Somewhere Out There

 

 

 

January 29, 2015


"And even though I know how very far apart we are;
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star."

Loved this song when I was a little girl (chronologically).

I've had it in my head the last several days as I am home struggling with health issues and my Daddy Dom has been away on business and then delayed by the blizzard when he was to originally come back home to me.

I am always pouty when he is geographically further from me. Even if we still have constant contact. It's odd, that, I know he is always with me even if we aren't physically together.....and when we are both home we are still not physically in one another's presence often enough for my liking.....but when one or the other of us have to travel I start to feel disconnected, pouty, adrift, alone almost instantaneously.

I am a strange creature.

Actually, I'm not. I know many other sub girls feel this sort of emotional rollercoaster when separated from their own Dom. I am simply a very attached Daddy's girl. And that's okay.

We have spoken every single day of his absence, multiple times. He has tucked me into bed every single night with his silky smooth voice lulling me off to dreamland. And yet, I miss him. I miss him so very much. I get teary-eyed even typing that. :(

Of course my mood isn't helped by the fact that my  10th wedding anniversary to my Marine was yesterday.

Or the fact that I am still practically buried in snow with more than another 2 foot on the way over the next 4 days.

I am just a mess. A huge jumbled emotional mess.

The bright spot of my night at least is knowing that at this very moment, my Daddy is boarding his flight back home to take care of his little girl. It took 3 separate changes in itinerary and close navigation of the approaching storm as the last departed but finally, he found a 4-6 hour slot of time where he could make it safely home, after more than a week away.

Somewhere out there, up in the dark night sky is a jet bringing this man back home where he belongs, to the waiting & whiny arms of his emotional little girl. :(

Memorial Day

***Repost: Memorial Day***

05/26/2014

This irritation began a couple weeks ago when I overheard a large home improvement company's commercial detailing their upcoming sales and insisting that Memorial Day was all about home improvement, summer kickoffs and family BBQs. I was annoyed enough to send an email reminding their corporate office what this holiday is truly about. 

Ah but the ignorance is an epidemic in this country. Over the last week I have heard similar advertisements on the radio while driving and seen several "Happy Memorial Day" signs and banners. Then of course come the idiots who say those 3 words together in conversation with me personally.......

"Happy Memorial Day."

Really?? You have got to be kidding me. I "get it".....fortunately, not all of America has worn the uniform of this country or stood behind the brave soul who has. We......the military & their families......are the minority. That fact never escapes me and I'm not offended knowing we are a minority......honestly, the majority could not experience what we have on a personal level. Sending your spouse, child, sibling or parent off to fight in a war half-way around the world for months on end never knowing if they will return this time. Watching your loved one jerk in their sleep while calling out comrades names, or waking at the slightest sound, or watching CNN coverage scanning for friends names. Realizing that while your soldier came home from war, they have brought the war home with them and there is nothing you can do to help ease that burden. 

Then of course there is an even smaller sub-group to our minority. Maybe you know one of us personally. Perhaps we are your neighbor or co-worker or fellow parent on the PTA. "We" are members of a club that no one ever wants to join.....we are the families left behind by the servicemen & women who have paid the ultimate sacrifice for this country. 

As I said earlier, I "get it"......you may not be able to relate so I try to be understanding and phrase it in a way that will make some sense. While every American may not have military experience.......we ALL have memorial experience. We have all loved and we have all lost. We have all attended a wake, memorial service or funeral. How inappropriate would it have been if during your mothers' funeral service, a well-wisher told you "congratulations"??? Or better yet, made their way to express their condolences and then immediately shared their home improvement and BBQ planning with you??? How offended would you be if you heard someone say "Happy 9/11"??? Makes a little more sense now, huh???

Here are some numbers I think every American should see on this sacred holiday each May:

Revolutionary War: Fought 1775-1783: 4,435 confirmed American deaths.

War of 1812: Fought 1812-1815: 2,260 confirmed American deaths.

Mexican War: Fought 1846-1848: 13,283 confirmed American deaths.

American Civil War: Fought 1861-1865: 498,332 confirmed American deaths.

Spanish-American War: Fought 1898: 2,446 confirmed American deaths.

World War I: Fought 1917-1918: 116,516 confirmed American deaths.

World War II: Fought 1941-1946: 405,399 confirmed American deaths.

Korean War: Fought 1950-1953: 36,574 confirmed American deaths.

Vietnam War: Fought 1964-1973: 58,209 confirmed American deaths.

Persian Gulf War: Fought 1990-1991: 382 confirmed American deaths.

Global War on Terror (OIF/OND/OEF): Fought 2001-present: 6,708 confirmed American deaths.

Those are ONLY the numbers from our major conflicts......not included are several thousand more brave servicemen killed in various operations or conflicts since our country's inception. Aside from the aforementioned well-known wars, we have lost thousands wearing our country's uniform in little-known conflicts such as: Quasi War, 1st & 2nd Barbary Wars, Various Indian Conflicts (Seminole, Blackhawk, Bannock, Modoc, Great Sioux, Ghost Dance, Sugar Point, etc), American occupations of other countries without a declaration of war (Haiti, Nicaragua, etc), Military action against pirates in 1800s, Battle of Mogadishu in Somalia 1993, and several more I am sure I've not mentioned here. We lost lives in every single one of these conflicts.

Add to those numbers the thousands who have died in training exercises, friendly-fire incidents, downed aircraft. Or the men & women of Ft. Hood, TX who were *at home* receiving medical care after an overseas deployment only to be shot by a coward hiding behind the same uniform. 

What about the hundreds who remain listed officially as Missing in Action?? Or our tens of thousands of Wounded in Action?? Or the men and women who have come home physically whole but an emotional wreck?? The thousands of veterans who have lost their psychological battle and tragically taken their own lives?? Those who continue to struggle with the loss of their battle-buddies and suffer silently with survivor's guilt for the rest of their lives??

This holiday is about remembrance. And behind every man or woman who has worn the uniform of our country and supported our way of life, is a family serving silently behind them offering support and continuing with life back home. Our military is a volunteer service, so each man or woman who enlists or is commissioned has chosen this way of life.......for their families, we had no choice......we simply love our service member. 

How helpless did you feel on Sept. 11th watching passenger jets flown into our occupied office buildings?? What about just last month, watching in horror as explosives ripped through the Boston Marathon on Patriot's Day?? As rare as these attacks on our own soil are, when they happen it is terrifying.......but understand that in many parts of the world violence, terror and oppression are the norm.......it is because of our brave military that these events happen far less frequently in America. 

Enjoy your 3-day weekend, paint your house, have a BBQ, mend your fence......but please think for a moment about the men & women who gave their lives to afford you those opportunities. And before you say something as offensive as, "Happy Memorial Day" to others, remember that some of us are tied in a very personal way to the true meaning of this sacred day. There is nothing "happy" about a black sedan carrying military brass pulling up in front of a home to tell a woman her husband was killed in action. Nothing "happy" about parents burying their son or daughter. Nothing "happy" about hearing Taps and a 21 gun salute and watching as a flag is folded and handed to a little girl, on behalf of a grateful nation as she buries her daddy.......that flag will not walk her down the aisle at her wedding. A Purple Heart doesn't go a long way in consoling a grieving spouse. A Gold Star can't chase the "monsters" out from under a little boys bed. 

To those who have served, are serving now and will serve in the future: Thank You.

"Our debt to the heroic men and valiant women in the service of our country can never be repaid; they have earned our undying gratitude, America will never forget their sacrifices." 
---President Harry S. Truman

All Or Nothing? Is It Possible?

07/11/2013

Definitely really, *really* hard stuff. I saw a girlfriend's post about her struggle with combining her D/s relationship and her vanilla romance.....and it made me pause, think and now wonder. 

I'm navigating my own vanilla romance right now and balancing it with my D/s relationship with my Daddy Dom......who is also married to a vanilla partner. I've had the two entwined before.....D/s with romance.....so I've experienced both aspects of the dynamic, and both have their own unique pros and cons. Personally, while the intensity of my marriage was amazing with the DD aspects........I quite honestly now think I prefer the dynamic I have now with my Dom.........the D/s without the romance added to complicate things. Combining D/s & romance gave me more control than I wanted........it's not overly difficult to manipulate a man you're sleeping with. :)   

Back to my fellow subs post.....she wonders if her D/s relationship is pushing her non-Dom away......if one relationship succeeding is doing so at the expense of the other......she feels the judgement of her vanilla partner. 

HARD STUFF! 

It all got me wondering though, because again I am currently managing a D/s relationship and a vanilla romance. It's definitely a delicate balancing act, but reading little's post, has me asking my own questions. 

