Monday, July 23, 2012
Whatever I Want To Do
One of my fellow naughty girls and I had an interesting conversation tonight on the phone. She was all sorts of ecstatic because she and her Dom have been arguing for like 2 weeks now about her request to no longer have a shopping limit......and today, he caved to her. She was squealing like a little kid on Christmas morning. Lol.
I asked her how she had convinced him to relent and she said: "all you have to do is just keep whining about it day after day and eventually, you will get your way." Apparently that is exactly how it happened for her.......she whined and sulked for 2 weeks about it every time they spoke and finally today her Dom just threw his hands in the air and said: "You can do whatever you want to do."
I listened to her tell me how excited she was that she had 'won' and of course she ran down the list of everything she now plans to go purchase. The entire time I was listening to her gloat, I was also hearing alarm bells going off inside of my head. Some sort of warning bells. I told her that, to me anyway, this sounded like trouble. She was confused......so I explained.
It would be much different if her Dom had come to her on his own accord and said something like: "I'm really proud of the progress you've made and I trust that you are self-disciplined enough to set your own limits and stick to them when it comes to your shopping so I am removing the limit I had previously set for you."
^ That would be something to be celebrate ^
Her Dom had in fact just said: "You can do whatever you want to do." He said this to her with a heavy sigh and literally threw his hands into the air.
^ That is *not* something to be celebrating at all ^
I could not understand why she would be happy and proud of herself for acting like a whiny brat for two weeks, constantly hounding him and sulking.....eventually escalating it to the point that he withdrew control completely. She didn't seem to understand that this could be a serious issue later on. She said: "So you mean to tell me you wouldn't be happy as hell if you worked so hard to whine and argue for two whole weeks to get what you wanted and Professor finally gave in to you?"
Am I looking at this wrong? Is something wrong with me? Does this not seem like a bad idea to everyone else? Maybe my relationship is just different.....I don't know.
I told her that first of all, I can't imagine dragging an issue out for two weeks anyway...lol. In my relationship with Professor he doesn't give me a lot of small rules anyway.......I have very few rules but those I have can apply to most of my life. When I don't agree with Him, I say so respectfully and he listens to me.....but if after I explain my point of view, Professor remains firm and still disagrees with me.....then I accept that we don't agree and know I am to follow and submit to Him regardless. I don't bother with whining, sulking, pouting, arguing, etc. We just don't work that way. He is in charge, not me. I don't even waste my breath with the "not fair" complaint because I learned very early on that *He* determines 'fair'....not me.
I have not ever done it, but I know if I did complain about a restriction for two whole weeks......Professor would certainly *not* give in to me. Honestly, I don't think Professor would tolerate my whining and arguing for 2 days, let alone 2 weeks. I would be a *very* sorry girl if I attempted that nonsense.
But hypothetically speaking, if I did complain for 2 weeks and Professor finally just gave up and said, "You can do whatever you want to do." To me, that would probably feel like the air had just been knocked out of my lungs. I wouldn't be able to celebrate that at all. Not only would it not be a victory to me, it would be a horrible defeat. To me, that statement, would be a complete withdraw of His control. I'd be devastated.
For me, the control and the power exchange elements of my relationship with Professor are extremely important. Professor does not micro-manage me so the rules and limits he has set, are things I know he has given a lot of thought. When Professor restricts me in something, he is doing it *for* me. Do I always like the rules? Not always, but I know that he has set them for me to help to make me a better person and to keep me safe. He has never dictated arbitrarily.....his priority is to help me and to take care of me.
Early on in Professor & I's relationship, I told him about my dangerous driving (speeding mostly). Professor set a rule that I am not allowed to drive faster than 10 miles over the posted speed limit. To me at the time, it seemed unreasonable and impossible to follow and I whined to him about it.....he stood his ground and told me if I continued to complain about it then he would require me to drive only the posted limit. He wasn't doing this to be mean to me, he was doing it because he cared for me and wanted me to be safe. Professor's role in this relationship is to take care of me by providing the discipline I truly lacked before we met. I have a 4 year old son who tells me I am 'mean' when I refuse to allow him to make cotton candy & Snicker's an acceptable dinner selection....lol. I am not doing it to be mean to him, I do it because I care and it is my job to take care of him.
So early on I would complain about having to drive slower than 90mph....or only being allowed to buy one designer handbag a month......or only being allowed 2 drinks when I go out. I complained because I wasn't getting my way. Professor cared enough to put his foot down and tell me 'NO.' My complaining got me nowhere because as stubborn as I am......Professor's resolve & determination makes mine pale in comparison.
Over the last 6 months I have realized that not only were Professor's rules really not that bad......but I am happier now than I was when I had no guidelines at all to follow. I am perfectly happy driving 75mph on the interstate now. When I'm out with friends and tempted to order a 3rd drink, I order a cranberry juice instead and smile knowing that Professor will be pleased with my choice. When Tignanello introduces their new line of handbags for the fall, I will be there and purchase just one instead of all four, and I'll be smiling then too, knowing I am pleasing Professor. In all of these seemingly small things I do regularly now.......driving like I have some sense, restricting alcohol intake, using my intellect rather than obscenities to communicate, etc......I am happy, I am safe and I am pleasing my Dom. Sometimes I will just sit and take the time to think about the fact that I am following Professor's rules.......because to me, feeling his control is important.
Obviously my girlfriend and I view this situation completely differently. To her, having her Dom give in is some kind of gift.......to me, having Professor give in would be some kind of torture. To each his own I guess.
Professor is a very creative man and he has utilized some punishments that have been absolutely awful when I am in trouble..........whipping me with our looped rubber strap..........washing my mouth out with soap..........having to write lines while being paddled............being whipped with his belt on a wet bottom. Just writing out some of those punishments makes me pout.......but I think there is one that would be worse than all of those combined into one session. Withdrawing control. If Professor were to remove the rules & limits he has set for me.......that would be a slap in the face.......a form of rejection. I want and I *need* his control. It pleases me to please him. Professor providing structure, rules & discipline is what I asked him for......his control over me is His gift to me.......and my submission is my gift to Him.
"You can do whatever you want to do".......hmmm.......
Well I WANT to continue to submit to the authority of my Disciplinarian
And I WANT to follow the rules & respect the limits he has cared enough to set for me
I WANT my behavior to please my Dom
I WANT.....no, I NEED to feel the gift of Professor's dominance & control as he continues to help me improve, learn & grow into the disciplined young woman we both know I can be.