Submission Is.......

What, specifically, is submission?

I tend to categorize my answer to this question into two separate things:

1. Obedience aka Reactive Submission
2. Surrender aka Proactive Submission

Category #1 is self-explanatory. It encompasses all of the "yes, Sir" and "no, Sir" and following instructions, abiding by rules, protocol, maintaining position, etc. It is in direct response to what He says/does/wants.

Category #2 is quite a bit more nuanced.

It was waking up every day and asking myself what I could do to please Him that day.

It was making note of his favorite things, important dates, preferred foods, friends/family, routines.

It was hearing Him say that he needed a doctor or lawyer, and me finding him the best in the field and scheduling the appointment.

It was knowing that 'starting over' was difficult for Him, and changing my schedule to go view properties with him.

It was attending his professional events or athletic events he coached simply to support Him.

It was knowing logistics overwhelm Him, and ensuring I found, purchased and delivered literally everything he would need for a new home from each piece of furniture to the linens to the silverware to the rugs to the artwork.

It was decorating together, rearranging furniture together, holding the ladder as he hung the curtains I picked out, staining blind rods together.

It was sensing His hesitance to his new life alone, and finding photographs of His mother and His children and framing them for Him to hang in his new home.

It was encouraging Him to visit his family, for the first time in almost a decade, and paying to upgrade his seat on the flight and arranging parking away from the busy airport for convenience.

It was making sure his holidays were exactly what He wanted, not what others expected.

It was "hiding" an important part of my kink experience to make him happy.

It was listening to Him vent about work or marriage or child rearing concerns.

It was spending 2-3 hours each week cleaning His home and preparing meals for the coming week so He could relax after work and have edible dinners.

It was hearing how sick he was, dropping everything and rushing to take care of him. It was cleaning up the vomit off the floor, coaxing medication & fluids into him, staying awake all night to watch Him and going to work the next day knowing he felt better.

It was helping Him find the 'right' gift for his wife when he hadn't a clue.

It was seeing his sadness when he unpacked his childhood sock monkey his mother made him and seeing it was falling apart.....knowing I sucked at sewing and offering to fix it for him because I knew how much it meant to him. I may have stabbed my own finger 1000 times, but his sock monkey was repaired.

It was laying quietly over his lap while he watched baseball.........although I hate baseball.

It was cutting off toxic friendships at his direction and not questioning it......simply trusting he would only do what was best for me.

It was knowing he wanted a prison strap and finding an authentic one to gift him.

It was asking him to teach me to do something new and committing to learning to do it.

It was watching him take care of everyone other than himself and making him my priority.

It was knowing he hated to shop, so I shopped for a new wardrobe and shoes for him.

It was trying to anticipate his needs or wants.

It was truly growing, learning and maturing under his guidance.

Physical acquiescence isn't all there is to submission.......

Submission is.......so much more

Lyrical Kink

Perhaps it's because I am a hard-wired spanko, or maybe I just have an eclectic taste in music, but I can find D/s or BDSM-themed lyrics in oh so many songs :) Below are some of my favorite.......feel free to share your own kink songs/lyrics!

"I want you to be my keeper......but not if you are so reckless........"

"You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And you say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours"

"Before I put another notch in my lipstick case, you better make sure you put me in my place. Hit me with your best shot"

"Cause I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me"

"You see these shackles, baby
I'm your slave
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave
It's just that no one makes me feel this way"

"It's you, babe
And I'm a sucker for the way that you move, babe
And I could try to run, but it would be useless
You're to blame
Just one hit of you, I knew I'll never be the same"

"Pain without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all"

"You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me, and take my hand
When the lights go out, you'll understand"

"Once you put your hand in the flame, You can never be the same,
There’s a certain satisfaction, In a little bit of pain"

"I’m dominant by definition, I’m turned on by your submission,
The dark side is how we’ve been living, Let me show you what you’ve been missing"

"Dominated, humiliated, hear my command
immobilized, tranquilized, obey my demand."

