Tuesday, April 29, 2014
So now after 2+ months of medical hell and cancer treatment, I am finally getting to see my Daddy this week.
I only have a couple entries to be punished for but I am still nervous and worried.
Though for the exact opposite reason that I normally am.
I am worried that Daddy is going to worry too much, think I am fragile, be way too easy on me. I know he loves me and cares for me and has been with me throughout this entire ordeal but that is precisely the reason I worry he will be too concerned about 'hurting' me.
I've reassured him I am okay, I believe once using the term "pussy" in reference to him if he did not give me what I need at this meeting. He was less than amused.
I'm not at all intentionally trying to upset him or to get into more trouble with him, that's not it at all. I just don't want either of us to be disappointed with the session because he treats me like a porcelain doll, afraid to damage me.
He is a huge part of my 'normal.' Our sessions are my 'normal.' I NEED NORMAL!
What to do? What to do?
Sunday, April 27, 2014
After close to 20 minutes of dead silence, and the only sound in the room being his steady breathing and her rapidly beating heart, she couldn't stand the silence any longer. She couldn't stand the building sense of his disappointment any longer. She had to talk to him. She took a deep breath and turned her face upward to look at his and softly began to speak,
"I'm sorry, Sir. I don't know what I was thinking. I was upset when you left me this morning and I pouted and sulked about it all day and figured I would be a brat to get back at you for it. I knew you wouldn't be able to punish me for it because of the noise and maybe you'd have forgotten about it by the time I was actually going to be held accountable for it so I figured it would be worth it and I was safe to lash out. I know that sounds stupid and childish and ridiculous, because it is. I knew better and I let you down and I'm sorry, Sir."
She rambled out her excuses, explanations and apology all at once as she hesitantly peered up and into his dark, piercing eyes. He watched her intently, studying the expressions on her face, searching her eyes for sincerity, before he replied,
"I see. So this was some sort of revenge game? You didn't get your way so you decided to throw a fit like a spoiled brat and ruin our evening together all with the caveat that you thought you couldn't be punished for how you acted?" He implored.
"I know that sounds bad, but..." She began.
"STOP! Answer me!" He interrupted.
"Yes Sir." She softly replied before lowering her eyes away from his.
"Poor choice, Leah. And you thought wrong. Go. Shower. I will see you back in this spot in 30 minutes." He instructed before rising and taking his phone, wallet & key and exiting the suite.
As she stood in the shower, hot water beading on her back, her mind was drowning in thought.
What had she done? Why did she do it? She knew better.
Where was he going? What did he mean she had thought wrong? What was he going to do to her?
She knew whatever he had in mind, he intended it not be pleasant for her. He would direct her to shower immediately before a punishment only when it was serious and he wanted the hot water to bring her nerve endings up closer to the skin to increase sensitivity. Just the thought caused her to tingle as she softly caressed her wet body with the lavender vanilla lather of her body wash.
As she shampooed her long flowing blonde trusses, she thought through what implements she knew were in the bag from the past 2 nights play, and what more could possibly be tucked in there.
She jumped as she realized she had a time limit and had already spent far too long pondering in the shower. She quickly rinsed and rung her hair and stepped out of the shower wrapping her tiny body in a huge fluffy bath towel. She snuggled it to her face, a soft comforting sensation in advance of what she knew would be harsh, merciless sensations for the balance of her evening.
As she exited the bathroom, the cool air caused her body to shiver. She glanced at the clock, and seeing she had just 3 minutes left, she very quickly rushed to massage her lotion into her skin now covered with soft goosebumps, before scurrying across the suite and kneeling quietly beside his chair as she had been instructed to do.
At precisely the half hour mark she heard a key engage the lock on their door and it sent a shiver up her spine. She knew, of course, it was Shane, but what if it wasn't? What if it were a hotel employee entering to see her kneeling naked beside the chair, fading marks from last nights escapade on her flesh? The thought excited her as much as it terrified her. Her fears were quickly laid to rest as she heard her Dom enter the suite. She could tell by the sound of nothing more than his stride that it was in deed him. She had spent many, many nights kneeling with her face downcast or restrained with a blindfold blocking her vision, she knew her Dom by voice, by smell, by touch, by sound, by pace of stride.
Shane glanced over at his naughty submissive, allowing himself to pause and take in the sight she was as she waited there naked at his command, the light of the fire glistening off the lotion on her skin, the way her spine curved in as she knelt obediently, the way her still damp hair clung to her shoulders. Leah was a beautiful woman and even when she pushed his buttons or misbehaved, he relished the knowledge that this amazing creature had offered her submission to him.
As Shane paced around the suite, sorting through bags and laying out the implements he chose to use, Leah's curiosity was piqued. She could hear him walking around, rustling through things and she wanted so badly just just steal a quick peak, but she didn't dare.
The warmth of the fire felt amazing on her sensitive skin as she knelt, awaiting her Dom's acknowledgement. Her heart was beating wildly inside of her chest as her mind raced through every possibility. Though gripped in nervous panic she was also becoming increasingly turned on.
