Happy Birthday...Nervous Brat

Well today is my birthday.....and thus far, it has sucked.

Was in a friends wedding this weekend and the reception brought problems.....BIG problems. I had crossed the line in how much I am allowed to drink but past that I didn't have much information or details.....let's just say that some of my 'friends' are no longer. It was a mess and I feel betrayed even still after 3 days to cool down.

I felt bad for what I *did* know.....that I'd broken my limit......so I confessed to Professor via IM the very next morning. All I did know for sure was I'd at least had triple what I should have and how I got home......that was more than enough to displease my Professor. He was disappointed......really disappointed in ME.....not my behavior.....me.....and he let me know exactly how he felt. That broke my heart because I care so much for Professor and his opinion truly matters to me. He has been disappointed in my behavior or choices before and I have hated that.....but not once, ever has he been disappointed in me, as a person. Until Sunday afternoon.

Worse??? I knew I hadn't done this intentionally and I still didn't even have the details I needed to defend myself. So Professor and I ended our chat session on a horribly low note. I was devastated and cried more on Sunday than I have in years. Finally when I got the information I needed and learned what had happened I became truly pissed that people I trusted would screw with something so important to me behind my back and risk so much to my health, safety, etc. I emailed Professor the whole story and through the course of follow up emails he told me that understanding what had been done Saturday night, he was no longer disappointed in me. Somehow I still felt horrible and I needed to hear that from him.......emails are nice but I needed his voice. Once I got that call Monday, I began to feel more reassured with him.......but I am still far from content with the 'friends.' Ughhh

Woke up today.....hooray I am 27. My 4yr old told me that I am 'really really old mommy'.....lol. I went to the gym with a friend to talk some and blow off some steam and toward the end of our workout my phone rang. I answered to be greeted by a police officer informing me that my 4yr old son, my aunt and one of my wiener dogs had been in an accident on the interstate!!!!! Heart in my throat, my buddy and I drove at insane speeds to the hospital.....thank God he is also a police officer. My aunt is fine aside from a shoulder injury. My tough little guy has cuts on his head and a gash on his neck but is no worse for the wear.....THANK GOD! My poor little wiener dog got the worst of it.....even though he was also restrained in a seat belt. Hermy has a broken leg. If you have ever seen a wiener dog then you know the legs are only like 2 inches long to begin with.....poor guy has a stubby little cast on his toothpick of a leg and he looks so helpless. :(

Now I am off to shower and then sleep.......MUCH NEEDED sleep. Tomorrow morning I will be leaving first thing to drive down and see Professor for the day. Part of me is eager and soooo ready to see him. The other half of me is nervous......really, really nervous. Our last session was just over 2 weeks ago and I have added SEVERAL offenses to the list since then.....and some of them are pretty serious stuff. So I know I am certainly getting more than a cutesy little birthday spanking. I think regardless, I NEED it.......I *really* need it. Seeing Professor always improves my mood and the stress just seems to evaporate.....for a while anyway. After the last 5 days, I definitely need a reset. Wish me luck :)