"Domination’s the name of the game, In bed or in life they’re both just the same
Except in one you’re fulfilled, At the end of the day"

"I wanna be your dominated love slave, I wanna be the one who takes the pain
You can spank me when I do not behave, "

"I will dress you in constraints, with the promises of pain, let me show you what I can,
I will tie you to a chair, kiss your neck and pull you hair,"

"Some of them want to use you, Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you, Some of them want to be abused"

Sharing Is Caring.....My Thoughts on Poly

Poly isn't everyone's cup of kink, and I respect that. If it offends you, move along.

I, personally, have never had an issue sharing my Top/Dom/Disciplinarian. I think it is egotistical at best and delusional at worst to believe that any one person can meet and fulfill all the needs of any other person entirely. This is why my thoughts on monogamous marriage are less than traditional.......ah I digress......that's the topic of another entry.

We all have our "people" in life that meet different needs for us. Different relationships meeting different needs. Parents, friends, colleagues, romantic partners, siblings, kink partners, etc. Human beings are social creatures. We are all capable of loving, caring for and committing to numerous relationships with numerous people at the same time.

Similar to a parent with more than one child, each relationship is as unique as the individuals involved. You love out of separate accounts.

If navigated appropriately, poly kink relationships can be phenomenal. The health of one relationship only strengthens the next relationship and the next. Unfortunately, not everyone is capable of or understanding of poly kink relationships.

Honesty is paramount! Not simply to your partners, but also to yourself.

Don't convince yourself you have the capacity to fully love, guide, lead, support 6 different submissives if you truly don't. Particularly if you're in a power exchange relationship and encouraging submission, you choosing not to be honest with yourself or your partners is likely to emotionally devastate one or more people who look to you for guidance.

Don't compare the relationships or partners. Every human being is different, every connection is different and every relationship is different........its truly apples to oranges, so don't make comparisons and turn it into a competition..........they should be entirely separate yet complimentary relationships.

Be patient. Not everyone adjusts to this dynamic overnight. If you're patient and open with your partners you can create an amazing poly kink dynamic. If you hide it or rush it or force it you are just going to truly hurt people who love you.

Don't insult one partner by saying "you're just jealous of relationship #1" simply because they're asking you about changes or challenges in relationship #2.

Similarly, don't put that burden of responsibility on partner #1 by saying "partner #2 and #3 are jealous of you." Its cruel to make someone feel responsible for something over which they have no control.

Don't insult one relationship to another partner. Assuming we "want to hear" that our relationship is the best/most important/most valued...........you're really just making us wonder what you're saying about our relationship with you to your other partners behind our backs. If you're insulting one partner to another, we know you're insulting all of us.

Don't minimize or lie about how much you care about another partner. We are happy if you are happy..........there is no competition here. Downplaying or hiding another partner by saying things like "oh she's just a playmate, not my sub" or "oh she's just a girl I knew years ago" makes us wonder what else you're lying to us about when we find out the truth. Being honest upfront about your poly kink is not only right, it will also help you avoid hurt feelings and lost trust.

Don't sacrifice quantity for quality. I assure you that we would rather see you once a month and have an amazing kink experience versus seeing you every week and you being exhausted and overwhelmed cheating us out of what could have been a great time. Particularly if we've historically always had amazing disciplinary scenes with you and now our kink is some last minute after thought rushed in at the end of an evening. I can promise you we'd rather see you less often and know our time together is mutually beneficial versus feeling like we are a chore.

Don't openly talk to partner #2 about all of the amazing kink scenes you're dying to live out with partner #1.........when you're only giving partner #2 whatever energy you have left at 9pm on a Friday after working all week.

Don't shame a partner for being emotional simply because they "were never emotional before". And don't assume it has anything to do with your other relationships. Just listen and support your partner(s). Not everyone is comfortable sharing emotion........if we are sharing emotion, it's because we trust you........don't violate that.

Everyone is capable of making mistakes........several mistakes........particularly where emotion is concerned. Yes, even you, Mr Dom are capable of making mistakes. Acknowledge them! Don't justify them with "I did/said that because I didn't want to hurt you". We probably already know you didn't want to hurt us........but guess what, Derp......you did, so own it, apologize sincerely and learn from it.

