Friday, July 13, 2012
Long List, Birthday & Control
'The state troopers here have Dodge Calibers as unmarked squad cars.....and they don't care to be flipped off by passing motorists. :)' <------- That was the text message I sent to Professor when I'd arrived at our meeting spot for our punishment session this morning. FYI.....it is NOT advised to send such messages to your Disciplinarian/Top/Dom. That cutesy little smiley face at the end of the message didn't last long either.
I started getting really nervous last night about seeing Professor today. I usually will have a little bit of pre-spanking jitters the day before a session, but this was different. We last saw one another just 16 days ago for a session; in just that short amount of time, I've added A LOT of new entries to my Punishment List.
I know what you are all thinking....."you're a naughty brat and you're in a spanko relationship so of course you misbehave but it's only a spanking." I know for a lot of people in the kink, this is almost a game for them and intentionally being a brat or misbehaving is a large part of their dynamic; that's fine for some people & I don't judge them at all......but this is simply NOT how Professor and I work. I genuinely *try* not to misbehave. I have a list of things in my life that I know I need to change and that I truly want to change for various reasons. Meeting Professor and beginning our disciplinary relationship gave me additional motivation, accountability and tangible consequences to help establish a punishment vs reward system to encourage those changes. And of course, his opinions have come to mean a lot to me and pleasing him has become a central focus, so I *hate* to let him down.
I clearly had been pretty darn complacent in the 16 days since our last session and that assisted in my accumulating 15 entries in that time!!! That's almost 1 a day. When we first began our relationship that was fairly typical of me. However, the longer we've been together the fewer entries there have been. As I became closer to Professor, I worked even harder to meet the behavioral expectations he'd set; and in the process, made us both happier. :) To give you an idea of how ridiculous this amount of entries is in such a short time span now.......from the beginning of May to the last week of June, 7 1/2 weeks without seeing Professor, I added only 3 entries to my Punishment List. So yeah......safe to say I was *very* nervous about this session.
Then on the other hand, I was eager to see him. I love seeing him any time we can align our schedules to do so; he is a great guy. And of course, since my birthday was just the day before (7/10) I couldn't wait to see my Professor because he had promised me a birthday spanking. :) The last week and a half or so has been taxing too and spending time with Professor always seems to help put things into perspective and calm me down. Then probably the biggest reason that I was so eager to see him was because of the nightmare this past weekend had been. Long story short: I'd went out after a wedding with friends of mine and agreed to have no more than 2 drinks (which is the limit Professor set for me 4 months ago). The next morning I was told I'd drank more and I felt like crap so I knew I had more than 2 and parts of the night were fuzzy. One friend screwed with me saying I'd had more but wouldn't say how much or in what & I couldn't remember. I spoke to Professor via IM and told him I'd drank more than I'm allowed and drove myself home too. I didn't tell him at that time all of the details because I didn't even know them myself and I was scared if I told him I didn't even remember how much I'd drank that I'd be in more trouble; so I simply said I'd broken his rule. That of course, without further details, sounded to him like I'd intentionally disobeyed him and put myself in danger so he told me something he never had said to me before.......that he was disappointed in me. I was heart broken and cried the rest of Sunday in between calls to get more info from friends. I finally discovered that a few 'friends' had intentionally put alcohol in drinks I had asked for non-alcoholic just to screw with me or get me into trouble. I was angry but my focus remained Professor's words to me. I emailed him the information and after a sleepless night, Monday morning he told me that in light of the new details, he was no longer disappointed in me and we were okay. He said it via email and then again via phone so I had heard the reassurance in his tone of voice but I knew I needed to see him to feel completely reassured. So thus another reason for being eager to see him today.
Plenty of reasons to be anticipating our meeting........and 15 stinkin' reasons to be dreading it. Darn my mouth.....my temper.....my impulsive tendency to react BEFORE thinking. 15 entries in 16 days......I knew I was in pretty hot water......perhaps 'boiling' or 'scalding' would be more accurate. :(
I was on the phone when Professor walked into the room. I typically would have hung up immediately or he would have done it himself.......but my son had somehow gotten a piece of recycled rubber tire chip lodged up his nostril.....lol. So after instructing his uncle to take him to the ER and calling my co-workers to let them know my baby was on his way in, I turned my phone off and turned to face Professor. He asked all of the typical how, why, where questions to confirm my mini-me was alright before we got down to business. See? Told ya he was sweet. :)
"Is that water for me?" He asked, gesturing to the desktop. "Yes Sir. They were out of our Propel so you're stuck with water flavored water." I smiled and walked to retrieve the bottle and handed it to him. "May I use the restroom?" I asked. He picked up the stack of papers (Punishment List) and began to sift through them as he answered. "Go." I honestly didn't even have to pee but I had to have an excuse to *not* be standing in front of him when he saw my Punishment List. I had added asterisks to 2 of the offenses he had told me to put on the list, and I wrote next to the asterisk that I did *not* agree that I was wrong or that what I'd done was bad so they shouldn't be on the list. Oh and then of course I added a smiley face for good measure. :) I had just barely made it into the bathroom and closed the door when he said, "Asterisks?" I giggled, knowing he couldn't see me and thought that perhaps we should discuss the asterisks while there was a door between us. "Um, yes Sir." I listened quietly, but he didn't reply. I get *very* nervous when Professor is quiet so I hurried out of the bathroom, scolding myself for being stupid enough to write my nonsense commentary on the list.