Is it possible to have both? Healthily manage the two separate from one another?

Does it have to be all or nothing for a relationship to truly withstand this test?

To make your vanilla partner truly happy, do you have to give up this part of your life? Even if it is detrimental to you? Do you just need to be open, honest and conscious of their feelings? Do you need to discuss your D/s needs and agree to limits to make your vanilla partner secure? Is it even right of a partner to expect to request you limit this part of who you are? 

HARD STUFF!

I think, based on my own current circumstances, it is possible to have both D/s and romance......and with the "right" partners, one relationship can benefit the other. 

My Dom sent me an email about a week ago actually reminding me to be cognizant of my partner......to understand that it must be difficult for him to realize he can not meet all of my needs. I, personally, think it is unrealistic for anyone to expect to be able to meet every need of their romantic partner.....but I understood what my Daddy was trying to say to me. Vanilla partners may have self doubt issues when they realize they truly can't satisfy this need we have......particularly when they realize that the bond, the physical & emotional intimacy of D/s, and the release fulfilling this part of who we are provides a level of satisfaction vital to us but foreign to them.

Some vanilla partners will try to fill the need to humor us or in an attempt to meet the need, but realistically that won't work for long.....you are either born with this DNA or you are not. Some vanilla partners may know but choose to ignore this part of our lives in an effort to protect themselves from the painful realization that they are not able to meet our needs. Some vanilla partners openly support our D/s relationships, but may still struggle internally with true acceptance. 

How, long term, do you navigate & balance both? 

I had my Daddy when I connected with my significant other and laid out my "non-negotiables" in a very clear way in the infancy of our budding romance......my politics, kids, religious standing, sports teams and of course my D/s relationship. I told him he may not understand this part of my life, but I would not change it and if he couldn't support it, then we wouldn't work. I didn't want to hide it from him until we were both so emotionally invested that it would have crushed us to walk away if this wasn't something he could live with. And D/s is such an important part of my life & who I am that I would never even consider changing or limiting my relationship with my Dom in order to please a romantic partner. I think romance, love & sex is a necessary part of most any truly happy life.....but if backed into a corner & forced to choose, the D/s needs & my relationship with my Dom would win out easily. I was born a spanko girl with a need for true discipline at the core.....I am hard-wired this way and I could/would never change that. Denying this part of me would be denying me......I wouldn't ever truly be happy......I simply couldn't just ignore or 'change' this need, it is a part of who I am. 

Then add to that what I have found in my Dom......he not only satisfies this part of who I am as a person, he has become an integral part of my life. He is in every sense aside from biological.....my father. He mentors me & provides me direction, he loves & understands me on a level no one else could, he provides the discipline & tangible consequences that I need & crave in my life, he is my constant & consistent source of advice & support. He encourages my positive ambitions and restrains my negative impulses. He has taught me, among numerous other things, that it really is okay to love & to trust. When my world spins wildly & I become overwhelmed, he is my safe haven.....I can run to him and he will shelter me from the chaos and help renew my focus & determination by firmly taking away my control, meeting me on our own level and allowing me to melt & escape into his dominance. 

I think in every relationship, there is give and take.....compromise......each partner sacrifices for the other. A vanilla partner could never truly understand this part of who we are because they weren't wired as we were. The same as they could never really satisfy this part of us. 

I think many of our vanilla partners struggle with accepting this D/s dynamic because there are very obvious & undeniable sexual undertones to what we do. Whether or not we choose to act on them is another story and a personal decision, but we can't truly deny that there is a blatant sexual aspect of what we do. Add the very close emotional connection and intimacy of a D/s relationship, and it could seem threatening or intolerable for a vanilla partner. 

Truly I think *that* is the source of most of our vanilla partners concerns. Not necessarily the physicality of what we do, but the depth of emotional connection shared in a D/s relationship.

My significant other knows of and outwardly supports my D/s relationship with Daddy. He knows it is a fundamental need I have that he, himself, could never possibly meet. He knows that I am very close to my Dom, discuss topics with him that I would never with anyone else, rely on him for strength & support when I feel weakest. He knows I love my Dom and wouldn't walk away from what I have built with him. Thus far, he has been incredibly understanding of my D/s needs......but reading of my fellow-subs current issues with her vanilla romance, I wonder if a vanilla partner can truly ever embrace, respect & support this side of who we are? 

So much to think about this topic. More questions than answers. Concerns, worries, legitimate insecurities to examine, analyzing to do......is it possible to truly be happy & have it all while balancing these 2 relationships? 

Thoughts and comments requested. 

Happy Independence Day

07/04/2013

Happy Independence Day USA! 

Always hard, but getting easier. 

To the pricks with an agenda burning our flag.........remember, we have fought to given you that right.

Enjoy your paid day off and enjoy the fireworks and festivites to mark this occassion. 

Politics aside, your may never agree with our government but you have no reason not to stand behind the man and women who volunteer to wear that uniform. 

Tho the families supporting such loved ones......Thank you!

To those still fighting half way around this world in a living hell we can only fathom.......Thank you and stay safe. You are america's 911 and I will forever be thankful for your sacrifice. 

And if you don't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them.

Freedom is NOT FREE!

Twisted? Hardly.....LOL

06/29/2013

So recently a negative article was written regarding domestic discipline or D/s relationships. The literary vomit inspired many daytime talk shows and late night comics to broach the subject of how "twisted" we all are. I typically ignore the media hype and crazy blog lurkers who have clearly never been lectured on the importance of "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all."  :)  But this time I just have to open my big damn mouth. Enjoy!

I imagine to the straight-laced people who feel they have the right to judge us (because God knows they've never done anything outside the normal scope) we are a perplexing population.......GOOD! I am flattered to know that you spend so much of your time attempting to analyze me when I couldn't give a shit less about you. :)

I've been a spanko since I can remember; I personally think we are born this way......it's in our DNA. Whether your niche is BDSM, or more erotic spanking or strictly discipline......you didn't learn to be this way, it's an innate quality.  :)  I have been in both DD and D/s relationships and it annoys me that these "journalists" would write something so one-sided and based on blatant ignorance. 

If you are curious or have a question......ask us......most of us have no issue explaining our extra curricular activities. But stop trash-talking like a Yankees fan in Fenway Park. We really aren't all that "twisted" at all. We are normal people, we pay our taxes, work in respectable fields, sit on the same PTA you do. If you don't like my lifestyle......you're entitled to your opinion.....personally, I just think you need spanked......and I am entitled to my opinion too.  :)  

Of all the destructive things we could do to ease stress, I would think spanking between consenting adults would be harmless. We could be alcoholics.....or chronic gamblers.....drug addicts. Oh wait.....those are 'normal' afflictions, right? 

And for f#ck's sake, stop calling me a "victim" or "battered woman"........I promise I am a willing participant in my own life and am a victim to no one. There are HUGE differences between domestic violence and domestic discipline......I'd elaborate, but I imagine you closed-minded idiots wouldn't understand my use of big words.  :)  I am not "abused".......and if I am, I like it. Analyze that. 

Also keep in mind while you worry about how "screwed up" we are, that there are hundreds of people in this country who fuck livestock......that oughta keep your analytical minds preoccupied long enough to leave us the hell alone. Hopefully this enlightening post has helped you to realize that some of us just really need to be paddled on a regular basis........or we open our oppressed little mouths and insult your intelligence (or lack there of).  :)  

Semper Fi

Not at all a spanking related post. 

Today is Nov. 10th......which means it is the birthday of our Marine Corps!

Tomorrow is Nov. 11th.......that is Veteran's Day!

The things our veterans & present military do for us are truly selfless and showcase America's Best & Bravest.

The families standing behind these men and women are equally as dedicated and sacrifice so much for us all. 

Thank a veteran this weekend, explain to your children what this day truly stands for.

Happy Birthday Marines! Semper Fidelis boys.....and thank you!

Happy Veteran's Day to all who have or are now serving! 

Speeding.....Again

10/02/2006

My alarm clock didn't go off this morning.....wait, let me clarify. It did go off but I hit 'snooze' and then hit it again and then I guess I just forgot the hit the button and somehow thought throwing the clock across the room would help....lol. It did help.....the clock shut up, and didn't bother me with that annoying buzzing again. Sleeping beauty drifted back off to la la land. I woke up when my cell phone started ringing.