Don't belittle us for feeling hurt by your words/actions. Emotion is not logic and insulting a person's emotions is insensitive and devastating to the person who loved & trusted you enough to share those emotions.

Being comfortable with another person is great but the same as men complain about the "wife who gained 30 lbs and never wore makeup after the wedding"......don't just stop caring or trying with one partner.........they will notice.......and intentionally or not, you're sending the message that "you're just not important enough for my effort".

Don't insist one partner help find you new "playmates" if you're then going to hold them accountable if the new prospects don't work out. You're sending the message that your current partner doesn't matter and your relationship is contingent upon them finding you "new toys". And holding anyone responsible for the actions of others simply isn't fair.

Don't micromanage side connections between your various partners. If you're not comfortable with your partners talking to one another then either A) you don't trust your partners or B) you're concerned what they each may find out if they speak outside of your presence. "Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing."

Let's be honest.......whether your kink relationships are overtly sexual or not, there are underlying erotic undertones.......don't get so comfortable with a partner that you've been with for a long period of time that you stop caring or trying to fuel their kink fantasies. Relationships are not one sided. Relationships take work. If your partner is putting in effort to their attire, hair and appearance to be pleasing to you.......but you show up in your pajamas or sweatpants.......you're sending a very clear message of "I don't care enough to try for you anymore."

Don't expect one partner to excuse your behavior, explain your choices or apologize for your mistakes to another partner. I assure you that if you'd just acknowledge and apologize to all involved yourself it would be received far better than having sub #3 explain to sub #1 why you did or said something wrong.

Communication is key to every relationship in life. Don't lie about your own thoughts, feelings or struggles. If you need support........allow your partners to help you! Don't say the crap response of "nothing is wrong. Everything is great" when you're asked "what's wrong?". Its bullshit and we know it is bullshit.

Poly kink can be truly amazing for all involved if given the care, concern and transparency it demands. Unfortunately, it can be emotionally devastating to multiple people if not conducted appropriately.

Just my own two cents

To Our New Readers

11/15/2018

Welcome! I am writing this post as a forward, of sorts, to this blog. If you just stumbled upon this blog, some of the newer entries may confuse you in depth. As with most good stories, it's always best to start at the beginning.

This blog is not fiction. It is the story of a journey. It is my thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc as one half of the relationship depicted. It is real and it is raw. I make no apologies. But for you to understand the depth of this relationship, you'll need to start at the beginning.

In 2012, when this relationship began, it began as simply play. Professor was an older, authoritative man with a penchant for providing real discipline to naughty girls. I was a mid 20's naughty girl seeking an outlet for my spanko kink with no strings attached. He was married and saw several girls off and on for this kind of arrangement. I had recently lost my spouse and was emotionally unavailable for anything more than a spanking-only arrangement.

Over the last 7 years, we have been through a ton together. Clearly our kink relationship deepened, but we also formed an amazing friendship. At 27, when I was diagnosed with metastatic cancer for the 4th time, He was my safe place to hide. In everything else in life, I am the strong one.....I am in charge. I am incredibly independent and most often run the show. With Professor, it is different. I am vulnerable, small, safe.

In mid 2013, Professor collared me. Prior to that, I was simply his spankee. From that day forward, I have been His submissive, and he, my Dom. In the 30+ years that he's met young women for spanking play, He had *never* collared a girl. In the 15 years that I have been actively involved in the spanko lifestyle, I have never accepted or allowed a man to collar me. I had no interest in being a submissive......until Professor. I love spanking.....particularly punishment/discipline......but prior to Professor, those who spanked me did so for fictitious bratty offenses. With Professor, it has always been *real*. To be open and vulnerable and accept real punishment for real offenses requires a deep trust and respect......Professor and I painstakingly built that with one another. Prior to Professor, I had never kneeled before a man........with Him, it was natural. Prior to Professor, I would have never even considered calling a man "Daddy".......but for a time in our relationship, it was right. None of this happened overnight.........we have spent 7+ years building this relationship.

Neither of us planned for our relationship to blossom the way it did, but neither of us would change a thing now. He is happy, and I am happy. I love Him, He loves me. What we have built and continue to share is absolutely amazing.

