across the
rack and try to steady my breathing. His strong hand slaps down a court
transcript infront of me. The transcript has Professor's writing on it in
several spots he has circled or underlined words or phrases I used in court that
were not at all appropriate. I am kicking myself for ever speaking so
disrespectfully in court and Im actually really ashamed of what I am reading. I
dont want to have to read this to him. I respect him far too much to say any of
this in his presence. I know these things will disappoint him and I hate that.
"Read what is circled Natalie Lynn." I begin to do as I was told and after each
word or phrase he stops me and unleashes his disgust on my bare bottom with his
belt. The swats stinging already very sore skin but his words, his lecturing
stinging my heart.
As I near the end of my reading, he hones in on one word the judge used to
describe my attitude: Arrogance. Professor lectures extremely well and extremely
thoroughly. The arroagnce lecture is one he has given me before. And one I have
received many times in life. It was one of the 3 deadly sins in my husband's
opinion and he wouldnt ever tolerate it from me or his children. Professor seems
to share that opinion. "Your attitude, your attire, your language at this court
date was all incredibly arrogant Natalie Lynn." he says as he straps my bottom
and thighs. "You are educated and intelligent and capable of getting your point
across or debating without being disrespectful and arrogant. Arent you young
lady?" I answer through my gasping, "Yes Sir, I am." The well worn leather
blistering every inch of my sore bottom, my thighs, my tender sit spots. "I will
*not* ever accept, allow or overlook arrogance out of MY daughter." That hit its
mark, I couldnt hold back my tears anymore. They began to fall freely onto the
carpet below me as he continued to whip my bottom. There is something about that
statement of ownership, belonging to someone that has always melted my heart and
made me feel incredibly guilty and ashamed of my behavior when I have let down a
man I *belong* to. If I am introuble, have really screwed up and you dont think
youve yet gotten through, think Im still quietly being defiant, just add those
two little words to the lecture ("my wife" or "my daughter" or "my little girl")
and Im immediately a different girl. Receptive, apologetic, ashamed, contrite,
and eager to accept my punishment so I can work my way back into your good
graces. "Arrogance gets the belt Natalie Lynn. Repeat that." his voice firm,
still unwavering. I whisper and repeat his words while trying to hide the
obvious fact that I am crying. "Arrogance gets the belt" CRAAACK CRAAACK CRAAACK
CRAAACK CRAAACK CRAAACK Everytime I repeat it, another dozen or so searing swats
sting my flesh. After 4 or 5 times of repeating this statement, he stops. My
bottom is ablaze but my heart somehow lighter.
I rise and follow him to the chair and am draped again across his capable
knee. He slowly, methodically, gently massages a cool lotion into my very sore
and properly punished cheeks and thighs. I lay completely still and close my
eyes, re-thinking every message of this session and promising myself to do
better. "Okay go lay on the bad on your stomach so your bottom can dry." his
voice no longer rigid. I lay on the bed still analyzing and taking the time to
truly feel the ache in my bottom. I am facing away from where Professor is
sitting in the chair but I can feel his gaze on me. Admiring his handy
work.....his naughty little girl now properly punished and contrite.
"Come here" his voice pulls me from my lulled daydreaming state. I slowly
rise to my feet, feeling my skin tighten with each movement. I look up at him
and he takes me in his arms and hugs me. I linger a moment in his embrace and
again look up at him, his face relaxed now and say, "thank you Sir." He smiles
down at me and pats my bottom, "Youre welcome Natalie. Go get yourself cleaned up
so we can go find a beer." I return his smile, "Yes Sir."
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