A girlfriend of mine left a comment on my last blog post (Disconnected).....and her comment has inspired an entire post of its own. The friend who wrote the comment is a colleague of mine and fellow-spanko girl. She and I have always caused trouble together.....when we could get away with it. :)
"you could still come misbehave with us, ya know? what your proffy dont know cant hurt him, or uh you. lol. or you could keep being a chicken and have no fun behavin cuz youre scared of gettin in trouble. "
First of all......IF I did choose to misbehave.....of course my Professor would know. Perhaps not immediately, but he would find out.....he always does. I would have to tell him if I misbehaved because of Rule #1.....open & honest always. I hide nothing from Professor.....regardless of the consequences. I told Professor early on in our relationship, "I can't promise you that you will always like what you hear, but I can promise you that it will be the truth." And I then warned him that I have the natural tendency to 'over share' and essentially tell on myself every single time. He now *expects* that I tell on myself.....if I don't and he finds out before I confess, then I am in more trouble for 'protecting' him by not giving him the info. It's a damned if you do & damned if you don't.....I simply prefer the one that will please him the most and thus earn me less consequences. Honesty is always the best policy.
Second, I have said several times, my obedience and my submission is not a product of fear. It is inspired by something far more effective......respect. I truly respect Professor as not only my Disciplinarian, but as a man, mentor, teacher, friend, father. I do not scare easily.....so unless Professor comes back from vacation with 8 legs.....I am not afraid of him. I'm not even certain that gaining compliance through fear would be much of an accomplishment.....so why some Tops prefer that method, I have no idea but mine does not.
Of course when I know I've done something that will upset him, then I am hesitant to tell him. That hesitance is because I really hate to let him down.....it is not at all because I am scared of what the consequences might be. Obviously a punishment spanking is not a pleasant experience (and I would much rather be spanked just because we both enjoy it) but I don't ever fear the consequences for my actions. It hurts but I am not afraid of pain, in fact some might call me a masochist.
Regardless, I know Professor prefers I obey him by choice and from respect, than by mandate and because of fear. I have nothing to fear because I trust this man completely. He can certainly deliver on his promise of a hard spanking when I have misbehaved, but he would never really harm me. He could do far more damage to me psychologically than he ever could physically. I have opened myself to him, I took down walls and allowed him in and in that process, came to care a lot for the man that had earned my trust. He would not have to touch me to truly hurt me and he knows that. I am vulnerable with him, I gave him that power by letting him in and allowing myself to trust him.
To hear him say that I have disappointed him is far more painful than any spanking he could give me.
His opinion means a lot to me.....he is honestly one of very few people whose opinions I even care for. I choose to obey him because I enjoy pleasing him. I crave his approval. So naturally I would choose to behave as I know he expects of me in his absence, because I know that will please him. Intentionally misbehaving is immature Jackie, and will not please Professor which in turn will deny me the approval I crave. Make sense? I am not behaving myself to 'not have fun' or because I am scared......I am choosing to behave because it is a means to an end. Our very dynamic requires my good behavior. Professor is dominant and with him, and him alone, I am submissive. I am going to behave while he is gone because it pleases me to please him.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
I knew it wouldn't take long.....though I didn't think it would happen so quickly. I'm definitely feeling the disconnect today.
My Professor is gone; today begins his 3 week family vacation. On one hand I'm happy that he is on vacation because the man works way too much and I know down time with his kids is good for him. So I am happy that he is taking a break.....though he tells me he will still do some work via telecommuting. *rolls my eyes*
But then again I'm pouting and feeling disconnected, even though I just saw him last week. I think it's a psychological thing because geographically speaking, I think he is closer to me when he is at his vacation house than when he is really home. I think it is safe to say that over the last 6 months, I have become attached. Perhaps I have even become a tad bit spoiled. I am used to constant contact and immediate responses with Professor, most of the time. I even felt a bit of a disconnect when he took two day trips because I knew the communication would be decreased.....and now this is going to be 3 whole weeks. I wont be able to call him at the office when I have a question or just want to hear his voice. I have already had to wait longer for email replies.
I suppose I could use this time to practice the foreign-concept of patience that Professor has been attempting to introduce to me?
I could fall into the "when the cat's away, the mice will play" habit and intentionally misbehave.......but I know better and I gave Professor my word that I would behave in his absence......I'm hoping to have no new entries on my Punishment List to 'discuss' when he returns.......so no intentional naughtiness in the forecast.
I've got plenty to keep me busy with getting ready to move and all that entails. I just can't really seem to focus at the moment.......on anything aside from the distance I feel from Professor. I know by the time I get his next email, I will feel better and somehow closer to him.....but until then, I'm just sort of in a blah mood.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Generally speaking, when Professor and I schedule a punishment session, we plan close to a week in advance......so I have always had plenty of advance notice to nervously anticipate having to stand before him on wobbly legs as I answer for my misdeeds and am punished. This session was different. Over the last 3 days or so, Professor and I have emailed back and forth about the possibility of planning a session before he leaves for a 3 week vacation next Monday. Tuesday evening he emailed saying that we wouldn't be able to get together after all because he had received word of a last minute assignment at work. I was a little disappointed but completely understood his needing to focus on this thing for work. I emailed back to him sort of sassy and sarcastic saying things like: "Perhaps I will take advantage of the 3 weeks of your absence and misbehave" & "We shall see how this long distance, spankless approach to discipline works out". I was just being a little bit fresh and saying things that I knew would likely make him laugh and then reply with his typical strict wit. He did in fact reply at 730pm Tuesday evening and told me that he had moved his schedule around for the following afternoon and wanted to see me at 2pm. I was very happy to be seeing him but a touch of nervousness began to creep in as I realized that he had not even mentioned my sassy comments. "Uh oh. Did he take that the wrong way? Does he think I was seriously threatening to misbehave? Oh crap!" I emailed him back and told him my sass was meant to be humorous and if I had known I'd be seeing him so soon, I wouldn't have been so brave...lol. I told him I'd cancel or rearrange things in my schedule so that I could come down to see him the following afternoon.
It was already after 8pm by the time I replied to his email; so I had less than 12 hours before I would have to start driving down to meet with him. I've always had several days to work myself up into a nervous ball of energy prior to seeing Professor.....this time, I had mere hours. I tossed and turned throughout the night, replaying the offenses on my Punishment List over and over. After our last session, the day after my birthday, Professor had insisted that I leave 2 offenses on my list to be addressed the next time we were together. They were of course the two offenses I was most concerned about; #1: Missing my heart meds & #2: Drinking a 5 Hr Energy just days after Professor had forbid it......both offenses that have possible health or safety risks, so I'd convinced myself that these two were likely going to be pretty high up on the severity scale. Since our last session I had added only two additional offenses: #1: Texting while driving & #2: An incident where I 'helped' a friend with something I should not have (I can't be overly detailed when discussing this offense....sorry). Of those two new offenses, I knew he would be upset about the texting while driving because it is something he has punished me for in the past and something I know better than to do.
So a grand total of four offenses to be 'discussed' and I had my fingers crossed that my sassy commentary via email would be overlooked. I got out of bed before my alarm even went off the following morning. After a quick shower, I was out the door and driving along my merry little way down the highway that had now become my usual bi-weekly commute toward accountability. I was happy overall because I felt pretty darn special. Professor is a very busy man and his time is limited and valuable......and this last minute project he had gotten saddled with the day before is extremely important and can be time consuming......so knowing he had decided to spend the afternoon with me, in the midst of this project, had put a smile on my face and again told me that I had, too, become a priority. Though smiling outwardly while navigating through morning traffic outside the city, my stomach was in knots and my heart fluttering wildly in my chest. I was nervous.....I had no time to calm myself down with my usual days of anticipation. I wasn't sure exactly how much trouble I would be in, but I knew within the next several hours that I was going to be sore.