Shane's large right hand softly skimmed her cheek and she closed her eyes and tilted her face to cradle it in his hand but just as suddenly as it had touched, it was gone. He gathered her long hair together in his hand, sweeping it up from her shoulders and tucking it behind her ears, gathering it all at the nape of her dainty neck and roughly jerking her head back and up to meet his scowling face.
Leah hesitantly peered up and into his dark, flashing eyes. Keeping his firm grasp on her hair and his eyes locked on hers, he walked around from behind her kneeling body to now stand directly in front of her.
"You displeased me, Leah." His voice was soft but hinted at his irritation.
She scrunched up her face in a pout and rose up onto her knees, lovingly rubbing her head up his thigh and suggestively sucking the corner of her bottom lip as he stood before her. His grip tightened and he quickly yanked her back to her original position as he scolded.
"I am not amused, young lady. A good submissive would be graciously accepting her punishment, not trying to sway or manipulate it with sex. You will please me, Leah, on my terms and after you have been thoroughly punished. Am I clear?" He asked.
"Yes, Sir." She murmured up to him as she continued her pout.
"Good, now back to the task at hand, my considerate little submissive was concered about the amount of noise that we would expose our neighbors to, luckily for them, I packed a solution, just in case. Open, pet." He instructed as his left hand reached into his pocket and produced a small red rubber ball gag.
Leah hated to be gagged, Shane knew this, and they very rarely incorporated this toy into their play or punishments, but she always knew it was available should he choose to use it. She peered up at him pleadingly with her big blue eyes but was met with a firm resolve in his that very quickly chased away any thought of refusal. She slowly opened her mouth and Shane placed the ball inside, flipping her hair over the front of her shoulder and leaning over her to firmly buckle the leather strap securely behind her neck.
"The neighbors thank you for your forethought, my pet." Shane said in an almost mocking tone that tempted Leah to roll her eyes at him, but she thought better of it, perhaps if she was cooperative and remorseful throughout her punishment then he would allow her make it up to him in far more enticing ways later on.
Shane again disappeared behind her and out of her line of sight as she remained kneeling before the crackling fire. She worked to slow her rapid breathing and adjust to the gag inside of her mouth. She heard him turn on music somewhere behind her and again rustle through bags as she knelt waiting, wondering.
When he again returned to her vision, he was holding their thigh to wrist restraints. They were made of soft, supple leather and he had purchased them for her at a scene social event early in their relationship. When in place these restraints keep her body in an almost perfect kneeling position, her wrists bound to her thighs, unable to interfere with her punishment, open and exposed.
"I've trained you better than your behavior tonight reflects, young lady. I do not tolerate disrespect and you, miss, clearly need a refresher session on the subject. You are not in control, I am. Your whining, your tantrums and attempts at seduction once called on your behavior are all attempts by you to gain control. I don't allow power struggles, Leah. You are a big girl, you made your own decisions, and now you'll pay for them. Clear?" He lectured intently.
She pitifully glanced up into his eyes and softly nodded her head as she offered him her wrists. He smiled briefly at this, knowing he had trained her well, as he knelt in front of her to restrain each tiny wrist to a thigh. He buckled the restraint tightly and checked each side with several pulls and prods before being satisfied and again rising to his feet before her, and again allowing himself to take in the amazing sight in front of him. It would have been incredily easy for him to scoop her up, untie her and make love to her now; but he could certainly practice self discipline for long enough to instill some into his wayward submissive.
Shane bent forward and grabbed hold of Leah by the waist as she knelt and picked her up, tossing her once again over his shoulder as he exited the sitting room of their suite and strode toward the bedroom. He abruptly dropped her naked body on the foot of the bed and roughly flipped her face down into the position he wanted for the moment. Her face & chest were pressed to the bed and her ass was elevated by her knees pulled up to restrain her thighs to her wrists at the sides of her tiny frame. And again he disappeared from her sight as she turned her face to the side.
SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH!
The sound of impact was barely audible, but the sting of the strokes biting into her thighs were unmistakable. Leah bit down on the rubber ball in her mouth as Shane expertly switched the backs of her thighs fast and furiously. Leah struggled under the quick barrage of lashes and she now knew what her Dom had done while she showered, he went a cut a damn switch.
SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH!
Leah was helpless to move or kick her legs in protest as dozens of searing strokes of that evil twig bit into her flesh. She cursed herself for caring to apply lotion to her body as it had left her thighs still semi moist, which was only increasing the sting of the switching.
Shane took his time, making sure to cover every inch of her ass but paying particularly close attention to her thighs and sit spots, where the switch is most effective. He smiled to himself as he watched his girl squirming on the bed under the pain of the switching he was administering.
SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SWISH!
Leah's eyes swelled with unshed tears as Shane continued to flick his wrist and dance that switch all over her bottom and thighs. She was helpless to whimper or cry out because of the damn gag in her mouth, so she bit down on it over and over as he continued to ingite a viscous fire in her naked flesh.
