"Put the phone down now." Professor instructed; his voice startling me as I hadn't heard him enter the room. I fumbled with the power button on my new phone in an effort to turn it off. I hesitantly glanced at Professor and watched him move throughout the room rearranging furniture, setting his bag down, checking the A/C temperature. My eyes followed his body, but I avoided his face. Even without direct eye contact, I could tell how upset he was with me and as I sat in the corner of the couch quietly watching him, I felt so incredibly small. I tucked my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs, my chin resting on my bent knees as I nervously flicked the screen protector on my phone.
Professor walked over to me and took the phone from my hand. I waited for what seemed an eternity before he finally addressed me. "Stand up." His voice was quiet but the tone was all business. I slowly rose to my feet, clasping my hands together in front of me and awaiting his further instruction.
"Look at me, Natalie Lynn." He insisted. I slowly raised my glance from his feet up his body, stopping as I locked with his dark brown eyes. We stood there for several moments as our eyes continued their deep conversation. I wanted to turn away, to lower my eyes, to somehow escape his penetrating stare but I couldn't. I could feel my own eyes beginning to swell with tears; I felt so horribly guilty and ashamed of what I had done. I watched as his eyes flashed between worry, disappointment and anger. I hate when he has to look at me like this; it breaks my heart. I would have given anything to go back in time and change what had happened. If only I had listened to him. I'm still so angry at myself for deceiving him, for disrespecting him, for defying him. Professor is a very calm and mild-tempered man; this little stunt had infuriated him and knowing that scared me.
"We have a couple related small offenses to address before we focus on the main incident and your defying me. Go put your nose in that corner." He instructed as he pointed across the room. I quickly obeyed and stood facing the corner, thankful to be out from under his gaze momentarily. The longer I stood there quietly contemplating, the more I felt panic rising. I have never defied Professor and I have never done something this dangerous behind his back. I had known from the day after the offense, after speaking to Professor by phone, that this was extremely serious. He had threatened to hang up on me and not speak to me; that shocked me. I only wanted to fix this now. I was so scared; I've never seen his temper before this and I now knew I didn't ever care to see it again.
"Come here, Natalie Lynn." I slowly turned from the corner to see him sitting in a chair in the center of the room. I approached, keeping my eyes down. When I stopped and stood on his left side, I saw he had our new "gift".....an OTK maple paddle with several holes drilled into it....resting on his lap. "Pants down and get over my knee." He instructed as he tested the sting of the paddle against his palm. I slowly slid my jeans down over my hips and laid across his lap, my mind swimming in panic and regret.
"On your punishment list, you described the first offense as 'extremely amusing and well deserved'.......regardless of the humor, you forgot to mention what you did was ILLEGAL and STUPID. Edit the list when you get home to accurately describe what you did. Got it?" He asked. I whispered back to him, "Yes Sir." He slid his fingers between the waistband of my panties and my skin; and in one quick motion, he yanked them down to my knees.
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Professor wasted no time in getting to work paddling my upturned bottom. Oh my God how that paddle stung! Within minutes my legs were flailing around and kicking to show my displeasure with this "gift."
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"Oww. I'm sorryyy." I cried back at Professor from over my shoulder. "Save it." Professor replied as he spaced his legs further apart, rendering me helpless across his lap, my feet no longer touching the floor. My left hand remained planted on the floor beneath me and i grabbed hold of Professors' ankle with my right hand and held him tightly as he continued paddling me.
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"Stand up." He ordered. I slowly rose to my feet and stood next him. His left hand tilted my head back so he could look into my swollen green eyes. "Over the last two weeks, with all that has been happening, I have tried to cut you some slack. I have overlooked excessive cursing and attitude from you that I otherwise would not tolerate. But it quickly got out of hand and you continued to push the envelope. I don't mind you venting to me, I want to know when you're upset so that I can help to calm you and fix it. But your lashing out *at* me and trying to negotiate rules with me is not acceptable and you know it. I gave you an inch and you took a mile. The disrespect was rather stunning and I can't and wont overlook that, young lady. Do you understand me?" He asked.