Every time I see Professor for a punishment, I seem to go through this metamorphosis. I begin my drive outwardly confident, bubbly, loud though I am a ball of nerves inside. The moment he arrives and I see those piercing brown eyes set in an intense stare & hear his deep, stern voice, that outgoing & confident young woman disappears. What is left is a nervous, quiet little girl fighting to remain still supported by shaking legs, her knees threatening to buckle beneath her as her hands nervously bend and clasp one another. Eyes darting from ceiling to wall in an effort to break the gaze, only to be called back to meet his eyes once again. Heart thrusting violently against my rib cage with every nervous beat as every nerve ending in my body stands on edge, aware of even the slightest touch. Throughout the session, I am quiet, obedient, remorseful. After the last swat has fallen and I've been properly punished then pulled into his strong arms for a hug, then I again find my voice. The sorry and sore little girl remains but my heart and my mind is much lighter. I talk, laugh, smile and enjoy him doing the same. In a matter of a few hours, I can experience every emotion on the spectrum as his dominant presence renders me helpless to stop it. Professor has perfected the fine art and elusive skill of mindfucking. And I love it.
After arriving at our typical meeting spot, I send Professor a text message with the room number and place a key on my SUV for him. I sit my bag of implements on the dresser as I walk into the room and turn on the A/C. I remove my Punishment List with its new entries and place it, along with a pen, on the desk for Professor. I leave the room to fill a bucket with ice and bring it back, sitting it on the dresser top, alongside the 2 bottles of water & 2 bottles of Diet Coke. I'm nervously pacing around the room now after running out of small preparations. I turn the tv on and flip to CNN.....however, with the election looming this fall, CNN is nothing but a political facebook page...lol. I glance at my watch as I continue to pace. "Where is he?" I utter aloud. I open the RealPlayer App on my phone and select a song by Default to play for background noise. I thrive on loudness and chaos. My mind can easily be quieted by loud, boisterous music thumping from an iPod.....but not like this. Professor arrived first and I came late to our first session.....from then on, he has had me arrive first and check in. He knows that I prefer the control of arriving last and being able to walk to the room and knock. When I arrive first, no matter how many times I have done this, I start to panic. The closest description I can relate this panic to is a naughty girl waiting in her bedroom for her father to return home and listening to hear his footsteps on the stairs as he comes up to punish his errant daughter for her misbehavior. Every single time I wait for Professor, I feel this way. Before he even arrives, I am transforming from that confident, self-assured young woman who fears nothing, to a nervous and scared little girl quietly contemplating her fate. I will turn on the tv or my music in an attempt to quiet my mind, though it rarely helps. I pace, crack my knuckles, rehearse my defense though it is never used.
I get myself so worked up that by the time he arrives and his commanding frame is standing in the doorway, I literally exhale audibly and can feel the color drain from my face as I hesitantly glance up at him and try in vain to gauge the severity by the look on his face. Staring out the window into the bright, summer morning and jamming to my loud music, I hear the door slam shut behind me. My body jerks instinctively and I spin around to see Professor standing just inside the room. I fumble with the touch screen of my smartphone as I rush to quiet the music before turning it off and placing it in my purse. I grab the remote and turn off the television as Professor sits at the table and reaches for the list and begins to read through it.
"Come stand over here, young lady." He finally speaks, though not moving his eyes from the list. I shuffle over toward the table and grab my bottle of water off of the dresser on my way. Stopping just in front of the table, I start to open my water. "What is that?" Professor asks as his eyes lock with mine. "Um...my water, Sir?" I answer, almost questioning rather than stating. "What are you doing?" His eyes narrow as he speaks. "I..uh...was just getting a drink." I utter quietly. "Did I tell you to get a drink, Natalie Lynn?" He asks, tilting his head slightly. My eyes dart to the wall, the ceiling and finally the floor as I answer, "No, Sir. I'm sorry." He gestures for me to return my gaze to his and I raise my face and ask, "May I have a drink of my water, Sir?" His eyes again narrow at mine, "No! Put it down now and I didn't give you permission to speak." I quickly turn to return the bottle of water to the dresser top and smile slightly as I whisper, "No you didn't. I'm sorry Sir." I love the controlling side of this man. From the second he enters the room at the start of a session, he firmly takes control of everything. Even seemingly small and irrelevant details such as my using the restroom, getting a drink, etc. He pays attention to everything and is in complete control and I love it. He stares intensely into my green eyes for several minutes without saying a word to me and I fight to stand still and keep my eyes locked with his.
After what seems like an eternity, he retracts his firm gaze and returns to scanning the pages of my Punishment List. "We have four offenses to address today, which is far less than our last meeting, but a couple of these are repeat offenses Natalie Lynn......and we both know how much I love to repeat myself." He says as he reaches for then pen and begins to write on the last page. The tone of his voice when he made that sarcastic statement, for some reason seemed humorous......I have a tendency to laugh at the most inopportune times.....and this was one of them. I quickly slapped my hand to my mouth to cover the laughter that threatened to escape, but a snicker made its way out before I had covered it. His head shot up and he glared at me, his jaw clenched as he spoke, "Oh I see, this is funny to you. It isn't enough for you to ignore me and misbehave, making me repeat myself to you again. Now insulting & disrespecting me by laughing in my face about it seems amusing." I slowly dropped my hand from my face and let if fall back to my side, as the smile quickly faded and pain tinged in my rapidly beating heart at the words 'insulting' and 'disrespecting.' "No Sir. Its not funny and I wasn't meaning to be disrespectful...I umm..err...I'm sorry, Sir...I just..." I struggled to find the words, as he raised his hand to silence me. "Go put your nose in the corner. I don't want to hear it. Go, NOW! And you let me know when you're ready to respectfully discuss this list." He barked. I lowered my eyes from his as I turned to walk to the corner, kicking myself for laughing.
I stood quietly in the corner, lecturing myself for giggling. I *hate* when my words or actions are interpreted as disrespect toward Professor; I do respect this man tremendously and truly want to please him by showing that respect in our every interaction. "Sir, I'm really sorry for my lack of respect. May I return to discuss the offenses now? Please, Sir?" I quietly requested. "Come over here." He replied. I turned from the corner and again approached him. "There are four offenses on this list; two of those offenses are repeats. The first issue we will discuss is your texting when driving. I have spanked you for this before so I guess those spankings weren't hard enough, right?" He asked as he narrowed his eyes at me. "No, Sir....I mean yes, Sir they were hard enough, I promise. I just got careless when my Drive Smart App started screwing up and I quickly fell right back into sending texts yesterday. I'm addicted to texting, Sir." I replied. "Ball park figure, how many did you send while driving yesterday?" I sighed and lowered my eyes away from his as I spoke, "I don't need to guess Sir, I counted them. 37 Sir." I whispered barely audibly and then closed my eyes, preparing for the worst. "Look at me now." He barked. I slowly returned my eyes to lock with his. It was so hard not to turn away or lower my eyes again, as his dark brown eyes thoroughly chastised me, without a word uttered. I was blinking back the tears that threatened to spill out onto my cheeks by the time he finally spoke again. "You are not allowed to text while driving. You know you're addicted, which means your guard has to go up when you're driving. You know it is dangerous, illegal and stupid. If it can't wait then you pull over but texting while you're driving is risking you leaving Jase to grow up without his mother. Worth it?" I nodded my head and whispered, "No, Sir."
Professor took the pen and quickly scribbled a word in all capitals on the page next to the offense. He underlined it several times before pushing the paper across the table toward me and saying, "What does that say?" I looked down at the list and read softly, "Repeat, Sir." He shook his head as he glared at me, his eyes narrowing as mine struggled not to turn down to avoid his intense gaze. I felt so small. Very sorry and very small.
Professor stood up from where he had been sitting and walked over to stand in front of me, his hands firmly planted on his hips as he spoke, "Go put your nose back in that corner, pants down to your knees. When I call you out, you are going to get a hard lesson in choosing to break my rules, putting yourself in danger and making me repeat myself to you, young lady." I quickly returned to the corner, while sliding my jeans down over my hips.