"Hello?" I answered as I rubbed at my eyes. "Good morning beautiful. I had to leave early this morning and didnt want to wake you so I wanted to call now to tell you good luck on your final, I know you'll do great." I smiled....got to love this man at times like this. Such a serious, stern military man who comes across to most people as extremely rigid.....but at times like this, when he goes out of his way to put a smile on my face, he is just a puppy dog in combat boots. :) Sweet, attentive, flirtatious.......just plain adorable. "Thanks honey. I love you." I sat up on the edge of the bed. "Love you too angel. I have to go. See you tonight." I hung up and smiled......then glancing down at the time, that smile quickly faded. "1030am.....son of a bitch!" I yelled as I jumped up and ran to the bathroom, quickly dialing on my phone.......

"Good morning Dr. Brawner, this is Natalie. I had a flat tire this morning so I may be a few minutes late for the final, but I am on my way. I'm sorry, I'll see you soon." I jump in and out of the shower in record time, throw together an outfit, grab my phone & keys and rush out of the house and into my grand am to begin my drive to campus.

I am freaking out as I pass one car after the next. I live 20 minutes from campus, without traffic delays. My exam was to begin at 11am and I know even if I am able to dodge every delay on the road, I am still going to be late. Dr. Brawner is a professor that teaches two classes of mine this semester and the man in a hard ass. He actually opens the syllabuses to his courses with the following statement: "If you're early, you're on time...If you're on time, you're late...If you're late, don't bother showing up." I've only been late to his class once and it was not a pleasant experience. I've seen him dismiss other students from class for being late. I HAVE to get there.....fast!

As I whip around another car onto the exit ramp to Raab Rd. in Normal, I tap my brakes softly and then accelerate again. I look into my mirror and try to apply my eyeliner and then see red & blue lights flashing in my mirror. "Are you fucking kidding me???" I yell out as I hit the steering wheel and pull over onto the shoulder.

"Good morning ma'am. License, insurance & registration please." I am leaning over digging through my purse and turn to hand him the requested documents and see a familiar face. "Jeremy?" He lowers his sunglasses and looks at me, a bit confused, "Natalie? What the hell are you doing?" I sigh, somewhat relieved to see a good friend of ours and co-worker of my husbands'. "Oh my God, thank God it is you. I am running late to my final exam. Can you please just let me get there? Follow me if you want and put a warning in the car, but I have to get to campus. This is Dr. Brawner's final, I can't be late." The look on his face is a mix of amusement and irritation. "He is tough. I'll escort you over there but we need to talk later about this. Being late for an exam sucks, but it isn't a reason to fly off an exit ramp driving 103mph in a 45mph zone Natalie." I roll my eyes at him, "Jeremy it just switched to a 45mph zone, it was a 65mph zone." He glares at me, "And your point is? Even in a 65mph zone, 103mph is reckless driving and just stupid Natalie. You could have left your house earlier so you'd be on time and alive." I sigh, "I know, I know. Im sorry." He hands me back my paperwork and jumps back in his squad car, then leads me lights flashing to campus.

I ran into that building as quickly as I could and up to the 3rd floor.....probably taking 3 stairs at a time. I ran into the classroom, out of breath and a few people looked up as the door slammed shut behind me. Dr. Brawner was sitting in the back of the room and glanced up at me, then to his watch, shook his head and went back to scanning the papers in front of him. I walked back to him, and whispered, "Sir, I am so sorry. I got here as quickly as I could." He spoke without even looking up at me, "I got your voicemail Natalie. Since it was an issue with your car and out of your control, I will let you take the exam, but you would be smart to show up early to your final in my other course later this week. Are we clear?" I shook my head and said, "Yes Sir. Thank you so much." He handed me my exam and I took my seat and took the final.

After leaving campus, I turned my phone back on and checked messages. I had a text from Jeremy. "Natalie, I have an appt so leaving work for day. We needed to talk about this morning but I have to go so I sent Jason an email with what I wanted to say to you, so ask him for it please and reply through email. SLOW DOWN!" I re-read the text over and over, praying I'd read it incorrectly. My mind is in a panic. No no no.....why did he email Jason? Oh my God! He is going to kill me. Oh my God. I start to pray that Jeremy didn't mention the offense or exact speed in the email. Maybe I can talk my way out of this, I'll tell him about being late.....I mean it IS a final exam and it IS important.

I rehearse my defense again and again throughout the afternoon and try to calm myself down while also trying to do any small thing I can that I know will please him. I finished the laundry, pressed his uniforms, tidied up the house and went to the kitchen to cook us dinner. I keep stealing glances at the clock, in a dreaded countdown to his arrival. I grab my MP3 player and listen to some music while I continue cooking and dreading.

My music is so loud that I don't hear he enter the house. I'm at the sink, rinsing vegetables when I feel his arms wrap around me from behind. He pulls me back into him and squeezes me in a tight hug. I lay my head back against his chest for a moment before pulling my ear buds out and tilting my head further back to kiss him.

"I missed you baby. How was your day? How did you do on the test?" His tone of voice is almost confusing to me; he isn't upset.....actually, quite the opposite, he sounds happy....sweet....calm. "I wont have my results until Thursday, but I think I did well. How was your day?" He spins me around so I am now facing him and pulls me in for another hug. He kissed my forehead and then I pressed my head to his chest, just lingering in the embrace as he rested his chin on top of my head.....I absolutely love when he does that. Just another subtle & sweet but possessive act. Makes me smile every time he does this......much the same as when he places his hand on the small of my back when we walk somewhere, or the way he stretches his arm out behind him so I'll hurry and catch up to him and place my hand in his......cute, sweet little showings of affection that are also incredibly possessive and protective. Got to love having an attentive, dominant man.

"I had a pretty good day. Is dinner done?" I squeeze him tightly and then turn away to finish rinsing the veggies. "Nope, will be in about an hour. You're early." I say as I continue cooking. "Okay, that's fine. Finish up with the veggies and then meet me in our room please." I swallow hard but his voice is still relatively relaxed so I don't want to panic and give myself away so I give a cool reply, "Sure honey. Be there in a sec."

I try to reassure myself on my way down the hallway, toward our room that he he surely wouldn't be so sweet and cuddly if he knew what had happened this morning, so I am safe.....for now anyway. I open the door and step inside and pull it closed behind me. The door to our master bath is closed so I know he is probably showering. I knock lightly on the door and say, "Baby I'm here." I hear him from the other side of the door, "Alright, I'll be right out. Sit on the bed and wait for me please." I walk over to our bed and kick my shoes off and then before getting on it, I take the hairbrush from the night stand and quickly shove it in a drawer, out of sight......a girl can never be too prepared. :)

I sit up on our bed, my legs folded underneath me. The door opens and he walks over to the desk and starts pecking on the computer keyboard. "Whatcha doing honey?" I ask coyly as I bounce up and down on the bed, smiling at him. He returns the smile and says, "Just a minute Miss Impatience." He closes the laptop and grabs a piece of paper that just came out of the printer and then walks over to the bed. He extends his hand and offers me the paper. I smile and take it from him and start to read it.

Jason...
Hey bud, it's Jeremy.I would have called but I am in a rush and I know you're at work. This morning I pulled Natalie over on Raab Rd. She was running late for Chuck Brawner's class I guess. I took one of his courses so I know why she was worried about being on time but I think, even with the exam, 103mph in a 45mph is a bit much. She is lucky it was me who stopped her. If one of the other guys would have picked her up, they would have probably arrested her for reckless driving man. Please tell Mrs Lead-Foot to slow it down.
Jeremy


I read the brief email three or four times, trying to stall and remember my so well planned defense speech that had suddenly escaped my mind. He could see I was stalling and snatched the paper back from me. I continued to think and started to pick at my socks nervously, avoiding eye contact. He walked back to the desk and sat the piece of paper down and then walked back toward me, stopping just in front of me. He tucked his hand under my chin and tilted my head up until our eyes met. His narrowed and mine darted to the picture on the wall behind him. "Natalie Lynn." The volume soft but his tone firm.

I looked back up at him but said nothing. "103?" He questioned. I pouted and shook my head yes. "103???" He repeated, irritated at my head nod. "Yes Sir." He glared down at me. "How many times have we discussed your speeding?" I sighed before replying, "A lot?" His eyes again narrowed, "Excuse me?" I immediately recognized my error, "I'm sorry. A lot Sir." Pleased with my corrected response, he continued, "This exam has been scheduled since the beginning of the semester Lynn. So you knew what time you had to be there. Why would you be pulled over 5 minutes AFTER the exam had started, a quarter mile from campus and driving like Mark Martin?" I bit the corner of my lip, "Baby I didn't mean to. I am never late for class. I over slept." He put his hands on his hips, "We have an alarm clock and I reset it for you before I left this morning." He pointed to the night stand and then looked around suddenly confused.