"Yes Sir. I'm sorry." I apologized.
"I know you're sorry. Venting to me is fine but intentionally being disrespectful and bitchy is not and you're going to be punished for that. Stack the pillows in the center of the bed and lay over them." He instructed.
I placed three pillows in the middle of the bed and slowly climbed up to lay over them. I laid my head on the backs of my arms, waiting for my whipping to begin. The bed dipped as Professor sat next me and I closed my eyes lost in his touch as he gently massaged oil into my tender skin.
"I have earned your respect and I expect you to show it when speaking to me, regardless of your mood. Clear?" He scolded. "Yes Sir." I whimpered as I clutched the blankets tightly in my fist, anticipating the first swats of my whipping.
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I bit my bottom lip to keep from squealing as the stinging leather from his belt fell again and again on my moist skin. Professor walked from one side of the bed to the other and applied swat after searing swat in his typical methodical manner.
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I kicked my feet against the bed and tried to wish away the sting but that belt fell again and again, over and over. Biting into my sensitive skin and covering every inch of my bottom and thighs. Hot, salty tears ran down my cheeks as I fought to choke back my sobs and just submit to the punishment in an effort to demonstrate my remorse. As much as it hurts when Professor whips me with his belt, I almost wished it wouldn't end because I knew when it did we would address my defiance and just the thought made me sick.
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The belt fell to the bed directly in front of my face and Professor again sat next to me as I lay quietly sobbing into the backs of my arms. He gently traced the welts from the belt with his fingertips. I closed my eyes and my breathing slowed as I laid quietly relishing his touch and hoping time would crawl. He firmly massaged another layer of oil into the aching skin before standing and calling to me. "Up, come here." I slowly slid off of the bed and again stood to Professors' side, my eyes downcast. He reached forward with his left hand, encircling my wrist and guiding me down across his lap. Again, he gently massaged the throbbing skin of my bottom and thighs. Then a crisp SLAP! I inhaled sharply, not expecting the swat or the force behind it. Again, SLAP! I bit my bottom lip to mute my discomfort.
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I struggled to stay still as Professor spanked my reddened bottom briskly with his hand. He has very large, strong, "spanker's hands." The same hand that merely moments ago was gently massaging and kneading my sore skin, was now rapidly spanking my bottom, applying hard, stinging, unforgiving swats. I sobbed aloud as Professor turned his attention to my sit spots and the under side of my cheeks, applying several dozen harsh swats in a row before moving to the next. "Owww. I'm sorryyy Sirrr.....pleassee." I cried to him as he continued to punish my sore bottom.
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When the swatting subsided, Professor helped me to stand and he moved the chair to the side of the room. I stood still in the center of the room, my eyes locked on the floor, my heart racing. I watched his feet as Professor slowly approached me and stopped directly in front of me. Tears again escaped my eyes and my stomach was in knots. "Look at me." He insisted. I sighed and slowly raised my eyes to again lock with his. "You defied me." He stated in a menacingly soft tone. Tears slowly cascaded down my cheeks. "You put yourself in serious danger. You deliberately disobeyed my mandate. You did this behind my back, keeping me in the dark and YOU CHOSE TO DEFY ME, Natalie Lynn." I closed my eyes as he raised his voice. I held his gaze, cautiously searching for some small sign of softening, but I was met with resolve.......worry, confusion, fury and resolve.
"You have never defied me before. But last week.....you CHOSE to do it. Worth it?" He asked. I meekly replied, "No Sir. I'm so sorry." His dark brown eyes narrowed at mine; I wanted to turn away but I couldn't. "Do you understand that blatant defiance ends relationships?" He questioned, watching me closely. My tears trickled down my cheeks at a consistent pace now and it was all I could do to maintain eye contact with him. I felt so small, so guilty, so ashamed and so scared. "Do you have any idea how scared I was when I heard what you had done? I had told you NO, Natalie Lynn. I told you NO several times and you waited until I was preoccupied and you went behind my back and deliberately disobeyed me! You CHOSE TO DEFY ME!" He barked. "I'm sorry Sir. I'm so sorry." I whimpered up to him before hanging my head and sobbing.