I stood staring at the corner of the wall as I waited to be called out. Suddenly I felt Professor right behind me and I froze, holding my breath and waiting. He leaned down and whispered into my ear, "Is it funny now, Natalie Lynn?" I shook my head and whimpered, "No, Sir." I had no sooner gotten the words out than his right hand was encircling my upper arm, as he escorted me to the center of the room. He sat in the chair and looked up at me, almost irritated as he ordered, "Get over my lap, now." I nervously draped myself across his strong thighs and braced myself for the first stinging swats. My bottom tingled in anticipation and my breathing had already quickened and he hadn't even touched me yet.
I felt his fingers glide across my panty-clad bottom as I lay vulnerable over his knee. He locked his fingers in the legs of my panties, rather than the waistband, and he quickly pulled the thin satin up, exposing my cheeks as the smooth material bunched in the middle. "You made the choice to consciously ignore my rule and disregard your own safety yesterday when you sent every single one of those 37 text messages while driving.....so obviously the last time I spanked you for this offense, it wasn't hard enough to get my point across to you.....and now, young lady, I will fix that. You will not ever text while driving again, clear?" He asked as his strong left hand continued to gently pat my bared bottom. "Yes, Sir. I'm sorry." I whispered out. He sighed audibly before responding, "Not yet you aren't." Those words had no sooner left his lips than I felt an incredible burn on my left cheek. CRACK! Then the right cheek. CRACK! The sting was intense and though Professors' strong left hand can deliver harsh and punishing swats, I knew he was using something other than his hand. He wasted no time at all in settling into a harsh, rapid rhythm of paddling my bottom. CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! The first dozen and a half swats had me struggling to remain still and whimpering out as he continued to connect our solid, oak bath brush with my upturned cheeks. It hurt so bad and the force he was putting behind each and every searing swat, left no doubt in my mind as to how serious this offense was. CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! Within a matter of mere minutes, my entire bottom felt as if it were on fire. I was shifting from one foot to the other, crossing my ankles to keep from kicking my legs as Professor continued to paddle. "Im sorryyyy." I whimpered aloud to him over my shoulder. CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! "Yep, I know.....just not as sorry as you're going to be, little girl." His reply only increased the panic in my head as he continued to deliver punishing swats. CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! My breathing was ragged and I gasped for air between swats as I fought to blink back the tears that continued to well up in my eyes and struggled to swallow down my cries.
Professor laid the awful brush on the small of my back and gently ran his fingertips softly across the aching skin of my bottom, which only intensified the sting. I gasped and whimpered out my apology again. He opened his legs further apart, casting me up onto my tip toes and elevating my bottom and thighs before again wielding that awful brush and continuing the lesson. This time he focused all of his attention to my previously unscathed sit spots and upper thighs. CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! My hands beat my discontent into the carpet beneath me. I squirmed to avoid the scalding swats but it was no use. Professor locked his right arm around my waist as his left set about administering a thorough paddling with that horribly heavy bath brush as I whimpered out again and again. CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! I sobbed softly and my tears began to fall onto my long, red hair as in blanketed the carpet beneath me. His knees were hard against my torso and his grip firmly holding me in place, upended over his lap as he punished my naughty bottom and tender thighs. CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! By the time he stopped paddling, my skin felt tight and hardened under his gentle caresses. I tried in vain to slow my breathing and contain my sniffles. My cluttered mind remembered the bucket of ice and I fought the urge to beg Professor to run ice across the burning skin of my properly paddled bottom.
"Back to the corner." He instructed with a heavy handed swat connecting with my right cheek. I scurried off to the corner and continued to remind myself that I am not allowed to rub. I sniffled and sobbed, my arms shaking as I interlocked my fingers and placed them on the back of my head, as I know I am expected to do. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! Several HARD and fast swats connected with my bottom, from some unknown wooden implement. I fought to remain still and not spin around to avoid this new assault. My mind was frantic, trying to remember if I had said something or moved. Professor will paddle me in the corner if I speak without permission or move from position during a punishment, but as I ran through my scattered mind in a panic, I couldn't think of an offense but I knew I was certainly receiving punishing swats. "There is NOTHING funny about me having to repeat my lessons to you, young lady!" He scolded. My eyes shot wide open and new tears began to flow freely down my face as he applied several more, hard swats and I kicked myself for being so stupid, as I fought to stay still facing the corner. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! I whimpered and my left hand fell from atop my head. "Hands on your head, NOW Lynn." He ordered. I quickly complied and returned my shaking hand to my head as I sniffled and sobbed. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! "Don't you *dare* make me repeat this lesson to you again, young lady. Clear?" He asked as he made sure to connect a half dozen hard swats to each sit spot, causing me to jump and jerk as each landed and I cried out. SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! "Yes, Sir Owww.." I whined out as I tried to press myself closer to the corner, wishing it would swallow me up.
I couldn't stop sniffling, which is odd for me, even when I am crying so I asked, "May I please blow my nose, Sir?" As soon as the words left my lips, I bit my bottom lip and prayed he wouldn't punish me for addressing him without permission. "Go." He said. I turned from the corner and almost walked right into his commanding frame as he stood immediately behind me, one of our waxed, maple paddles in his hand.
I quickly returned from the bathroom and saw Professor had drawn back the curtains and had placed a chair in front of the window. "Over, now." He instructed. I bent over the back of the chair as instructed, placing my palms flat on the cushion. My heart jerked up into my throat as I raised my face and upon glancing out the window, saw that we were facing the pool and several people enjoying this warm, summer afternoon were now able to look right up into our room and see me in position to be punished. Though the thought is embarrassing and in the beginning of our relationship, I may have argued or even resisted this exposure during punishment......now, the only thing that matters to me when I am in trouble is pleasing Professor. I stood there frozen in place, glancing up occasionally to see how many of the swimmers were taking advantage of this free discipline matinee, and though it was embarrassing to know several peoples' attention had been drawn to my predicament, I did not move. I thought through the amazing transformation of a girl who 6 months ago would have fought this idea tooth & nail.....to now, the girl who would willingly comply remain in position, waiting to be punished even with an audience of sunbathing onlookers. The embarrassment began to fade and was replaced by an overwhelming sense of pride. I was proud of myself for not only obeying but willingly submitting to my Dominant, regardless of who saw me. Professor could correct me in an auditorium filled with hundreds of people and my only concern would be to please him and earn my way back into his good graces. As I said earlier in this post, Professor has mastered the art of mindfucking and I am simply putty in his strong hands now and I really *love* it.
