Fortune

February 7th, 2015


Mmmm.

I have always loved Chinese food.

And I even love the little cookies.

But now.......

I think I may feel oddly let down by fortunes I receive in the future. :)

Offensive?

11/23/2014


An accurate definition.

Submissive: One who finds empowerment through yielding to another.

Why, perhaps, do you think so many vanilla souls are offended by this label? Or the kink as a whole? Why should it bother anyone else what we choose to do in our personal relationships?

Every day when I log into my email & blog, I have numerous messages from strangers, lurkers and admirers alike. One message theme has stayed consistent throughout time......"your life offends me."

Huh? Really?

I must have missed the day that this blog became required or mandated reading in the lives of the rest of the planet.

Many things offend people, though I believe for the most part that our indignant society is trained to be offended far more often than is required by morals or ethics. I, personally, am offended often by Republican banter, Giants fans, and the mistreatment of children & animals. Rarely does a strangers' words, ideas or life offend me.

I'm not at all sure why my kink would offend someone is say.....Berlin......who does not know me personally, never will and is not forced to see, hear or read about my life. Good lord the threshold for offensive material has dropped dramatically.

If you personally do not want to have your ass spanked......then don't do it. If you don't wish to discover the yummy world of D/s.......then don't do it. If you're so offended by my life that you feel compelled to write to me.......DON'T DO IT.......and perhaps find a hobby.

Unless or until I am fucking livestock in Times Square while dressed as the Pope as school children watch........my life should not offend you! Grow up!

So Much for Being a Good Girl

10/12/2014


I do, in deed, need to be spanked. In fact, I alluded to that point just days ago in my blog post "Again. Hard. Again."

Perhaps my Daddy Dom is lurking on my blog?

Perhaps a spanko birdie whispered it into his ear?

Perhaps he just knows his little girl so well that his Dom-radar started squealing in high-pitched tones alerting him to this building need?

HOWEVER.........

I believe I made it perfectly, crystal clear in that entry that I need spanked for a number of very specific reasons! Those being: stress, time with Him and simply because it is a part of who I am and what I need to keep me balanced and happy.

I also incredibly clearly noted that I had *not* been naughty! I had not crossed any lines! I had not added any new offenses to my spotlessly clean Punishment List! I had not pushed any boundaries!

I, this evening, was told that I am going to be getting the spanking I so desperately need.......BUT it is NOT the spanking I want! Hmph!

During casual conversation with Daddy tonight via phone, I gave him some detail about something I had done/said a couple weeks back. I could quite literally hear his blood pressure sky-rocket. I knew immediately by the drastic drop in his tone that he was upset with me. His next sentence confirmed it..... "my hands are literally clenched into fists right now."  :( 

I was quiet and listened intently as he chastised my choice, tears slowly trickling down my face. My little heart was breaking; I truly hate when he gets this angry with me. It is rare that my Daddy calls me "stupid."

He mentioned nothing of repercussions and our call ended as positively as it could have, given the content of the discussion. Now, more than 2 hours later, he sends me an instant message to tell me I now have a new entry to add to my Punishment List for what I had done. Just as I begin to softly, respectfully protest this.....he slaps me across the face with: "and a 2nd entry for not telling me prior to now, also a repeat offense!"

I HATE THIS!!!

I tried to explain to him that the basis of this offense is something we covered in it's entirety at my punishment session just last week.....so truthfully, though he didn't yet know of this particular instance, it really has been covered and I really have been soundly spanked for it and I really did learn that lesson and he really does not need to repeat it again.

He doesn't agree.

So now we remain at the sucky impasse of agreeing to disagree.......with the caveat that whether or not I agree, I am still going to get my ass beat for it. Literally.

I haven't even had my nice, clean, empty Punishment List for double digits yet! Seriously, I am at only 8 days since my last punishment. I typically last much longer before soiling it again. And what really infuriates me is I truly *have* been a perfectly behaved good girl since my punishment......this incident happened weeks ago!

It is both frustrating and disheartening to see new offenses added to my list in such a short time following a hard punishment. It makes me feel like a failure.

Makes me question myself (i.e. "will I ever be good enough?").

Immediately impacts my entire outlook on my behavior (i.e. "you're already in trouble again, so no need to work toward good behavior, it's ruined now anyway.").

Makes me want to censor and want to edit. If I hadn't been so god damned honest during a casual conversation, I wouldn't now be in serious trouble.

Ughhh! I could just scream! Not that it would matter much any way, since he decided our conversation was over without even informing me, leaving me alone and upset and talking to my damn self!