I slowly slinked over to stand in front of him where he sat at the table, inspecting the list. I stood quietly studying his face, searching for a hint as to his mood or thoughts of my silliness. He glanced up at me momentarily and I immediately retracted my gaze. I began nervously chewing on my bottom lip as I counted squares in the pattern of the carpet, trying to ignore the fact that my heart seemed to be beating out of my chest and my stomach had knotted the second his eyes locked with mine. My Professor has definitely mastered 'the look.' "Asterisks; and what is this Natalie Lynn?" He asked as he slid a piece of paper across the table toward me. I glanced at the page and smiled at him as I replied, "A smiley face, Sir." He narrowed his eyes at me and my smile faded. "A smiley face, so that perhaps when I saw what you'd written and disagreed with your excuses and was irritated by your being disrespectful and writing on this list as some sort of a game, then perhaps the smiley face would make it alright?" My mind went for a free fall......I regretted my asterisks now but it was too late to remove them. I genuinely did disagree with the two incidents but I realized now, seeing the look on Professor's face, that I'd went about expressing my thoughts incorrectly. He saw it as me making excuses, being disrespectful and playing a game....none of which was my intent. He is a very reasonable man and will entertain my disagreements as long as I express them respectfully in the right time and place......this was clearly not the case. Damn that smiley face!
"I'm sorry Sir. I thought it was cute." I apologized. "You thought wrong." I sighed softly and began to fidget with my hands in front of me nervously. "Now we are going to go through this list and check a few things off." That sounded like a *really* good idea to me :) He did end up removing "drinking more than my limit" entry and was going to remove my "driving home after drinking" entry but I told him that offense should stay on the list. I would have loved to just erase it and forget about it but I couldn't and I explained to Professor that I may not have known my friends were putting alcohol in my drinks but I still ignored other friends telling me I shouldn't drive, so for that reason alone I felt the entry should stay on the list and be addressed. After hearing my reasoning, Professor agreed.
"So young lady, even with my choosing to remove an entry, you still have 14 offenses here in a little less than 3 weeks.....almost 5 per week. That is practically full time naughtiness." He said. I giggled slightly at his comment until he gave me 'the look' again. "Something funny young lady?" I silently shook my head no. "There is nothing funny about this. Go put your nose in the corner now Natalie Lynn, pants down to your knees." He instructed. I turned and walked away from him and over to the corner while unbuttoning my jeans. Once I was in the corner, I slowly slid my jeans to my knees and stood quietly trying hard to listen for where in the room Professor was and what implement of bratty bottom destruction he was preparing to use.
"Come here. Over my knee." He ordered. I turned from the corner to see him sitting in a chair in the middle of the room. I hadn't seen an implement in his left hand so I breathed a sigh of relief as I laid across his lap. "Count." His fingers slid between my skin and panties and he pulled them down to mid-thigh. His hand fell hard against my bottom, SWAT, and I jumped as I counted "One." He corrected me "Excuse me? One? One what?" I quickly recognized my error and counted correctly, "One, Sir." He smacked the other cheek just as hard, SWAT, I made sure to count properly "Two, Sir." He ran his hand slowly across my bottom and then up the right thigh and down the left before firing off two hard swats, one to each sit spot. SWAT, SWAT. "Three, Sir. Four, Sir." As soon as the words had left my lips, he smacked again. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT. I squirmed slightly and recited the count. "Five, Sir. Six, Sir. Seven, Sir. Eight, Sir. Nine, Sir." His hand ran slowly across the pink skin of my bottom again in soft, gentle caresses. I absolutely love when he interrupts hard spanking with light touches like this, it send my busy lil mind straight to subspace and I can lose myself in that moment.....my body sensitive and aware of every touch but my mind completely quiet, content and in a free fall of submission. Professor is amazing at pushing this button with me and I love it. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT "Ten, Sir. Eleven, Sir. Twelve, Sir. Thirteen, Sir." SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT I hadn't anticipated the next round of swats to fall so quickly. I inhaled sharply and hoped I wouldn't lose count. "Um Fourteen, Sir. Fifteen, Sir. Sixteen, Sir. Seventeen, Sir. Eighteen, Sir." Professor has very strong hands......I have been spanked with paddles that don't sting as much as his hands. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT "Nineteen, Sir. Twenty, Sir. Twenty-one, Sir. Twenty-two, Sir." I wondered why I was counting swats at the beginning of a spanking and just how long I was going to have to count. Typically if I count at all it is for a specific number of swats toward the end of a punishment, never before in the beginning. I didn't get much time to contemplate before his large left hand was again connecting with my skin, this next volley of swatting landed directly on my upper thighs and they were hard. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT I dug my nails into the carpet at the sting that had just been inflicted on my tender sit spots as I counted again. "Twenty-three, Sir. Twenty-four, Sir. Twenty-five, Sir. Twenty-six, Sir. Twenty-seven, Sir." Professor's hand again softly trailed across my skin as he rubbed each stinging thigh. I waited for the swatting to continue, but it didn't. It took a moment for my mind to venture back from it's subspace happy place...lol...before I realized what he was doing. I smiled and I think Professor knew I'd finally realized what he was doing because a second later he said it, "Happy birthday." I silently wondered to myself if I convince him I have a birthday every month....lol. "Thank you, Sir."
I felt Professor lean back, reaching behind him and I heard the distinct sound of wood on wood and realized that he had just retrieved either a brush or a paddle and my *real* spanking was about to begin..... :(
"16 days ago I punished you for your language and you convinced me that you were really sorry and wouldn't swear so casually any more Natalie Lynn. Since that time you've added 3 entries to your list involving your use of the 'F' word and I overheard ALL 3 of them! So either your apology wasn't sincere, and I believe it was, or I didn't spank you hard enough to encourage you not to use it again; so this is our first lesson of the day....your mouth. Got it?" I sighed and replied, "Yes Sir. I'm sorry." CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK "Oh yeah, I'm sure you are. You're always sorry when you're across my lap." He added as he began to paddle my bottom with that awful bath brush. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK Professor was applying that brush much quicker than he normally does. I didn't have time to prepare for the next swat before it landed. I crossed my ankles to keep from kicking my legs. It stung like crazy and the swats kept raining down harder. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK I stepped up on to my tippy toes and again crossed my ankles as I drew in deep breaths at each new volley of stinging swats. Our bath brush is a heavy oak thing and it packs quite a punch. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK
"Go put your nose back in that corner." He ordered and I quickly complied. I fought the urge to reach back and sooth the throbbing skin. I heard him moving around and listened closely, hoping to figure out what he was selecting now. "Turn around now, Natalie Lynn." His voice made my body jump, he was right behind me. I slowly turned around, keeping my eyes intentionally focused straight ahead and was suddenly staring at his chest. "Open your mouth." He barked. I glanced up at him, pleadingly searching his eyes for leniency. He met my gaze and narrowed his eyes at me, his jaw clenched. I quickly lowered my eyes away from his intense stare, realizing I was not going to convince him to change his mind. "I'm sorry Sir." He sighed audibly, realizing I was attempting to delay the inevitable. "I told you to open your mouth and I will *not* say it again young lady." He warned. I opened my mouth slowly and he lifted his left hand to my face and stuck a sudsy bar of soap into my mouth. I fought the urge to gag at the taste. "You will keep that soap in your dirty mouth until I allow you to remove it. Do you understand me?" I nodded my head yes.