After what seemed an eternity, but was more likely 5 to 6 minutes, Shane discarded the switch and traced his rough fingertips over the weals left behind by the implement. Thin, angry red lines now decorated her bottom and thighs and as much as she had wiggled and squirmed under the punishment, as he inspected the skin, he couldn't help but notice how wet his naughty little girl as becoming. As he stroked the backs of her spread thighs, she pushed back toward him, raising her hips further and begging silently for his attention. He smiled to himself, out of her line of sight, before very firmly swatting her aching nether lips with the tips of his fingers 3 sharp times.
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
Leah's hips jerked forward and away from the unwelcome rough treatment as she whimpered softly through the gag. Shane watched her twist and squirm trying to relieve the sting without the use of her hands or the ability to close her thighs, and realized all over again why he loved this particular restraint.
Leah's heart raced and a lump appeared at the back of her throat as she lay on the bed gagged, restrained, still reeling from her switching as she heard the unmistakable sound of Shane unbuckling and removing his belt. She was lucky that they were not home where he had all of his belts at his disposal, traveling for business he only had his thin dress belt with him. Though the thicker belts or heavier straps in their collection are typically more effective, Shane had long ago perfected the art of making even his thin dress belt a formidable opponent for a naughty bottom.
Rather than doubling the belt over, as he would with a thicker version, he always opted to tuck the buckle in his palm and wrap the belt around his hand twice, leaving a single tail dangling free and ready to teach his girl a lesson. Leah knew from experience that this method stung like mad. The thinner strip of leather could easily wrap itself around her hips or snake around each thigh individually with the tip biting into the tender flesh of her inner thighs. The thought made her shudder and she again internally chastised herself for behaving so poorly.
WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK
Shane wasted absolutely no time in reigniting the fire on Leah's poor ass. He focused dozens of swats over the fullest part of her perfect bottom. He rapidly applied swat after searing swat of the belt to every inch of her ass from the very top all the way down to the chubby, fleshy area where her bottom meets her thighs, her sit spots.
Leah struggled and pulled against her bindings, knowing it was a futile attempt, but unale to prevent herself from trying any way. The sting was incredible and Shane wasn't leaving time between strokes for her to recover, he was whipping her just as hard and just as fast as he had switched her.
After several dozen more angry snaps of the supple leather against her reddening ass, Shane took a step back and changed his focus, now aiming much lower, intent on giving her upper thighs the same treatment. If he had thought she was wiggling before, now she was practically convulsing to twist her body out of his reach; thought with the thigh to wrist restraint it didn't much matter how hard she tried to squirm, she would get nowhere, and they both knew it.
WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK
The leather bit into her tender upper thighs like a thousand biting fire ants. The tears that had built in her eyes were now actively flowing down her cheeks as she whimpered against the gag in her mouth. Shane whipped her thighs just as harshly as he had her bottom. And true to form, he ensured that several strokes on each thigh saw the tip of the belt bite into her sensitive inner thighs. Her body shook from her sobs as he continued to punish he errant submissive and she fought within herself to finally give in to her deserved punishment and stop resisting. She knew there was no hope of a conclusion as long as she fought him. He wanted to see her submission. He wanted to see her acceptance. He wanted to see her trust him and relinquish that control.
WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK
After several more minutes of Shane transferring his disciplinary attention from her ass to her thighs and back again, Leah slowly felt herself begin to dip in and out of her subspace. Her body still shook with her cries but she had stopped openly resisting and trying to avoid each punishing lash of his belt. She remained still and in position as he applied several dozen more harsh strokes of the leather to her body. He smiled as he dropped the belt to the floor and stood admiring his naughty girl, her ass and thighs covered in his marks, but her body still in position, willing to endure more if it would please him. He was not entirely certain at that moment if he was done spanking her or not, but he had other methods of punishing his girl that he now wished to utilize.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
***Older Spanking/Erotica stories I have written***
What Happens in Vegas (part 1)
When Shane got sent on a last minute business trip to Las Vegas for three days, he decided to invite his naughty submissive along for the trip. She was his preferred travel companion, he enjoyed her company, and she could easily fill his evenings with entertainment.
Leah was thrilled at the invitation and quickly threw together a bag. She loved spending her time with her Dom, but his business trips were particularly alluring. They would play but she was safe from any serious punishment when they were in a nice city hotel simply because of noise constraints; knowing this always made her feel giddy. And she could sleep late while he worked and then spend her afternoons exploring a new city, and her evenings enthralled in scene play with Shane. The girl would have to be on her deathbed to turn down a business trip with him.
Any time they scheduled play or a scene, it was her responsibility to prepare and lay out their implements and equipment. But when they traveled together, he selected and packed the toys for the trip, so she never knew what may or may not have made its way into their luggage and just that knowledge would make her squirm deliciously with an anxious trepidation.
The first two days of the Vegas trip were relatively routine, if not mundane. He spent his days at conferences as she slept in. His afternoons were consumed with business email and calls as she went sight seeing or shopping. Their evenings were spent with one another. Her attentively helping him wind down from his day. Eagerly pleasing him and drifting off to sleep with his marks on her flesh in the security of his strong, enveloping arms.