My mind scolding myself for forgetting to place it back before I rushed out this morning. He spotted it, across the room on the floor. "I see. Looks like someone had a temper tantrum with electronics this morning that I have to address as well as time management and driving like a damn idiot." He turned and again stared down into my green eyes. "I'm sorry. I know I can't throw things but it was loud and annoying. And the speeding, honey I was just trying to get to class. I didn't realize how fast I was going. I just wasn't watching the speedometer." I explained in a whiny tone, trying desperately to dig myself out of the hole I'd put myself in to. "No ma'am. Not looking down at the speedometer causes someone to go ten miles over the limit......not more than double it! 103 Lynn.....103!" His voice now elevated and his tone only more nerve-racking. I sighed and resigned myself to my fate, hung my head and whispered "I am sorry Sir."

He sat down on the bed next to me and pulled me over his lap, sliding my pants down as he positioned me on his knee. Then he leaned over and reached toward the night stand and audibly sighed. I bit my lower lip again and started to re-think my hiding the brush. "Never learn, do you?" His voice dripping with irritation as he scooped me up off of his lap and placed me standing and then stood up himself. His hands shot directly to his waist and he started to unbuckle his belt. My heart sank and I went into panic mode. "Nooo honey nooo pleaseee. I'll put it back, I'll put it back." I whined as I turned to grab the brush from the dresser drawer. I made it one step before his hand was wrapped around my wrist, pulling me back toward him as the other hand pulled his belt from his waist. "Too late Lynn. Over, NOW." Raising his voice to emphasize the last word. I knew it was no use to struggle so I obediently crawled up onto the bed, placing two pillows in the center and laying across them.

"Other people may drive like idiots, but MY wife will not.....you know better and if you forget your better judgement, then you'll at least remember the driving guidelines that I've set for you and your learning them with my belt little girl."  SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

He wasted no time at all laying into my unprotected bottom with that damn belt. I kicked my feet but remained in position.  SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK
"You could have killed yourself or someone else Natalie Lynn. The test was important but your life and well being takes precedence, clear?"  SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK
"Yes Sirrrrr." My reply trailing off into a whine as he focused on my thighs, the supple leather biting into my skin with a force that left no doubt in my mind as to his irritation and concern with what I had done.

SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

"You had plenty of advance notice to manage your time appropriately and be on time today. You threw a tantrum like a child and threw the clock, which in turn threw your scheduling for a loop. Then you decided to make up for lost time, you would drive AGAIN at triple digit speeds risking your life.......MY WIFE WILL NOT ENDANGER HERSELF OR OTHERS....PERIOD!"  His elevated voice, angry tone and choice of words put a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. I squeezed a pillow and buried my face into it as he continued to whip me. SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK!

I struggled to remain still and in position. I *hate* the belt! He knows it and that has seemed to have moved this implement up to the top of his list of favorite or most effective implements to use to correct his naughty girl. And though he has several belts, he uses only two of them to punish me.....both are wide, thick, awful leather belts....military issued duty belts. They are heavy and they hurt....a lot.......especially when being applied to a bare bottom that hasn't even been hand spanked prior to the whipping. He straps with purpose, ensuring that each swat is placed immediately above or below the last, always in quick succession. When we first got together, he used to whip me much slower, giving me several seconds between the volleys of stinging swats but after about 6 months he said that he thought him whipping me like that gave me too much time to 'distance' or 'harden'. He loves my stubborn tendencies in some things but when it comes to me being punished or domestic discipline in our marriage, he hates it. He knows that if I am spanked in a slow rhythm, I am able to put up a wall and continue to be stubborn throughout the session.....refusing to cry or fully submit to the punishment. He says when I am spanked in that slow fashion, that I dig my heels in and focus more on preparing for the next swat and holding back emotionally.....and he would prefer if I took that time to focus on the reason I am being punished in the first place. Grrrr. I disagreed and prefer having time between swats.......obviously if you read many of our sessions, you can see which of us ended up winning this debate. Ughhhhh.

  SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK  SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

I stopped kicking my feet and just laid there, clutching the pillow and sobbing into it. He is always very conscious of my breathing, my resisting or lack there of, my body language, vocally whether I am whining or sobbing........he has never let the state of my bottom determine when a punishment will end which is a double-edged sword. At times I will mark incredibly easy and at others he could spank me for hours (and often has) and my bottom will be nothing more than red. He learned early on that my bottom wouldn't be an accurate indicator of when it was truly enough and the lesson was learned. So he relies on a mixture of my non-verbal cues and his own experience. If what I have done is incredibly bad then he has been known to push even further and continue to punish me even if my signs are saying I've had enough and have given in and submitted. I try, most of the time anyway....barring stubborn outbursts, not to struggle with him anymore like I used to in the beginning of our relationship. I used to wiggle, squirm, struggle to break free, block swats, cry, yell.....just put up a life or death fight........he explained to me after I learned the hard way, on my own, that when I behaved that way during a punishment then it told him that I didn't think I deserved it and would struggle for the control to end it.......he is Irish as well, and equally as stubborn so when he saw that he would set himself on a course to change my attitude or break my will......which ever came first. I hate to admit that he is right......but he was right about my refusing to submit, and I rarely do it now. Usually if he is spanking me, I know I do deserve it and willingly submit now, as I said barring stubborn moments, to fix it so I can be forgiven and given a clean slate.

 SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK!  He focused the last several dozen stinging swats to my sit spot and upper thighs. I was so sore by this time that every swat seemed unbearable and I'd throw my head back to gasp for air before again burying my face into the pillow, my cheeks dampened with my tears as they continued to stream down my face.

 SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

He stopped and I heard him replacing his belt through the loops of his jeans and then he walked from the bed. I stayed in position, sobbing into the pillow and listening for him. I heard a dresser drawer slide open and closed and then felt him sit down next to me. He must have been watching when I went to retrieve the brush before he stopped me. Dang dang dang. His strong hands on my hips as he pulled me again over his lap. I laid draped across his knee, my bottom on fire and covered with multiple wide stripes but now upended over his capable lap.

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK  Several firm swats fell on the right and then...... CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK  the left cheek. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK
Several more harsh blows connected with my thighs and sit spots. He paddled firm and fast, swatting the same spot three or four times before moving to another and giving it the same treatment.  CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

"You will NOT move or hide implements from me when you're in trouble young lady. If you do, you'll be punished with whatever implement I have available at the time and then will have a follow up reminder spanking with the implement you chose to hide when I am finished. Clear?" His voice much softer but still a firm resolve. "Yes Sir" I whimpered and then wrapped my arms around his lower leg and held on tightly as he finished paddling me.  CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK   He sat the wooden brush back down on the night stand and lifted me up into his strong arms. He held me tightly to his chest and rubbed my back as his slow, steady breathing slowed my ragged breath and quieted my sobs. Though I hate being punished because I don't like to upset my husband and it hurts like hell, these tiny moments in time immediately after being disciplined, when he holds me in his arms and calms me with his touch.....these have got to be the times when I am happiest. My bottom throbbing, my face streaked with tears but my heart light, my body eager for his touch. I feel so incredibly loved and protected in these few minutes. He loves me enough to lead me, to protect me, to instill discipline in me.....for a better me and a better us.....and that is worth any spanking. :)

We stayed there a couple more minutes and I didn't say anything, I just let him hold me. He swept my hair away from my face and lifted my chin again to kiss me deeply before lifting me up, "Alright, come on imp. Though it didn't save your ass, my dinner smells really good and I am starving." I smiled up at him and went to raise my pants, he stopped me with his large hands over the top of mine and he pushed my hands away. Then he pulled my jeans back up and buttoned them before placing a firm SWAT to my jean-clad bottom to hurry me on my way to get his dinner. He went to the living room and ordered a movie. I walked him his dinner and a beer and then curled up next to him, on a very sore properly punished bottom and we ate dinner and watched the movie with one another that evening. And I made myself a few silent promises......#1 I was buying a radar detector so I could hit the brakes BEFORE a cop spotted me.....#2 No more hiding implements of bratty bottom destruction in dresser drawers.....#3 Addendum to #2, I will instead donate all belts, brushes, paddles & straps to the Good Will box for poor people who can't afford implements to beat their brats. Aren't I such a bleeding heart humanitarian?!  Lol!  ;)

Defiance Got Me Good.....or Bad...Ughhh

02/12/2007

 

I am supposed to be grounded....lol....laughable right? Apparently my overbearing....ooops, I mean, my darling husband does not find this humorous. And apparently he finds my ignoring his punishments less than amusing as well. So here is what happened today.....ughhhh

 

I have been grounded to the house for the week, unless Im going to work, school, or somewhere with my escort because of the stunt Kristina & I pulled in Home Depot last week. Lol. It *was* hilarious. :) Well I knew the hubby would be working late today.....he has a deployment quickly approaching and he had said they've been very busy and he wouldn't be home for dinner......translation, he wont be home til after 10pm so I am free until then.....sort of.