Professor still occasionally sees other young women for spanking, and I've always supported that. He has the capacity to provide discipline to multiple girls at a time; but He has only ONE submissive. I know providing real spankings to other young women pleases Him, and thus it pleases me. I, on the other hand, would not play with another man, I do not have the capacity to do so, nor would my Dom allow it. I am *His*.

As you read here, understand that this is OUR relationship. Perhaps it's not "right" for you and that's fine. We don't need your approval. If you're envious or jealous of the relationship you read about here, focus on building your own relationship, spanko or otherwise. If you don't like our relationship or the emotions you read of here, find another blog to stalk.......we will not change US for you. If you have questions about our relationship or the evolution of it, feel free to ask. Try to read this blog chronologically so you can follow the natural progression of our relationship...........we did not meet and everything was "perfect" on day #1. I didn't call Him "Daddy" at our first session. I wasn't collared and owned in the first week of seeing Him. This all took time, trust and a lot of work to build. We worked hard to build our relationship and morph our fantasy into reality. We have small issues, like any couple does, but we work together to continue to grow.

I began this blog as a way to journal my own thoughts, emotions, etc as I embarked on a new spanko connection. I had no way of knowing then the depth and intimacy that would come along with it. I write openly, honestly and at times, emotionally. Our relationship is the single most important thing in my life, outside of my son. My Dom has been my anchor, my compass, my kink partner, my best friend, my safe place to fall, my confidante, my disciplinarian, my unconditional support and love through some of the hardest years of my life. As He has faced tough times, I am always beside Him and will continue to be. We love one another. If that bothers you in some way, stop reading here and go find a new hobby. I apologize for nothing!  

You've Got Mail

02/19/2016


That is how it all began. An email, actually several hundred, but initially.......just one.

I wasn't really looking for a partner at the time. Actually I am not sure I even knew what I was looking for, if anything at all. I had long prior convinced myself that the man I sought and the relationship that I yearned for did not exist.

I wanted to be spanked. I needed to be spanked. But anything more than that simply did not appeal. I was not ready to open up to anyone, to share with anyone, to be vulnerable with anyone. The physical was important, the emotional I was completely blocked off and guarded against. The lust was important, love was not an option. It would take one hell of a Dom, one hell of a man, to ever begin to unarm me.

I read that introductory email at least a dozen times prior to replying. And my response was drafted, edited and redrafted at least as many times.

He was different. Articulate. Educated. Respectful. Dominant. Confident. Courteous. Handsome. Open. Inviting.

Our wants, needs, desires in this arena were closely aligned. Our likes, triggers and turn-ons were incredibly complimentary. Though we would continue to explore our kink and one another for 2 more weeks prior to meeting in person, I knew at the end of email #1 that I would in deed meet this man.

I simply never could have imagined that night what the next four years would hold. He was as perfect in person, in scene as he had been virtually. As hard as I tried to keep my own wounded emotions from entering the game, I simply couldn't remain closed off to this man. His subtle dominance overwhelmed me. His voice turned me on immensely. His sadist was an expert in providing the delicious pain that my masochist needed. His hands on my body was my own naughty version of paradise. His piercing brown eyes bore through me and pulled at my heart. I wanted to please him. I wanted to make him proud. I wanted to be his girl.

The physicality of our relationship certainly was priority #1 in those early days of our budding D/s relationship; but over time the emotional connection took center stage.

He has provided unwavering support for me. He is my shoulder to cry on. He is my best friend. He is my source of advice on all things. He is my moral compass, my very own internal Jiminy Cricket voice piping up to keep me behaving when I struggle with choosing the right path. He is my motivator. He is my Disciplinarian. He is my Daddy. He is my Dom. He is the *only* man I have or will ever kneel before. He is the enticing sadist to whom I relinquish all control. He is the strong embrace in which I feel safest as I hide from the world. He is the metric against which I measure all men.....and not one adds up.

The last four years has been full of ups and downs but around every corner, he was there. He never had to be; he chose to be. I will never be able to repay him for the impact he has had on my life and the woman I now am.......but I will happily spend the rest of my life attempting to. Pleasing him truly pleases me.