SWAT! A very heavy ribbon bit into my upper thighs. I rose up onto my tip toes as I absorbed the swat and fought to remain still. The intense and heavy bite subsided into a deep thuddy pain. I gasped and threw my head back but choked down the cries. "I told you that based on the advice of your cardiologist, you were no longer allowed to drink 5 Hour Energy. Didn't I, Natalie Lynn?" He scolded and asked. SWAT! Another unforgiving stripe fell across my bottom. I sucked in air and quickly squealed out my reply, "Yes, Sirrrrr." SWAT! SWAT! SWAT! Three fell immediately after one another and I again danced on my tippy toes and tried hard to remain in position. I raised my head again to draw in a baited breath and my eyes focused on our new audience below, watching me get my bared bottom & thighs soundly strapped. Of the three people that were intently watching, I saw a mix of amusement and perhaps confusion, but they couldn't tear themselves away from this show. SWAT! SWAT! SWAT! SWAT! SWAT! SWAT! SWAT! SWAT! Several more swats found their mark and I whimpered again, unable to control my vocal reactions to this strap. I had not seen it, but I knew from the weight, sting and barely detectable sound that Professor was using our heavy, rubber punishment strap for this lesson. "Now, tell me Natalie Lynn, when I told you that you were no longer allowed to consume these energy shots, did I say that you could choose to drink one every once in a while? Did I at all indicate that there would be an exception to this ban?" He asked as he applied another round of heavy swats to my thighs. SWAT! SWAT! SWAT! SWAT! SWAT! I teetered back and forth, shifting my weight from one leg to the other in a last ditch attempt to escape the stinging swats. "No, Sir. I'm so sorry. I didn't do it to intentionally disobey you, Sir....I swear I didn't. It wont happen again." I promised as I sobbed onto the cushion of the chair I was draped over. Professor's right hand tucked a loose tendril of my flowing hair back behind my ear, grazing my cheek and causing me to instinctively lean into his touch, my eyes closing as I forgot the tender state of my punished bottom. He knelt down beside the chair, and laid the evil strap across his thighs. His right hand slid from the nape of my neck, entangling in my hair as he softly stroked my head and spoke as I opened my eyes to look into his. "I know that you didn't do it on purpose. I know it was a new rule and you were just in the habit of drinking them, so you didn't even think about it until after you had drank it and then you immediately told me. When you break a rule, you are punished, Natalie Lynn. You confess to me and I spank you for it because that is how we work. I know this wasn't intentional disobedience, so I am done spanking you for it. Now you have a reason to remember not to do it again. If you break this rule in the future, you will not get off this easily. Got it?" His eyes narrowed at me and I saw the dark flash of determination in them that I have come to love and hate. I meekly uttered a, "Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir." His face softened briefly in acceptance of my gratitude but as he rose to his feet, again his jaw clenched and his face returned to the grim, unwavering, resolved look of an agitated disciplinarian on a mission of bratty bottom destruction.
Seeing the transformation in Professor's facial expressions is almost intoxicating for me when in scene. That determined glare both knots my stomach, with dread and even a hint of fear, and also quickens my heart beat with anxious anticipation. I am drawn to his overwhelming dominance and it pulls hard at my submissive core. Knowing what an amazingly caring man he is also makes me crave his inner-sadist. I am transfixed and left breathless when I can watch the transformation in his body language, his tone of voice, his facial expressions as he morphs from a kind, friendly, loving man with a great sense of humor to the dark, demanding, unwaveringly determined Dominant wielding an implement and intent on pushing the limits of his girl. Watching this is sex for the brain.......again, the man is a world-class mindfuck.
"Come over here and sit." He called to me. I stood from where I'd been bending over the chair and walked over to where he stood, patting the solid wooden top of the dresser. I sighed audibly, knowing when he makes me sit on the wood mid-spanking that it is hard for me to concentrate on answering his questions because my focus is typically the soreness of my bottom against that hard surface. I slowly sat on the dresser and pressed my hands firmly onto it to help shift the weight to my arms, rather than my poor bottom. Professor sat down again at the table and picked up the list. "Next lesson is the second repeat lesson of the day. You didn't take your medication. Why?" He sat the page down and rested his chin atop him fingers, perched up like a steeple. I tried to pout through my eyes and hoped he would take it easy on me with this issue. "I just forgot to get it refilled before it ran out. When I remembered, it was 3 days late but I hurried to the pharmacy to get it. But then I got easily distracted with everything else and didn't end up taking it until my brother pointed it out to me, Sir. By then I had been without it for 17 days. I'm so sorry." I explained. He sighed and scolded me about the importance of my medication, asked questions about the condition, lectured about my needing to take medical advice and not treat myself. Then he asked, "I have spanked you for this before, Natalie Lynn so I guess I didn't spank you hard enough.....but didn't your husband also spank you for this?" I swallowed hard and answered softly, "Yes Sir, he spanked me for it many times because he saw what could happen if I didn't take it and he insisted that since I've had this condition my entire life then I can't just forget about it. It was probably one of the most serious issues that he punished me for and usually got me the most severe punishments." Professor listened to my answer and I could see him contemplating.....though what he was contemplating, I could only guess. I offered a quiet, "I'm sorry, Sir." He looked into my eyes for a moment before replying, "Uh huh." I knew there was no excuse good enough to justify this offense and I knew he had been serious the first time he spanked me for this when he told me if he ever had to repeat this lesson then he would make me a *very* sorry girl. There was nothing more that needed to be said and I knew that. After apologizing, I lowered my eyes in a silent offering of my submission to him and quietly waited to find out what the consequences would be.
"I told you before not to make me repeat this lesson to you, Natalie Lynn. I know you're sorry and I know you understand how serious this is and what could happen if you don't take it. I also believe you when you say it wasn't on purpose and you will take steps to set reminders to insure it never happens again. BUT, it DID happen for 17 days and for that, you will be punished....as well you will be punished for making me repeat myself to you again. Go stack pillows on the bed and lay over them....this one is serious, young lady.....and I have to whip you for this....HARD. Understand?" He instructed. His words made my heart sink but I slowly got up off of the dresser and obeyed his orders. "Yes, Sir." I answered as I placed 3 pillows in the middle of a bed. I went to grab the fourth and he spoke again, "Put that pillow at the top of the bed for you to hold onto or scream into, you're going to need it." I laid the pillow at the top of the bed and slowly climbed over the stack, elevating my sore bottom, as new tears began to fill my eyes and my mind panicked at his ominous words. He has not ever said this to me, so I knew this would be a hard punishment, I just hoped he wouldn't use the looped rubber strap. As I laid still on the bed, I felt Professors' fingertips slide in between my skin and the waistband of my panties. He slowly slid them down to my knees, leaving them bunched up with my jeans.
SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK
I gripped the pillow in a death grip as hard swats began descending, leaving hot red stripes in their wake. My bottom and thighs felt as if they were on fire. Professor had chosen to use our heavy, leather, double-sided strap for this lesson.....which told me how serious this offense was. Our looped rubber strap is reserved for the most serious of offenses, but this heavy, leather, double-sided strap is right behind the looped one and used for only serious offenses when a much more severe punishment is needed. SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK Professors' warning to me about needing the pillow to hold was dead on.....I needed it alright. I held it so tightly that my knuckles were white. I didn't scream, but I did sob into the pillow as he continued to whip me with that strap. SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK Professor moved from one side of the bed to the other, applying dozens of hard, deliberate swats with substantial force. Each time a swat bit into my thighs, I would cry out and kick my legs. SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK After another round of punishing swats had found their mark, Professor stopped and laid the strap by my face and walked away. He went into the bathroom and closed the door. My head shot up and I stared at the strap, wondering to myself silently if I should try to hide it. I returned my face to the pillow as I heard him turn on the sink water. I froze still and waited, silently crying into the pillow, and hoping he wouldn't wet my bottom. He has strapped me on a wet bottom for making him repeat himself about my speeding and it hurt like crazy. My mind was drowning in panic, wondering if that was what he was going to do to me today for this lesson. I felt his eyes on me as he approached the bed and picked up the strap. I held my breath and waited. SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK I kicked my legs and buried my face in the pillow to muffle my cries as he strapped me fast and harder than he initially had been. I was thankful that he hadn't wet my bottom, but the whipping with this strap hurt regardless and made me a *very* sorry little girl with a *very* sore bare bottom.
"Look up at me." Professor's voice pulled me from the pillow. I tilted my head to the side to see Professor had pulled a chair to the side of the bed and was sitting in it, the strap resting on his thigh as he looked down at me. I laid my head on the backs of my arms and glanced up at him through puffy eyes and disheveled hair. "Am I going to have to repeat myself to you again on this issue?" He asked. I sniffled and shook my head as I answered quietly, "No, Sir." He smiled softly, accepting that I had taken this lesson to heart before moving on to the final lesson of the day.
As I said, I can not be too specific or detailed about this offense. I can say that I made a poor choice in an attempt to help a friend but I continued to make that poor choice for a couple months, not mentioning it to Professor, and it ended up helping no one, but causing some serious issues. It could have been much worse than it was, thank God, and I could have had some serious repercussions but thankfully I avoided them. I did, however, not escape punishment from Professor for my part in this. And I honestly did deserve to be punished for this.