Professor grabbed me by my upper arm and marched me over to the couch, pressing me forward. "Put your hands flat on the back of the couch and stick your bottom out. You will stay in that position until I tell you otherwise, young lady." He demanded. I bent forward, resting my hands on the couch and pressing my bottom back and out.
WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK Professor quickly applied a half dozen hard swats to my left cheek with his heavy paddle. The burn was intense.
WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK Next the right cheek. Harder than before. The force Professor was putting behind these paddle strokes literally moved my body forward on impact. I whimpered out and fought to remain still.
WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK He connected a half dozen times with my left thigh, followed immediately by the right thigh: WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK
"Owww. I'm sorryyyy." I cried to him over my shoulder. I knew I deserved it but that knowledge didn't make the paddling any easier to take. I have an extremely high tolerance to pain and can take about any spanking, but when Professor paddles me quickly with our heaviest paddle it is an intensity I can not begin to describe and it quickly pushes me to my limits and far beyond.
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Several more unforgiving swats connected and I squealed out as my hands balled into fists squeezing the couch with all my might. Professor wasn't lecturing, he didn't have to; he just let the paddle convey his displeasure with me. The skin on my bottom and thighs felt so tightly stretched that even a tiny movement pulled it painfully tight.
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Another couple dozen searing swats found their mark and I cried uncontrollably. I am usually very stoic when I am punished but I couldn't contain the emotion today. Physically, this paddling had pushed me beyond my limit and emotionally I was a mess. Professor could have whipped me and paddled me all day and it wouldn't have been enough for what I had done. I wanted only to accept my punishment so that I could be forgiven and we would move on. I'd been scared all week that maybe what I had done wasn't forgivable....maybe Professor wouldn't want to keep me after I had done this....maybe I was too bad to be his girl. The thought was crushing and though it wasn't over yet, I felt some reassurance in Professor punishing me because it meant he still cared enough to hold me accountable.
I felt Professor again massaging oil into my bruising skin. Even the slightest touch caused me to flinch and inhale sharply, but I remained in position and savored his firm and gentle touch. My tears fell effortlessly to the cushions of the couch where my red hair draped. I sobbed softly and silently hoped that he was done punishing me so I could be held. I knew I didn't deserve it, but I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms right now.
"I am going to give you 100 hard swats with this paddle now. They will be close to full force and you will not move from position, young lady. Got it?" My heart sunk and fresh tears filled my eyes as I answered him, "Yes Sir." Professor softly stroked my hair as he spoke again, "My daughter will not defy me. You deserve everything you're getting. You will NOT defy me, little girl. Understood?" I cried and responded softly, "Yes Sir. I'm so sorry."
Professor tapped the paddle to my bottom and spoke again, "You will count each swat, and after repeat: 'I will not defy you, Sir.' Clear?" I nodded my head and whispered a soft, "Yes Sir." The tapping stopped and I saw Professor take a step back; I braced for the first swat and it landed swiftly and just as he had promised, the force took my breath away.
WHACK "One, I will not defy you, Sir."
WHACK "Two, I will not defy you, Sir."
WHACK "Three, I will not defy you, Sir."
WHACK "Four, I will not defy you, Sir."
WHACK "Five, I will not defy you, Sir."
WHACK "Six, I will not defy you, Sir."
WHACK "Seven, I will not defy you, Sir."
WHACK "Eight, I will not defy you, Sir."
WHACK "Nine, I will not defy you, Sir."
WHACK "Ten, I will not defy you, Sir."
"Now, just count." Professor instructed as he placed his right hand on the small of my back, an unspoken reminder to stay in position.
