You've Got Mail

02/19/2016


That is how it all began. An email, actually several hundred, but initially.......just one.

I wasn't really looking for a partner at the time. Actually I am not sure I even knew what I was looking for, if anything at all. I had long prior convinced myself that the man I sought and the relationship that I yearned for did not exist.

I wanted to be spanked. I needed to be spanked. But anything more than that simply did not appeal. I was not ready to open up to anyone, to share with anyone, to be vulnerable with anyone. The physical was important, the emotional I was completely blocked off and guarded against. The lust was important, love was not an option. It would take one hell of a Dom, one hell of a man, to ever begin to unarm me.

I read that introductory email at least a dozen times prior to replying. And my response was drafted, edited and redrafted at least as many times.

He was different. Articulate. Educated. Respectful. Dominant. Confident. Courteous. Handsome. Open. Inviting.

Our wants, needs, desires in this arena were closely aligned. Our likes, triggers and turn-ons were incredibly complimentary. Though we would continue to explore our kink and one another for 2 more weeks prior to meeting in person, I knew at the end of email #1 that I would in deed meet this man.

I simply never could have imagined that night what the next four years would hold. He was as perfect in person, in scene as he had been virtually. As hard as I tried to keep my own wounded emotions from entering the game, I simply couldn't remain closed off to this man. His subtle dominance overwhelmed me. His voice turned me on immensely. His sadist was an expert in providing the delicious pain that my masochist needed. His hands on my body was my own naughty version of paradise. His piercing brown eyes bore through me and pulled at my heart. I wanted to please him. I wanted to make him proud. I wanted to be his girl.

The physicality of our relationship certainly was priority #1 in those early days of our budding D/s relationship; but over time the emotional connection took center stage.

He has provided unwavering support for me. He is my shoulder to cry on. He is my best friend. He is my source of advice on all things. He is my moral compass, my very own internal Jiminy Cricket voice piping up to keep me behaving when I struggle with choosing the right path. He is my motivator. He is my Disciplinarian. He is my Daddy. He is my Dom. He is the *only* man I have or will ever kneel before. He is the enticing sadist to whom I relinquish all control. He is the strong embrace in which I feel safest as I hide from the world. He is the metric against which I measure all men.....and not one adds up.

The last four years has been full of ups and downs but around every corner, he was there. He never had to be; he chose to be. I will never be able to repay him for the impact he has had on my life and the woman I now am.......but I will happily spend the rest of my life attempting to. Pleasing him truly pleases me.

Days like today, marking a significant milestone in our relationship, gives me pause as I reflect on the course of our relationship. The depth of our connection. The strength of my submission. The power of his dominance. The astronomical possibility of our ever finding one another in the first place. The compatibility. The friendship that blossomed in the midst of what I planned to be a strictly physical relationship. The trust. The adoration. The genuine respect. The depth of devotion. The limitless love.

And every time I pause and reflect.......I smile. It all began with "You've got mail."

Happy Anniversary, Sir. I love you beyond measure and far more than words could ever hope to express. The last 4 years of our life has been difficult at times but amazing none the less, I look forward to the next 4. Being yours has made me the woman I am today and I thank you for that. No man has ever made me weak in the knees when I was about to be pulled over his.......until I found you. Fate? Luck? Irrelevant.......all that matters is that we found one another.......and I could not be happier. XOXO

Play Date

02/11/2016


It feels like it's been forever since I saw my Daddy Dom for a spanking session.

Ughhhhh.

The weather sucks, the monotony of day to day life sucks.

I need an escape. I need my release. I need a day spent dangling OTK, having my naughty bottom blistered, and being overwhelmed by his palpable dominance.

Is this really too much to ask for?

Halloween Musings

October 17th, 2015


Two weeks from today and it is Halloween already!

Where did the year go?

The holiday season is quickly approaching, whether we like it or not. Ughh.

I am ignoring the looming fat elf and his materialistically-driven holiday.....for now.....because long before I put up the tree, I must decide what to be for Halloween. :)  

Now, shopping in the brick and mortar stores, as well as online, I can see there is no shortage of ideas. But now I must decide which route to go this year. Oh the possibilities. :)

There are the traditional, Halloween-esque costumes:

 

 

The witch is always a favorite. But I have been a witch before, I need something different this year. Besides, I don't want to be wearing the same costume as thousands of other women. I like standing out.