Professor kept me laying on the bed with my bruised bottom propped up by pillows and he sat in the chair next to me as we discussed this incident in detail for about 10 minutes. He asked questions and allowed me to express my thoughts and feelings about what I did and then he pointed out where I was wrong and what I could have done differently. We discussed how I would address similar situations in the future. I laid this entire time, my head resting on the backs of my arms as we talked. As the conversation drew to a close, Professor said, "Your intentions were good, Natalie and I can see why you made the decision that you did. But, it was the wrong choice and you know that now.....you knew it after the first few times you did it, but you chose to keep doing it anyway and you risked a lot by continuing to do it. So, I have to punish you for this. Clear?" I nodded my head, I knew he was right. "Yes, Sir. But can you please not use that strap, please use something else.....anything else.....I'm so sore, Sir." I realized my mistake as soon as I had said it, but it was too late by then. Professor was rising to his feet and I quickly buried my face into the pillow after squealing out, "I'm sorry Sir.....pleaseee...."
SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK He immediately strapped my aching bottom and thighs multiple times as my flailing legs beat out my protest into the bed and the new tears began spilling from my eyes onto the pillow. "It is NOT your place to suggest or negotiate punishments or implements with me, little girl. Is it?" He barked. "No, Sir." I softly answered between sobs and sniffles. "Get up." He instructed. I slowly slid off of the bed, keeping my eyes locked on the floor, the tone of his voice causing tears to escape my eyes. I had to be punished several times at our last session for trying to maintain control during my punishment and I tried so hard not to do it today....I know Professor *hates* it when I do it and I hate it just as much.
Professor sat in the chair in the middle of the room and gestured for me to stand on his left side. I stood quietly beside him and then laid across his lap when he instructed me to do so. "Your intentions were altruistic but you made a poor choice.....over and over again, even after you knew it wasn't right and knew what you were risking. For that, I am punishing you. Clear?" He asked. I shook my head and whispered back at him, "Yes, Sir." He said nothing else, he didn't have to, he was conveying this lesson by spanking my bottom and giving me time to reflect over his knee on how much I risked, as his strong hand drove the lesson home. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK Professor spanked hard with his large, left hand. He would swat slowly and then rapidly causing me to wiggle and cross my ankles to keep from kicking my feet. My bottom was so sore by this time that even the lightest touch, seemed horrible. After several dozen punishing swats, he ran his hand up and down each cheek....softly caressing the hot skin.....only to start spanking again. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK I was lying over his knee for probably ten minutes or so. I would whimper and cry out when he picked up the pace and spanked quickly, connecting with the same sore spot several times in a row before finally turning his attention to another spot and punishing it equally as well. I fought to stay still and not kick every time he spanked rapidly.....and I would try to slow my breathing when he spanked slower. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK Professor's hands were made to spank a naughty girls bottom. They are large and strong......several times he has landed punishing swats with only his hand that can sting more than my hairbrush. He also is incredibly skilled at mixing up the swats and alternating between harsh smacks and light touches. When he traces his fingertips over my aching, sore skin mid-spanking, it causes a new wave of stinging but the combination of hard swats mixed with gentle caresses immediately sends me into subspace. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK When he finally stopped spanking, I was breathless. I just laid draped over his lap for several minutes as he traced the welts from the strap and admired his handiwork. I hadn't yet seen my bottom but I knew he had done a thorough job. Every time I moved, no matter how slightly, my sore skin stretched tight and ached.
"I want you to go lay back on the bed, over the pillows." His voice pulled me back from my free fall through subspace. "Yes, Sir." I whispered as I crawled off of his lap, with his help. My mind wondered and worried.....I had thought my punishment was over, but if he was having me return to the bed and prop my bottom up again then perhaps it wasn't over after all. I was so incredibly sore. I can take quite a spanking, but I wasn't sure how much more punishment my poor bottom could take. This spanking had been tough to get through. The majority of the time, I am spanked over Professor's knee with his hand for quite a while before implements are used and though his hands are strong and can deliver a serious spanking all on their own, it usually helps to warm me up and prepare my skin for the implements to come. This spanking had been hard from the very first swat and began with no warm up at all before that awful bath brush began paddling me mercilessly. I've never really described a 'warm up' because even Professor's hand can make me a sorry girl if he is spanking hard, so unlike many girls I know, I don't ever get started off with soft, playful swats. Every swat I am given during punishment, is just that.....punishing. My disciplinarian knows how to spank a naughty girl.....thoroughly.
I slowly crawled back up onto the bed and draped myself, obediently, across the pillows again. Professor pulled a chair against the bed again and sat down next to me. He sat there and talked to me about work, the project he was taking a break from to come see me, his upcoming vacation,etc. We discussed issues I am having with my son, my move to be closer to him, school, work, etc. We always talk after a session, and I love doing that because it continues to build our relationship and strengthen our connection with one another. I am able to trust Professor because of how connected I feel to him. He helps me with far more than my discipline. I was very pleased today when he vented some of his work-related frustrations to me.....I know that probably sounds crazy, but it was actually really nice and made me very happy. Professor helps me with issues in my life all the time, he gives me advice and he listens to me vent a lot......so it was really nice to be able to listen to him and give him an outlet for his venting and frustrations as well. I always worry that I am getting far more out of our relationship than he is.......so I am always happy to feel as if I am giving something to him as well. It pleases me to please him.....even if it is simply listening to him talk......which by the way, I would be happy listening to this man talk all day long....lol. His voice is amazingly cathartic for me. I have downloaded several of his lectures on various subjects just to listen to him speak when I am driving or having a bad day or whatever. I think I have said it before, but I'll say it again, Professor is my own distorted version of therapy. :) That is meant as a compliment....lol. So we spent about a half hour together just talking and laughing......and the entire time my head rested on the backs of my arms as I lay on the bed, my bottom elevated by the stack of pillows. To a lot of people, this would sound so strange and they wouldn't be able to do it.......I mean typically when we talk after a spanking, I have pulled my jeans back up and am sitting across a table from Professor. But today was different and I absolutely loved it. In fact, it has now climbed its way into my favorites :)
FAVORITE SPANKING POSITION: Over Professor's Knee
FAVORITE SCOLDING POSITION: Kneeling quietly & submissively in front of Professor
FAVORITE POST-SPANKING TALKING POSITION: Draped over pillows on the bed, pants at my knees with Professor sitting next to me
Two repeat lessons today and two new ones. A contrite and properly punished naughty girl with a new clean slate feeling extremely connected to her Professor. A wonderful Disciplinarian heading off on a 3 week long family vacation a little less stressed now and confident that upon his return, he will owe his red-headed brat of a daughter a good girl spanking and receive a naughty-less report of her behavior in his absence. :)
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Many of you are curious as to what my list of rules consist of.
In many of my blog posts I have made the comment that my disciplinarian, Professor, is not a micro-manager. I've also said several times that Professor has given me very few rules to follow, but that those he has given me can easily apply to just about everything I do in my life.
Just the other day I referred to my list of rules in a post and a regular reader of my blog sent me a private message asking what exactly my list of rules consists of......so now I will indulge her, along with the rest of Blogger as to the details of my rules list.
#1) "Honesty.....you must be open and honest at all times and about all things." This is clearly the most vital of all of my rules, for obvious reasons. Professor & I's relationship is one based on open communication and a solid foundation of trust. He expects that not only will I answer any question he asks honestly, but also that I am open with him which means I do not omit or hide things from him.
#2) "Do what you know is right." This is one of the rules that I say can be easily applicable to everything I do and/or say. Professor expects me to not only know what is right, but to also *choose* to do the right thing....which is not always easy.....as with my confrontational tendencies, sometimes it feels good to lash out even though I know that refraining is the right thing to do. See how this one can cause me some problems??
#1) No more than 2 (two) alcoholic beverages when I go out and choose to drink
#2) I must take my medication as prescribed & follow the medical advice of my colleagues (this probably sounds like a no-brainer to most of you, but working in medicine I tend to diagnose & treat myself without regard for others advice....Professor finally put his foot down on this issue and I am learning how to be a patient now rather than the provider...its not easy.)