"Look at me." He ordered. His tone of voice made my heart sink, he was upset. I hesitantly glanced up at him and quickly saw the look on his face matched the irritation of his tone. "I am sick and tired of hearing the filthy language coming out of your mouth. We have discussed this many times Natalie Lynn. I have spanked you for this and you've promised me that you'll stop and yet you do it again." I listened intently to him and fought the urge to spit the soap out. I knew he was right and I was angry at myself for not being able to control my language. "Our last session was used to address your mouth, young lady, and I believed you when you told me you would change it and clean it up. I believed you so much that I allowed you to delete your swear jar document completely.....that is how strongly I believed your apology and promise to do better. Then just three days later I heard you cursing your phone. Imagine my disbelief when I heard that, knowing I had just punished you for it days before. You apologized over and over and assured me again that you would clean it up but then this last weekend when you're angry at the drinking situation with your friends, you start using the F word liberally AGAIN. I called you on your language and you sign an email TO ME by AGAIN using the F word. You just don't get it, do you little girl?" I felt horrible standing there with the bar of soap in my mouth, seeing the look on his face and listening to the disgust in his tone of voice. Even with the nasty taste of the soap in my mouth to distract me, I couldn't focus on anything aside from the fact that I know I had let him down and I hate that. "I am sick and tired of hearing that filthy language out of your mouth. I am tired of you making me REPEAT myself to you over and over again about this issue. I am tired of hearing my little girl sound so ignorant when I know she is intelligent enough to express herself without the obscenities. I am sick and tired of hearing 'I'm sorry Sir;I wont do it again' and then hearing you break that promise and disobey me just days later. I am done dealing with this issue. DONE. Do you understand me young lady?" Professor has always been able to capture my attention and make me regret my behavior with his scolding; he is a very skilled lecturer. This lecture was different. He had his typical serious tone and stance but I also heard quite a bit of irritation and disgust. I felt so small and ashamed; I knew he was right. I nodded my head and answered a quiet, "Yes Sir." He pointed back to the corner and I turned to face it, feeling a tear escape and slowly slide down my cheek.
I stood facing the corner for several minutes with the soap burning in my mouth. It tasted horrible and I wanted so badly to take it out. Professor and I have discussed my cursing many times and he has not ever washed my mouth out with soap...never. He has threatened to do it a couple of times but had not ever truly done it....until today. I hated this and stood in the corner wishing I could just go back, rewind the last couple weeks and 'fix' this. Something about this stung even more to me. Maybe it was Professor's tone of voice, maybe it was submitting to him and taking the soap in my mouth, maybe it was the fact that he has raised his voice at me more than is normal........I don't know what triggered it, but I knew this hurt and I knew it was breaking through. I felt so incredibly small and remorseful as I stood staring at the corner of the wall. Tears continued to slowly trickle down my face and the soap continued to burn in my mouth.
"Come here." His voice echoed from across the room. I turned and slowly walked over toward him, trying not to trip on my jeans as they sat bunched at my ankles. I stopped and hesitantly looked up at him, relaying the remorse through my puffy, green eyes. "Say 'what the fuck is wrong with this phone.' " I closed my eyes and shook my head no as tears again spilled onto my cheeks. "Now." He insisted. I held the soap in place with my teeth and opened my lips to speak, "I can't." He narrowed his eyes at me and sat up straighter in the chair, his posture itself intimidating. "I did not give you a choice. You don't make the decisions here little girl. SAY IT." My body again jumping as he elevated his voice to emphasize the last statement. I swallowed hard, searching for my voice and losing my battle to ignore the awful taste of the soap. "What the fuck is wrong with this phone." I whispered, another tear trailing down my face. "Again." He said. I glanced up at him, begging with my eyes for leniency. I hate to curse around him and he knows this. Our last session, he made me repeat the F word to his face many times and I didn't know if I'd be able to say it again today. I was again met with his determined stare. My stomach felt queasy as I lowered my eyes from his and repeated it again. "What the fuck is wrong with this phone." He gestured for me to return my eyes to his as he spoke, "Sounds ignorant, doesn't it?" I nodded my head yes as I tried to blink back more tears. "Next, you signed an email to me as 'your fuck up.' TO ME NATALIE LYNN!" I dropped my head again, angry at myself for the way I signed the email. How could I have been so stupid and careless? "I'm sorry Sir." I mumbled through the soap. "Uh huh, I've heard it before. Then this weekend you were angry and felt betrayed and I understand that but you reverted right back to using the F word so easily again. Many times to your friends and several times TO ME when you were explaining the situation." I popped my head up and looked inquisitively at him; I hadn't remembered saying it to him at all this weekend. Making sure to again hold the disgusting soap in my teeth, I opened my lips to speak. "I didn't realize I'd said it to you this weekend at all Sir. Why didn't you say something to me then?" I asked. His jaw clenched again and his dark eyes flashed at mine, causing me to second-guess my questioning him. "You were upset and I listened to you vent because calming you down was my priority at that moment. You seem to think you're in control here, don't you little girl? Care to question why I choose to do things again?" I quickly shook my head no and returned my eyes to the floor.
