Proactive VS Reactive Submission

04/25/2014

"Actions speak louder than words."  

How many times have we all heard that statement throughout our lives? 

But what, do you ever wonder, speaks louder than actions? 

I've pondered this a lot lately. Earlier this week I got into trouble with my Daddy and ended up getting an entry added to my Punishment List for a spanking at a later date. I was upset and disappointed because I had kept my list empty for nearly 3 months and was incredibly proud of that. Granted, there have been many close calls and warnings in these last 3 months, but still I had not crossed the line enough to get more than warned. 

Initially I felt indignant and picked on because I had in fact done precisely as he told me and yet still I am to be punished for it. The specifics of the incident are not relevant to this post so I won't divulge them until I write out the session, but basically it was a matter of my providing information to him. I had given him all of the information, but I did so in the wrong order, providing a flimsy juvenile excuse first which had irritated him. After thinking it through entirely, I came to the conclusion, as I always have, that my Daddy was not being unfair or a brute, he was right and I was wrong. Case closed.

But it isn't. Because as I grow further in my submission, I am increasingly seeking perfection. I understand that realistically no human being will ever be perfect; but that does not stop me from yearning to be the best submissive that I can be to my Dom. I long to please this man, above myself, always. He takes amazing care of me as his girl and I need to feel and know I am reciprocating that fulfillment. 

So words........actions.........thought/emotion..........

It is easy to *say*, "yes Sir."

A bit more difficult to obey. 

But what is past that? Past the phase of action. 

Perhaps thought and emotion. 

If I am mindful of what pleases my Dom, and adjust my behavior accordingly, then I can obey preemptively rather than awaiting his direction, order or mandate. If I shift the intent and focus of my thoughts, placing his needs/wants/desires ahead of my own and allow it to reflect in my behavior then perhaps I achieve a level of proactive submission rather than reactive obedience.

I know I will never be perfect, and I am okay with that, as long as I can be *His* perfect.