#3) Only allowed to purchase 1 (one) designer handbag a month (unless I get prior approval for some special buy 1 get 1 sale...which never happens with the purses I love)
#4) Only allowed to drive 10 miles an hour above the posted speed limit ~OR~ be the 3rd fastest moving vehicle on the road within reason
Restricted/ "No No's"
#1) No more consuming 5 Hour Energy Drinks (Ignored the Cardiologist so Professor now mandates it)
#2) No cursing
#3) No hands-on use of cell phone in the car (No text, IM, email, etc...ONLY hands-free calls)
#4) No chopping off my hair
#5) No hitting anyone for any reason unless it is in defense of my or another persons' life
#6) No one else can/will spank me.....I am *His*. (The only exception to this rule is Professor & I discussing the idea of Him taking me to another disciplinarian of his choosing for a punishment session with Him present to assure my safety.)
Rules for Punishment
#1) Punctuality: No "Natalie-time" (I have broken this one twice and OMG it sucks)
#2) Only speak when spoken to AND directed to do so. Answer all questions simply "Yes, Sir" or "No, Sir" unless asked for elaboration; if directed to elaborate, do so immediately & respectfully.
#3) No fidgeting, shuffling, etc......stand still with hands at your side unless directed to do otherwise (i.e. kneeling, sitting, etc)
#4) NO GUM
#5) When in the corner, hands on your head with fingers interlocked
#6) No reaching back or covering to block swats and no rubbing afterward (Professor promised me at the start of our 1st session that if I ever did this, he would make me a very sorry girl....I've not ever been stupid enough to test him with this rule.)
#7) Maintain eye contact when you're being spoken to (This one is hard for me and has gotten me punished several times)
So there you all have it! The naughty irish imp's lists of rules and restrictions. See....I told you all that my Professor was reasonable. :) Most of them are self explanatory and common sense. A few of them are obviously problem-related and inspired. The longest section is simply a guide for my conduct when I am being punished. Now when I reference my rules list, you'll all feel 'in the loop.' :)
Monday, July 23, 2012
One of my fellow naughty girls and I had an interesting conversation tonight on the phone. She was all sorts of ecstatic because she and her Dom have been arguing for like 2 weeks now about her request to no longer have a shopping limit......and today, he caved to her. She was squealing like a little kid on Christmas morning. Lol.
I asked her how she had convinced him to relent and she said: "all you have to do is just keep whining about it day after day and eventually, you will get your way." Apparently that is exactly how it happened for her.......she whined and sulked for 2 weeks about it every time they spoke and finally today her Dom just threw his hands in the air and said: "You can do whatever you want to do."
I listened to her tell me how excited she was that she had 'won' and of course she ran down the list of everything she now plans to go purchase. The entire time I was listening to her gloat, I was also hearing alarm bells going off inside of my head. Some sort of warning bells. I told her that, to me anyway, this sounded like trouble. She was confused......so I explained.
It would be much different if her Dom had come to her on his own accord and said something like: "I'm really proud of the progress you've made and I trust that you are self-disciplined enough to set your own limits and stick to them when it comes to your shopping so I am removing the limit I had previously set for you."
^ That would be something to be celebrate ^
Her Dom had in fact just said: "You can do whatever you want to do." He said this to her with a heavy sigh and literally threw his hands into the air.
^ That is *not* something to be celebrating at all ^
I could not understand why she would be happy and proud of herself for acting like a whiny brat for two weeks, constantly hounding him and sulking.....eventually escalating it to the point that he withdrew control completely. She didn't seem to understand that this could be a serious issue later on. She said: "So you mean to tell me you wouldn't be happy as hell if you worked so hard to whine and argue for two whole weeks to get what you wanted and Professor finally gave in to you?"
Am I looking at this wrong? Is something wrong with me? Does this not seem like a bad idea to everyone else? Maybe my relationship is just different.....I don't know.
I told her that first of all, I can't imagine dragging an issue out for two weeks anyway...lol. In my relationship with Professor he doesn't give me a lot of small rules anyway.......I have very few rules but those I have can apply to most of my life. When I don't agree with Him, I say so respectfully and he listens to me.....but if after I explain my point of view, Professor remains firm and still disagrees with me.....then I accept that we don't agree and know I am to follow and submit to Him regardless. I don't bother with whining, sulking, pouting, arguing, etc. We just don't work that way. He is in charge, not me. I don't even waste my breath with the "not fair" complaint because I learned very early on that *He* determines 'fair'....not me.
I have not ever done it, but I know if I did complain about a restriction for two whole weeks......Professor would certainly *not* give in to me. Honestly, I don't think Professor would tolerate my whining and arguing for 2 days, let alone 2 weeks. I would be a *very* sorry girl if I attempted that nonsense.
But hypothetically speaking, if I did complain for 2 weeks and Professor finally just gave up and said, "You can do whatever you want to do." To me, that would probably feel like the air had just been knocked out of my lungs. I wouldn't be able to celebrate that at all. Not only would it not be a victory to me, it would be a horrible defeat. To me, that statement, would be a complete withdraw of His control. I'd be devastated.
For me, the control and the power exchange elements of my relationship with Professor are extremely important. Professor does not micro-manage me so the rules and limits he has set, are things I know he has given a lot of thought. When Professor restricts me in something, he is doing it *for* me. Do I always like the rules? Not always, but I know that he has set them for me to help to make me a better person and to keep me safe. He has never dictated arbitrarily.....his priority is to help me and to take care of me.
Early on in Professor & I's relationship, I told him about my dangerous driving (speeding mostly). Professor set a rule that I am not allowed to drive faster than 10 miles over the posted speed limit. To me at the time, it seemed unreasonable and impossible to follow and I whined to him about it.....he stood his ground and told me if I continued to complain about it then he would require me to drive only the posted limit. He wasn't doing this to be mean to me, he was doing it because he cared for me and wanted me to be safe. Professor's role in this relationship is to take care of me by providing the discipline I truly lacked before we met. I have a 4 year old son who tells me I am 'mean' when I refuse to allow him to make cotton candy & Snicker's an acceptable dinner selection....lol. I am not doing it to be mean to him, I do it because I care and it is my job to take care of him.
So early on I would complain about having to drive slower than 90mph....or only being allowed to buy one designer handbag a month......or only being allowed 2 drinks when I go out. I complained because I wasn't getting my way. Professor cared enough to put his foot down and tell me 'NO.' My complaining got me nowhere because as stubborn as I am......Professor's resolve & determination makes mine pale in comparison.
Over the last 6 months I have realized that not only were Professor's rules really not that bad......but I am happier now than I was when I had no guidelines at all to follow. I am perfectly happy driving 75mph on the interstate now. When I'm out with friends and tempted to order a 3rd drink, I order a cranberry juice instead and smile knowing that Professor will be pleased with my choice. When Tignanello introduces their new line of handbags for the fall, I will be there and purchase just one instead of all four, and I'll be smiling then too, knowing I am pleasing Professor. In all of these seemingly small things I do regularly now.......driving like I have some sense, restricting alcohol intake, using my intellect rather than obscenities to communicate, etc......I am happy, I am safe and I am pleasing my Dom. Sometimes I will just sit and take the time to think about the fact that I am following Professor's rules.......because to me, feeling his control is important.
Obviously my girlfriend and I view this situation completely differently. To her, having her Dom give in is some kind of gift.......to me, having Professor give in would be some kind of torture. To each his own I guess.
Professor is a very creative man and he has utilized some punishments that have been absolutely awful when I am in trouble..........whipping me with our looped rubber strap..........washing my mouth out with soap..........having to write lines while being paddled............being whipped with his belt on a wet bottom. Just writing out some of those punishments makes me pout.......but I think there is one that would be worse than all of those combined into one session. Withdrawing control. If Professor were to remove the rules & limits he has set for me.......that would be a slap in the face.......a form of rejection. I want and I *need* his control. It pleases me to please him. Professor providing structure, rules & discipline is what I asked him for......his control over me is His gift to me.......and my submission is my gift to Him.
