"Actions speak louder than words."
How many times have we all heard that statement throughout our lives?
But what, do you ever wonder, speaks louder than actions?
I've pondered this a lot lately. Earlier this week I got into trouble with my Daddy and ended up getting an entry added to my Punishment List for a spanking at a later date. I was upset and disappointed because I had kept my list empty for nearly 3 months and was incredibly proud of that. Granted, there have been many close calls and warnings in these last 3 months, but still I had not crossed the line enough to get more than warned.
Initially I felt indignant and picked on because I had in fact done precisely as he told me and yet still I am to be punished for it. The specifics of the incident are not relevant to this post so I won't divulge them until I write out the session, but basically it was a matter of my providing information to him. I had given him all of the information, but I did so in the wrong order, providing a flimsy juvenile excuse first which had irritated him. After thinking it through entirely, I came to the conclusion, as I always have, that my Daddy was not being unfair or a brute, he was right and I was wrong. Case closed.
But it isn't. Because as I grow further in my submission, I am increasingly seeking perfection. I understand that realistically no human being will ever be perfect; but that does not stop me from yearning to be the best submissive that I can be to my Dom. I long to please this man, above myself, always. He takes amazing care of me as his girl and I need to feel and know I am reciprocating that fulfillment.
It is easy to *say*, "yes Sir."
A bit more difficult to obey.
But what is past that? Past the phase of action.
Perhaps thought and emotion.
If I am mindful of what pleases my Dom, and adjust my behavior accordingly, then I can obey preemptively rather than awaiting his direction, order or mandate. If I shift the intent and focus of my thoughts, placing his needs/wants/desires ahead of my own and allow it to reflect in my behavior then perhaps I achieve a level of proactive submission rather than reactive obedience.
I know I will never be perfect, and I am okay with that, as long as I can be *His* perfect.