 

Now I thought I had this well planned and completely thought out. I even set up my home phone to call forward to my cell because I knew he would call to check on me. See, smart girl. :) Kristina and I decided to go shopping.......again. He called.....I answered and said I was home watching DVR of Dr Phil.....he hung up quickly....lol.

 

We are happily strolling through the mall when I hear a familiar voice, "Hey Mrs Moose, where's the drill instructor?" I spin and see our good friend Robert. Sad right? Even his own Marines call him the drill instructor.....lol. The man needs to smile. :) I hugged Robert and mentioned something about my not supposed to be out of the house, so please dont mention we saw each other. He agreed......I cook for this man.....alot.....he knows better than to squeal.....and he is the same rank as my hubby so he has little to worry about from the Marine. So off Kristina and I go.....merrily along our shopping trip.

 

At about 930p we are getting ready to leave and head home when my phone rings, him again. "Where are you at angel?" Awww.....aint he sweet? Lol. "Home honey. WHen are you coming home?" I answered trying to sound as innocent as possible. "About an hour baby. You dont have to wait up if youre tired." I hurried him off the phone and told Kristina we were in the clear, another hour until he would be home so we were fine.

 

As we pull in the driveway, I can see my dining room light is on.....and I did not leave it on. But I dont see his truck, so maybe I forgot I turned it on. Anyway, I grabbed my stuff from Kristina's trunk and rushed it into the guestroom.....stuffed it way in the back of the closet so I can bring out my new found treasures one at a time and slowly introduce them into the house since I was not authorized to make these $700 worth of purchases tonight. Lol. The Marine takes time to get used to new treasures.....lots of time. :)

 

I walk out of the room backwards and flip the light off before shutting the door. When I turn around I turned right into a solid wall. And my wall was not there 3 minutes ago. Yep the wall didnt move either. It is not my wall.....it is my husband. Damn damn damn.

 

"You scared me." I squeaked at him. "Why is that baby? Oh wait, silly question. You're scared because you snuck out when you were grounded......oh no, wait, maybe you're scared because you LIED to me Natalie Lynn.....TWICE. Oh wait, could there be more? I wonder what was just stuffed into that closet......I am pretty certain you wouldnt be hiding groceries in a closet. How many rules have you broken today girl?" His voice is pure irritation, with a hint of anger. I am screwed and I know it. Im trying to think FAST.....really fast.

 

"Um I was only gone for a half hour because Kristina took me to pick up something I bought for your birthday. I didnt think youd mind." I look up at him and pout slightly, praying he is going to believe this. "Sweet Lynn.....other than the fact that you just LIED again. You were gone more than a half hour. I've been here 2 hours now little girl. I left work to come home and spend time with my wife and not only is she gone, she lies to me, then when she is caught she lies again." Damage control now.....he knows I lied about the time but he didnt mention the purchases, so he bought that one, but crap lying is bad.....really bad.

 

An intelligent woman would start backtracking now.....apologizing.....begging. But I dont seem to be in an intelligent mood.....infact Im in a down right rotten mood. One of those, "screw off darling, Ill do whatever the fuck I want to darling, and go get bent darling" moods.....know what I mean? Damn Irish genes.

 

"Im not 5 Jason and you cant ground me. Im an adult and if I want to go shopping with my girlfriends then I will do it. You should have told me you were coming home, you didnt. So YOU LIED." I am attempting to sound tough and trying to look just as tough. Kind of hard to do when you're 5'7" on your tippy toes and he is 6'1". "I can not believe you. An adult? Is that what you call what you & Kristina did last week? Adult? She used a display toilet on a showroom floor and you encouraged it! You got kicked out of a store for life Lynn. For something beyond ignorant not to mention immature. I dont know any other adults aside from you two that would even consider doing shit like that. You act like a child, I will treat you like one." His voice is elevated now, and he kind of has a point.

 

"I wasnt even the one who shit in the store Jason. I just laughed about it. You would have to. Anyway, it doesnt matter. Im an adult and Im not grounded anymore." I poked my index finger into his chest as I said this, trying again to intimidate him......or at the very least make it so he wouldnt care to fight about it tonight. Fight......such a funny word. We never get to fight in this house.......the rest of the world is lucky.....they can fight all day with their spouses.....me? Yeah freaking right. About 2 seconds worth and then Im quickly subdued....lol.

 

He glares down at me and grabs my wrist.....the man's hand can encircle my entire freaking wrist. Talk about helpless. "Is that so? Not grounded? We will see about that. I wonder which will happen first.......me deciding to unground you or the marks that Im about to put on your ass healing? Im going to guess quite a while on both." He is practically dragging me down the hall toward our room. Im trying to dig in my heels, pull my arm away, anything to escape. "Baby no, you cant spank me. Youre angry. Ill never forgive you if you spank me when youre angry."

 

He stops and turns to look at me, a foot or so from our door. "I am not angry Natalie Lynn. But I am irritated with your behavior and now your mouth. And I am going to make an impression on you so you understand how much I dislike my wife lying to me. Got it?" Somehow that was not comforting. Ok, plan C.......defiance didnt work (never does), guilt didnt work, lets try seduction. :) I wrap my arms around his chest and hug him tightly, then look up at him and pout a little, "Baby, Im sorry. I'll be a good girl and obey my grounding. Lets just forget tonight happened. You said you came home to spend time with me......so spend time with me. Make love to me." He slides his fingers through my belt loops and lifts me up to kiss me......gotta love that. :) Then sits me back down, kisses my forehead and just when I thought I may have gotten out of it, he opened his damn mouth again, "Sorry pumpkin, not happening. I'll make love to you.....AFTER I whip your bratty little ass."

 

I stomp my foot and yell at him, "Like hell you will. I wont ever let you fuck me again." He laughs, "Not much choice in that darling. You're mine. Dont make threats you cant follow through with short stuff." Damn damn damn. Into the room we go.

 

I'm not ready to give this up yet so I figure I will go back to defiance. Dont even ask why.....I cant answer you. It has never worked......ever. But for God knows what reason, Natalie feels backed into a corner she just has to try to fight her way out of it. Some sort of natural reflex......though why God gave it to a submissive woman is beyond me. Im like some bipolar brat.....lol. "Pants down, bend over the bed." He barks at me. Here goes some more unintelligence....."No. I dont have to and you cant make me." Um.....actually yes he can.....pretty freaking easily too. He laughs again.....must find this challenge entertaining. This only infuriates me more. "Keep laughing fuck face. I still aint doing it." Oh my God I didnt choke on that.....it came out......damn it. Judging by the look on his face and the sudden halt in laughter, he heard what I said at the same time I did and if I didnt believe Id actually said it before, I believe it now. Damn it.

 

Our eyes are locked and he is approaching me, very slowly.....just glaring at me. I cant even look away. Im frozen but staring straight at him. He stops directly infront of me, glares for another minute or so without a word being spoken. Then he grabs a handful of my hair and pulls.....hard.....tilting my head to the side as he leans down to whisper into my ear. "What did you just say to me little girl?" His voice gives me chills.....that tone of voice, that calm, steely voice in my ear.....oh my God, beyond unnerving. He pulls harder, "I asked you a question and I expect an answer Lynn." Im frantic, my mind drowning, surely I cant repeat it. "I umm....Im sorrryyyy Sirrr." is all that escapes. "No ma'am, thats certainly not what I heard. I believe I heard MY wife not only tell me NO but she swore at me....and what word was it you used? Tell me that wasn't the word that we agreed was banned from this house. Surely it couldnt have been the vulgar F word that I heard, directed at me none the less." His hand tightening its grip. "Babyyy pleasseee. I didnt mean it. It just slipped out." He leans down and whispers again, "Get your damn pants down and bend over the edge of that bed now Lynn. If I were you I'd find an obedient bone in your body right now....you do not want to see what will happen if you defy me again young lady." Then he let go of my hair and walked out of the room. I very quickly did as he told me to do and tried to prepare myself for what I was certain would be a horrible spanking.

 

His hand again entangled in my hair as he very roughly pulled my head back, "Open your mouth." I look and see he is holding a bar of soap a few inches from my face. Obviously the first reaction is to close your mouth and refuse. Not smart. "ALright, fine. This is going to be the hard way too. Suit yourself." I quickly submitted, "No Sir, Im sorry. I'll open it." He put that damn soap in my mouth and then immediately pulled his belt from his waist.