 

 

 

 

Then there is the very Halloween-like black cat! I am loving the tail and the thigh-highs, but perhaps I might get cold trick-or-treating in this costume in New England? Hmmm.

 

 

 

 

Naturally there are the super-hero/heroine costumes to choose from as well. Only if history has taught me anything, it is to never wear a cape and pretend to have super-powers on a holiday you intend to drink on. Bad things happen.......I.E. thinking you truly can fly.

 

 

Next, please!

 

 

Occupation inspired costumes are kind of cute. Which shall I choose this year?

 

 

 

 

I could always go the realistic route and select a naughty doctor/nurse costume. :)  I mean I do love my profession, and I never get to wear something this umm cute to work. Hmmm, then again, Halloween is for pretending to be something you are not. Time to shelf this idea.

 

 

 

 

Ooh la la. A French maid is another great idea. And, I can even speak the language! :) I would insist on a higher heel with this costume, but it is definitely a contender.

 

 



Freeze! Oh yes, I could definitely do the naughty police officer and I already have the boots in my closet! I have a penchant for control and for handcuffs. And authority turns me on. :) Oh wait, never mind, this is all backwards. I don't want to be the one cuffing someone else. Hmmmmmm.

 

 

Next please!

 

 

Ahh the traditionally 'good girl' costumes, with a little naughty flare!

 

 

 

 

 

Ding dong! Cookies anyone? I could totally rock those knee socks! Who doesn't love a cute, naughty, impish, little girl scout?!  :)

 

 

 

 

 

Now this is right up my alley! Love, love, love those thigh-high tights, the heels and the impossibly short skirt. Daddy would love this! Only one problem with this one.......I am no angel (and my Daddy Dom has this whole honesty rule). See Mr. Dom man, you are ruining my costume pool.....and you would have loved this outfit as much as I do! Hmph!

 

 

 

 

Now this one is sure to be a Daddy Dom favorite! And I have just the perfect skirt for this outfit! I think we may have a winner here. The naughty school girl.

 

Only one question left:

 

What lesson will we be learning today, Professor?

 

 

 



Dumb Shit

09/29/2015


Totally lying.......this is *absolutely* the reason I haven't done "dumb shit" in a very long time.

Despite my naturally naughty impulses and wicked short Irish temper.

I still get just as many "Oh my f%cking god, I am going to lose it" moments now as I did 5 years ago......there is just one difference.

Pictured above. :) 

The thought immediately creeping into my mind and knotting my tummy after that "going to lose it" one is "he will whip my ass if I do."

Regardless of the excuse or justification for losing my temper, I still always and forever will have an unpleasant consequence because my Daddy Dom sets high standards for me and keeps me on a tight leash.

Lucky world.......y'all would be screwed if I had no leash! :)

Balancing Act

May 18th, 2015


All of life is a balancing act, no?

When I sit quietly and reflect on my D/s relationship with my Daddy Dom, I am often pleasantly surprised at how well the man balances. Us. His personal life. His professional life. The headache that is His Imp. :)

Truly, there are days I am not sure how he manages to do it. I always have him, physically or not, I always have access. He is simply always there for me. Amazing, I can not recall even once in the past 3 1/2 years of belonging to this man when I have felt anything less than a priority. That is saying something considering he has a full time career, wife and three growing children whom he is also, always there for.

Even the balancing within the context of our relationship is remarkable. We, the both of us, walk a fine line between friendship and discipline. Business and pleasure. We've somehow built an amazing friendship on top of an unequal foundation. He is dominant, and I, his submissive. He is the only authority I willingly heed, and yet my best friend as well.

He knows what I need when I am simply caught up in what I want. There are times I do or say things I naturally regret with time and what I *want* is for him to be as hard on me as I am myself.......and yet, he won't. Because part of his balancing act is deciphering my behavior and making sure my needs, not wants, are met.