"Your swearing was and remains such a large issue that now you have your son cursing. Do you want that? Do you want your baby to sound ignorant?" I nodded my head no. "Say 'you're a fucking idiot.' " My eyes shot up to meet his and I clearly said "No." He tilted his head slightly to the side, as if registering the challenge. "What did you just say to me? No? SAY IT." I knew I was not allowed to tell him no but I also knew I could not and would not call him a fucking idiot. He could spank me all day long if he wanted to but I would not say that to him. I looked at him but said nothing. "I know you are not calling me an idiot Natalie Lynn. It is what you said to your friends this weekend, now repeat it." He ordered. I took a deep breath and recited it, "THEY are fucking idiots." He accepted my edit and spoke, "Again." I sighed and then again repeated, "They are fucking idiots." He stood up from the table and walked to stand in front of me, tilting my head back to make me look up into his eyes again. "You don't want your child to curse and sound ignorant....and neither do I. I will not allow my little girl to curse and sound ignorant any more. Understood?" Another tear began its descent down my cheek as I replied, "Yes Sir."
He walked around me and called back to me, "Come here. Over my knee again and you better keep that soap in your dirty mouth while I spank this lesson into your bottom. Got it?" I turned and walked over to his left side as I answered, "Yes Sir." His right hand caught my wrist and he guided me back down across his lap. Immediately sharp swats began to rain down again. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK He put force behind each searing swat. I again, crossed my ankles to keep from kicking my legs as that darn brush fell again and again on my bare bottom. Professor continued to paddle quicker than he typically does and the sting building in my bottom was becoming too intense for me to maintain control. I tried to focus on holding the bar of soap in my mouth as I started to whimper out loud. Tears fell from my eyes to the carpet below. Just as I thought I might cry out and drop the soap, he changed his focus from my bottom to my thighs, spanking just as hard. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK "Say 'I am 27, I don't curse any more." He instructed. I began repeating him as he really let me have it. "I'm 27, I don't curse any more." CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK "I'm 27, I don't curse any more." CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK "I'm 27, I don't curse any more." CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK I sobbed as he continued to paddle. My bottom and my thighs were on fire and my mouth was burning just as much from that awful soap. The taste was nauseating. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK Finally, after what seemed an eternity, he stopped. I lay there over his knee breathing hard and sobbing. Professor helped me to stand, my jeans again tripping me up as he sent me back to the corner.
"Natalie, come here." Professor called to me after a few minutes. I turned and brushed the hair out of my face and saw him again seated at the table. I walked over to him, jeans entangled at my ankles, bottom and thighs throbbing, tear stained cheeks and that nasty soap still in my mouth. "Write on this list at those 3 entries how you were punished and at the end write 'I'm 27, I don't swear any more.'" He instructed as he offered me a pen. I took the pen and did as I was told and then slid the paper back to him. He looked at it and then stood again and walked around the table to stand beside me. He tilted my head back and looked down into my eyes as he spoke, "Are we done with the cursing lessons?" I nodded my head and answered, "Yes Sir. I'm sorry for making you repeat it again." His face softened slightly and he reached his hand to my mouth and took the soap from me. "You may go rinse your mouth, then we will move on to lesson 2." I hurried off to the bathroom, anxious to get this awful taste out of my mouth.
I walked back out of the bathroom and over to stand in front of the table where Professor was seated. He slid a page to me and told me to look over it. He had numbered the offenses on the list and had grouped them together with related offenses. I will spare all of my blog readers the details of his binary counting and equivalence lessons lecture...lol...it will only cause confusion...lol. I will simply say that my Professor is diabolically creative and thorough in his teaching of naughty girls. :) From the day I met him I have been drawn to and in love with Professor's intelligence; an intellectual mind behind the dominance makes it even more of a turn on for me. Yep, my Dr. Uber Geek is exactly what I needed......an overwhelmingly dominant genius. :)
I scanned the paper and realized that my next lesson was also a repeat.....confrontation. I slid the page back to him and he stood up, folding his arms across his chest as he looked at me. "Every time you and I discuss your being unnecessarily confrontational, you say you understand why it is a problem. You agree to take steps to stop yourself before you turn a debate into an argument. Why then are we having to discuss this again? In each of these instances you were right Natalie...you were right but you got confrontational which ended up making the argument about the argument and not the topic you were right about. Don't you see that?" I nodded and answered, "Yes Sir." He paced, his arms still folded, his voice hinting at frustration. "You're intelligent Natalie so I know you do understand why it is a problem. I think the issue is you're used to blowing up because you can always blame it on that irish temper. You know what the right thing to do is but you choose not to control yourself. So obviously you need a good reason to control it. Go stack the pillows on the bed, I'm going to give you a very good reason to knock this nonsense off." He instructed. I did as I was told and placed three pillows in a stack in the center of the bed and laid a fourth at the top so I could bury my face in it. I began to crawl onto the bed when his voice stopped me. "Take your shoes off." He said. I stood back up and untied my shoes to take them off while wondering why he had made this request. Perhaps he thought I'd kick them off? My lil mind was busy wondering when he spoke again and made my heart leap to my throat. "Take your pants off." I paused for a minute, wondering if I'd heard him correctly. Off? They're already down. Off? He snapped his belt, causing me to jump and my mind to return from contemplation. "Get them off, now." He added. I slowly started to pull my jeans off, my mind on over drive trying to understand this order; he has never told me to take my pants off before. I didn't have much time to wonder, he again snapped his belt and I suddenly became more concerned with the whipping I knew he was going to give me than the fact that my jeans were completely off. I hastily folded them and threw them onto the chair and crawled up onto the bed. I positioned myself across the pillows so my bottom and upper thighs were elevated for punishment as I knew he expected. I laid my head on the pillow that I was now clutching in a vice grip and I waited for the first swat to fall.