The morning of their third day together in the city, she woke early, while he was still in the shower, and ordered them breakfast from the room service menu. She arranged the table and knelt beside it, waiting for him to exit the bathroom. As the door swung open, he quickly strode toward her and softly tussled her long blonde hair as he said in a hurried tone,
"Not today, pet. I'm late. I'll see you tonight, we will do dinner then. Behave."
And just like that he was gone. She remained in her kneel for a few moments, she felt slighted. Couldn't he have thanked her for the effort? Taken a bagel with him so she hadn't done this for nothing? As she rose to her feet, the thought of him slighting her morphed into him blatantly ignoring her and her fury grew.
She grabbed one of his pressed white Oxford button down shirts and wrapped it around her naked body before sitting at the bar and picking at the fruit as she stewed. She wanted to lash out, but it simply wasn't her style. She wanted to send him a text message telling him how he had made her feel or blowing up at him, but either method would have gotten her into trouble because her blowing up at him was not allowed, and he had not asked her how she felt, so either text would have been seen as inappropriate.
She ate a handful of raspberries and decided to take a shower to clear her mind. The bathroom still smelled like him. His body wash, his aftershave, his cologne. All familiar and comforting scents to her. She slid his shirt off of her shoulders and paused to gaze at herself in the mirror. Then just as quickly jumped into the waiting hot shower before her own insecurities made her read more into this morning's happenings than was there.
As Leah finished drying her golden locks or hair, her irritation began to slow from it's previous boil into a small simmer; but that simmer began to spin a deliciously naughty thought in her submissive head.
She would go out to dinner with him tonight and she would push the envelope as far as her behavior whilst they were out. Nothing overly bold or bratty, but she knew her Dom well and what buttons to push to get under his skin. Normally she would simply shake this crazy thought from her head, because of the looming consequences of such behavior. But today was different. She continued to convince herself that she was safe from any serious repercussions because serious punishment sessions between them were lengthy, hellish events with plenty of noise.....noise that she knew he wouldn't risk in a city hotel. The game she was playing was a dangerous one, trying to guess just how much pushing would be okay, how much disrespect would he tolerate, how much bratty childish behavior would he overlook. She knew eventually she would pay for any such nonsense, but she had also assured herself that would not be tonight, and so as she dressed for him and their dinner, she did so spinning wildly bratty plans inside of her blonde head.
As she zipped up the back of her satin blue dress her phone sounded his ringtone. She picked it up and scrolled through the text message he sent to her.
'Leah, I'm running late at my last meeting. I've sent a car to pick you up at 7 and I will be waiting for you at the restaurant. Wear your navy blue satin dress, no panties. Behave, my pet.'
Rather than responding with her atypical, 'yes Sir', she opted for a less formal, 'see you then.' As she discarded the phone back into her handbag, she realized she had pre-selected precisely the dress he wanted to see her in. The thought made her smile briefly, before she decided this would in deed be her strike #1 of the night. She hastily unzipped and stepped out of the dress, leaving it bunched up in a heap on the floor, and grabbed her favorite red dress from the closet in their suite.
It was a dress she had purchased specifically for him and their play. She had worn the tiny garment multiple times when they had been together, but not once out in public. It was incredibly tight to her figure and barely mid-thigh length. And just to ice the cake of her naughtiness, she quickly spun her long, blonde hair up and into a messy bun look rather than leaving it down to cascade her dainty shoulders, as he preferred.
He sat at the bar alone, a drink for each of them in front of him as he watched the door and waited to see his girl enter the room. When the door opened and his eyes finally found her, he narrowed his eyes momentarily before standing and walking toward her with a gentle smile and offering her a glass of wine. She suddenly questioned the apparel decision she had made and snugly wrapped her arm around his waist and held tightly to him, unsure if she liked the attention she was receiving from the other guests of this restaurant. He wrapped his left arm tightly around her as he sighed and glared down at her.
"Color blind today, pet?"
She nervously chewed the corner of her lip and softly replied, "No, Sir. I just like red."
He sighed again and firmly grasped her wrist as he led her to their waiting table. She had a hard time maintaining eye contact with him. His eyes were set in a firm stare and it knotted her stomach. When their waiter had finally taken their orders and removed the menus and wine list, she had nothing else to hide behind and had to finally meet his gaze.
"I, also, like red, Leah." He said softly, his eyes refusing to release hers.
As she picked at her salad and began her second glass of wine, she began to feel bolder and was certainly less insecure about the attention her attire was garnering her. Shane tapped her hand underneath the table with his finger and gestured at her glass, her cue to slow down on the alcohol until she had eaten something of substance.
A rush of childish indignance came over her and she sighed audibly at him, causing him to raise a brow, before reaching for her glass of water and unabashedly beginning to blow bubbles into the glass like a 4 year old child. Shane was stunned. He quickly took the glass from her and shot her a piercing glare, causing her to quickly retract her eyes.