So much for being a good girl.  :( 

Not For Children

 

 

 

 

 

09/15/2014


Unless you live under a rock, you no doubt heard this week about the NFL controversy regarding Viking's player Adrian Petersen and his "disciplining" his son. And, as happens so often mainstream media covers a story regarding corporal punishment, the insults and assumptions regarding TTWD pour in.

Allow me to express my opinion on the matter and differentiate child abuse from consensual adult spanking....okee dokee?

First, I have young children of my own and do not often tell other parents how to raise their child(ren); that being said, using a switch on a 4 year old is just wrong. I don't personally utilize corporal punishment in my parenting, though there are days I question that decision. But for someone to be brought up on child abuse charges in a state like TEXAS.....you had to have crossed the disciplinary line. And I don't think there is a sane human alive who could look at the pictures of the injuries to this little boy and not agree that his father was WAY out of line.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not saying a switch is a 'no go' implement overall. Quite the contrary, I think it is a wonderfully horrid implement......for grown naughty girls with strict daddies.

And pouting and whining will not likely help you out if you're sent to select your own switch.....particularly if you have a daddy like my own.

But again, I am in my late 20's so a switch is acceptable for disciplining me. A 4 year old.....perhaps take away his Sponge Bob?

Actually, now that I am thinking about it, being sent to cut your own switch is another of my love hate triggers in this fetish. I can easily distract myself in the process and drift off in my mind as my Daddy anxiously awaits my return with the dreaded implement.

But who could blame me for a few tiny stall tactics? As I run my hand over each option my mind will linger at the last moment in time I felt one bite into my flesh. I am constantly weighing my options, testing the flexibility, wanting to select a puny twig but knowing damn well I will be sent right back for another......or worse, he will take the task upon himself. Ughh. Decisions, decisions.......what's a girl to do?

Now, back to my reason for this post. If you have an errant 4 year old......parent them, nurture them and teach them right from wrong; that is your job after all. Remember at that age (before school) you are their *only* influence......so if you see undesirable behavior in them, perhaps you should take a closer look at yourself. You are also their role-model and right vs wrong compass......should you be teaching them that hitting in anger/frustration is acceptable behavior? None of us are perfect and I am not saying parenting is easy....far from it....but it is a responsibility you CHOSE!

On the other hand, if you have an errant grown daughter who definitely knows what is right but opts for what is wrong.....then by all means, send her to select a switch and wear it out on her naughty little bottom.

As with the switch, I also must admonish the use of any of the following on an errant child under the age of consent:

Recap.........

Beating 4 year old babies with switches because you lack patience.......bad idea.

Beating full grown brats with whatever implement is closest when they intentionally test your patience.......wonderful idea. (Do *not* quote me on this, Sir)

 

Under A Rock

07/26/2014

Unless you happen to live under a rock, there is no way you made it through this week without noting that the trailer has been released for the upcoming, Fifty Shades of Grey, movie. And of course every under-fucked soccer mom in America is anxiously awaiting the full movie set to open in February 2015.

While I have no problem with people indulging in this film, the trilogy of books, etc.......I do have an issue with the stereotypes so clearly evident in this "literature".......and the fact that the world is buying into the negative connotations thrown at people in the REAL world of D/s, BDSM, DD, TTWD.

I, out of curiosity, read the trilogy of books. I had an open mind and was hopeful that it would be written accurately and depict our kink in a positive light.....as so many others have failed to do......2002's The Secretary comes to mind. Ughh.

What I found was poorly written "vanilla logic" used to explain why BDSM exists. Note, naturally, poor Mr. Grey just *had* to have something 'wrong' with him in order to be a Dom. He had to have serious psychological issues which he repressed and masked by seeking to control naïve young women. Because this would sooo naturally explain his inner sadist.

Oh and not to mention poor Anastasia. She was young, insecure, naïve and oh-so trusting. And she naturally fell head over heels in love with this man (or his money) and was tricked into submission. WTF? Really???

Why does there have to be a 'reason' or an 'explanation' for why we indulge in our kink? Why do we have to have a justification? Is the world truly that blind?

I get that not everyone is going to understand, per se, why some people enjoy inflicting pain and others love receiving it. But perhaps, since you don't understand it or have a grasp on it, you should NOT write about it as the facts of the matter.

Disgusting.