WHACK! That first searing swat bit into my sit spots and caused me to jerk. WHACK! The second fell just as hard. I am always surprised by the sting this thing inflicts. I have a love hate relationship with Professor's belt......I love to hate it! :) Actually I love it because it is his......and I hate it because I am also his......which means when I cross boundaries & push limits he makes it a point to punish me with his belt. My love hate relationship with the implement makes it extremely effective. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! I threw my head back to gasp for air as he paced to the other side of the bed and applied equally intense swats. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! Professor is very methodical and deliberate in the way he straps me. I could almost feel the outline of criss-crossing welts raising on my bottom and thighs. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! A half dozen quickly fell on my bottom and then just as quickly, Professor fired off a half dozen to my thighs WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! I kicked my legs and squeezed the pillows tightly, my knuckles turning white. "I am getting tired of repeating myself to you, young lady." He scolded as he whipped my tender bottom. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! My whole body jerked each time his belt connected with my thighs and I kicked my legs, trying unsuccessfully to escape the burning swats raining down with purpose. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! "Oww. Sir, I'm sorry." I whimpered. "Of course you're sorry when I whip you with my belt; just not sorry enough to stop being confrontational and making me repeat this lesson.....yet. You will be by the time I am finished with you." He warned. I buried my face in the pillow again. I knew he was determined to make sure this would be a lesson I didn't forget any time soon. I resigned myself to my fate. I knew I deserved it and I tried to accept my punishment as stoically as possible. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!
"You are going to stop engaging in these battles of will with people. You're tough, I know that, but you don't have to prove it by fighting. Clear?" He scolded. I raised my face to reply, "Yes Sir." He paced from one side of the bed to the other, strapping my bottom and thighs over and over again as I fought to remain silent and kicked my legs at the building inferno he was applying to my bottom. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! "You drove down here this morning knowing darn well that one of the offenses you had to answer to me for today was confrontation and what did you do on your way here, young lady??" He questioned as he strapped my bottom even harder. "I was cut off by a car so I went around it and flipped the driver off, Sir." I squeaked out my reply. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! "Yep, you flipped them off. And who did that driver turn out to be, young lady?" He asked. "A state trooper, Sir. Professor, I'm sorry." I replied, practically whining out my answer as his thick leather belt continued teaching the lesson. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! "I'm sorry Sir. I didn't know it was a cop." I tried to reason. He strapped my thighs multiple times as he lectured. "It doesn't matter Natalie Lynn. You know better! Thank God it was a cop. It could have been a random psycho with a gun who could have shot you for your road rage. You don't flip off other drivers, you don't instigate confrontation, little girl. Am I making myself clear?" WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! "Yes Sirrrr." I whimpered as I clutched the pillow with all of the strength in my hands and again buried my face in it and tried to stay still and accept my whipping. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! When the whipping finally subsided, I hardly noticed. The burning lingered forever as I lay there across the pillows trying to slow my breathing.
"Next lesson today is my daughter refusing to heed the advice of others in serious situations. Being overly confident...no, overly FALSE confident and placing herself in dangerous situations because of the false confidence." He lectured. I sighed and spoke, "I don't agree." He knelt at the side of the bed and placed his hand in my hair to turn my face up from the pillow to look at him. "I know you don't agree, I saw the ASTERISKS." SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! A half dozen harsh swats fell to my sit spots with a wooden implement I couldn't quite see. "You say two things to me when you're being punished....TWO...THAT'S IT! Unless I ask you for elaboration, which I did not. What I was saying required NO response from you. Are you ready to listen to me now? Or would you like to continue to INTERRUPT me and *try* to fight me for CONTROL of this situation?" His voice was purely agitation and I immediately regretted my commentary. "No Sir, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I'll listen, I'm sorry." I apologized.
"Now, as I was saying, you put my little girl in unnecessary danger and for what? To prove a point? That you can defend yourself and shoot a psycho rather than listening to the advice of men you know you can trust? That situation was ridiculous and again a power struggle, you fighting for control and for what? You could have been hurt Natalie Lynn. Don't you see that?" He questioned. I said nothing, I was listening and trying to see the other side but I still disagreed. I know Professor could see that I disagreed but wasn't sure how to express it without getting into trouble because he stood up from where he had been kneeling next to me and sat on the bed across from me, one of our bamboo spoons resting on his thigh. "I originally thought you wrote in the asterisks to be a smartass and I was angry that you would be disrespectful like that when you know you are in trouble......but I see that you honestly do disagree with this. You may now elaborate, tell me why." He insisted. I took a deep breath and hoped I could explain without upsetting him more. I knew my reasoning sounded *really* immature. "I was not asked, my opinion was not solicited. They simply TOLD me what I would do and I was not going to be ordered around. So I made up my own mind and did what I wanted to do rather than give in to them. I submit to one man. Neither my brother or Brad are the man I submit to. So I did what I felt was right......well until they bothered you at home at 830pm at night and you freaking agreed with them." I watched his face closely, looking for a sign that he would agree with me....it wasn't there.
Professor shook his head before speaking again. "I don't agree with your reasoning. I am okay with you and I disagreeing about things but not when it is something that can put my girl in danger. So now I have two choices. I can continue to repeat myself over and over and hope you agree. But you know how I feel about repeating myself, so I am not going to do that. My other option is to spank it into you. Yes, I think perhaps that is what I'll do." He stated as he stood up. My stomach knotted and I returned my face to the pillow, knowing very well how this would end and feeling sorry for myself because I knew Professor was serious and I wouldn't be sitting for a while. "I am going to go for a walk. I'll be back and I want you to re-think your position and what I've said while I am gone. I'll ask your opinion again when I return and I sincerely hope you've changed your mind." He warned as he walked away.