 

I *hate* soap and I *hate* the belt. I grabbed hold of the blankets and closed my eyes. "This is for your mouth, your sass, your cursing me.....lets see if we can change that attitude, shall we?" His voice dripping with sarcasm as he started to whip me.....good. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK  Good lord this man can strap......amazingly effectively. Im dancing back and forth on my feet, trying not to move too much out of position, but trying desperately to avoid his swatting. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK  "You know better young lady. How's that soap taste?" More sarcasm. The soap is disgusting and it burns.....I want to spit it out so bad but I know better right now. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK

 

He continues to lay into me with his belt. I swipe at tears as they start to spill over onto my cheeks but then again grab the blankets and squeeze tightly. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK  "I deserve more respect than that from my wife. Would I ever talk to you like that??? Would I?" I shake my head no.....I know he wouldnt ever curse at me like that. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK   He lays the belt down beside my on the bed and walks to our closet. My heart is racing, my bottom on fire, my mouth sore and burning from this damn soap.

 

He walks back over to me, placing his hand on my lower back to remind me to stay in position. Damn it.....he is either going to paddle me or cane me.....damn it damn it. "This my love, is for lying to me. No matter how small or stupid you think it is, you never lie to me." CRACK  The first swat causes me to instinctively bite down.....right on that damn soap. YUCK. God I hate this paddle......I know immediately by the force, this is our largest paddle. A friend of ours, also a military man, made it for us when we married......sweet right? Ughhh. He even painted it red, white & blue with stars and wrote 'Old Glory' on it. Freaking men....ughhhh. It is a heavy paddle, maple I think, solid, no holes.....and my God does it hurt. CRACK CRACK CRACK  I stand up on my tip toes and again bite down.....YUCK! "You know better Lynn. You knew better and you did it anyway."  CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK  Rapid swats now on my sore bottom making me whimper audibly even through the soap. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK  "You NEVER lie to me. Starting to get the message little girl?" CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK  I nod my head yes over and over. Tears streaming down my face. His hand again on the small of my back, pushing me down and then he plants several very hard swats on my upper thighs, each one making me yelp. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK    "Corner NOW" His voice making me jump, I scurry off to the corner, thankful the paddling is over.

 

I stand there in the corner, tears still slowly trickling down my face, the soap still in my mouth, my bottom absolutely on fire. I can feel the skin tighten everytime I slightly shift from foot to foot.....wooden implements hurt like hell, and that awful burn only subsides into an equally unpleasant tightness. "Turn around and come here." I turn and slowly start to walk over to him, eyes locked on the floor in my approach. I stop just shy of him. He reaches his hand out and tucks it under my chin to raise my face to his. "Look at me when I speak to you Lynn." I glance up at him and try not to cry, I hate seeing that look on his face. "Have I made my point? Are you going to curse at me like that again? Lie to me again?" I shake my head no and mumble the word through the soap. "Open your mouth" he reaches up and takes the soap from me and sits it on the nightstand. "Thank you." He brushes a tear away from my eye with his thumb and then wraps his arms around me. I lay my head to his chest and sob for a minute or two, he rubs my back and then he says it, God why did he have to say it, "You're still mad at yourself....you havent let it go.....wasn't enough?" I squeeze him tighter and sob more, I want so badly to say Ive had enough but I cant, Id be lying. I hate being defiant to him.....and somehow when Im in a bad mood he is the first person Ill rebel against, even if it isnt even directed at him, I lash out and Im disrespectful and it is not ok. I have a really hard time forgiving myself for that. I look up at him hesitantly and whisper, "No Sir, it wasn't enough." Then I quickly turn away again.

 

He hugs me and then spins me back around and pushes me down over the bed and picks up his belt again. My body is shaking, Im so worked up. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK  He starts to strap me again, just as intensely as he had originally. I sobbed into the blankets. He didnt lecture now, didnt need to and he knew it. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK  "I love you and I know you didnt mean it baby." His voice calm, soothing. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK  I cried hard, finally able to let it go.....maybe not quite forgive myself, but let it go because I knew he had forgiven me and I knew he knew I was truly sorry. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK  Another couple dozen swats and he again dropped the belt.

 

I laid there dangling from the bed for a few minutes with him sitting next to me, running his fingers through my hair. I picked my head up and laid it on his lap and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Im sorry. I love you and Im so sorry. I would have rather spent the night with you than go out with Kristina. Im sorry." He wiped at my tears again and smiled at me, "I know babygirl. Come here." He pulled me up and sat me straddling his lap, my arms wrapped around his neck, his around my waist with one hand softly rubbing my bottom, and he kissed me......the man still gives me butterflies, kind of sick right...lol. And he kept his word......he made love to me......AFTER he whipped my bratty ass. :)  

Not Recommended

A few tips to share.......unfortunately for me, I have found out the outcome of these lapses in judgement first hand.......so being helpful here. When you are in trouble with your Dominant/Top.....Do NOT do the following:

• Hands on your hips, arms folded over your chest, or any other naturally defensive stance or posturing when you're being lectured.......apparently these dominant men find that unappealing :)
• Rolling your eyes.......oh and when they catch you doing it, telling them they are blind is not going to help you out any either.
• Plugging your ears mid-lecture........not smart
• Throwing your hands back to protect your bottom.......only going to get your thighs swatted
• Refusing to answer the phone when your Top is calling you
• Addition to above.....Hanging up on your Top is far worse than not answering at all.......and no matter how hard you try, blaming Verizon is not going to save your ass
• Flipping your Top off.......unless you do not value your middle finger or your bottom, in which case, have fun
• Throwing something at your Top.....or kicking something in his direction.....slamming a door in his face......yep, all likely going to result in the same less than enjoyable experience

Wrong Answer

10/12/2007

So I've been in a pretty bitchy mood for the majority of the week. No real reason.....no solitary instance I can point to as the cause.......nothing I can blame for it.......I just am. My husband, though not necessarily a patient man by nature, has done his best to ignore my sass and narrowly avoided every potential landmine I have laid out there. As with my current mood.......I have absolutely no clue why he is being so calm about this......this is *not* our normal.

Being the greedy girl I am, he gives me an inch and I take a mile.....or two. I'm snippy when I speak to him and anyone else for that matter. Flippant in my replies to questions I am asked. Sighing, rolling my eyes, stomping my foot, clicking my nails, flipping my hair, mumbling under my breath, slamming doors......you get the picture.

I've successfully made it through 3 days of this blatantly bitchy behavior without even one spanking. How? I do not know and I do not care.....I'm just lucky I guess. :)  But again, typical naughty Natalie had to keep on pushing. Couldn't be satisfied with fact that I've avoided atleast a dozen spankings in 3 days......I have to keep at it. Well you know, my mother did tell me to stick to what I was good at. Im not a quitter. :)

It is 11:30pm at night and we are laying in bed, lights out and I can not help myself. I start in again; this time about something that is just a insane subject for a late night chat anyway......my argument that he is unreasonable with his expectations for my driving. Understand this is an argument we have had many times before and it always ends the same way.....I mean I did have something like 74 tickets when he met me and I'd only been driving (legally anyway) for like 5 years. Yep it is an issue. Apparently, my recent streak of luck in avoiding any sort of discipline has gone straight to my head. Yep, Im a pretty brave girl right now.

"I'm an adult and I can drive how ever I damn well please. You can't order me around like one of your damn marines." He sighs, audibly, "We are not discussing this again Lynn. Good night." Ordinarily that would have shut me up......my middle name being said in 'that' tone of voice......highly effective. Not tonight. "It is stupid Jason. I haven't killed anyone. I'll drive how I choose to and you can go bark orders at work, not at me." The lights are out so I must have missed the look that may have forewarned me of my impending fate had I continued......yep missed that one. "I said enough and I meant it. Go to sleep. If you mention it again, you're not going to like the outcome." His voice firm but my confidence unwavering. "Oh gee will I get a prize."

His hand entangled in my hair, pulling my head back and whispering into my ear with his all business tone of voice, that again would typically have stopped me in my tracks, "Little girl if I hear one more smartass remark out of you, Im going to whip that attitude right out of you. Got it?" I am brave.....but Im not stupid.....well not yet anyway. "Yes Sir." I answer without one hint of sarcasm, pleased he lets me go and then I did it......I lost my mind. I flipped my hair back, hitting him in the face and said, "I'd rather be a smartass than a dumbass. Going to whip the attitude out of me huh, if you think you're big enough jarhead."  Yep, yep......lost my ever loving mind.