Days like today, marking a significant milestone in our relationship, gives me pause as I reflect on the course of our relationship. The depth of our connection. The strength of my submission. The power of his dominance. The astronomical possibility of our ever finding one another in the first place. The compatibility. The friendship that blossomed in the midst of what I planned to be a strictly physical relationship. The trust. The adoration. The genuine respect. The depth of devotion. The limitless love.

And every time I pause and reflect.......I smile. It all began with "You've got mail."

Happy Anniversary, Sir. I love you beyond measure and far more than words could ever hope to express. The last 4 years of our life has been difficult at times but amazing none the less, I look forward to the next 4. Being yours has made me the woman I am today and I thank you for that. No man has ever made me weak in the knees when I was about to be pulled over his.......until I found you. Fate? Luck? Irrelevant.......all that matters is that we found one another.......and I could not be happier. XOXO

Play Date

02/11/2016


It feels like it's been forever since I saw my Daddy Dom for a spanking session.

Ughhhhh.

The weather sucks, the monotony of day to day life sucks.

I need an escape. I need my release. I need a day spent dangling OTK, having my naughty bottom blistered, and being overwhelmed by his palpable dominance.

Is this really too much to ask for?

Her Everything

02/01/2016


I can absolutely relate.

I miss you, Sir.

I need you.

XOXO

 



Freedom, In Essence

01/01/2016


I am free,
Yet captive.

Independent,
Yet bound.

My own person,
Yet owned by Him.

Birthday Wishes

12/02/2015

 

 

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

 

 

I love you, I miss you and I hope today is a wonderful day for you.

 

 

I will happily take your birthday spankings for you as soon as we can finally see one another and be together. Soon, Sir, very very soon.

 

 

You still look pretty damn good, even if you are getting old.......ER. :)

 

 

You rock my world, Daddy and I love you to the moon and back.

 

 

Happy Birthday, Sir!

 

 

XOXOXO

 

Daddy's Little Girl

 



Halloween Musings

October 17th, 2015


Two weeks from today and it is Halloween already!

Where did the year go?

The holiday season is quickly approaching, whether we like it or not. Ughh.

I am ignoring the looming fat elf and his materialistically-driven holiday.....for now.....because long before I put up the tree, I must decide what to be for Halloween. :)  

Now, shopping in the brick and mortar stores, as well as online, I can see there is no shortage of ideas. But now I must decide which route to go this year. Oh the possibilities. :)

There are the traditional, Halloween-esque costumes:

 

 

The witch is always a favorite. But I have been a witch before, I need something different this year. Besides, I don't want to be wearing the same costume as thousands of other women. I like standing out.

 

 

 

 

Then there is the very Halloween-like black cat! I am loving the tail and the thigh-highs, but perhaps I might get cold trick-or-treating in this costume in New England? Hmmm.

 

 

 

 

Naturally there are the super-hero/heroine costumes to choose from as well. Only if history has taught me anything, it is to never wear a cape and pretend to have super-powers on a holiday you intend to drink on. Bad things happen.......I.E. thinking you truly can fly.

 

 

Next, please!

 

 

Occupation inspired costumes are kind of cute. Which shall I choose this year?

 

 

 

 

I could always go the realistic route and select a naughty doctor/nurse costume. :)  I mean I do love my profession, and I never get to wear something this umm cute to work. Hmmm, then again, Halloween is for pretending to be something you are not. Time to shelf this idea.

 

 

 

 

Ooh la la. A French maid is another great idea. And, I can even speak the language! :) I would insist on a higher heel with this costume, but it is definitely a contender.

 

 



Freeze! Oh yes, I could definitely do the naughty police officer and I already have the boots in my closet! I have a penchant for control and for handcuffs. And authority turns me on. :) Oh wait, never mind, this is all backwards. I don't want to be the one cuffing someone else. Hmmmmmm.

 

 

Next please!

 

 

Ahh the traditionally 'good girl' costumes, with a little naughty flare!