I waited to hear the door close so I knew he was gone and I screamed into the pillow and punched the bed several times. I hate when he walks away from me during a punishment. I wonder and worry if he is leaving the room to go cut switches to whip me with. I also on some level guess I have some sort of irrational abandonment insecurity that chimes in when he walks away from me mid-spanking. I know he will come back, he always does but while he is gone, I still worry. I also hated the fact that we disagreed about this. We have disagreed about things in the past but typically I will end up agreeing with Professor after he discusses it with me......and no, that is not even because of my submission to him. I can disagree with him and still submit to his authority. I typically end up agreeing with him because he is a very rational man and doesn't make hasty decisions. He is analytical, like me and he makes sense. So often times, upon reconsideration mid-discussion, I will realize he is right and change my stance on the issue. This one, however, didn't seem likely to end that way and I knew that he meant every word he had said to me about whipping it into me. Professor is also a very determined man and I honestly wasn't sure what would give in first.......his resolve or my poor bottom. :( He knows I wont ever tell him what he wants to hear, I am honest and will tell him when I disagree. I knew that he was serious about us agreeing on this subject because he would not ever give in when it is a question of my safety.....period.
The door opened and closed again, I buried my face in the pillow hoping what I said wouldn't come back to bite me in the butt.....literally. I felt Professor's eyes on me as I lay over the pillows on the bed. "Look at me." His voice pulled me from my pouting state as I turned to meet his gaze. "If something like this happens again, tell me you'll listen to them." He asked. I searched his dark brown eyes for understanding and took a deep breath before responding. "I will consider their request in the future and I promise I will take a deep breath and call you so WE can re-evaluate their request before I make my decision, Sir." I crossed my fingers and hoped he would accept this even if it wasn't a complete change of heart and agreement with his request. There was a long pause before he replied and every second that ticked by made me cringe inside as I worried he wouldn't accept this answer. "I will accept that. I know you don't care to be told what to do.....well by anyone other than me....so I am fine with you telling them both that but do so when it isn't imperative that you listen to them. Talk to them calmly, not confrontationally and maybe they will listen. Will you do that for me?" He asked softly. I smiled and answered, "Yes Sir, of course." He nodded in acceptance of my response and stood up, taking the large bamboo spoon into his left hand. "Good. Now I expect you to lay there and stay still and quiet while I spank you for what you did in this situation. You put yourself in danger and that is not okay. You're lucky that I am only spanking you with a spoon for this, it could and probably should be a lot worse. If you *ever* put my little girl in that kind of danger again just to prove a point, I promise you this spanking with the spoon will be nothing compared to what you'll get when I see you. Do you understand me, young lady?" He scolded. I knew he was serious and I was getting off pretty easily considering what I had risked. I answered him with a, "Yes Sir." and then laid my face back in the pillow and smiled at his choice of wording. I *love* when he calls me that....'my little girl', 'my daughter', 'my girl', 'my brat', etc......every time he uses a possessive term like that, it melts my heart. I very much love being *His*.
I squeezed the pillow tightly while he spanked me with that spoon. It isn't a small wooden spoon either. It is about the size of a hairbrush. A bamboo cooking spoon thing that hurts like hell. SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK Professor didn't lecture as he spanked now; he didn't have to. I knew he was right, my excuse was rather immature and the risk was far too high. It was stupid and I was wrong and I knew I deserved to be punished for this. SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK I kicked my legs a little bit when he began paying attention to paddling my sit spots. I fought to stay still but I couldn't help it. That spoon stung like crazy on my freshly strapped skin. My kicking and soft whimpering didn't deter Professor from the task at hand, if anything it encouraged him and let him know he was doing a good job and getting his point across. He continued to focus dozens of stinging swats to my upper thighs and sit spots. SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK When he finally laid down the spoon, I was so thankful I could have hugged him. Lol. My bottom was on fire and my thighs were worse. I fought the urge to reach back and rub the sore skin....but I know better.
"Come here. I want you to sit here on this wooden dresser so you can continue to feel the spanking you just received while we discuss your next lesson." Professor instructed as his large, left hand patted the dresser top. I slowly crawled off of the bed and walked over to the dresser. Professor sat back at the table and picked up the list as I slowly sat down on my aching bottom. I watched his facial expressions as he scanned over the offenses and my dangling feet suddenly reminded me of the fact that I was naked from the waist down. Professor has spanked me several times and always bare, but prior to today I have always still had my jeans or skirt on. Somehow not having that denim bunched up on my lower legs made me feel incredibly bare.....exposed.....embarrassed. I don't even know why, I can't quite explain why I was feeling this way......I mean obviously there is nothing from the knees down that is embarrassing to expose so the embarrassment was irrational.......but I couldn't quiet it as I sat there contemplating this while Professor read.
"You forgetting to take your heart medication and your drinking the 5 hour energy drink are both dangerous and self explanatory. We will not be addressing those two issues today. They will remain on this list until our next session and you better not have to make any more additions of that nature before then. We wont address those two today." He stated. Before even thinking, I replied. "Why not?" He sat the papers down with an audible thud and shot me 'the look' as he spoke, "And again you fight for control. Why not? Because I said so, that's why not. Did I tell you to speak?" He was clearly irritated with me. I quickly lowered my eyes away from his in a silent act of submission as I responded quietly, "No Sir, you didn't give me permission to speak. I'm sorry." I kept my gaze locked on the floor and nervously began chewing the corner of my bottom lip. "No, I didn't so keep your mouth closed little girl." He snapped. I swallowed hard and tried to blink back the tears that began to fill in my eyes at the harsh tone of his voice. I was angry at myself, now Professor had scolded me three times in this session about trying to control things because I wasn't paying attention. In the beginning, Professor had to remind me often to let go of the control and not try to 'help' him out during sessions, but the last 4 sessions or so he hasn't had to remind me even once. Now today, here I am screwing it up again when I know better. Ughhh.