As she sat there semi-sulking, he leaned in to whisper in her ear, his breath hot on the nape of her naked neck, his voice markedly firm.
"I have no idea what has gotten into you, Leah Nicole. Figure it out and fix it. One more ridiculous act from you and I will drag your ass from this restaurant and beat it. Do you understand me, little girl?"
She slunk lower in her seat and simply nodded her head. Another 'no no', but he let it slide. As she sat contemplating how much further she should push this naughty streak, he sat staring at her trying to decipher this stunning behavior from his normally very obedient submissive. She never acted out for attention; she never had to. She certainly couldn't be doing this to get spanked; he had spanked her every single day of this trip thus far. But what, he wondered, could have come over his girl in his absence today?
Shane continued to watch Leah closely throughout their main course. She had taken a couple bites of her pasta, but left the chicken untouched and for all intents and purposes, she was not eating much at all. Before he could say anything to her, their waiter returned to check on the entrees.
"Miss, is something wrong with your entree?" He asked promptly.
This, Lean decided, would be her grand finale. She surely couldn't refuse this opportunity now that it had presented itself. She sat up perfectly straight and turned to the waiter, Shane out of her line of vision, and replied,
"The chicken blows and the pasta isn't cooked. It is sucky at best, Sir."
She smiled and gave herself an internal pat on the back, before feeling Shane's jacket fall onto her naked shoulders and his hands quickly following to pull her to her feet as he spoke to their waiter.
"I am so sorry, Sir. The food was wonderful. Please excuse her, I have no idea what has gotten into her, but I assure you that we will figure it out."
He quickly handed the man his Visa and shot looks at Leah as she pretended to occupy herself fidgeting in her purse, to avoid eye contact with him. Shane quickly scribbled his signature on the credit slip the offended waiter presented to him, including a 100% gratuity, before grabbing Leah's upper arm and spinning her to face the man.
"Leah, I'm waiting, and I am not a patient man." He barked at her.
"I'm sorry." She retorted with a daring tone to her voice that would seal her fate.
Shane escorted her out of the restaurant and rather than waiting for a car to return them to their hotel, he chose to walk the 4 blocks back, dragging her along behind him. She was always torn between loving and hating these upper-arm-drags off to her pending fate. They made her nervous but they also excited her.
After just the first 2 blocks she began to complain audibly to Shane about walking so quickly and her ruining her heels. He was floored that she would have the audacity to mention her damn heels when she had just acted so offensively out in public with him and not once, without prodding, apologized or offered any explanation for her out of character behavior. He abruptly stopped, turned to look down at her and took hold of her hips, quickly hoisting her up and over his shoulder like a piece of luggage, firmly planting a couple of harsh swats to her thighs as he continued back to their hotel, not breaking his stride.
Shane walked through the expansive lobby and up the elevator towards their suite the entire time with Leah still dangling from his shoulder, not saying a word. Once he had opened the door to their suite and stepped in, closing the door and locking it behind them, he deposited her onto the floor in the entryway and watched her closely, intently.
Leah stood quietly watching her feet and his, directly in front of hers. She was torn between nervousness and giggles as she recalled her behavior. Working frantically in her head to add up her offenses and decide if she had pushed too far or not; she didn't want to greatly disappoint him, just irk him as he had her that morning.
When she finally got the nerve to raise her face and look up at him, the look on his face took her breath away. They stood studying one another's eyes for several long, quiet moments before a noise finally echoed off the walls of the small entryway to their suite.
Shane said nothing to her, not a word. He slapped her across her still semi-smurking face and walked off past her to the sitting area where he sat in an oversized leather chair in front of the fireplace.
Leah stood speechless for several moments, her eyes downcast, her hand slowly trying to work the sting from her offended cheek. A slap across the face has a way of making a naughty girl rethink her behavior, and as she did, she begin to feel genuinely regretful for how she had acted. She had thrown a tantrum and that's how a child reacts, not a young woman. Certainly not a young woman who knew better and was an owned submissive. The sting from his slap and the building remorse inside of her began to make her eyes swell with unshed tears as she went further into the suite, in search of her Dom.
Leah found Shane sitting in the chair in front of the fire and slowly walked over to him and knelt beside him, softly placing her head in his lap. He quickly pushed her head away and harshly barked,
She hung her head and just knelt quietly beside him, unsure of what to say, or if she should say anything at all.
**************************TO BE CONTINUED************************
Friday, April 25, 2014
"Actions speak louder than words."
How many times have we all heard that statement throughout our lives?
But what, do you ever wonder, speaks louder than actions?
I've pondered this a lot lately. Earlier this week I got into trouble with my Daddy and ended up getting an entry added to my Punishment List for a spanking at a later date. I was upset and disappointed because I had kept my list empty for nearly 3 months and was incredibly proud of that. Granted, there have been many close calls and warnings in these last 3 months, but still I had not crossed the line enough to get more than warned.