 

 

 

 

 

Ding dong! Cookies anyone? I could totally rock those knee socks! Who doesn't love a cute, naughty, impish, little girl scout?!  :)

 

 

 

 

 

Now this is right up my alley! Love, love, love those thigh-high tights, the heels and the impossibly short skirt. Daddy would love this! Only one problem with this one.......I am no angel (and my Daddy Dom has this whole honesty rule). See Mr. Dom man, you are ruining my costume pool.....and you would have loved this outfit as much as I do! Hmph!

 

 

 

 

Now this one is sure to be a Daddy Dom favorite! And I have just the perfect skirt for this outfit! I think we may have a winner here. The naughty school girl.

 

Only one question left:

 

What lesson will we be learning today, Professor?

 

 

 



Dumb Shit

09/29/2015


Totally lying.......this is *absolutely* the reason I haven't done "dumb shit" in a very long time.

Despite my naturally naughty impulses and wicked short Irish temper.

I still get just as many "Oh my f%cking god, I am going to lose it" moments now as I did 5 years ago......there is just one difference.

Pictured above. :) 

The thought immediately creeping into my mind and knotting my tummy after that "going to lose it" one is "he will whip my ass if I do."

Regardless of the excuse or justification for losing my temper, I still always and forever will have an unpleasant consequence because my Daddy Dom sets high standards for me and keeps me on a tight leash.

Lucky world.......y'all would be screwed if I had no leash! :)

Irritating & Poignant

09/09/2015

**Sighs**

I Don't Think You Do

To Daddy, With Love

June 21st, 2015


I know that to you, today is just another day on the calendar. You're oddly simple like that. But to our media crazed materialistic society, it is also one of those "mushy Hallmark days." And this one, Sir, is for you.

Now, obviously I have not had you around my entire life to share these cute Daddy/daughter moments:

 

 

 

 

 

But in all actuality, I am glad I didn't.....and not just because my teenage years would have driven you half insane. :) Honestly, it would have changed our dynamic. I am certain we still would have had an amazing relationship, but.....I wouldn't have gotten to experience these Daddy/daughter moments with you:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I smile every day knowing I am your little girl. The changes you've inspired, motivated and made in my life have made me happier than you know. There is nothing I would not do to please you. 

 

Much like most every other girl looks up to her father with adoration and awe, as do I to you. You are a phenomenal father, an amazing role model, a selfless provider. You're my best friend in the world, I can and often do talk to you about anything. You make me laugh, you make me cry and you dry my tears. You are my strength when I am weak. You're my moral compass in life and the metric against which I measure all men.....and not one measures up.

 

You don't always give me what I want, but you have always given me exactly what I need. You know me better than I do myself, most days. Your smile makes me melt, your voice makes me swoon, your penetrating glare stops me in my tracks, and your touch.......mmm your touch.......not always soft & gentle, but not always harsh & unforgiving.......in a word, perfect. When my world is chaos, you are my safe place to hide. There is not a place in this world where I have ever felt more safe, secure and loved than wrapped up in your strong arms.

 

I crave your approval. Your disappointment crushes me. Though from any other man the words "good girl" would sound almost condescending, from your lips they are music to my ears. Being yours has made me a better person. Everything about the man you are and the man you are not is amazing to me. 

 

You're so much more to me than my D/s playmate. Clearly I love your inner sadist and my time with him, dancing in the flames. I've not ever fully trusted another to test my limits the way you do, with you it was natural.....you earned my trust and I have always known it is well placed. I am proud to wear your collar on my neck and your marks on my bottom. As far as Doms go, you are a highly sought after commodity.....and you're all mine.....but it is all of those other things about you that I adore. You began as my playmate 3 1/2 years ago, now you are so much more to me than maybe even you realize. You are my confidante, my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, my sounding board, my parenting advice guru, my favorite lunch date, my emotional anchor, my eternal optimist.......my Daddy.

 

I love the way you love me, Dad. For everything you do every single day to make me smile, thank you. For all of the hard lessons you've taught me, several multiple times over, thank you. For all the hats you wear and all the roles you play, thank you. For everything you are and have become to me, thank you. For putting up with me when you never had to, for sharing in my stresses, thank you. For helping me to grow, thank you. For encouraging me, inspiring me, motivating me and nurturing me, thank you.