I remained quiet the next several moments until he finally addressed me again. "Protecting Professor by withholding information from him. You have two of those offenses on here in the last two weeks and another for being evasive via email with me about your behavior. This is something you and I have discussed before but you've not yet been punished for. At times it seems to me Natalie Lynn, that you are intentionally withholding things from me to play some sort of a game with me. You will tease me like a dog with a piece of meat. Dangling it in front of me and making me fish for information, ask questions, guess.......you hold it right in front of me but only give me a little bit, making me beg for the rest. That causes problems for us and our relationship. I know a lot of the time you keep things from me because you're trying to protect me and my time but do you see how that is still you controlling our relationship Natalie? Information is power. You keep that from me and in turn you have the power and the control. Now today, I have had to remind you multiple times to let go of the control with me. Do you trust me?" I gasped at the very question and replied, "Yes Sir, of course I trust you." In my mind I was saying DUH but I knew better than to say that audibly to him, I was close enough that he could slap me if I had said it, so I refrained. But I was still shocked that he would even have to ask. I was also angry at myself about the control issues today. I know Professor could see the distress on my face because he addressed it, "We have discussed this but you've not been spanked for it so you're not making me repeat myself about this issue. So stop pouting and beating yourself up for it, that is my job. I know you didn't like me using the analogy and saying you're treating me like one of your wiener dogs. I am simply trying to show you that even if your intentions are good, it can and will hurt us. Don't keep things from me Natalie. Stop setting provocative status messages and making me ask questions or fish for the information. Just tell me. Don't hold onto that power. Power exchange is part of us....part of who we are and what we are doing here. You trust me and I take care of you. I can't take care of my girl if I don't have the information. Make sense? Who is in control in our relationship Natalie Lynn?" I looked up at him, my eyes locking with his as I answered, "You are in control, Sir." He rested his chin atop his folded hands and asked, "Part of the time in only some situations? What power do you want me to have and when do you want me to be in control Natalie?" I brushed the hair back from my face so he could see the sincerity in my eyes as I answered, "No Sir, not only part of the time. I wanted and agreed to complete power exchange, Sir. I trust you completely. I want you to be in complete control of our relationship all of the time Sir."
He paused a moment before addressing me again, "Good. Then after I spank you for this today, you will not again withhold information from me. You will tell me everything I need to know about my little girl without me having to ask or fish for information. You will volunteer the information and trust me to make the best decisions for us. Who is in control here?" He asked. "You, Sir." I whispered. "Say it, young lady." He ordered, his tone deeper. My heart raced and my stomach fluttered. "You are in control, Sir." I somehow managed to say. I've always had physical reactions as well as emotional responses to certain behaviors from Professor that I see as inadvertent dominance. Things he may not intend to do or even notice when he is doing it, but I see it in his body language or hear it in his tone of voice and it is a sort of reaffirmation of the control he *does* have. It is all of these little things that trip triggers inside of me and leave me breathless when I am with him. Many of them are small things I have always wanted or imagined when I'd think of my ideal, fantasy D/s relationship.....but they aren't things I have ever expressed to Professor. I've not ever told him of all of these seemingly small cues that are *huge* for inspiring my submission in a scene.....never mentioned them to him and never had to.....my Professor came pre-wired this way. :) Which I am finding is ultimately even *better* than the fantasy......I could find a typical Dom and give him a list of things I wanted him to say and/or do and perhaps it could be a fun scene......but never having said it and finding a man who 'gets it' because he *IS* 'it' is absolutely phenomenal.
He stood up from where he had been seated and walked over to stand in front of me as I sat on the wooden dresser top. He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear and tilted my head up to meet his firm, unwavering gaze again. I tilted my head slightly into his hand as I looked up at him and into his chocolate brown eyes. Pouting slightly as I shifted uncomfortably on my tender bottom. "Who is in control in our relationship, Natalie Lynn? Say it again." He insisted. I kept my eyes engaged with his as I responded quietly and sincerely, "You are in control, Sir." His eyes flashed darker, and his lips curved slightly in approval. I drew in a sharp breath, as he walked behind me and sat in the chair in the middle of the room again. "Come here, young lady. NOW." My body jumped as he raised his voice again, emphasizing the 'now.' I slowly slid off of the dresser and stood. I turned around and walked over to his left side again. "Over my knee." He instructed.
I laid across his lap again and waited for the first swat to fall so I could guess what implement he planned to use for this lesson. His strong left hand rested on my bottom and he slowly began to run his hand across the aching skin, rubbing softly as I closed my eyes and melted at his touch. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT He fired off a half dozen stinging swats to my right sit spot and as I gasped, SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT He applied a half dozen to the left sit spot. Professor has incredibly strong hands. I have heard some girls use the term 'spanker's hands' and I would say that is a rather accurate description. His hands were made to spank a naughty girl's bottom. They are large and very strong. In one moment he can rub, hold, massage or caress and his hands are soft, gentle, tender and attentive; the next they can rain down heavy, harsh, unforgiving swats that can and often do sting more than some brushes or small paddles. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT
I shifted from crossing one leg to the other as the stinging began to build again. Then Professor did something he has not ever done with me before........actually, he did something that I have not ever allowed to be done before with *anyone*.....ever. He started by opening his legs so they were further apart, causing me to go up onto my tippy toes and barely touch the floor.......he has done this to me a few times when he has had me OTK. I was just beginning to adjust to the position and he opened his legs again, so my feet were no longer even grazing the floor. I have always made sure both my hands and feet were on the floor any time I have been spanked OTK, by Professor or anyone else. I'm not certain why I've always done it, but I always have insisted on it. Maybe it gives me a false sense of control of the situation if I am able to keep my hands and feet on the floor. My Marine and I argued about it many times. Especially before I'd had my son and I was smaller than I am now, I weighed like 135lbs and my husband found it amusing to piss me off by trying to hold me OTK without my feet planted on the floor. I would fight it every single time and he eventually realized it wasn't worth the argument.....so I got my way and I have *always* had my way with this any time I have been spanked OTK.....my hands and feet stay on the floor.....period. NOT TODAY! I was shocked and I didn't know how to react. Should I fight and argue with Professor like I'd done with my Marine? Would he give in and give me my way? What is he thinking? I'm not a size 2 Barbie Doll of a girl.....I'm kind of heavy.......what is he doing? I was behaving perfectly fine! My mind was racing and I didn't know what to say or what to think or what to do........I was just sort of frozen in some sort of panic mode inside.