Initially I felt indignant and picked on because I had in fact done precisely as he told me and yet still I am to be punished for it. The specifics of the incident are not relevant to this post so I won't divulge them until I write out the session, but basically it was a matter of my providing information to him. I had given him all of the information, but I did so in the wrong order, providing a flimsy juvenile excuse first which had irritated him. After thinking it through entirely, I came to the conclusion, as I always have, that my Daddy was not being unfair or a brute, he was right and I was wrong. Case closed.
But it isn't. Because as I grow further in my submission, I am increasingly seeking perfection. I understand that realistically no human being will ever be perfect; but that does not stop me from yearning to be the best submissive that I can be to my Dom. I long to please this man, above myself, always. He takes amazing care of me as his girl and I need to feel and know I am reciprocating that fulfillment.
It is easy to *say*, "yes Sir."
A bit more difficult to obey.
But what is past that? Past the phase of action.
Perhaps thought and emotion.
If I am mindful of what pleases my Dom, and adjust my behavior accordingly, then I can obey preemptively rather than awaiting his direction, order or mandate. If I shift the intent and focus of my thoughts, placing his needs/wants/desires ahead of my own and allow it to reflect in my behavior then perhaps I achieve a level of proactive submission rather than reactive obedience.
I know I will never be perfect, and I am okay with that, as long as I can be *His* perfect.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
April 21st, 2014
We Did It With Class
We Did It With Strength
We Did It With Grace
We Did It With Perseverance
We Did It With Style
We Did It With Vigor
We Did It With Determination
We Did It With Passion
We Did It For Krystle Campbell
We Did It For Martin Richard
We Did It For Lingzi Lu
We Did It For Sean Collier
We Did It For Hope
We Did It For Love
We Did It For Peace
We Did It To Reclaim Our City
And We FINISHED OUR RACE!
Saturday, April 12, 2014
April 12th, 2014
Absolutely *adore* this.
Every single word of the sentence resonates within me.
Such an accurate descriptive take on Dominance.
The follow up warning, "Don't Forget This", mmm yummy.
2 1/2 years ago I could not have imagined being called "property"
I can not imagine being called anything less.
Objectification? Maybe....but it's better than sex. :)
Friday, April 11, 2014
Do you ever feel like your Dom knows you better than you know yourself?
Do you ever get caught doing something naughty that there is no way possible he should have known about?
Do you ever feel like your Dom is psychic? Resides inside of your naughty lil mind?
Yep. I am with you, ladies. I, too, have one of these psychic Doms. :) "Psychic Doms".......another of life's cruel jokes. Lol. Though at first it was a bit unnerving, now I actually sort of love the way we are connected at this level.
From opposite sides of a crowded auditorium, his eyes have held my own emerald orbs captive. The two of us surrounded by more than a hundred other people, but somehow in that moment, the only two people in the room. Despite the constant chatter from all directions, we had our own conversation, by simply maintaining eye contact and studying one another's expressions. Not one audible word spoken, and not one needed, our communication lies so much deeper than simply speech.
Often times we will complete one another's sentences, or type the same thing concurrently, or share such similar thoughts and viewpoints.......I call this our "wavelength"......and it makes me smile every time it happens.
There have been times when I've been literally seconds from making a poor choice or doing something naughty, and my phone will ring.....it is my Daddy......calling to "check up on his little girl." The man is in my head, he is in my heart. It is as if we are always, constantly communicating with one another on our own telepathic wavelength.
Likewise, there have been days where I am just so overwhelmed or stressed that I feel like I am about to explode, and then my phone will sound his ringtone. When I've struggled with healing through medical mayhem and have been truly miserable at all hours of the night, I often look over and see instant messages from my Daddy......because he just "felt that I might need him." It's amazing.
When we greet one another or are parting ways, he will pull me into a tight embrace. I am precisely the right height against his towering frame that I rise to his chest level. As he wraps me in his strong arms, my own tuck so perfectly underneath of his to wrap around his chest. I can not tell you a place in this world that I feel more safe, more loved, more protected than in my father's arms. And the way I fit so perfectly in his arms as he hugs me, makes me smile from ear to ear. He doesn't have to murmur one single, solitary word to me during these moments and yet, he is still saying so much to me about the strength of our relationship, his love for me, his happiness with us.......and all by simply holding me tight to him in a warm embrace.
Often during punishment sessions, between spankings, he will sit next to me or hold me over his knee and gently trace his fingertips across my burning bottom. I absolutely love when he does this; the contrast between harsh, unrelenting swats and firm but gentle touch will dip me into subspace almost instantaneously. But even his hands communicate with me on our "wavelength". I can almost always tell, by the pace and manner in which he is massaging or kneading my punished skin, whether he has concluded my punishment or is simply taking a break to admire his work. This is also the case with most any other touch during a punishment; whether he is tucking his hand beneath my chin to raise my face to meet his glare, or running his fingers through my hair, caressing my arm as I lie sobbing over stacked pillows, twisting his strong hand into a fistful of my long red hair and abruptly jerking my head back to face him, grasping my wrist with his hand and encircling it, rubbing my back..........every physical touch from him conveys an inaudible message to me.