"You can do whatever you want to do".......hmmm.......
Well I WANT to continue to submit to the authority of my Disciplinarian
And I WANT to follow the rules & respect the limits he has cared enough to set for me
I WANT my behavior to please my Dom
I WANT.....no, I NEED to feel the gift of Professor's dominance & control as he continues to help me improve, learn & grow into the disciplined young woman we both know I can be.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
The following are questions from 3 separate spanking questionnaires......I took the questions from all three and have woven them into one. My answers should help to give you a glimpse into my naughty little mind and the spanking passion at the heart of my disciplinary relationship with Professor. Enjoy!!! :)
Would you rather be spanked in public or private?
Private......though being spanked in public does add the additional embarrassment factor and could definitely be an intense experience.
Would you rather fantasize about spanking or actually be spanked?
Could this even be a real question? Lol. Obviously, actually being spanked is far better than only fantasizing about it.
Would you rather be spanked for humiliation or for your spanker’s pleasure?
Very easy answer......for His pleasure (and if I am a good girl, mine as well)
Would you rather be spanked by hand or hairbrush?
His hand is undoubtedly my favorite 'implement'. I love the skin to skin contact and the closeness of the over the knee position used for a hand spanking. I love when he alternates between slow smacks, giving me time to really feel each swat & administering hard stinging swats in rapid succession causing me to whimper. Professor has very strong hands....I've actually been spanked with small paddles that don't sting as much as His hand does.
Would you rather be spanked by belt or cane?
Hmm.....they are both good for different scenes but I prefer His belt for most all of our sessions because it is an always available, domestic implement. I have a love hate relationship with Professor's belt and that makes it extremely effective. However, if I am being spanked in his office at school, then I'd prefer the cane simply because it is an academic implement.
Would you rather be spanked by ping pong paddle or riding crop?
Um, I'm not certain I have a preference here........I will say I prefer to be spanked with whichever implement(s) that Professor prefers to punish me with.
Would you rather be restrained or unrestrained during a spanking?
Unrestrained.......I am a control freak.
Would you rather have just a red bottom or welts/bruises?
I have finicky skin.....some times I will mark extremely easily, other times I could be spanked for hours and hardly be red. As for which I 'prefer', I have no preference in how I mark. I don't have any problem with being bruised or welted from a spanking. When I am spanked, I'm not concerned with how I will mark as much as I am that I'll feel it for a couple days....my spanker is skilled at insuring I am sore for at least a couple of days.
Would you rather be spanked for the naughty things you have done or just because you enjoy the experience?
Both, honestly. I have plenty of real life infractions that I am punished for but if I am able to behave myself for extended periods of time then I still want and need to be spanked......so if I am not being punished, then Professor can spank me for any number of reasons like a good role play, stress, maintenance, or just because we both enjoy it.
Would you rather be spanked with panties up or panties down?
I am always spanked on my bare bottom
What does your spanker call you during a spanking?
He usually calls me by my first & middle name (Natalie Lynn) or 'young lady.'
What do you call your spanker during a spanking?
'Sir'......always. I don't even call him 'Professor' during a session.....only 'Sir.'
Would you rather be spanked OTK, lying on a bed or bent over a table/chair/desk?
That depends on the implement being used......and Professor uses each of those positions and more.
What is your favorite position to be in during pre-spanking or mid-spanking lectures?
The majority of the time Professor will insist I stand in front of him, hands at my side, maintaining eye contact with him as he sits at a desk and lectures me while going over the offenses on my punishment list. Occasionally he will lecture while I am in the corner. My favorite?.....I love to kneel in front of him, with my hands either clasped together resting on my thighs or interlocked behind me, looking up at him as he speaks to me. There is just something about kneeling quietly in front of Him that makes me feel incredibly submissive. He has actually only insisted I kneel before Him a couple of times.....but I love it regardless of how often I am told to do it.....it just completely overwhelms and quiets my mind with amazingly intense feelings of submission.
Would you rather your spanker have physical contact with you?
Doesn't he kind of HAVE to in order to spank me? Lol. Of course I prefer he have physical contact with me.
Does your spanker direct you to the corner or drag you by your arm, ear, etc?
Professor typically just directs me to where he wants me. He has not ever had to drag me (though that might be fun) because he knows I will obey him.
Does your spanker pull your hair or lift your chin to make you look at him/her?
He has lifted my chin a few times but most often he simply tells me to look at him and I comply. He has tilted my head to the side by tugging on my hair to get me to raise my face from a pillow & turn to look at him.
Would you prefer to be spanked in the woods with a tree branch, bent over the hood of a car, or in a school with a ruler bent over the desk of your teacher/principal?
The answer to this question should be a dead giveaway....my disciplinarian is a professor......and being spanked in his office is really kind of hot :)
Would you rather be a brat to your spanker to deserve a spanking or simply ask your spanker for a spanking because you know you needed it?
I typically am spanked for real life offenses.....but if those were my two options then I'd rather ask Professor to spank me than be a brat to him on purpose. Bratting is not part of our dynamic.....I know better.
Have you received a spanking in the last week?
Nope, my last spanking was 7/11......so 11 days ago now.
Has your spanker ever done something that literally gave you chills or made you shake?
When I am in the corner and he sneaks up quietly behind me and whispers something into my ear like, 'you're going to be a very sorry little girl by the time I'm done with you'.....works every single time.
Would you rather be spanked for the physical sensation or the emotional release?
A nice even combination of the two
Would you rather tell your best friends that you enjoy to be spanked or keep it a secret?
Most of my true friends know that I am a spanko girl. I used to worry about hiding it from others because I didn't want people to think I was weird......but now, I don't really worry much about what others think...lol. And keeping it a secret was a bit difficult when I have an arsenal of implements throughout my home....lol.
Would you rather spanking be a lifestyle choice or just something you dabble in?
I don't think I fit into either of those categories. I certainly don't dabble in it as a one time thing but I'm not what most people consider a 'lifestyler' because it doesn't define my life. I think I am just a typical girl who leads a normal life and happens to have a passion for spanking.
Would you rather your lover be a vanilla or a spankoholic too?
Ideally a romantic partner would share the passion....I had that in my marriage and loved the trust,closeness & intimacy it inspired. I don't date now because I don't have the time with work,school,parenting,etc and I'm not certain I have the emotional stamina to navigate a romance right now so I don't have to worry about whether or not my significant other is into spanking at the moment. Again, I did enjoy sharing it in my marriage but right now I am really loving the relationship dynamic that I have with Professor being my Disciplinarian without the complexity of a romance added to complicate things.
Would you rather be spanked by a stranger or by someone who knew you well?
I am only spanked by Professor; and he knows me pretty well. I would not ever allow a stranger to spank me because I think trust and respect are essential elements to a spanking relationship. The *only* exception to this for me is that Professor & I have discussed his idea of taking me to another disciplinarian of His choosing for a serious punishment spanking session that He would accompany me to in order to guarantee my safety.....that is a situation where I would allow a stranger to spank me: Professor's choice, spanking me at His request with Him present to protect me.
Would you rather be spanked by a despotic, mean person or by a compassionate, benevolent person?
Lol.....I am confident that I have a perfect combination of caring & rational mixed with sadistic & demanding in Professor. I think you need a bit of both in order to make up an effective spanker.
Would you rather be talked to while you are spanked or no talking at all?
If it were my choice, which it isn't, I would prefer no talking at all during the spanking...lol...because it is difficult to pay attention to a lecture or answer questions when I am focused on the punishing swats landing on my bare bottom. Professor typically gives me the majority of my scolding before I am spanked, but he does emphasize key points or ask questions of relevance while he is administering my punishment.
Would you rather get one swat at a time with pauses to let the sting set in or a continuous tanning to build up the fire?