WHACK WHACK WHACK Three harsh swats connected with my left cheek. I cried out the count. "Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen Sir."
WHACK WHACK WHACK Three bit into the right. I rose up onto my tip toes as I absorbed the force of the swats. "Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen Sir."
WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK I had expected three, but seven unforgiving swats rained down one right after the other onto my right thigh. I squealed, "Owwww. Sirrr pleassseeee."
"Count or we start over." He barked, his detached tone breaking my heart. "Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One, Twenty-Two, Twenty-Three Sir."
WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK "Twenty-Four, Twenty-Five, Twenty-Six, Twenty-Seven, Twenty-Eight, Twenty-Nine, Thirty Sir." I counted aloud between my sobs as the burn in my left thigh sunk in.
I wanted so badly to throw my hands back to protect my bottom and thighs; but I knew better. I only wanted to please him now. I knew I deserved to be whipped all day for this and I just wanted to accept my punishment and earn my way back into his good graces. Again, Professor firmly kneaded and massaged oil into my bottom and thighs and then again tapped the paddle to my bottom, causing me to flinch in anticipation. "Count to yourself. Don't move or reach back or we start again. Clear?" He warned. I sobbed and sniffled as I answered, "Yes Sir."
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Those ten fell quickly to my right cheek and thigh. I sucked in air as if I'd never breathe again. This paddle is heavy and it hurts a lot just applied slowly......applied in back to back groupings of forceful swats, it was an unbearable intensity. I cried and cried as Professor continued to punish me.
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The next ten connected with my left cheek and thigh. I rocked back and forth on my tip toes, fighting the urge to cover my bottom. Realizing I had made it to the half-way point was somehow not nearly as reassuring a thought as I had hoped it would be.
"You will never defy me again, Natalie Lynn. You choosing to do it even this once can make you think there can be exceptions as to when you do or do not choose to obey me. I wont tolerate defiance from my daughter. Do you understand me?" He scolded. I hung my head and just cried, his tone was still detached and all business and my heart was broken; I needed to know we would be okay. My bottom and thighs were on fire but my heart hurt so much more. "Yes Sir. I am sorry. I'd take it back if I could. I'm just so very sorry Sir." I cried to him. He again tapped the paddle to my blistered and bruised bottom as he instructed me again. "Count and repeat: 'I will not defy you again Sir, no exceptions.' If you lose count, we will start again. Understand me young lady?" I sobbed and answered, "Yes Sir."
WHACK "Fifty-one. I will not defy you again Sir, no exceptions."
WHACK "Fifty-two. I will not defy you again Sir, no exceptions."
WHACK "Fifty-three. I will not defy you again Sir, no exceptions."
WHACK "Fifty-four. I will not defy you again Sir, no exceptions."
WHACK "Fifty-five. I will not defy you again Sir, no exceptions."
WHACK "Fifty-six. I will not defy you again Sir, no exceptions."
WHACK "Fifty-seven. I will not defy you again Sir, no exceptions."
WHACK "Fifty-eight. I will not defy you again Sir, no exceptions."
WHACK "Fifty-nine. I will not defy you again Sir, no exceptions."
WHACK "Sixty. I will not defy you again Sir, no exceptions."
Professor had not given in and decreased the force of the paddling, each swat fell just as hard, if not harder, than the last. I was crying quite openly at this point and dreading the balance of the paddling I had been promised. I hadn't seen my bottom or thighs, but I knew by the feel that they had to look absolutely awful.....not that it mattered, Professor and I have never let the appearance of my bottom dictate the end of a punishment. Often by the end of my punishments, my bottom feels invincible and almost numb, making me able to withstand any amount of punishment.......but today, as with my last spanking for fighting, Professor was punishing me with our heaviest paddle and swinging it down hard and fast.....leaving me no time to brace for each swat. The pain was continuous and it was intense. My entire body was shaking by this point and I could no longer contain my sobs. I cried and cried, apologizing to him over and over. I felt horrible for what I'd done and would've given anything to fix the damage I had done.