True, there are MANY in this kink who have psychological issues......and those of us who are responsible, avoid them like the plague. But the majority of us 'spankos', 'sadists', 'masochists', etc are perfectly N-O-R-M-A-L human beings. We are educated, have successful careers, loving families, we pay our taxes, we coach our kid's sports teams, we live right next door to you and you'd never even suspect.

My Dom is an amazing man. Yes, he has a penchant for disciplining his naughty girls and has a darker inner sadist that I adore having the privilege of provoking in scene.......but he truly is one of the best men I have ever met in my life. Incredibly warm, well-spoken, gorgeous, caring, a doting father, an amazing and loving man. As far as being psychologically 'deviant'......I pause to laugh here.....the man is about as on-base and even-keeled as they come. Perfectly N-O-R-M-A-L!

I, on the other hand, am an entirely different story when it comes to "normal."  :)

Throughout the books, the sex was great......who doesn't want to have their hair pulled as they're fucked like there will be no tomorrow? Aside from the sex, it was literary vomit. And I do not know how many times any self-respecting author can repeat his or herself in a single chapter. I do not think I could possibly count the times I scanned the phrase "inner goddess" throughout the three books. I, personally, know a more talented literary genius in the form of a 16 year old CHILD.

Another *way off base* aspect she writes of is punishment. Did ANY of you NOT laugh hysterically when she imagined the "worst possible punishment" Mr. Grey would inflict upon his new submissive was 6 swats with a belt??? I could have choked reading that chapter. On what planet does this woman reside? For fuck's sake, at least visit a scene club to get an idea of a true punishment for your book, lady. I would love to see the expression on my Daddy's face if I told him that when I displease him, he is *only* allowed to give me 6 swats.......with any damn implement.

I try not to be judgmental, but I am also incredibly protective of those people and things that are close to my heart. There was no way I could *not* be critical of this Fifty Shades phenomenon. If you want to write about kinky sex, then label it as such. If you want to write about REAL D/s, BDSM, TTWD then do your research, talk with those of us who live this every day.

And lastly, if you want to work on "explaining" the "why" behind a kink........leave us spankos alone........go find out why some people get off fucking kids, others screw corpses, and still more are raping Chihuahuas! Those kinks are deviant and need explained........me getting off by kneeling before my Dom or submitting to him whipping my ass......not so much. And I *promise* you, the world is a MUCH better place *because* I am spanked.

And in case you do live under a rock........here is the trailer:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4nJX8snP4s

Oh Joy...Anonymity

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I Am A What???

09/18/2013

Now, I am not a thin-skinned girl. 

I don't take offense to many things.

I've been called all sorts of things in my life:

• Bitch (stop giggling and pretend to be shocked). 
• Heartless (I do have a heart.....whether it is two sizes too small is yet to be determined).
• Stupid (stupid girls don't get into med school).
• Arrogant (you might have me there).

You get the idea. Lots of cute, sweet, endearing labels applied by clearly innocent, intuitive, well-meaning human beings just reaching out to brighten my day or point my wayward lil self down the right path......VIA BLOGGER!  :)  

Now, again, not much makes me pause to take offense.........but today, I paused to laugh until I nearly pissed my pants. Let me share this newest pearl of wisdom with you all, my friends:

***Drumroll please***

Miss Imp,

I'd like to tell you that I am praying for your soul and salvation. You are truly a demon. This savagery you partake in is against God's will. If you do not turn from your wicked ways, I am afraid that you and your Daddy are headed straight for Hell. Those ever-burning embers are beckoning each of you that participates in this disturbing trend of spanking. I am outraged and disturbed every time I read this blog. I lose sleep over this growing concern I have for your souls. Please lay down the paddles and pick up a Bible, before it is too late.

Anonymous Reader

I simply could not refuse to address this heart-warming letter of deep concern.  :)  

You know how some things in life are layered so perfectly that indulging in them is next to impossible? Like phenomenal foreplay followed by mind-blowing orgasmic sex.........or an Oreo cookie dipped in crunchy peanut butter. Unavoidable bliss............this message is *exactly* like that for me (I apologize to Oreo).  :) Allow me to walk you all through my layer by layer enjoyment of this message. 