 

You truly are one in a million; and I am a very lucky little girl. I love you, Daddy and I will spend the rest of my life striving to make you proud of me and trying to show you how much I appreciate you and the impact you've made on my life.

 

Happy Father's Day, Sir.     



With Love Always,

 

 

Your Naughty Little Daddy's Girl

 



Balancing Act

May 18th, 2015


All of life is a balancing act, no?

When I sit quietly and reflect on my D/s relationship with my Daddy Dom, I am often pleasantly surprised at how well the man balances. Us. His personal life. His professional life. The headache that is His Imp. :)

Truly, there are days I am not sure how he manages to do it. I always have him, physically or not, I always have access. He is simply always there for me. Amazing, I can not recall even once in the past 3 1/2 years of belonging to this man when I have felt anything less than a priority. That is saying something considering he has a full time career, wife and three growing children whom he is also, always there for.

Even the balancing within the context of our relationship is remarkable. We, the both of us, walk a fine line between friendship and discipline. Business and pleasure. We've somehow built an amazing friendship on top of an unequal foundation. He is dominant, and I, his submissive. He is the only authority I willingly heed, and yet my best friend as well.

He knows what I need when I am simply caught up in what I want. There are times I do or say things I naturally regret with time and what I *want* is for him to be as hard on me as I am myself.......and yet, he won't. Because part of his balancing act is deciphering my behavior and making sure my needs, not wants, are met.

There are times I've done ridiculous things, under a certain amount of stress, and while I stay hung up on the fact that I did or said such things.....he sees past that. Behaviors that at any other time or under any other circumstance, he would come down incredibly harshly on me.....he simply doesn't.

Even the times when he does choose to come down on me for my behavior, it is always measured, balanced. Sometimes I need reasoned with, because I am so damn hard headed and stubborn that I have convinced myself that I am right. Sometimes my mind is running a thousand miles a minute and I need slapped across the face to stop it. Sometimes I just need to curl up in his arms and hide from the world for a while. 

There are times that a simple disapproving look will drive the lesson home. Other times I need the intense scolding and harsh corporal punishment to get through. He knows what I need, often before I do, and I love that.

It is an incredibly secure feeling to know that your Dom truly does 'get it' and really does understand you.

My Daddy has mastered the Imp tight rope walk. :) I'm a lucky girl.

Defined By the Other

05/06/2015


Oh how very true this is.

Complimentary of one another.

Defined by one another.

Two confusing single puzzle pieces that when put together, combine to make a masterpiece.

Harsh Paddling

04/20/2015


Changing up our 'norm', my Daddy Dom arrived before I did today for our session. I was a little late...bad girl. And I had his lunch...double bad girl. :) Luckily, he forgives easy when presented with steak. :)

I knocked on the door and almost immediately he opened it and pulled me into one of his amazingly tight bear hugs. God, I missed this man. I had been raving to him in text messages about the heels I bought for today so naturally after hugging me and being handed his lunch, he held me at arms length and paced slowly around me, giving me a once over before nodding in approval at my attire and adding, "the shoes are cute." I smiled and sat beside him as he ate his lunch and we talked about every conceivable topic.

I just needed my Daddy fix. His time, his touch, his undivided attention.

After about an hour of pleasant conversation, the mood turned more serious and he decided we should address a recent lapse in my behavior. I knew it was coming but almost wished it wouldn't. I don't like making him repeat himself to me, and this particular offense is something we have covered in depth multiple times. Unfortunately for me, it is also an offense with a specific dreadful implement designated for punishment.

The heavy oak paddle.

I knew I was wrong. I knew why. He didn't need to explain it to me. There was little discussion regarding the topic at all today. It's a firm rule, I broke it, I'd be punished. I knew he was displeased with me and that made me feel even more lousy than I did already.

I was quiet, remorseful, compliant. I stood in the corner as he paced behind me, occasionally repeating the offense in a disgruntled tone.

WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

Without warning, he connected 3 solid swats of that evil paddle to my bottom as I stood facing the corner with my hands on my head, elbows to the wall. I danced around, trying to alleviate the sharp sting, as I knew better than to put my hands back to soothe my bottom.

