A girlfriend of mine left a comment on my last blog post (Disconnected).....and her comment has inspired an entire post of its own. The friend who wrote the comment is a colleague of mine and fellow-spanko girl. She and I have always caused trouble together.....when we could get away with it. :)
"you could still come misbehave with us, ya know? what your proffy dont know cant hurt him, or uh you. lol. or you could keep being a chicken and have no fun behavin cuz youre scared of gettin in trouble. "
First of all......IF I did choose to misbehave.....of course my Professor would know. Perhaps not immediately, but he would find out.....he always does. I would have to tell him if I misbehaved because of Rule #1.....open & honest always. I hide nothing from Professor.....regardless of the consequences. I told Professor early on in our relationship, "I can't promise you that you will always like what you hear, but I can promise you that it will be the truth." And I then warned him that I have the natural tendency to 'over share' and essentially tell on myself every single time. He now *expects* that I tell on myself.....if I don't and he finds out before I confess, then I am in more trouble for 'protecting' him by not giving him the info. It's a damned if you do & damned if you don't.....I simply prefer the one that will please him the most and thus earn me less consequences. Honesty is always the best policy.
Second, I have said several times, my obedience and my submission is not a product of fear. It is inspired by something far more effective......respect. I truly respect Professor as not only my Disciplinarian, but as a man, mentor, teacher, friend, father. I do not scare easily.....so unless Professor comes back from vacation with 8 legs.....I am not afraid of him. I'm not even certain that gaining compliance through fear would be much of an accomplishment.....so why some Tops prefer that method, I have no idea but mine does not.
Of course when I know I've done something that will upset him, then I am hesitant to tell him. That hesitance is because I really hate to let him down.....it is not at all because I am scared of what the consequences might be. Obviously a punishment spanking is not a pleasant experience (and I would much rather be spanked just because we both enjoy it) but I don't ever fear the consequences for my actions. It hurts but I am not afraid of pain, in fact some might call me a masochist.
Regardless, I know Professor prefers I obey him by choice and from respect, than by mandate and because of fear. I have nothing to fear because I trust this man completely. He can certainly deliver on his promise of a hard spanking when I have misbehaved, but he would never really harm me. He could do far more damage to me psychologically than he ever could physically. I have opened myself to him, I took down walls and allowed him in and in that process, came to care a lot for the man that had earned my trust. He would not have to touch me to truly hurt me and he knows that. I am vulnerable with him, I gave him that power by letting him in and allowing myself to trust him.
To hear him say that I have disappointed him is far more painful than any spanking he could give me.
His opinion means a lot to me.....he is honestly one of very few people whose opinions I even care for. I choose to obey him because I enjoy pleasing him. I crave his approval. So naturally I would choose to behave as I know he expects of me in his absence, because I know that will please him. Intentionally misbehaving is immature Jackie, and will not please Professor which in turn will deny me the approval I crave. Make sense? I am not behaving myself to 'not have fun' or because I am scared......I am choosing to behave because it is a means to an end. Our very dynamic requires my good behavior. Professor is dominant and with him, and him alone, I am submissive. I am going to behave while he is gone because it pleases me to please him.