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Professor spanked hard and fast. He connected with the same spot 4-6 times in a row until it was tender and sore before moving on to the next target. After a minute or two of continuous spanking with his heavy hand, I was no longer thinking about the fact that I couldn't touch the floor with my feet any more. I was focused more on the burning in my bottom. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT He spanked again and again. The fire was only building in intensity and I began to squirm. "You are not in control Natalie Lynn. I am in control. Say it!" He ordered as he rapidly swatted my bottom. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT "You are in control, Sir." I whimpered out to him. He swatted even harder. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT "Again, little girl." He demanded. I wiggled to avoid his punishing smacks and between gasps for breath, recited again, "You are in control, Sir." SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT "Again!" He barked. I quickly repeated again, "You are in control, Sir."
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Professor slowed down his spanking and I tried to slow my breathing. I thought he was preparing to grab an implement and it made me whine at the thought. He swatted slowly SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT Then he slowly ran his hand across my poor, abused bottom. I closed my eyes at the gentle touches, as he slowly traced his fingers along my bottom, thighs and incredibly sore sit spots. He rubbed gently and then swatted firmly a few times. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT The absolutely perfect pairing of harsh smacks and gentle caresses again began to send my mind into subspace. And then out of the blue, he started spanking again in earnest. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT He spanked hard, his heavy hand finding my tenderest spots and making certain to punish them thoroughly. I felt completely helpless in that moment. I did not have my 'safety net' and assurance of perceived control in keeping my feet on the floor. That fact coupled with the knowledge that I also no longer had the perceived protection of my jeans, seemed so overwhelming to me in that moment and my eyes began to again fill with tears. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT My internal sense of panic was rising.....I was bare, exposed, vulnerable, completely helpless lying prone across his lap and there was nothing I could do to change it......I was *NOT* in control any more. I struggled another minute or two to maintain control in some sort of way but I couldn't......it was just too much.....he continued to spank and pushed me past that limit of which I could hold onto the control.
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I lost it......completely lost it and yet again, another first happened for us today......the soap, the jeans taken off, the OTK hold with my feet off of the ground.....and now this....I let go completely. I began to cry.....Professor has made me cry before from spanking as well as scolding but I've always tried to control it and not let him see or hear it. Now....today.....I didn't even care......I just cried. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT "Owww. Im sorryyyy."
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I kicked my legs and squirmed as he continued to apply harsh, unforgiving swats to my bottom and sit spots. He would swat slowly for a minute and then concentrate on one specific area and spank so fast I couldn't gasp a breath between swats. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT "Pleaseee. I'm sorryyyyy." He said nothing, just kept spanking as I sobbed. My tears falling to the carpet beneath me. I whimpered and cried out "Owww" at several swats he applied to my sit spots.
I have not ever whined, whimpered or cried out as I was spanked. I am usually very stoic when I am punished because I know I deserve it and want to submit to him. But this time, I just couldn't help it. It was probably a combination of everything that created the perfect circumstances for letting go today. The emotional turmoil leading up to today with having felt Professor was truly disappointed in me.....then feeling horrible for making him repeat himself about so many things just a short time after I'd been punished for the same things.......then the test of submission with having soap put in my mouth and his tone of voice when scolding me for that offense in particular.......my frustration (and His as well) at the fact that I had to be told many times during this session to stop and let go of the control.......him having me take my jeans completely off, not just down........now this OTK position for my spanking and not having the perceived control and security of keeping my hands and feet on the floor.........all of it together just orchestrated this intense emotional build-up and Professor made sure to push past that limit so I would let go.
I felt so small in that moment......again, as I have said before, I often feel small with Professor but it is never a bad or negative feeling, not a degraded or used sort of small.......rather a more free and liberating small, a protected and cared for sort of small. A little girl who had ventured too far from the safety net of her guidelines, pushed too many buttons, brazenly ignored her boundaries, tested limits and ultimately tested the patience and resolve of her father. Pulled back away from her self-destructive chaos, scolded & chastised, taught, spanked......cared for, properly punished, loved, protected. A pretty darn perfect 'small' and that is exactly what I felt today.
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When the swats subsided, I laid across Professor's lap with my long, red hair blanketing the carpet beneath me, my cheeks wet with salty tears and my heart & mind silently lost in subspace. Completely content and feeling like my whole little world was right. After a few minutes, he let me up and we spent the next hour or so together talking, laughing, sharing......as we always do. :) I've actually come to depend on our post-spanking talks......it is just really relaxing time that we spend together and probably one of the many reasons that I feel so close to Professor. He is very easy to talk to, he listens to me vent, answers any question I ask, laughs contagiously and gives great advice.
I experienced so many firsts today and the analyzing of that will keep me busy for quite some time. I have never had a spanker so skilled and intuitive to know just how far to push and what buttons to push to lead me to a point that I could let go. Probably even more imperative, I can not think of anyone else I would trust enough to let my guard down with in order to be able to let go.
I know this session today was orchestrated as a punishment (and I promise it definitely was) but I also feel like it was an amazing gift. I learned several lessons today. I paid for my mistakes, eventually submitted completely to a man who deserves nothing less, and in the end was forgiven and thus able to forgive myself and move forward striving for better. In the end, I think most punishments are truly gifts. I have a mentor who loves me enough to demand appropriate behavior. When I succeed he praises me and when I fall short, he punishes me. I don't have to deal with never ending cycles of failure and guilt; I am punished and held accountable for my mistakes and I then move on. The piece of this that in the beginning confused me so much and now is probably the most touching is that this amazing man who has become so very important in my life has no biological or even matrimonial bond to me that encourages his caring for me and my behavior......he doesn't have to do it, which makes the simple fact that he *does* mean so much more to me.
I am a lucky girl and I really think birthdays should come every other day now! :)