There are times I've done ridiculous things, under a certain amount of stress, and while I stay hung up on the fact that I did or said such things.....he sees past that. Behaviors that at any other time or under any other circumstance, he would come down incredibly harshly on me.....he simply doesn't.

Even the times when he does choose to come down on me for my behavior, it is always measured, balanced. Sometimes I need reasoned with, because I am so damn hard headed and stubborn that I have convinced myself that I am right. Sometimes my mind is running a thousand miles a minute and I need slapped across the face to stop it. Sometimes I just need to curl up in his arms and hide from the world for a while. 

There are times that a simple disapproving look will drive the lesson home. Other times I need the intense scolding and harsh corporal punishment to get through. He knows what I need, often before I do, and I love that.

It is an incredibly secure feeling to know that your Dom truly does 'get it' and really does understand you.

My Daddy has mastered the Imp tight rope walk. :) I'm a lucky girl.

Harsh Paddling

04/20/2015


Changing up our 'norm', my Daddy Dom arrived before I did today for our session. I was a little late...bad girl. And I had his lunch...double bad girl. :) Luckily, he forgives easy when presented with steak. :)

I knocked on the door and almost immediately he opened it and pulled me into one of his amazingly tight bear hugs. God, I missed this man. I had been raving to him in text messages about the heels I bought for today so naturally after hugging me and being handed his lunch, he held me at arms length and paced slowly around me, giving me a once over before nodding in approval at my attire and adding, "the shoes are cute." I smiled and sat beside him as he ate his lunch and we talked about every conceivable topic.

I just needed my Daddy fix. His time, his touch, his undivided attention.

After about an hour of pleasant conversation, the mood turned more serious and he decided we should address a recent lapse in my behavior. I knew it was coming but almost wished it wouldn't. I don't like making him repeat himself to me, and this particular offense is something we have covered in depth multiple times. Unfortunately for me, it is also an offense with a specific dreadful implement designated for punishment.

The heavy oak paddle.

I knew I was wrong. I knew why. He didn't need to explain it to me. There was little discussion regarding the topic at all today. It's a firm rule, I broke it, I'd be punished. I knew he was displeased with me and that made me feel even more lousy than I did already.

I was quiet, remorseful, compliant. I stood in the corner as he paced behind me, occasionally repeating the offense in a disgruntled tone.

WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

Without warning, he connected 3 solid swats of that evil paddle to my bottom as I stood facing the corner with my hands on my head, elbows to the wall. I danced around, trying to alleviate the sharp sting, as I knew better than to put my hands back to soothe my bottom.

That damn paddle surprises me every time. Even fully clothed, it burnt like mad. Each heavy swat caused me to dance up onto my toes and inhale air as if I were breathing it for the first time.

Soon he was directly behind me, pinning me to the wall with his towering frame, his left hand gently caressing my face, neck and arm as he traced down to securely take me by the wrist. He pulled me along behind him from out of the corner and over to the chair he had placed in the middle of the room. He sat and as I stood to his left side, he decided to hike up my skirt himself. Typically, I am told to do this, but today he decided to and it made me feel even smaller than I had already.

Once the tiny garment was no longer obstructing his target, he quickly pulled me down over his knee and spaced his legs far enough apart to render my feet helplessly dangling above the floor. I wrapped my hand around his ankle as he began forcefully swatting my upended bottom with that miserable paddle of his.

The burn took my breath away initially. It was bad enough with thin clothing protecting my bottom, but it was torture on my bare flesh. I knew I deserved this punishment and tried to be as cooperative as possible but that implement and my bottom do not get along well. I was soon wiggling more than normally allowed and he securely wrapped his arm around my waist and pinned my legs before again paddling my aching bottom.

My tears fell to the floor beneath my face and I held tightly to his ankle and began to dip in and out of subspace. Soon I was oblivious to the pain in my bottom other than occasionally honing in on the sounds echoing off the walls around me as he continued to paddle me.

He would swat deliberately and harshly with several seconds between swats for a minute or two and then he would paddle briskly, just lightly snapping his wrist and letting the implement do the rest with no time between swats to recover.

I was exhausted physically and emotionally and gave in far sooner than I normally do. I simply laid completely still over his capable lap as he paddled me relentlessly for more than 20 minutes. I hardly noticed when it had subsided until I felt his strong hand gently caressing and kneading my swollen, sore, properly punished bottom and thighs.