"You may count to yourself now. Don't move." He warned again. Professor stepped in, closer to me, his hip now resting against my body. He wrapped his right arm securely around my waist, his leg between my two legs effectively thrusting my bottom out even further. My left hand remained planted firmly on the couch but my right held securely to Professors' thigh as I braced for the paddle to begin its assault again.
"You are MINE! MY LITTLE GIRL, MY DAUGHTER.....you WILL OBEY ME!" He scolded. I closed my eyes and my body instinctively jumped each time he raised his voice. I felt so small and so ashamed of what I'd done. Then, without another word being uttered, he set to paddling my bottom again, with far more force than he had already.
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I squealed and cried out as the last 40 swats fell and ignited a new inferno on my bottom and thighs. I held tightly to Professors' thigh and sobbed incoherently. I fought the urge to rub the sting out of my bottom and just stood, leaning against Professors' leg as I cried and apologized over and over. Professor again encircled my wrist in his left hand and escorted me to the corner, not saying a word to me. I stood facing the wall quietly crying and waiting for him to call me out of the corner and pull me into an embrace. I stood for several minutes, slowing my breathing as I listened to Professor moving around behind me. It seemed an eternity before he spoke again, but he didn't call me out as I had expected.
"Your phone is on. I'm sitting it here next to you on the desk. You are to stay there in that corner thinking about what you did. You may touch that phone ONLY when I call. Do you understand me, young lady?" He asked. I answered quickly, "Yes Sir." Then I stood there, confused as I listened to the door open and close behind me. I replayed his instructions and it suddenly hit me......he was leaving me. :(
Professor has *never* left me. He has walked out briefly during punishment but always come back within mere minutes. He has *never* left me; not before holding me and talking to me afterward. As this realization hit me, I wanted so badly to run after him and catch him in the parking lot and beg him to come back to me. I couldn't do it.....I was frozen in place by his mandates and I couldn't disobey him now. Fresh tears spilled out onto my cheeks and several times I cried out....."Please come back" and "I need you, please don't leave me."
Time seemed to crawl.....10 minutes.....15......20. I stood in the corner, my jeans entangled around my ankles, my bottom a sore bruised mess. I was broken. My heart completely broken. Professor does not leave me. I am punished and then I am forgiven. Today I was just punished. I held my phone in my shaking hands and yelled at it, "Call me! Damn it, please ring." I was dizzy with the pain in my heart. I was so very sorry for what I had done and absolutely distraught knowing that Professor had left me. I was confused, my panicked little mind raced through millions of thoughts.
"Why did he leave me? He *never* leaves me."
"You know why he left idiot! Shut up, it is your own damn fault."
"Does he not want me as his girl anymore? Am I too bad?"
I slowly sunk down to the floor, a bawling mess. I stayed that way in the corner for another 10 minutes or so until my phone finally rang.
"Hello." I meekly mumbled.
"You may come out of the corner now & pull up your pants. You are to stay in your room until 5pm. No TV, no phone, nothing. Stay in your room and think about what you did. At 5pm you can go home. I will call you tomorrow." Professor instructed.
"Why did you leave me?" I cried.
"I left because you needed time to be alone and really think about the decision you made and what that could have done to us." He answered.
"I'm so sorry." I whimpered. I wanted so badly to beg him to come back, but I couldn't do it. I knew if I asked him to come back to me then I would be questioning his decision. I was so incredibly hurt but I wanted only to please him and that required unquestioned submission.
"I know you're sorry. You need to think alone right now. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Goodbye." He replied before disconnecting the call.
I was crushed. Still so shocked that he had left me but bewildered by how simply he had said he would call me tomorrow........that seemed an eternity to me and I just felt crushed by the overwhelming weight of emotion. I needed him and I couldn't even articulate that need because it would question his judgement.
I muted my phone and then curled up on the couch, crying hysterically into a pillow. Broken. Ashamed. Scared. Confused. Miserable. Guilty. Sore. Consumed by crushing raw emotion.