• "I'd like to tell you that I am praying for your soul and salvation."  :  Isn't this sweet? I have no idea who you are and yet you mention me by name to your God? Adorable, really......a bit creepy.....but adorable, none the less. Please don't be offended to discover that I *never* think of you. 
• "You are truly a demon."  :  This statement nearly made me piss my pants. I have been called many things in life, but a DEMON??? Really??? I am truly flattered. 
• "This savagery you partake in is against God's will. "  :  First, I kind of get off on 'savagery.' Second, my kink is against God's will?? Really?? I try to be a reasonable person, but since I don't have God's cell phone number I guess I will take your word for this........but if I may say so um respectfully (cough cough) doesn't you God have bigger concerns?? Starving children in Africa perhaps? Horrific, debilitating diseases? Global warming? Republicans in Congress? 
• "If you do not turn from your wicked ways, I am afraid that you and your Daddy are headed straight for Hell. "  :  Promise?? You mean it?? (jumping up & down doing my happy dance) I truly thought it would be harder to earn my membership in Hell......I am sooo relieved. Here is the problem with that threat.......condemning a masochist to an eternity of torture at the hands of sadistic tormentors is no threat at all. :) I'd pay admittance to this kind of thing. I do so hope that my Daddy and I get to buy real estate in the same cul-de-sac in Hell so he can come and go at his leisure to torture me......often. 
• "Those ever-burning embers are beckoning each of you that participates in this disturbing trend of spanking."  :  You are talented, my friend. Maybe Hell will commission you to write the travel brochures. Using words like "beckoning" is sure to gain interest. :)  You're marketing this place to sound like an elusive resort or exclusive country club. Oh and footnote......spanking isn't exactly a 'trend'......it may be a verb, a noun, an adjective, a hobby, a lifestyle, a kink.......but not a 'trend' per se......."we" existed L-O-N-G before 50 Shades was ever written.
•  "I am outraged and disturbed every time I read this blog. "  :  Oooh here's a thought.....STOP reading this blog! I mean I enjoy the numbers and everything but I don't want to be responsible for outraging and disturbing such a disturbed....err I mean....lovely individual. :)
• "I lose sleep over this growing concern I have for your souls."  :  Unisom.....try some Unisom....you'll sleep like a baby. Besides, you need to be well-rested and at your best to focus on my soul.....it's a lil demon....errr.....devil.....um or.....oh screw it. 
• "Please lay down the paddles and pick up a Bible, before it is too late."  :  Literary gold! This is clearly bumper sticker material!!! Wait, wait, wait......I'm confused......aren't you religious types the "spare the rod" group? Oy vey! Now back to your suggestion.......I looked at a Bible and I suppose it is heavy enough that it might sting my bottom if exchanged for a paddle.......but I'll be hard-pressed to convince my Dom that I oughta be punished with paper implements. 
• "Anonymous Reader"  :  Ah yes, the miracles of technology.....virtually reaching out to touch strangers from the comfortable compartments of your diluted mind and being afforded the luxury of doing so with the protection of your anonymity. God Bless America.......and Google. :) 

Now I am not entirely certain what planet this lunatic fell from, but their email was truly hysterical. I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard........and hell yes I nearly peed my pants........wouldn't you?  :)  

If any other crazed reader wishes to pray for my soul......please make sure you refer to me as "the Irish Imp Demon" when you pray to your God so he knows who I am. :) Also, pray for my salvation when you're well rested; sleep does a body good. And lastly, after such prayers, do not send me mail or comments like the above.......why? I DON'T CARE! Not trying to be mean, but I am not a religious girl.....so I don't give a shit what you or your God think about me getting my ass whipped. :)  Capice? 

Now, perhaps I am wrong. Maybe there is a God. I figure it is a 50/50 chance and I am winning either way:

#1: There is no God and I am RIGHT (reward in and of itself.....I love being right)

~~~OR~~~

#2: I am wrong, there is a God, I lived my life pissing him off and now I get a 1st class ticket to Hell (Torture? Check! Torment? Check! Pain? Check!.........Sign me up!) 

Yours Truly,

Irish Imp Demon :)

PS. Is *this* one of the holy men who preach the word of the "God" to which you refer? Just curious :) 

Horrific Weekend

09/05/13

**If you're squeamish, turn away now.**

This is a blog post detailing an assault that occurred this weekend. I (your beloved Irish Imp....author of this blog) was attacked and stabbed. My young son was with me and saw this happen. Thoughts sent our way for a speedy recovery are greatly appreciated. 

I made it through emergency surgery to remove the 6 inch blade from my stomach. I am surrounded by close family, friends, and my perfectly amazing Daddy Dom. I'm getting stronger every day and am just determined to get out of this hospital, back to normal and seek justice. Keep us in your thoughts please.

I will be back to blog missing punishment sessions very soon I promise. 

Thank you all in advance for your kind words of encouragement, thoughts, prayers, etc. You all truly are my extended family and I really appreciate your concern and constant support. Our DD/Ds community is amazing and I am honored to call you friends/family. No worrying.....I am "Wonder Woman" and will bounce back quickly, I am sure......just wanted to keep you all in the loop (as I know some of you geographically close have heard this happened and are scared to death) and assure you that I am and will be fine. 

Love...........

Imp

"Loving Correction" Discovered.....OMG

08/30/2013

Talk about embarrassing. OMG! Daddy & I spent the day together today addressing new entries on my Punishment List.......some of them repeat lessons (never a good thing for my bottom). I will of course blog the entire punishment soon but thought I'd share the absolutely humiliating post-session happenings.

Ughhh. I don't embarrass easily.......and I am quite proud to share my spanko-ness & D/s relationship details with anyone who might inquire about this very vital facet of my life........but every once in a while, my "secret" is let out of the bag in a completely unexpected circumstance that catches me off guard and leaves me blushing furiously, turning my face as vibrant red as my hair or properly punished bare bottom........this is one such event.

One of the 5 offenses Dad punished me for today was my swearing. It's been a while since he has had to punish me for this offense. In the beginning, literally every session had a language lesson incorporated because I was horrible about cursing; but over the last year it has vastly improved. Unfortunately, the past few months of stress has seen me revert back to swearing frequently.......so Dad chose to punish me for it. And aside from spanking me good & hard for it, he decided he would also wash my mouth out with soap. 

YUCK! 

The swearing punishment was at the end of our session. I was paddled OTK with soap in my mouth, then strapped over the bed with it in my mouth & finally stood in the corner with it in my mouth before Daddy finally let me take it out. My mouth was burning and I was ready to promise I'd never utter another swear as long as I live. We spent a good half hour together talking post-punishment and realized my lips had begun to swell. I attributed it to the length of time the soap was in my mouth (about 20 minutes total) and just disregarded it. 

The swelling persisted and I began having difficulty breathing.......I knew immediately I was having an allergic reaction, just no idea to what in particular, but I gave myself my Epi-pen injection and rushed to the hospital in case my throat did close. 

FIRST I had to explain why I had soap in my mouth.......talk about embarrassing right? Not hardly as much as what happened next.......

I didn't respond to the initial injection so the ER staff had to give me another dose of epinephrine, which is an intramuscular injection administered into the thigh or bottom/hip. The nursing staff & doctors saw my freshly punished bottom.......bruising, welts.....the works. My face turned as red as my bottom & thighs were. 

I work in medicine and we have to be mindful of things like domestic violence so we always ask about unusual bruising, marks, etc. So naturally a nurse asks......the conversation went like this:

Nurse:  "Oh my goodness. Are you okay? Honey what happened to your butt?"
Me:  "I'm fine. What does it look like?"
Nurse:  "It looks like you got your ass beat."
Me:  "Well, there's your answer."
Nurse:  "Honey are you a battered wife?"
Me:  "Nope, just a properly punished daughter."
Nurse:  "What? Why?"
Me:  "My Daddy has a problem with my texting & driving and swearing."
                              ***Nurse is now blushing as much as I am***
Doctor:  "You're lucky. More girls need father's like yours."

And yes for all of those concerned......I am perfectly fine, I promise. Daddy has washed my mouth out before and there's never been a problem......so unfortunately for me, I can not convince the man I am allergic to mouth-soaping. :)  What happened was the bar soap the hotel uses was a "milk & honey" moisture bar......I am highly allergic to bees.......apparently honey intended for use in soaps is not filtered nearly as well as that intended for human consumption. Lesson learned.........and I pray I never need medical care in that city again! 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!E-M-B-A-R-R-A-S-S-I-N-G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Twisted? Hardly.....LOL