After simply lying over his knee and sobbing while he gently massaged my now bruised skin for about 10 minutes, I knelt in front of him and laid my head in his lap just gazing up at him as he entwined his fingers in my long, red hair.

I needed today. The punishment was harsh but well deserved. More than that even, I just needed to be his again. His girl, His sole focus for a couple hours, His submissive. I needed his touch, his embrace, his dominance overwhelming me and pulling at the fiber of my inner submissive. I just needed my Daddy.....and today, I got just that.

Uh Oh

March 24th, 2015


I saw my Daddy Dom just this past Friday for a punishment session.

Typically, now, there are several months between offenses for me, as I've grown and my behavior has improved.

But now, just 4 days later (actually 3, since it happened last night) I am in trouble again. BIG trouble. I broke the texting and driving rule.......a multiple repeat offense.

I'm a ball of nervous energy as I go through the motions of my day today, the fact that I will see my Daddy Dom tomorrow to answer for this lapse in judgment, never far from my mind.

My stomach is knotted and I keep tracing my fingertips over my newly un-sore bottom, knowing it will not remain in this state for long.

Tender Reflection

March 21st, 2015


I saw my Daddy Dom yesterday. It seemed like I hadn't seen him in forever, though in actuality it had only been about 6 weeks. Still.....far too long for my liking.

Again, only 1 punishment list entry to be taken to task for.......but it was a serious one.......my blatant disrespect toward him several weeks back in a fit of rage.

He wrapped several other underlying issues into the session. We discussed my irrational quest for control over all things; as well as my tendencies to lash out verbally when I am displeased. My "quirks", I call them, that effect my overall happiness. We are working on adjusting them.......slowly. Many of these things I struggle with have been a part of me for years.

I am incredibly sore today, just 24 hours post session. My bottom pulsing and aching; an ever present reminder of my sound punishment for my naughty behavior. I am lost in thought; more so than normal even.......replaying his words, reliving the session, trying to analyze and absorb all I can.

Quiet.......

Tender.......

Reflective......

Content.

Letting Go

February 23rd, 2015


"Tomorrows freedom is found in today's surrender.
When I let go, I can live fully."


It did not come easily for me. Surrender. Submission. Oh I wanted it, but on my terms and under my micromanagement. :)

I had to learn to truly let go. Let go of the control I *thought* I had over my life, in actuality I had very little. I had to stop forcing my own will onto reality, it was a losing battle. I had to truly understand that there are things in life of which I have zero control, and those things I needed to accept.......with grace (my Daddy Dom's addendum).

It wasn't easy. Actually for the longest time it was pure hell for me. I *needed* control. I *needed* power. Without either, I felt too vulnerable. My tough girl façade had no allocation for the feelings of fear, helplessness, weakness.

I am far from perfect. I am still learning. But, I am no longer grasping at every ounce of control with a white-knuckled fist. I am okay with selective surrender. I am learning to truly love and bask in my unquestioned submission.

I know he will take care of me. I know I am not alone. I know my trust is well-placed. I know he will test my limits and deliver me safely to the other side.

I have found no freedom more rewarding than unabashed acquiescence and complete submission to this man.

For His Pleasure

February 18th, 2015


I saw my Daddy Dom on Monday of this week. We hadn't seen one another since before Christmas, so it was L-O-N-G overdue. I only had one entry on my PL to be punished for and it wasn't a major offense or anything, but we addressed it none the less, along with several other "reminders" (as Daddy called them) to keep me on track and behaving like the angelic little Daddy's girl that I am. :)

It felt so amazing to be wrapped up in his arms. He felt amazing. He sounded amazing. He smelt amazing. God had I missed this man.

The scheduling was a fiasco and he ended up driving 45 minutes out of his way to come to me, even picking me up, which was incredibly sweet. I fought the entire 15 minute drive to our destination not to attack him in the car. I hadn't seen him in several weeks and I was right beside him but unable to wrap myself around him......talk about a test of patience. :)

It was snowing and still bitter cold, but I opted for a short skirt and heels because I know he enjoys it. After spending several hours together talking, spanking, laughing, and just being together we finally had to leave.....far too soon for my liking, but then again I always feel that way. :) As we were bundling up to go back out into the cold, he noted my attire and thanked me. :)

"You must be freezing. I mean I absolutely appreciate it, but you've got to be so cold. That is sacrifice."