Challenging a dominant man in and of itself is a pretty stupid thing to do.......but challenging him after a 3 day streak of sass and disrespect when the man only wants to sleep and has thrown you every lifeline possible......incredibly stupid. He may be 6'1" and 240lbs but that man can move.......fast. Nano seconds later I am flipped over his knee and he is rapidly swatting my bottom. SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

"I said we were not discussing this Lynn." Of course he makes sure to emphasize each word with a sharp swat. "Okkk okkk.....then stop discussing it. Im not listening to it anyway."  He plants several harsh swats on the tops of my thighs as he speaks again, "Wrong answer little girl."  SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK  "Why are you being spanked Natalie Lynn?" My better judgement still has not returned, and I answer, "Because you're an asshole"  SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK  "Wrong answer Princess."  SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

"I've been more than patient Natalie, but enough is enough. I'm fed up with your attitude and your sass and your temper tantrums. You know what I think? I think you need an attitude adjustment." His voice almost begging me to be sassy. "Yeah and I think I don't care what you think so let me go." Sighing again and continuing his assault on my bottom, "Wrong answer."  SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK  SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK  "Somehow, even when you can see you're not going to win, you're upended over my knee and being spanked.....you're clearly not going to win, but you will refuse to lose. Why? Because you are stubborn.....damn stubborn Lynn."  SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

Perhaps he is right, but I am not about to admit it. "I'm not stubborn, you're a brute." Kicking my legs as quickly as he is peppering my bottom and thighs.  SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK  SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK "Do you not see the irony in this? You're being stubborn about admitting you're stubborn even if it is going to get you spanked longer. Is that not ironic.......and stubborn???" Again, accentuating every word with a sharp swat to my sit spots. My bottom on fire and my good sense slowly starting to return. "Im sorryyyyy. Please stoppp. I'll be good."  SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK "Nice try, close but no cigar angel. Still the wrong answer."  SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

"Ok ok okayyyy Im sorry for being stubborn." My breathing ragged and my body laying limp over his lap, no longer kicking and struggling to get away.  SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK  He places several more quick, hard swats and then stops and caresses my freshly spanked cheeks, "Good girl." Thankfully for me I am still face down across his lap and he can not see the eye roll I just gave him. :) Yep, stubborn to a fault.

Long Island Iced Tea & Heart Meds

01/23/2007

Finally.....thank God......my oldest brother is home from Iraq (again). This deployment has sucked......majorly. My oldest brother is my best friend in the world and we have always been very close. He is a career military man and actually introduced me to my husband, his best friend and battle buddy. This has worked great in the fact that I am always close to my brother, having my hubby & I stationed at the same installation. It has also made things tough at times.....two goodbye's, two men sent off to war at the same time, two worries every time CNN scrolls a service member's death across the bottom of the screen. Finally......6 months after my husband returned (injured but alive).....my big brother is home safely. :)

After doing the typical rounds of stopping in to see mom, our aunt, our grandmother......we drop his bags off at our house and all went out with our other brother and several close friends to a favorite bar of ours to celebrate. The night was so much fun.....well the first half. The boys were singing karaoke, we were all dancing, and of course drinking.......a lot of drinking.

At about 11:30pm the boys were again singing with one another....the whole group together again.....and my best girlfriend since like 5th grade, Kristina (my brother's girlfriend since high school) & I were sitting at the bar joking with one another and having another round of drinks. I, of course, had my fav.....Long Island Iced Tea. I started to feel a little 'off'.....couldn't put my finger on it and attributed it to my liquor dinner.....but excused myself to go to the bathroom and splash cool water on my face. Apparently I wasn't the only one who noticed I was 'off'......Kristina had as well, and my brother who was 30ft away was concerned by the way I walked to the bathroom, and protectively followed suit.

I can not tell you what happened next.....all I know is by the time my big brother and Kristina entered the restroom, literally a minute behind me, they found me on the floor. She ran for my husband and to call for help.....my brother scooped my limp body up into his arms and ran me outside. I awoke a day later in a hospital.....feeling like my chest had been pummeled with a jack hammer.....it hurt to even breath. I found out later, this uniquely torturous feeling was caused by my heart being restarted with a defibrillator.

My husband and my brothers did not leave my side for the 3 days I was in the cardiac unit of the hospital. The day I was strong enough to be discharged, my doctor came in to talk things over with me. He started with, "You are very lucky." and I knew he was serious. I am a nurse and had seen the print outs of my rhythm upon arrival to the ER.....I was beyond lucky. "Your girlfriend told us the drinks you had been having that night Natalie, and after googling it and reading that the drink had 8 shots of alcohol in each drink it was no wonder you slipped into an unsustainable rhythm and eventually a full arrest. The medication you are on will not work if you inundate your body with alcohol Natalie. You're a nurse, you know better." He scolded.

I am a nurse at this hospital and know much of the staff, so the formalities were not necessary. "Look Bill, I know....I am not ignorant. It wasn't a concern for me. I hadn't taken my medication." My husband and older brother both at the foot of my hospital bed, listening intently. "Natalie it does not matter. The medication is in your system, missing one pill does not give you the free and clear to drink that much alcohol." He continued his lecturing. I sighed and replied to him, "Bill I am not stupid. I haven't even taken my pills in almost a month. It wasn't in my system. So the alcohol mixing with my meds was not the issue." He looked almost shocked at me and took a moment before replying. "Why Natalie? I have only been your cardiologist for 4 years now but I know you've been on this medication for your entire life. I hadn't stopped prescribing it; why would you take yourself off of it? I know we make horrible patients being doctors and nurses, but Natalie you can not self-diagnose or self-treat. Why didn't you discuss this with me? Now this incident is making more sense to me. What happened is clear. Do you realize how close you came to killing yourself??? At 22, you damn near died." He shook his head at me in disbelief.

I spoke again, "I know Bill. I know. It was stupid. I'll stop treating myself. Thank you." He smiled and patted my hand. "I'll see you next week for a follow up Natalie. We will talk then. Go home. You're fine to resume your usual activities immediately if you'd like to but no excessive drinking. For your sake, please Natalie, moderation is key here." I smiled, "Thanks again Bill."

As he walked out, I somehow realized my mind had been absent to the presence of the two, now very angry, military men at the foot of my bed......glaring at me. I had been so ready to leave to this hospital until about 30 seconds ago......now I wanted to stay.....forever.....we at least have security here to protect me, though I'm not certain our security would be much match for these boys. I was screwed and I knew it. I tried to look as if I were reading my discharge papers, anything to avoid making eye contact with them.

"A month?" My brother's voice startling me. "Are you fucking kidding me??? A month?" He *never* swears at me, and very rarely even around me. I looked up at him, and the look on his face was a compatible match to the tone in his voice. "Not a whole month. More like 23 days but who is counting." My brother just glared at me. My husband had yet to say anything to me, but his turning to walk out of the room after that comment told me he was furious right now. I was so scared. They were pissed. And we were all leaving together for the drive home in a few short minutes.

The entire 20 minute drive home was quiet.....eerily quiet. Typically when the three of us are together, it is non-stop chatter and light-hearted conversation......but now......not one single word. Finally as we pulled in the driveway, my brother broke the silence. "Kristina and I are going to her dad's house for dinner and then planned to go shoot some pool, do you want to meet us out there?" I didn't have a chance to respond, my husband's reply immediately knotted my stomach. "No, have a good time. We will see you later tonight when you get back. Your sister and I need to have a talk." I knew exactly what that statement meant, and actually 'talking' was likely not going to be involved. I also knew my brother knew what that statement meant and judging by the look on his face, he was pleased.

I went right to our bedroom and lied on the bed while the boys chatted a few minutes on the porch and my husband let the pups out into the backyard. I heard a car door and knew my brother was now leaving and my husband would soon be joining me in our room. I buried my face in his pillow and waited.

I felt him sit down on the bed next to me and his strong hand rubbing my back, running his fingers through my hair, massaging my neck. "We need to talk." His voice firm but no where near the angry, infuriated tone I had expected. I sat up and crawled into his lap and rested my head to his chest as he started speaking again. "Do you have any idea what you mean to me? I was scared baby, for the first time in my life, truly scared. Our anniversary is just days away and I thought I was going to lose you Natalie. Do you have any idea how helpless I felt, seeing paramedics perform CPR on my wife, watching you lie in that bed with all those tubes and wires hooked up to you. That fear....the fear of losing you....was paralyzing. But what you said to Dr. Shelton ripped a whole in my heart. This did not have to happen and it was caused by you. Do you have any idea the pain that thought inflicted? To know not only could I have lost you, but that it was your decisions that would have taken you from me?" I squeezed him tightly and buried my face at the base of his neck and sobbed. "I'm so sorry. I know it was stupid. I just hate taking those pills and it has been years since I have had any problems at all so I thought I didn't need them anymore honey. I had no idea this would happen, Im sorry I scared you. I promise I'll take the medicine from now on. Im sorry."