06/29/2013

So recently a negative article was written regarding domestic discipline or D/s relationships. The literary vomit inspired many daytime talk shows and late night comics to broach the subject of how "twisted" we all are. I typically ignore the media hype and crazy blog lurkers who have clearly never been lectured on the importance of "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all."  :)  But this time I just have to open my big damn mouth. Enjoy!

I imagine to the straight-laced people who feel they have the right to judge us (because God knows they've never done anything outside the normal scope) we are a perplexing population.......GOOD! I am flattered to know that you spend so much of your time attempting to analyze me when I couldn't give a shit less about you. :)

I've been a spanko since I can remember; I personally think we are born this way......it's in our DNA. Whether your niche is BDSM, or more erotic spanking or strictly discipline......you didn't learn to be this way, it's an innate quality.  :)  I have been in both DD and D/s relationships and it annoys me that these "journalists" would write something so one-sided and based on blatant ignorance. 

If you are curious or have a question......ask us......most of us have no issue explaining our extra curricular activities. But stop trash-talking like a Yankees fan in Fenway Park. We really aren't all that "twisted" at all. We are normal people, we pay our taxes, work in respectable fields, sit on the same PTA you do. If you don't like my lifestyle......you're entitled to your opinion.....personally, I just think you need spanked......and I am entitled to my opinion too.  :)  

Of all the destructive things we could do to ease stress, I would think spanking between consenting adults would be harmless. We could be alcoholics.....or chronic gamblers.....drug addicts. Oh wait.....those are 'normal' afflictions, right? 

And for f#ck's sake, stop calling me a "victim" or "battered woman"........I promise I am a willing participant in my own life and am a victim to no one. There are HUGE differences between domestic violence and domestic discipline......I'd elaborate, but I imagine you closed-minded idiots wouldn't understand my use of big words.  :)  I am not "abused".......and if I am, I like it. Analyze that. 

Also keep in mind while you worry about how "screwed up" we are, that there are hundreds of people in this country who fuck livestock......that oughta keep your analytical minds preoccupied long enough to leave us the hell alone. Hopefully this enlightening post has helped you to realize that some of us just really need to be paddled on a regular basis........or we open our oppressed little mouths and insult your intelligence (or lack there of).  :)  

I Bet He Never Thought He'd Say________!

I have written several times about my own surprise throughout my relationship with Professor. The man I originally expected to be the strict, demanding disciplinarian that I needed.....but over time has become so much more to me. Mentor, father, parenting coach, motivator.....friend. 

But I imagine our relationship has provided him with a few surprises along the way as well. I am certain that on Day #1......Professor *never* thought he would have to say the following. :) Enjoy!

She Said: "Spitting isn't very lady like."
He Said: "Neither is kicking a psychos ass, I am not raising ladies."

He Said: "I get the bathing (I think) - baking?"
She Said: "Not baking my dogs. Baking her cake and bathing the dogs."
He Said: "Oh I parsed that sentence as having baked wieners."

She Said: "Hey it's election day, shouldn't you be arguing with the Republican in-laws?"
He Said: "Giving medical dictates to you is infinitely more fun."

She Said: "I've had a migraine for two days now."
He Said: "I could spank your bottom so it hurts worse than your head, would that help?"
She Said: "That's very sweet of you, Sir."

He Said: "I'll be back online later."
She Said: "Promise?"
He Said: "I aint sausage-finger peckin on my damn phone."

She Said: "It's gotta make you proud to hear that your brat is a murderer."
He Said: "The only thing you murder is car transmissions when fixing tires."

She Said: "I am kind of winging this whole parenting thing but I am relatively confident that my son wont drink from gas pumps."
He Said: "Just attempt to fly."

She Said: "Aladdin wants an apology for him and his camel."
He Said: "You will apologize to the camel, young lady."

She Said: "French manicure then?"
He Said: "I know of french toast, fries and kisses. I don't know or care to know of the manicures, young lady."

She Said: "How was the play?"
He Said: "I could have rented a room instead and spanked you for 90 minutes with a Christmas hat on your head......better use of my time and money."


Professor makes me laugh a lot......and I *almost* pity the man for having to put up with me.....almost! :) 

Public Service Announcement

I will preface this public service announcement by saying that it takes A LOT to shock me. Working in emergency medicine grants me the privilege of seeing some rather 'strange' things. I enjoy the adrenaline rush of my career and the occasional "What the hell were you thinking?" moments it brings about.....and I typically, as a rule, try not to judge other people. I'm relatively skilled at keeping a straight face.....in fact that is what got me in this predicament today in the first place......my ability to keep a straight face. **sighs**

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