I smiled up at him and responded,

"Sacrifice, submission, whatever you'd like to call it.......I just prioritize your pleasure over my own......it's kind of part of our dynamic, Daddy.......and I actually sort of love it."

He smiled and enveloped me in another tight embrace.

Ahhh.......a relaxing day with my favorite man in the world, a nice tender red bottom, and his verbal acknowledgement of my efforts to please him.......Blissful way to start the week!

Temptation & Boundaries

 

February 15th, 2015


Temptation can be a bad thing. My handbag addiction comes to mind :) Or the frequent temptation to run my naughty mouth. Temptation can certainly bite you in the ass, but it is not always bad.

Most normal, healthy people set boundaries for themselves and/or their relationships. It's simply how the world works. We all need and crave boundaries, self-imposed or otherwise.

But should your boundaries be set in stone?

Is there room for negotiation?

Are you adventurous enough to explore the lines of those limits?

I tend to be the kind of girl who constantly revises my boundary list. Not foolishly, but analytically. I simply don't want to look back on my life and have regrets. I want to explore, to experiment, to grow, to change, to experience the adrenaline producing moments that take my breath away.

Simply stated, I want to live.

Snow Snow, Go Away

February 8th, 2015


So the corner of this country that I inhabit has been quite literally pummeled with snow in the last 2 weeks. Living up here in New England, I am not a whiner when it comes to winter precipitation. But enough is enough.

Our winter started off mild enough. A few passing flurries and lots of cold; no big deal. Then came storm #1......a historic blizzard that dumped 4-6 foot on the region in under 36 hours. As we began to tunnel out from that we were hit again with another 18-36 inches. Living in large cities, there is literally nowhere for that snow to go. Now after 4 days of relative calm, we are getting slammed with yet another 2 feet in the next 24 hours! Ughhh.

I am so over the snow this year!

There are of course many different ways to stay warm in such weather, something to suit just about every taste.

 

 

Some girls prefer a nice, long workout. Cardio gets the blood pumping and is sure to warm the body.

A fuzzy, fleece blanket to cuddle up under is especially effective. You can vary this one to your tastes.....add a cuddly puppy, furry slippers, or a partner for additional heat.

A seasonal favorite: a nice warm cup of hot cocoa (or coffee.....Mama Suzi). Warms your hands, smells amazing and warms you from the inside out as it is consumed.

A toasty fireplace has appeal. The flickering light of the embers dancing and the radiant heat it produces will have you comfortably cozy in no time.

And of course, for girls like me there is a more hands-on old-fashioned way to warm ones self up during the frigid weather. Go annoy your Dom, cross a line, get a sassy attitude.....or if yours is as wonderful as mine you could bypass the naughtiness and just ask for a spanking. :) It takes a little longer than a couple of the aforementioned techniques, but it is by far the best. The heat builds as swats rain down covering your unprotected bottom and before long you'll be snug as a bug in a naughty lil spanko rug. :)

You're welcome.

 

Sadist

02/06/2015


No Sir.

It's not at all a bad thing.

Quite the contrary.

It's an amazing thing.

I actually get offended when I hear people use the term "sadist" in a derogatory manner.

I love your inner sadist.

The perfect match for my inner masochistic pain slut.

I relish my time with Him.

Dancing in the flames.

Captivated by the light flashing off of your dark expressive eyes.

Transfixed by the deep, low growl of your voice purring in my ear.

Satiated by the kiss and stinging bite of the implements you wield on my bare skin.

I am completely certain that your sadist is a good thing, Sir.

A very, deliciously, overwhelmingly, amazingly good thing.

Held

February 4th, 2015


I love how you care for me.

I love how fiercely protective of me you are.

I love how you guide me, teach me, discipline me, motivate me, mold me.

I love how you take care of me and always support me.

I love how you hold me, close to you and safe from the world.