Whether it is his eyes capturing mine, his touch, his seemingly psychic naughty-radar intuition, his embraces, or his reading my mind, completing my sentences and always somehow knowing what I am thinking, feeling, contemplating or analyzing............my Daddy Dom is constantly in tune with me in a way I hadn't ever experienced before in my life. And though at times it can get me into trouble, it is most often an amazing and incredibly reassuring feeling.
A constant connection.
A telepathic wavelength......all our own.
Sunday, April 6, 2014
We will all have different experiences as we walk into TTWD. Some of us choose to explore our kink much earlier than others. Some only realize or accept/admit the interest much later in life. Some are "lifestylers" while others are not. Though the details will vary, there are distinct earmarks that will almost always present along your journey to finding true submission. Stages or phases so to speak, and each just as important as the last.
A good friend asked me to publish a post regarding these 'steps', as I had written a very similar email to her more than a year ago, and she hoped reading it now would help her again the second time around, and perhaps someone else as well. So here it is:
#1: Searching/Seeking Your Dom: Some of us don't even know for sure what it is we are seeking. Others are simply curious and looking for a 'playmate.' Some are marriage-minded and seeking their Dom in their spouse. This step is easily the most varied. Some of us will attend functions or social engagements to seek our dream Dom. Some will join like-minded websites, blogs, forums and post a profile. Still, others will not actively seek but somehow stumble upon Mr. Paddle-My-Bottom-Perfect.
**My Daddy and I sort of stumbled into one another, though in a spanking arena, we hadn't intentionally sought one another out but rather met while both caring for another younger spanko girlfriend of mine.**
#2: Meeting/Playing/"Honeymoon Phase": Similar to any vanilla relationship, your D/s relationship will likely also have a "Honeymoon Phase." This is the beautiful beginning, when you have just met and are getting a feel for one another. You're still relative strangers and your budding relationship is brand-spanking new.....literally. For the first several sessions and/or play dates........you're both unsure, awkward even as you strive to read each other's cues, expressions, body language, intent, etc. And though strained by the lack of comfort that only time will provide you, these first experiences and several weeks/months are amazing. No arguments or resentment or issues of any real depth.......just the two of you meshing your fantasy into a deliciously mind-numbing reality.
**I absolutely l-o-v-e-d this phase for my Dom and I. Though we both had other outside stressors in our lives, the first 3-4 months of sessions for us were just pure bliss.....well perhaps some of the actual punishments were less than blissful......but the learning, bonding & discovery phase was amazing. The more of him I got to know, the more of him I wanted. It was abundantly clear that he was exactly what I needed, wanted, craved and longed for much of my spanko life.**
#3: Testing: For some, this phase will creep in much earlier than for others, but rest assured it will happen to us all. I think it is truly human nature as you begin to emotionally attach to another person, whether in a vanilla relationship or a D/s relationship, there will come a time when you simply have to test the waters, test your partner, and test your bond.
Some of you will find yourself on this path by design, opting to intentionally test your Dom, to test his resolve. You'll purposely dance all over a hard line he has drawn, you'll intentionally be a brat.....simply to see how far you can push the envelope, how much he will take, if he is a man of his word, if he will follow through or if he will walk away. This behavior will naturally drive him crazy as he works to figure you out. An inexperienced Dom may find this challenging and enjoy it, but most with years of experience will be completely turned off by it.....but the best Doms, though annoyed, will understand this is driven by insecurity and work with you to prove his dedication, thus eliminating your fears that are driving the bratty behavior.
Others of us don't necessarily 'choose' this testing phase, but it happens naturally over time, much the same as it occurs in any vanilla romance. The closer you become to one another, the more comfortable you feel and so you relax and show him more of the "real" you. None of us enter a new relationship showcasing our short-comings......we all approach new relationships putting our best foot forward. We practice restraint when in the company of our new Dom, hoping to keep his interest after initially piquing it. As time goes by, you feel a certain level of comfort and begin to open up, and as you do it provides the unintentional form of this testing phase. Maybe you're less respectful, perhaps you swear a lot more, maybe you're an emotional wreck......who knows......whatever it is, it is finally revealed to your Dom and as I said before, the best though initially put off, will work with you to either understand & accept these newly discovered traits, or provide you the tools & consequences needed to change them.
**This phase for Daddy and I lasted far longer than I would have cared for. There were certainly a very difficult couple of months for us and our relationship. I had truly begun to care for this man, deeply.....but I just couldn't allow myself to admit it or to accept the fact that he did truly care for me as well. At times I would push him away and close myself off, other times I would blow up on him for no reason, or completely shut down from a simple scolding because I worried I'd never be 'good enough.' I can't remember any specific intentional testing phase.......at times I have intentionally crossed a line or given a sarcastic answer just to provoke him a little, but it has always been singular incidents, never an ongoing problem.**
#4: Dancing/Connecting: In a vanilla relationship, a lot of people will refer to this as a 2nd Honeymoon Phase. And in a way, they are quite similar phases........though with one HUGE differentiating factor.......time. You now truly know your partner. You have made it through the turbulent waters of your test phase. You are feeling more secure in your relationship. You have connected with your Dom and truly care for this man. And you know in your heart that this is reciprocated. He has proven himself to you. You have pushed him and he has not wavered. You know that he has your best interests at heart.