I prefer a nice even mix of both. At times Professor will spank slowly so I can feel and appreciate each and every swat......at other times he will rapidly spank my bottom causing me to struggle to remain still. Professor typically switches back and forth between slow, deliberate spanking and the quick, harsh spanking several times throughout a spanking session. Both methods have their 'perks'.
Would you rather be forced into a spanking or willingly submit into a spanking?
I have always submitted to a spanking because I know I deserve it. That being said, one of my biggest fantasies is to be 'forced' into an impromptu spanking. I think I would like to struggle, argue & put up a fight to avoid a punishment spanking just to be overcome physically and spanked against my will.
Would you rather have a safe word or be pushed beyond your preconceived limits?
My own personal preference (this is NOT meant as advice for anyone else) is to not ever even have a safe word. I would trust Professor with my life. I have not ever even established a safe word with Professor because I do not need it. I think even having a safe word would put control into my hands knowing that I could choose to stop the spanking. One of the biggest elements of this relationship for me is complete power exchange....I do not want control. Especially when I am being punished, I should not have the power to stop or slow a punishment. I make one decision, that is to trust Professor and submit to his authority. I know that he would never hurt me & I know that he will always give me exactly what I need/deserve. As far as limits are concerned.....I believe with a partner you trust, that all limits are meant to be explored and challenged.
Would you rather your spanker know your spanking history or is ignorance bliss?
Professor and I shared a lot of our spanking history with one another prior to meeting and I think that is important.....information is power.
Would you rather be spanked by multiple people at one time or just by one person at a time?
Would you rather be spanked once a day or once every few months?
Hmmm.........every day would be great but is not practical or possible.......lol. But only once every few months is too infrequent. Probably once or twice a month is ideal.
Would you rather your spanker be deeply in tune or be totally unaffected to your experiences as a spankee?
I very much depend on and love how intuitive Professor is. Even when I have been unable to tell him what I need, he seems to know. His being in tune with me has only strengthened the connection & level of trust I have with him. His intuition astounded me from my first session with Him and has made me feel incredibly comfortable placing myself under his firm control because I know that Professor knows what he is doing and will take damn good care of me as his little girl.
Would you rather a closer physical relationship or a closer emotional relationship with your spanker?
Obviously physical interaction is a large part of any spanking relationship........but I think the emotional relationship is vital and what makes the physicality possible.
Is it most effective when your spanker yells at you or when your spanker is quiet?
Professor does not yell at me...he never has. When he is scolding me, he will occasionally raise his voice a little bit just to emphasize a point....I jump, literally, every time he does it. He is very quiet and intense, which is insanely effective.
Has your spanker ever ignored you?
No, Professor has not ever ignored me. He doesn't play guessing games; if he is angry at me, he has no problem letting me know that.
Does your spanker give you rules to follow?
Yes, I do have a handful of rules that Professor insists I follow, or face the consequences. He has given me very few rules; he is not a micro-manager.
Would you rather your spanker ice your bottom down after a spanking or send you to the corner to display his/her accomplishment?
Lol! I actually sort of like being sent to the corner after I have been spanked and feeling Professor's eyes on me as he admires his handiwork. I said the 'lol' at the idea of icing a bottom down after a spanking.....if I were dumb enough to ask Professor to ice my bottom after I've been punished, I can guarantee that he wouldn't do it.....he might however choose to put ice on my bottom BEFORE spanking me, which would really suck because there is nothing more painful than being paddled or strapped on an ice cold bare bottom.
Would you rather your spanker be the person you wish to live the rest of your life with (i.e. marriage) or the person you can call on when your tushy tickles?
My spanker is married; we have a non-sexual discipline based relationship......but he is definitely my 'phone-a-friend' when I am spank-horny. :)
Would you rather your spanker have total control over you when you are being spanked or do you still want to have some control while you are being spanked?
Professor has to have complete control when I am being punished.....that's the dynamic we have. One of the most important elements of our relationship to me is the complete power exchange. I am naturally a control-freak but in my relationship with Professor, I do not want to have any control; I enjoy submitting to and pleasing Him. He makes all decisions when we are together, even simple & seemingly unimportant things such as using the bathroom or getting a drink of water....I have to ask his permission before I do or say anything when we are together, and I really love that.
Would you rather be humiliated or respected during a spanking?
I suppose a certain amount of embarrassment is a part of any truly good discipline spanking......however, I would not say that my disciplinarian has ever 'humiliated' me, rather he humbles me.
Would you rather spanking become part of a bigger BDSM alternative lifestyle or spanking just be spanking for spanking sake?
I love spanking just for spankings sake
Would you rather your spanking be gentle and gradual or painful and abrupt?
I am not much of a fan of 'gentle' spankings. Love pats and cutesy soft swats are *not* a spanking. If I am being spanked then I expect to feel it.
Would you rather be defiant or fearful going into a spanking?
I have not ever really been fearful.....but I often am nervous about having to face Professor when I know I've misbehaved. I might consider defiance in a role play but when I am truly in trouble and being punished, I have not ever been openly defiant toward Professor....I know better.
Would you rather be spanked exclusively on your bottom or would other places be interesting too?
My sit spots and upper thighs are always fair game as well as my bottom. Oh and I have had my hands strapped once like 6 years ago for flipping my husband off...lol.
Has your spanker ever washed your mouth out with soap?
Unfortunately, yes. Professor has only washed my mouth out once......just 11 days ago at our last session for my continuous cursing. I don't ever want to give him a reason to do it again.....it sucked.
Has your spanker ever grounded you?
Yes, Professor has grounded me or restricted me from certain things.....like no cell phone use at all in the car for 4 days because I kept texting while driving....or....when he insisted that I drive only the speed limit for a week because I got a speeding ticket.
Has your spanker ever slapped you for back talking him/her?
No, Professor has not ever slapped me for talking back......not yet anyway. I am typically smart enough to *not* argue or talk back to him when I am in trouble because I know better. Actually there was one time that I really, truly thought he was going to slap me.....he was lecturing me & getting ready to strap me with the rubber loop strap that I *hate* and I thought I whispered but apparently I was louder than I intended to be when I said "bitch" in reference to Lauren telling him to use that strap on me. That was the first time he had ever raised his voice at me, he was shocked that I'd said it and so was I....he loudly barked 'What did you just say?' and I just sort of froze, I couldn't speak. The look on his face....OMG, if looks could kill. That's probably the only time I have really thought he might slap me....I honestly think I deserved to be slapped for that nonsense....but Professor didn't slap me, he just whipped me with that damn rubber loop strap....HARD....I'd of rather been slapped....lol.
Would you rather that spanking be a surprise or something that you have to look forward to?
Professor and I live a decent distance from one another right now so I always get to 'look forward' to my spankings.....they are planned about a week in advance so I have several days to be nervous in anticipation. But like I said in an earlier question at the top of this post, one of my biggest fantasies is a surprise or impromptu spanking that I struggle & argue to avoid just to have Him physically over-power me and spank me anyway.
Would you rather that spanking be a part of role playing kinkiness or a response to events that have happened in reality?
I enjoy both scenarios. A great role play spanking can leave me reeling. But if I had to choose, I do prefer being spanked for real life naughtiness.
Would you rather be spanked by a male or female?
A man....but not any man....I am only spanked by *one* man....the best....Professor :)
Would you rather be cuddled or scolded after a spanking?
Even in my marriage, I am not big on cuddling after a spanking. I mean I do enjoy some amount of physical contact but I prefer to be pulled into a hug rather than 'cuddled.' Typically immediately after a spanking, when I am still lying across Professor's lap, he will trace his fingertips across my aching skin....which usually makes the sting and soreness even more intense under his light touching. Occasionally he will massage a lotion into my properly punished cheeks. Then once I am up from his knee, he opens his arms and I melt into a hug and then we sit and talk....usually the scolding is done by this point, but he will ask me to tell him what I learned, how I'll change it, etc.