He brushed the hair from in front of my face and tucked it behind my ears, then tucked his hand beneath my chin and raised my face to look into my eyes. "You know you need that medicine and you know you can not treat yourself. I know you are sorry. I know you will take the pills.....I promise you will take those pills if I had to poke them into you every morning. None of that concerns me now. What does is hearing you say you dont think you need them. You obviously are not understanding the gravity of this situation Lynn. What you think is nowhere near as important as what we know. We know you have to take them, we know you refused to and we know that refusal damn near killed you Natalie Lynn. And I know that I'm going to make sure you know how important this is to me. You are my world Natalie. I would kill anyone who ever tried to hurt you, and I will not allow you to hurt yourself. Clear?" His words aching my heart and the look on his face is unmistakable disappointment. I simply nod my head as he lifts me to my feet.

"I am going to give you three reasons that make what you did an extremely serious offense." He scolds as he lowers my panties and pulls me down across his waiting lap. "One.....you have always had to take this medication and you know you're very life depends on it." SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK His hand connecting with my bared bottom as he continues. "Two.....we have discussed this multiple times and I told you that you will take your medication as prescribed until the doctor, not you, the doctor decides different." SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK "Three......you promised me that you would." SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK "So this entire incident could have been prevented but you chose to be stubborn Natalie Lynn. You chose to disregard your doctor's advice, you chose to disobey me and you chose to break your promise to me. I wont accept defiance or disobedience out of my wife and I will never overlook her arrogance risking her life." SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK  His hand falling again and again, hard, covering my bottom as I lay there suddenly realizing that above everything else, I broke a promise to my husband. That hurt far worse than any spanking he could administer.

He had to have read my mind at that moment and decided to challenge that theory. The swats stopped for a moment and he leaned and reached forward, opening the drawer to the night stand and retrieved my hairbrush. I instinctively tried to squirm my way free. I hate this brush and it ignites an inferno on my bottom with just a few dozen swats, and he never stops at a few dozen swats.

He wrapped his left leg over the back of both of mine so I was secured in a leg lock and could not escape. Then he took my wrist in his left hand and pinned it to the small of my back as his right arm began its assault with that brush on my bottom. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK. The fell fast and they fell hard.....very very hard. "Im sorrryyyy." I squealed and struggled to break free, though I knew it was a futile fight. He is much bigger than I am and far stronger. "I know you're sorry.....but I know you will be even more sorry by the time I am finished with you little girl."  CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

I finally lay limp across his lap as he continued to paddle my bottom with that awful brush. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK  Then, just as I thought I had no fight left in me, he turned his attention to my upper thighs. The pain was unreal. He tightened his grip on my wrist and swung that brush again and again making me cry out every time it connected. It hurt so bad and I again, struggled to break free and dodge the swats covering my thighs. After concentrating a few solid minutes on my thighs, he stopped and placed the brush back into the drawer and lifted me to my feet. "Corner" I looked up at him through my puffy eyes, hoping he would take me in his arms and hold me, I got my answer quickly in the form of a few rapid swats to my right thigh and a commanding, "NOW LYNN." I rushed over to the corner, his refusal of a hug starting my tears streaming down my cheeks again as I stood pressing my nose to the wall.

"Come here." I turned and dragged my feet, slowly making my way across the room to him. His towering frame beside our bed, arms crossed over his chest, eyes narrowing at me in my slow approach. I stopped just a foot short of him and stood staring at the floor, my hands clasped in front of me. "Up, hands underneath of you." I crawled up onto the bed and draped myself over the pillows, propping my bottom up and tucking my hands beneath me as I turn my head to face away from him so I dont see it coming. I can not however escape the sounds and my body tightens as I hear him unbuckling his belt and pulling it free from his waist. "You have not ever escaped a belt whipping for disobeying me, you aren't about to start now." His voice steely, resolved, all business.

I closed my eyes as the first swat landed across my bottom. SWAT He is very methodical in the way he straps me. Each stinging swat with purpose, with force. Landing one right after the next in quick succession. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT  I cried into the blankets as he continued to whip every inch of my bottom and thighs with his belt. Each swat seemed to fall harder than the last. He has never spanked me angry, and I knew by the tone in his voice that he was not angry now, but he was scared.....very scared and equally determined to teach me a lesson. The swats continued to rain down several more minutes before he finally dropped the belt onto the floor and pulled me up from the bed.

"Look at me" his voice still firm. I slowly tilted my head upward to meet his gaze, as I fought the urge to reach back and rub the sting out of my bottom. "23 days?" his jaw clenched as he asked. I swallowed hard, "yes Sir." I whispered. "I gave you three reasons you should have taken that pill every one of those days but you chose not to. You have missed a day or two before and I have punished you for it. You have been paddled, I have whipped your bottom with my belt, you have been caned.......each time you have assured me it will be the last time we will have to address it. Now 23 days??? You need to say nothing Natalie Lynn, I will make the promise this time.....this *will* be the last time we ever have to discuss this issue and that my love is a promise I will keep." His eyes narrowed as he finished speaking and then turned away from me and walked to our closet.

I stood still, frozen still and watched him hesitantly as he returned from the closet carrying the implement I hate the most, the double looped strap. My eyes immediately shot to the floor, I didn't want to see it. I knew he was serious.....beyond serious. This implement is typically used for only a small handful of offenses.....only serious offenses......for a more severe session.....when he thinks I've listened to nothing else, he will use this implement. And this man never does anything half-heartedly.....ever.

"Position" he barked. I tried to calm my breathing as I moved into position. My face in my hands, feet shoulder width apart, bent over the side of our bed, bottom pushed out. My heart sunk at his next direction, "I gave you three reasons you should have taken that medicine each of the 23 you chose not to Lynn. 3 times 23 is 69. I am going to give you 69 with this loop and if you move out of position or reach back even once, we will start again at 1. I dont care if we are at 65.....show me the slightest hint of defiance and we will begin again. Do you understand me?" My mind is swimming in panic, my bottom already on fire, my heart heavy with regret. "Yes Sir." I mumbled and again bury my face in my hands. "I know you're scared, and you should be. These will not be light swats. This is serious Natalie Lynn, as serious as it gets. I love you more than life itself and I will not allow you to hurt my wife. Clear?" I swiped a tear away from my eye as I looked back at him briefly, making eye contact, hoping he could see the genuine remorse on my face as I answered him, "Yes Sir." His eyes softening briefly in acceptance of my submission and then just as quickly, returned to that steely, grim, determined stare.

WHACK That first stroke bit into my upper thigh and the burn was instantaneous. This implement is horribly effective but remarkably quiet. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK  He did not scold me as he whipped me, he didn't have to, I was replaying his words over and over in my own head while trying desperately to remain still. The force he put behind each stroke took my breath away. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK  As much as I hated this implement, I knew he hated to have to punish me like this. He would much rather spank me to spank me, just because it is something we enjoy, the intimacy of a domestic discipline relationship compares to nothing I ever experienced in a vanilla romance. When I gave him reason....and this was more than a damn good reason.....to truly punish me, he may not like to do it but he would not shy away from the task. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK  He could and would deliver an extremely effective punishment spanking to teach me a lesson when my actions put him in that position. And he would not stop until he was certain that I 'got it.' My bottom was on fire, I could feel the angry welts raising after each stroke from this damn loop. My fists were tangled in the blankets, gripping them with so much force my knuckles were white. Each stroke brought a yelp out of me but I stayed still, despite my urge to flee.

WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK  The burn was intensifying and he continued to apply the swats leaving barely a second between them, giving me no time to prepare for the next, determined to get his point across. I couldn't contain my cries as he applied the last of my whipping with substantially more force behind each swat and concentrating them on my sit spots and upper thighs. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK

Only after I heard the loop hit the floor did my knees give out. I lay dangling off the side of our bed, crying into the blankets. He lifted me up and pulled me over his lap and firmly swatted my aching bottom with his hand for a few minutes while I cried it out. Then gently massaged lotion into the angry skin with his right hand while his left rubbed my back. I lay there, completely exhausted, emotionally spent, and physically drained. He lifted me up and laid back on our bed, pulling me onto his chest and kissing my forehead as he stroked my hair and his touch quieted my sobs. He said nothing, and neither did I. We didnt need to.......we were completely in sync in thought and raw emotion. We just laid there, holding each other, loving each other.......thankful we still had each other and intent on keeping it that way for a very long time.


**That punishment was probably one of the most effective, and likely as much because of the emotional seriousness as the physical severity. And my Marine did keep his promise, and I mine. My heart meds were not the topic of even one more punishment session for the two of us.  :)  **