This made no sense to me. I knew I probably did deserve this punishment but I hated it. Professor has grounded me or used some other non-spanking punishment at times *before* I am spanked. But one thing I have become very accustomed to is being punished and then forgiven. I expect that I will be whipped and then pulled into his arms and reassured that it is 'over' and we are 'okay.' That didn't happen this time. I had been dreading this punishment because to me, this was by far the worst trouble I had ever been in. When Professor first heard what I had done, he had considered ignoring me. I had truly infuriated him, which I had never done before. Professor is a patient, calm, measured and mild-tempered man......I had made him so incredibly angry with my ignorance this time that I was genuinely scared that I may have pushed him too far and he may not want to keep me. Thinking logically about it now, I realize the abandonment fears are not legitimate.....but at the time, those fears were paralyzing.
I laid on that couch, in a curled up ball for more than a half hour crying uncontrollably into the pillow. I was crying so hard that I hadn't heard the door opening behind me.
"Stand up." Professors' deep, steady voice echoed behind me. I was frozen in place, unable to move and almost certain I was hallucinating. He said he would call me tomorrow......I hadn't articulated my need to him. Certain I was imagining, I continued to cry into my pillow, completely heartbroken.
"Stand up." Professor repeated. I turned slowly and saw his towering frame over me. I stood up in front of him, my eyes downcast as I cried softly. Professor reached forward and took hold of me by the shoulders and pulled me into him, wrapping me tightly in his strong arms. His left hand softly stroking my hair as he laid my head to his chest. I lost it and was again crying uncontrollably. All of the emotion of the situation seemed to flood over me at once. Shame, anger, fear, guilt, worry, pain and need. Professor held me tight as I cried on his chest and apologized over and over.
"Ssshhhh. It's okay. I'm here, calm down. Ssshhh." He spoke softly to me as he held me tightly. I could have stayed there in his arms all day. I needed him and he came back for me. I closed my eyes and rested my head to his chest.....content to just listen to the soothing rhythmic beat of his heart as he slowed my breathing and quieted my crying. After several minutes being in his arms, he took me by the shoulders and held me at arms length, carefully studying my face as he spoke.
"I made it all the way back to campus, my mind made up to leave you here to think alone. But when I called and heard your voice, I knew my little girl needed me. And as much as I thought you deserved it, I just couldn't leave you here alone. Don't you think for a second that I am weak because I came back to you. I promise you, that if you *ever* defy me again, you will be left alone in your room to think about it after I've whipped you and your tears will not change that. Do you understand me, young lady?" He warned.
I sniffled and shook my head as I answered him, "Yes Sir."
Then I immediately wrapped my arms around his waist again, laying my head back on his chest and sobbing as I spoke, "Thank you Sir. I'm so sorry. I promise it wont ever happen again. Thank you for coming back for me." Professor held me tightly and calmed me down. I could have stayed in his embrace forever. I knew then that we would be okay. I knew what I had done was absolutely horrible and I felt so ashamed. I knew I had disappointed him, I had worried him and I had angered him. I knew he loved me enough to punish me for my mistakes. I knew he loved me enough to come back for me even if I didn't deserve it. I knew I was forgiven. And I knew we would be able to move past this and that we were going to be just fine.
**I published a few other posts about this incident (Still Processing, What Did I Do and Submission VS Impulse) with information about the offense, session and aftermath. I apologize that I can not give specific details about this offense as I have always done with every other offense.....but hopefully even without the offense details, you can follow and understand the severity of the situation. It took me so long to write the session itself out because it was honestly the most intense punishment I have ever experienced. Emotionally I am still struggling with what I did and the repercussions that could have been. As much as this punishment hurt, it also said so much to me on a deeper level. I will *never* be able to thank Professor for the gift he gave me by coming back when I needed him the most. Trusting him has got to be one of the best decisions I have ever made. The man is amazing and I am an incredibly lucky girl to belong to him.**