I love the way you love me.

I Need Beat

01/19/2015


Nothing more.

Nothing less.

I just need my ass beat.

I'm in an incredibly spank horny mood right now and there's only one viable solution.

I just need beat.

Nonverbal Dialogue

January 17, 2015


77% of communication is nonverbal. Amazing, isn't it? Hearing that figure initially, I was hesitant to believe it, it seems incredibly high for such a verbal society.

However, as I pondered the thought further, I began to not only agree but wonder if the true figure may even be higher. When you include things like facial expression, body language, hand gestures, written, unspoken expectations, etc. it is easy to see the 77% start to fit.

Below are very clear statements my Daddy Dom makes to me without uttering a single word.

The hands on the hips "you are treading on thin ice, little girl." warning.

The "tsk, tsk" finger wag for minimal naughtiness.

The very typical (and intimidating) angry paternal stance with his strong arms folded across his broad chest as he shoots me a penetrating glare.

The tummy-knotting "come here, right now, young lady" crooked finger gesture as I stare at him doe-eyed from the corner.

This "you go ahead and pout & plead all you want to, young lady, you've crossed the line and you're not escaping this punishment." slow, methodical rolling of his perfectly pressed Oxford sleeves up to his elbows so his full swing isn't hampered by his attire.

The classic and ever anxiety provoking "we are done talking, little girl" statement made as he unbuckles his belt preparing to whip my naughty, upturned, bare bottom until it is criss-crossed with angry, red welts.

The simultaneous hair-pull/face slap reserved for the mouthiest of naughty girls. When the verbal "Enough!" isn't sufficient, this one works every single time.


See? Oh so many nonverbal ways to communicate.......and that was just a list of ways his hands do the talking. :)

A Lesson I Never Saw Coming

January 11th, 2015


What is it about you that has changed the girl I was? The woman I am growing into?

What is it about you that makes me want more?

I have always been an over-achiever, but having you has pushed me even further. Why?

You have guided and directed me through an amazing transformation thus far; but still I want more.

You inspire me each day to want more, to demand more of myself, to seek more from life.

Initially I am not certain if the changes I acquiesced to were for me, or for you.

Actually, I am relatively certain they were for you. I wanted to please you. I needed you to be proud of me. And yet now, looking back, I see they are changes that I needed to make in order to please myself too.

Having you in my life has made me happy. Belonging to you, being *your* little girl has made me happy. Earning your pride, your love, your affections has made me happy. But.....the woman I am becoming under your watchful, protective eye & harsh, disciplinary hand is making me happy too.

I think in the beginning it was more a fantasy. A role play of sorts. A game (though I hate the term).

Over time, fantasy morphed with reality and I realized that you, we, meant more to me than I ever anticipated. As much as you demanded I obey.....I truly longed to obey. Winning your esteem was my focus. Your approval meant everything to me, and still does today.

When I cross the line now, my first concern is never the punishment I will endure as a result, like it was in the beginning. My first concern now is the knowledge that I have disappointed you, I have let you down, I have displeased you. That is far more painful to me than the spanking I will receive for my actions. I actually crave and look forward to the punishment, albeit anxiously, because I know that is my key to a clean slate, a way for me to pay for my poor choices, the path to your forgiveness.

When I think of all we have been through together, the time that has elapsed, the lessons learned, the relationship we have built.....I smile.

But I also analyze.

Somewhere along the journey of us, you somehow morphed your caring for me into me caring for me. And that Sir, is a lesson I never saw coming.

Yin & Yang

January 10th, 2015


I am soft and pliable.
He is hard and unwavering.

I am night.
He is day.

I am intuition.
He is logic.

I am cold.
He is hot.

Cherished, valued possession.
Owner, Protector, Master.

I am pessimistic.
He is optimistic.

I am right.
He is left.

I am chaos.
He is calm.

I am a masochist.
He is a sadist.

I am still.
He is moving.

Naughty, bratty, little girl.
Stern, rigid Daddy Dom.

I am loud.
He is quiet.

I am an extrovert.
He is an introvert.

I am feminine.
He is masculine.

I am submissive.
He is Dominant.

Yin and Yang.