That damn paddle surprises me every time. Even fully clothed, it burnt like mad. Each heavy swat caused me to dance up onto my toes and inhale air as if I were breathing it for the first time.

Soon he was directly behind me, pinning me to the wall with his towering frame, his left hand gently caressing my face, neck and arm as he traced down to securely take me by the wrist. He pulled me along behind him from out of the corner and over to the chair he had placed in the middle of the room. He sat and as I stood to his left side, he decided to hike up my skirt himself. Typically, I am told to do this, but today he decided to and it made me feel even smaller than I had already.

Once the tiny garment was no longer obstructing his target, he quickly pulled me down over his knee and spaced his legs far enough apart to render my feet helplessly dangling above the floor. I wrapped my hand around his ankle as he began forcefully swatting my upended bottom with that miserable paddle of his.

The burn took my breath away initially. It was bad enough with thin clothing protecting my bottom, but it was torture on my bare flesh. I knew I deserved this punishment and tried to be as cooperative as possible but that implement and my bottom do not get along well. I was soon wiggling more than normally allowed and he securely wrapped his arm around my waist and pinned my legs before again paddling my aching bottom.

My tears fell to the floor beneath my face and I held tightly to his ankle and began to dip in and out of subspace. Soon I was oblivious to the pain in my bottom other than occasionally honing in on the sounds echoing off the walls around me as he continued to paddle me.

He would swat deliberately and harshly with several seconds between swats for a minute or two and then he would paddle briskly, just lightly snapping his wrist and letting the implement do the rest with no time between swats to recover.

I was exhausted physically and emotionally and gave in far sooner than I normally do. I simply laid completely still over his capable lap as he paddled me relentlessly for more than 20 minutes. I hardly noticed when it had subsided until I felt his strong hand gently caressing and kneading my swollen, sore, properly punished bottom and thighs.

After simply lying over his knee and sobbing while he gently massaged my now bruised skin for about 10 minutes, I knelt in front of him and laid my head in his lap just gazing up at him as he entwined his fingers in my long, red hair.

I needed today. The punishment was harsh but well deserved. More than that even, I just needed to be his again. His girl, His sole focus for a couple hours, His submissive. I needed his touch, his embrace, his dominance overwhelming me and pulling at the fiber of my inner submissive. I just needed my Daddy.....and today, I got just that.

Anticipatory Thoughts

04/19/2015


Craving this right now.

Luckily, I won't have to wait long.

Squeezing in time to see my Daddy Dom tomorrow.

**Sighs**

I can't wait.

I need his sadistic touch right now to quiet my chaotic mind.

Ughh the anticipation.

Uh Oh

March 24th, 2015


I saw my Daddy Dom just this past Friday for a punishment session.

Typically, now, there are several months between offenses for me, as I've grown and my behavior has improved.

But now, just 4 days later (actually 3, since it happened last night) I am in trouble again. BIG trouble. I broke the texting and driving rule.......a multiple repeat offense.

I'm a ball of nervous energy as I go through the motions of my day today, the fact that I will see my Daddy Dom tomorrow to answer for this lapse in judgment, never far from my mind.

My stomach is knotted and I keep tracing my fingertips over my newly un-sore bottom, knowing it will not remain in this state for long.

Tender Reflection

March 21st, 2015


I saw my Daddy Dom yesterday. It seemed like I hadn't seen him in forever, though in actuality it had only been about 6 weeks. Still.....far too long for my liking.

Again, only 1 punishment list entry to be taken to task for.......but it was a serious one.......my blatant disrespect toward him several weeks back in a fit of rage.

He wrapped several other underlying issues into the session. We discussed my irrational quest for control over all things; as well as my tendencies to lash out verbally when I am displeased. My "quirks", I call them, that effect my overall happiness. We are working on adjusting them.......slowly. Many of these things I struggle with have been a part of me for years.

I am incredibly sore today, just 24 hours post session. My bottom pulsing and aching; an ever present reminder of my sound punishment for my naughty behavior. I am lost in thought; more so than normal even.......replaying his words, reliving the session, trying to analyze and absorb all I can.

Quiet.......

Tender.......

Reflective......

Content.