If you are going to walk into a public building (i.e. hospital) dressed from head to toe in an animal costume, refer to a restroom as a "litterbox", insist to me that you ate Friskies for breakfast and have your significant other explain to me that you need medical care because you keep "coughing up hairballs"........

It should NOT surprise you that I laugh in your face! It should not surprise you that I ask if you're spayed or neutered! It should not surprise you that I recommend a veterinary hospital as opposed to you wasting my freaking time! 

As I said, it takes a lot to shock me......today accomplished that feat and then some! What the hell is wrong with some people??? I am told there is an entire "subculture" of these "Furries" and upon googling the term, I am more shocked than I originally was at the 'cat' patient I saw this morning. I rarely feel my time is wasted and I truly enjoy helping people.....but I imagine my 4 year old son could have accurately found the 'illness' from which the feline-human suffered......DON'T CONSUME FREAKING CAT FOOD, GENIUS!!!  

I wonder if I'll be in trouble for not keeping my mouth shut and remaining professional? I sure hope not....re-living this incident in a lecture would surely bring about more giggles and smart ass commentary. :) 

I need a drink! And again, a muzzle might not be a bad idea!

Choking on Sprite....lol

Yeah....no fun.....and I do not ever recommend it! Way too much carbonation in the nose....yuck.

Now.....what happened to make me choke on my Sprite? Glad you asked......here it goes. :)

I went out to dinner with friends last night to catch up and get some adult time. My girlfriend Leann from work had invited her Top to join us. Cute, right? Well he is actually a pretty cool guy so we didn't mind at all. Anyway, in the middle of some political rant, Leann cursed. It was pretty obvious that she was getting heated and annoyed with our co-worker Jeff who is a little too far to the right for Leann's liking. (FYI....this is why you should NOT discuss politics at work!).

Her dinner date and coincidentally, her Disciplinarian, Chris gave her a look. She continued. The next time she swore, he glared at her and added, "Leann, watch your mouth." I have no idea what she was thinking....perhaps she was possessed.....she snapped back at him, "Oh shut the f&ck up!"

The Sprite I was drinking at the moment, decided not to go down my throat but rather up into my nose.

Everyone at the table just sort of froze, looking from her to him and from him to her. The silence was deafening. Finally she said, "My bad" and the conversation started up again like this had not even happened.

I was dumbfounded. I can not even begin to imagine what the reaction from a certain perfectly strict, spank-happy Disciplinarian would be if his red-headed angel had said the same thing to him. In public or not, I can promise you he would not even consider taking "my bad" as atonement. OMG!

I am very rarely rendered speechless......I know, I know, you so cant believe that.....lol. This little exchange left me speechless. I had to have looked like a deer in headlights. I am not even sure who I was more shocked at to be perfectly honest with you. Her for saying something so outright disrespectful to him, or him for seeming to brush it off without even an apology.

I suppose their dynamic is FAR different from mine & Professor's. I would NEVER and I do very sincerely mean N-E-V-E-R say something like that in front of my Disciplinarian......let alone direct it at him. And really, the reason I wouldn't dare talk to him like that isn't even really because of what his reaction might be.....well, maybe a little bit....honestly, I wouldn't ever speak like that to him because I respect him far too much to be so vulgar and blatantly disrespectful toward him. I just couldn't do it......in public, in private, on the phone, sending up smoke signals....lol.....I could not do it.

One Born Every Minute :)

04/22/2009

Wow! OMG! What a night. Me and several of my girlfriends went out for drinks, as we do most weeks, after getting off of work just past midnight. Just time to socialize, unwind from the day, vent our stresses, meet each other's significant others, etc.

 

So anyway, a new girl joined us tonight and her boy-toy met us at the bar we frequent. She is a relatively new co-worker to us, has been working with us about 4 months now and we have decided she is 'normal' enough to join our little clique. :) Yes, we can be pretty picky bitches. :) We just work with enough psychos that we dont want to socialize with them after work....lol.

 

So 'Cara' heads straight from the hospital to The Cave with all of us; her man Josh is supposed to meet us there. We get there all about the same time as the few significant others who are accompaning us and get a few tables pushed together, place our orders, etc. We have our usual 'bitch fit' session about the jerks we work with, frustrating patients, etc. We are all having a decent time, enjoying the company, ordering a second round of drinks and then a third.

 

Out of like nowhere Cara decides she is pissed at Josh. No one knows why at first, but everyone can see her glaring at him and the sarcasm in her voice when she says 'honey' is pretty darn evident. We all attempt to mind our own business and ignore their little lover's spat.....but they are at our table so it is a bit hard. Cara is raising her voice now, practically screaming at Josh for "undressing the waitress with his eyes". Other patrons are staring, as is security staff. She continues berrating him and cursing him and attacking everything personally about this man. We are all surprised.

 

