Poly isn't everyone's cup of kink, and I respect that. If it offends you, move along.
I, personally, have never had an issue sharing my Top/Dom/Disciplinarian. I think it is egotistical at best and delusional at worst to believe that any one person can meet and fulfill all the needs of any other person entirely. This is why my thoughts on monogamous marriage are less than traditional.......ah I digress......that's the topic of another entry.
We all have our "people" in life that meet different needs for us. Different relationships meeting different needs. Parents, friends, colleagues, romantic partners, siblings, kink partners, etc. Human beings are social creatures. We are all capable of loving, caring for and committing to numerous relationships with numerous people at the same time.
Similar to a parent with more than one child, each relationship is as unique as the individuals involved. You love out of separate accounts.
If navigated appropriately, poly kink relationships can be phenomenal. The health of one relationship only strengthens the next relationship and the next. Unfortunately, not everyone is capable of or understanding of poly kink relationships.
Honesty is paramount! Not simply to your partners, but also to yourself.
Don't convince yourself you have the capacity to fully love, guide, lead, support 6 different submissives if you truly don't. Particularly if you're in a power exchange relationship and encouraging submission, you choosing not to be honest with yourself or your partners is likely to emotionally devastate one or more people who look to you for guidance.
Don't compare the relationships or partners. Every human being is different, every connection is different and every relationship is different........its truly apples to oranges, so don't make comparisons and turn it into a competition..........they should be entirely separate yet complimentary relationships.
Be patient. Not everyone adjusts to this dynamic overnight. If you're patient and open with your partners you can create an amazing poly kink dynamic. If you hide it or rush it or force it you are just going to truly hurt people who love you.
Don't insult one partner by saying "you're just jealous of relationship #1" simply because they're asking you about changes or challenges in relationship #2.
Similarly, don't put that burden of responsibility on partner #1 by saying "partner #2 and #3 are jealous of you." Its cruel to make someone feel responsible for something over which they have no control.
Don't insult one relationship to another partner. Assuming we "want to hear" that our relationship is the best/most important/most valued...........you're really just making us wonder what you're saying about our relationship with you to your other partners behind our backs. If you're insulting one partner to another, we know you're insulting all of us.
Don't minimize or lie about how much you care about another partner. We are happy if you are happy..........there is no competition here. Downplaying or hiding another partner by saying things like "oh she's just a playmate, not my sub" or "oh she's just a girl I knew years ago" makes us wonder what else you're lying to us about when we find out the truth. Being honest upfront about your poly kink is not only right, it will also help you avoid hurt feelings and lost trust.
Don't sacrifice quantity for quality. I assure you that we would rather see you once a month and have an amazing kink experience versus seeing you every week and you being exhausted and overwhelmed cheating us out of what could have been a great time. Particularly if we've historically always had amazing disciplinary scenes with you and now our kink is some last minute after thought rushed in at the end of an evening. I can promise you we'd rather see you less often and know our time together is mutually beneficial versus feeling like we are a chore.
Don't openly talk to partner #2 about all of the amazing kink scenes you're dying to live out with partner #1.........when you're only giving partner #2 whatever energy you have left at 9pm on a Friday after working all week.
Don't shame a partner for being emotional simply because they "were never emotional before". And don't assume it has anything to do with your other relationships. Just listen and support your partner(s). Not everyone is comfortable sharing emotion........if we are sharing emotion, it's because we trust you........don't violate that.
Everyone is capable of making mistakes........several mistakes........particularly where emotion is concerned. Yes, even you, Mr Dom are capable of making mistakes. Acknowledge them! Don't justify them with "I did/said that because I didn't want to hurt you". We probably already know you didn't want to hurt us........but guess what, Derp......you did, so own it, apologize sincerely and learn from it.
Don't belittle us for feeling hurt by your words/actions. Emotion is not logic and insulting a person's emotions is insensitive and devastating to the person who loved & trusted you enough to share those emotions.
Being comfortable with another person is great but the same as men complain about the "wife who gained 30 lbs and never wore makeup after the wedding"......don't just stop caring or trying with one partner.........they will notice.......and intentionally or not, you're sending the message that "you're just not important enough for my effort".
Don't insist one partner help find you new "playmates" if you're then going to hold them accountable if the new prospects don't work out. You're sending the message that your current partner doesn't matter and your relationship is contingent upon them finding you "new toys". And holding anyone responsible for the actions of others simply isn't fair.
Don't micromanage side connections between your various partners. If you're not comfortable with your partners talking to one another then either A) you don't trust your partners or B) you're concerned what they each may find out if they speak outside of your presence. "Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing."
Let's be honest.......whether your kink relationships are overtly sexual or not, there are underlying erotic undertones.......don't get so comfortable with a partner that you've been with for a long period of time that you stop caring or trying to fuel their kink fantasies. Relationships are not one sided. Relationships take work. If your partner is putting in effort to their attire, hair and appearance to be pleasing to you.......but you show up in your pajamas or sweatpants.......you're sending a very clear message of "I don't care enough to try for you anymore."
Don't expect one partner to excuse your behavior, explain your choices or apologize for your mistakes to another partner. I assure you that if you'd just acknowledge and apologize to all involved yourself it would be received far better than having sub #3 explain to sub #1 why you did or said something wrong.
Communication is key to every relationship in life. Don't lie about your own thoughts, feelings or struggles. If you need support........allow your partners to help you! Don't say the crap response of "nothing is wrong. Everything is great" when you're asked "what's wrong?". Its bullshit and we know it is bullshit.
Poly kink can be truly amazing for all involved if given the care, concern and transparency it demands. Unfortunately, it can be emotionally devastating to multiple people if not conducted appropriately.
Just my own two cents
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