Friday, February 19, 2016
You've Got Mail
That is how it all began. An email, actually several hundred, but initially.......just one.
I wasn't really looking for a partner at the time. Actually I am not sure I even knew what I was looking for, if anything at all. I had long prior convinced myself that the man I sought and the relationship that I yearned for did not exist.
I wanted to be spanked. I needed to be spanked. But anything more than that simply did not appeal. I was not ready to open up to anyone, to share with anyone, to be vulnerable with anyone. The physical was important, the emotional I was completely blocked off and guarded against. The lust was important, love was not an option. It would take one hell of a Dom, one hell of a man, to ever begin to unarm me.
I read that introductory email at least a dozen times prior to replying. And my response was drafted, edited and redrafted at least as many times.
He was different. Articulate. Educated. Respectful. Dominant. Confident. Courteous. Handsome. Open. Inviting.
Our wants, needs, desires in this arena were closely aligned. Our likes, triggers and turn-ons were incredibly complimentary. Though we would continue to explore our kink and one another for 2 more weeks prior to meeting in person, I knew at the end of email #1 that I would in deed meet this man.
I simply never could have imagined that night what the next four years would hold. He was as perfect in person, in scene as he had been virtually. As hard as I tried to keep my own wounded emotions from entering the game, I simply couldn't remain closed off to this man. His subtle dominance overwhelmed me. His voice turned me on immensely. His sadist was an expert in providing the delicious pain that my masochist needed. His hands on my body was my own naughty version of paradise. His piercing brown eyes bore through me and pulled at my heart. I wanted to please him. I wanted to make him proud. I wanted to be his girl.
The physicality of our relationship certainly was priority #1 in those early days of our budding D/s relationship; but over time the emotional connection took center stage.
He has provided unwavering support for me. He is my shoulder to cry on. He is my best friend. He is my source of advice on all things. He is my moral compass, my very own internal Jiminy Cricket voice piping up to keep me behaving when I struggle with choosing the right path. He is my motivator. He is my Disciplinarian. He is my Daddy. He is my Dom. He is the *only* man I have or will ever kneel before. He is the enticing sadist to whom I relinquish all control. He is the strong embrace in which I feel safest as I hide from the world. He is the metric against which I measure all men.....and not one adds up.
The last four years has been full of ups and downs but around every corner, he was there. He never had to be; he chose to be. I will never be able to repay him for the impact he has had on my life and the woman I now am.......but I will happily spend the rest of my life attempting to. Pleasing him truly pleases me.
Days like today, marking a significant milestone in our relationship, gives me pause as I reflect on the course of our relationship. The depth of our connection. The strength of my submission. The power of his dominance. The astronomical possibility of our ever finding one another in the first place. The compatibility. The friendship that blossomed in the midst of what I planned to be a strictly physical relationship. The trust. The adoration. The genuine respect. The depth of devotion. The limitless love.
And every time I pause and reflect.......I smile. It all began with "You've got mail."
Happy Anniversary, Sir. I love you beyond measure and far more than words could ever hope to express. The last 4 years of our life has been difficult at times but amazing none the less, I look forward to the next 4. Being yours has made me the woman I am today and I thank you for that. No man has ever made me weak in the knees when I was about to be pulled over his.......until I found you. Fate? Luck? Irrelevant.......all that matters is that we found one another.......and I could not be happier. XOXO