This girl is like Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde! Then she starts to attempt to get us to join in with this male-bashing. "Dont you guys think he is being disrespectful to me?" I fight back my urge to laugh at that.....him???? Josh is sitting there......apologizing to this girl.....and taking all of her attacking like this is normal! Im not sure who had the bigger issue. Thank God we were all close to ready to leave anyway and this only hurried our efforts.

 

A few colleagues and I rode together when leaving and we were just dumbfounded. "What is wrong with her?" Sheryl asks rhetorically. "What is wrong with him?" I add. Sheryl asks, "What do you mean?" A good amount of my good friends and colleagues know I am a spanko girl, but not all of them and at times like this, I usually dont think through my responses or maybe I just dont care because I know Im right.

 

"What do I mean? What is wrong with him? Why would any man sit there like a dog and let his girl talk at him like that? In public no less! How can anyone be so demeaning to someone they love? But how can he allow her to act like that and not only allow it but accept it?" Im fuming. "Well she wasn't exactly giving him much option to shut her up. Poor guy, everytime he tried to speak she just cut him off." Sheryl adds sounding so concerned for poor Josh having to go home with Cara. "Option? Everyone has the option to refuse to allow another person to attack them. You know what he should have done? He should have taken her by the arm and brought her out to the parking lot and whipped her pretty little butt.....thats what he should have done.....that would have been a nice option Sheryl."

 

"She isnt a child Natalie. He cant just spank her or he would go to jail for domestic violence." I laughed again. "Oh he cant? God I wish someone would have sent that 'cant spank your wife' memo to my husband. I would have *never* even contemplated speaking to him like that, in public or not. I would have probably gotten 2 words out of my mouth and the discussion would have been over. Josh needs to stand up for himself and teach Cara a lesson in respect." Sheryl starts to laugh now too and says, "You know, maybe you should email him your thoughts. Serves her right."

 

One born every minute ;)

SOOO Embarassing

03/31/2012


So yesterday I had a punishment spanking session with Professor. Somehow when scheduling this appointment, I either forgot or didnt care, that I had a gynecological procedure today! Less than 24 hours after being spanked good and hard, I was going to be laying half naked on a table being poked and prodded. How did this slip my mind????

So I am completely oblivious laying there making small talk and my doctor says, "Natalie, what happened to your bottom?" I'm still oblivious and say, "Why what do you mean?" She says, "It looks like you got your butt beat." Ok.....that snaps me back to reality. OMG! I have to be turning every shade of red right now and say, "Yep, well there is your answer."

She seems to reassure herself by saying, "Oh, rough sex?" I laugh for a moment and correct her, "Nope, just a spanking." She is perplexed but can not seem to let this go. "God, why? What for?" I'm fighting the urge to laugh now at the concern in her tone of voice. "Well because I deserved it and I needed it." She is speechless. The other physician in the room isnt and chimes in now, more than a bit surprised, "You? Really? I can see for sure how you would deserve it, but I would have never imagined you would accept a spanking." I laugh again, praying someone changes the subject......I mean this situation is already embarrassing enough.....even if I am a nurse and do know these two personally......this is just awkward! He adds a "Wow......just never would have guessed." I laughed and replied, "Learn something new everyday. How bout them Bruins?" :)

Thanks Professor!!!

Are You Kidding Me???

03/20/2012


Okay so I am in Wal-Mart with my almost 4yr old son today and he sees other kids throwing tantrums to get their way and their ignorant parents (who BTW shouldn't have ever been allowed to reproduce in the first place) are totally feeding into this nonsense and rewarding their bratty behavior. So, seeing the success, my son decides he will too, be a brat in public. Ummm.....NOPE.....Not gonna happen kid.

I tell him to knock it off, he continues. I use his full name, he pauses but continues. After the third time, I'm fed up and swat his butt.....he knocks it off and starts to behave like a civilized child. This woman, who by the way has her brat cursing her in public, scolds me!!! She tells me I am lucky someone hasn't called the police on me!!! Are you freaking kidding me??? I tell her, "Go ahead. It's not illegal to spank your child, it is illegal to beat them. And if it were illegal to smack his butt.....I'd rather go to jail for spanking him than have him go to jail because I didn't."

The tone of my voice and look on my face would have told most people they weren't going to win this argument......but not this woman. I'll give her props for courage.....remember my comment about IGNORANT parents?? Yep, this one falls into that category. She snaps back at me, "Well you can't just beat your kid in a store." Now......ordinarily I would have lost it and attacked this idiot verbally.......but.......luckily for HER.....just 4 days ago I had a session with Professor. A punishment spanking session.......a very thorough session and my bottom is still tender enough to make me think twice. So I smiled at her and walked away.......thinking the entire time "Beat????? Are you kidding me????? I swatted him once! If that is being beaten, good God you should have seen what happened to my poor bottom Friday!!!"  :)