Wednesday, October 24, 2012
"Are You A Sub?"
I often get questions from readers of my blog. I answer some in a post on the blog and others I answer simply with an email reply. This question sort of caught me off guard and the more I considered the question, the more I analyzed, the more I had to write about the question.
"Are you a sub?"
What an odd question to ask a girl who authors a blog on spanking, discipline, Dominance & submission.
But the more I thought about this question and my reflexive answer, the more I wondered myself. I think this is a loaded question and requires a multi-faceted answer.
Am I a submissive person?
Not in the slightest. If you met me in my day to day life you'd probably be caught off guard by my dominance. I am a very strong type A personality. I am not ever afraid to speak my mind or fight for what I know and/or believe is right. 'Submissive' is a character trait very few people would attribute to me.
Am I a submissive woman?
See answer above.
Do I have a need or urge to be submissive?
In general: no.
In the context of one relationship: yes, I absolutely do want and need to be submissive.
Every spanko identifies with a niche within the kink; for me, it is discipline. Not imaginary let me be a brat and drive you crazy sort of play either. I have very real issues that I want to address, habits I want to break, negative behaviors I need to correct. I sought true discipline to help better me as a person; but perhaps more than that I love the security this dynamic provides.
Within my relationship, I am many things, among them is submissive. I have not ever blindly submitted; I'm not one of the girls who could go to a party and acquiesce to any random Dom/Top. True discipline requires a deep trust and finding a compatibility in this is damn near impossible. I say often that I am lucky that I found Professor, and I believe I truly am. The beginning was daunting; I am not a trusting girl by nature but I knew for this to work, I had to give him the chance to earn my trust and respect. As soon as I took down that wall, he quickly earned both.
The longer I have been his girl, the closer we've become......the more important my submission has become to me. I admire and respect this man tremendously and that transcends far beyond any scene or session. He is an amazing man. A husband, a father, an educator, a coach, a mentor, an adviser, a disciplinarian, a friend. I value his opinion is far more than discipline alone. Politics, raising children, sports, religion, ethics, morals, family life, career advancement.......we discuss it all. He has become one of my best friends.
Within the confines of our relationship, Professor is a dominant man and I, his submissive girl. Pleasing him pleases me. I find his inner sadist absolutely intoxicating and feel rather special knowing that is a side of him that only I can see, explore and play with. And I can assure you all that he is the *only* man before which I would kneel....the only man to which I would submit....the only person who I would willingly surrender control to. I find the fact that he is demanding & strict an affirmation of his care for me as *his* girl......and yes, his demanding, authoritative & overwhelmingly dominant personality is a turn on for me......second only to his intelligence.
Never before a fan of them, I absolutely love possessive terms of endearment now. Being called his girl, his daughter, his brat.....puts a smile on my face. I love belonging to this man. I am his to lead, his to guide, his to discipline, his to teach, his to punish.
The two sweetest things the man has ever said to me:
#1: "I do not like that you're hurting. I am the only one/thing allowed to cause you pain."
#2: "You are to take care of my property: you."
I do not resist his control; in fact I actually quite like it. No man seeks to control what he does not truly care about. My driving, my language, my everyday interactions, my social drinking.....all things he maintains firm control over. I submit to him dozens of times each day. I tap my brakes at 75mph, I refrain from adding the F word to a rant.......each time, I am submitting because it is not only what he demands, but what he expects of his girl. When I slip and when I struggle, his reaction is the first thought in my mind. I aim to please him, fear angering him and *hate* to disappoint him.
Our dynamic is important to me and as with the admiration and respect, our dynamic also transcends far beyond a scene or session. Even in casual conversation, I am careful to remain respectful and subtly submissive. If you sat next to us at lunch, you would likely hear me address him as, "Sir." It is almost a term of endearment. Dependent on my behavior during lunch, you may also hear him scolding me for bad language. I make no distinction or differentiation, in public or in private, I am his and I will submit.
When I fail to meet his expectations or push the boundaries he has set for me, he quickly and firmly will put me in my place. He sets high expectations because he knows I can meet them, when I don't it is seen as a choice to disobey and he will punish me. I submit to punishment because I know I am wrong, truly want to do better/be better, want to pay for the mistake I've made in order to release the guilt, need forgiveness......but most importantly to me, I submit because I *need* to please him. His approval is extremely important to me.
So my multi-faceted answer to this loaded question is:
I am not at all a submissive person but I absolutely am a submissive girl within the safe confines of my relationship with Professor. I want to submit, I need to submit. Pleasing Professor truly pleases me. With him, and him alone, yes I am a submissive.