**I fondly recall this part of our relationship and laugh at times about the awkwardness. :) We had been together about a year and were very comfortable within our relationship. We had made real progress on many issues that had long influenced my life and happiness. We enjoyed one another's company and were very skillfully walking the line in balancing our friendship and our disciplinary dynamic. It was a great time. The "awkward" component comes in when I remember realizing, admitting and acknowledging to myself that I absolutely adored AND loved this man.....but hesitated to share the sentiment with him. The "L word" is not one I use lightly, nor does he, and I worried that if I had said it, it might somehow change us. We were after all balancing our amazing D/s relationship concurrently to his marriage and my own new romance. So I was incredibly careful to sensor that big L word for quite some time.**
#5: Loving/Committing: One blissful day along your journey in Dominance & submission, you will wake up and realize that the relationship you have built....the bond you have created....the challenges you two together have overcome.........is simply amazing. The emotional roller coaster has absolutely been worth it. You smile when you think of him. The way your stomach tightens so deliciously when his deep, resounding voice purrs certain phrases in your ear........"young lady"..."you were a naughty girl"..."do you understand me?"..."you deserve this spanking"..."let's discuss your behavior with my belt."
He now knows you, all of you and he is still here. You are both emotionally vested in your relationship. You long to please him, to win his approval and his pride. The phrase "good girl" from his lips is worth more than any amount of money in this world. You are now *His* and he is now *Yours*. And that title, that label is one you hold incredibly close to your heart......"Mine"......there are very few titles that could ever compete with that.
**Reaching this phase was nothing short of a miracle for Daddy & I, after almost literally walking through hell and back.....but the fact that we did, made it so much sweeter. I could literally relay to you our entire conversation on that day that Daddy and I both relayed that big, scary L word to one another. I almost laugh about it now that for so many months before I had worried so intensely about it somehow changing us, and then the moment it happened it was just a natural addition to the conversation. I can likewise, recall every detail of the circumstance & conversation present on the day that I first called him "Daddy." And as with sharing the word, "love", nothing had ever felt more 'right.' My own thought processes began to change quite dramatically.......whereas prior to reaching this stage, I had always weighed misbehavior against the punishment such as "well I can text and drive this time, it is worth a whipping".......it is something I refer to now as 'selective obedience'........I still held control and still actively chose whether or not to obey. In stark contrast, as I settled into this phase of our relationship and my submission, I removed the 'selective' portion of my obedience. I trusted my Dom implicitly and truly respected every mandate, rule or direction he gave to me. I still stumbled at times, and he was right there with a strong arm and trusty belt to help 'right me' again, but I stopped questioning and weighing offenses and started focusing on true obedience.**
#6: Absolution: The final stage/phase along the journey into submission is reaching the seemingly, at least at times, unachieveable level of absolute submission. I will pause here to say that no one and no relationship is or could ever be truly 'perfect'......that is not what this phase is about......or God knows I would *never* achieve it. This phase, to me, is *all* about intent.
It is about realizing that your submission is the source of his pleasure and that very fact now drives your behavior. It is about seeking to please him over yourself because you know in your heart that pleasing him, pleases you. It is waking up every morning and smiling knowing that you belong to this amazing man. It is yearning every day to put a smile on his face, to make him proud, to brighten his day. It is the point in your relationship that when he calls you on your inappropriate behavior, you no longer argue or question him, you look inside and question yourself. You listen when he speaks and absorb every word, truly taking his lessons to heart and striving to heed his advice and his warnings. You have known that you respect this man, you trust him, you love him, you want him.......but you now realize this is more than wanting.......you need him. Belonging to him makes you feel incredibly loved, cared for, cherished, safe........the security you now experience in your relationship is almost indescribable in it's perfection.
**This phase is still relatively new to me, but I am relishing every day of it. I see the changes that our relationship has made in my life and my happiness and I am incredibly appreciative. I'm a stubborn Irish girl and it took a *long* time for Daddy to get through to me on some things and usher me to this door of absolution. I fought it kicking and screaming at times, and at others tried to run far ahead of myself......but I have now, finally, more than 2 years later.....gotten to the point that I can say I strive every day to exhibit absolution in my submission. I rarely question my Dom and though at times it is a struggle, I work incredibly hard to ensure my behavior and/or responses are pleasing to my Daddy. I still battle with my impulses but am getting much better at catching it and stopping myself before my Dom has to step in and stop me, which would almost always inspire consequences. I've had an empty Punishment List for 2 months now and intend to keep it that way for far longer. It pleases me to know I have pleased him or made him proud. I realize how lucky I am to have found him and how much luckier I am to be called his own. I can not possibly describe in words how loved and honored I felt kneeling before him as he fastened his collar around my neck. I know I will never be perfect & Daddy will never be perfect....and that is okay, because together.....our relationship....most certainly *is* perfect.**