What Truly Matters

I was feeling absolutely horrible. I've been sick.....really sick.....for a while now. And I got sick right on the heels of a seemingly never-ending marathon of medical issues, procedures and surgeries. So just as I was starting to feel better and closer to "normal", I got sick and was right back to feeling like shit. 

Working in medicine, it is never easy for me to be a patient. To be blunt, I hate it. So just being the patient, rather than the practitioner, stresses me out......a lot. Then add the helpless feeling of not getting better as quickly as I felt I should. I was a mess. 

Finally tired of being poked & prodded and used as a guinea pig for procedure after procedure, I just got overwhelmed and felt defeated and hopeless. I'd shut down and stopped talking to people, intentionally isolating myself because I was close to my breaking point. 

My instant messenger sprung to life......DING......I had a new message. The one man in the world I never ignore.......my Daddy. I talked with him for a few minutes and instead of my typical, "I'm fine", I told him the truth.......I was ready to give up. 

"I'm calling in 15 minutes, answer my call."

It was after 10pm, pretty late for my Dad, but he did in fact call me. 

I vented a little and he listened intently. Until I repeated what I had said via instant message just a half hour earlier, 

"I don't care any more Daddy. I just want to quit." 

He stopped me after that statement and it was then his turn to talk and my turn to listen. 

"You don't have the option of quitting......you are MINE."

"Your son NEEDS you. I NEED you. Your family NEED you."

"I know this is hard and it sucks and you feel weak right now, but giving up is not an option. You're at the end of the marathon and you're going to finish it. Clear?"

"This is hard but it's not impossible. You have amazing strength inside of you, you're MINE. We've made it through a lot worse in the last 2 years, we will make it through this too. Eye on the prize, baby."

"I know you're sick, you're tired, you're stressed, you're weak, you're overwhelmed. And you're right, you can't do it alone but WE can get through this and we WILL get through this TOGETHER." 

I listened and began to feel a little better almost immediately......his deep,steady voice has that effect on me quite often. But I also knew he was right. I am not and have not been doing this alone; I have my family and the people who matter most in the world to me right here alongside me. I may have lost sight of that when I was at my lowest and just feeling alone, exhausted and utterly defeated. I'm not alone; I have what matters most and everything else will eventually fall into place too. "Normal" *IS* coming. We just have to fight through this last medical hurdle. And it's okay for me to feel weak right now......I always have my Daddy's strength to fall back on. He takes amazing care of me and he will pull me through this. Everything WILL be okay.......simply because *MY* Daddy said so.  :) 

Favorite Rules

Some of my favorites from a D/s series of "House Rules" I found online. 

Definitely a favorite :)  Absolutely love hearing that phrase from my Daddy Dom, "I'm proud of you."  Always puts a smile on my face.

Self-explanatory......and I do *honestly* TRY.......I just might fall flat on my face sometimes. Lol

So true. That little phrase has rarely ever gotten me into trouble. 

Thankfully, my Daddy rarely makes me count swats during punishment.....but he will occasionally if he decides to give me a certain number of strokes with a particularly formidable implement. 

Simply good manners......and ya catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

Amen! Aside from OTK......kneeling in front of my Daddy is my favorite position in scene. 

Always and forever. The ownership aspects of D/s are a HUGE turn-on for me. I absolutely adore belonging to my amazing Daddy Dom and my little heart flutters every time he calls me "MINE."

Yum! My pain is His pleasure.....and in turn, my own as well. 

One day I'd beg to be spanked, the next I'll beg to avoid it. Lol. Not that begging has ever worked well for me in this relationship, but trying is still amusing at times. :)

I imagine that is why his adoration, his label of ownership & his collar mean so very much to me now.......not one of them was 'given' to me.......I earned each of them & will cherish them forever. 

Though I struggle with this one still at times, it truly *is* always my intended goal. 

It absolutely is......now and forever, Sir.

The intensity of our D/s dynamic wouldn't work with anything less.

Why is it other girls' Doms allow, or even demand this? My Daddy is not sweet enough to allow me to escape direct eye contact when I'm in trouble. Damn the luck! :) 

Oh how very true this is! And by the way, no amount of whining, crying, begging, pleading, promising good behavior, apologizing, debating or negotiating will have intended results. 

2 years ago, I had no concept of "patience." My Daddy has spent the last 2 years insisting I learn to be a patient girl. So though I wasn't innately blessed with this virtue, I am capable of learning it. 

Absolutely L-O-V-E this one. Sweet, simple, ideal. The very notion is almost fundamental to submission. I'm far from achieving it......but it is a nice goal. 

A caveat to our very own "Rule #1" : Open & honest at all times, about all things. It is actually kind of nice to have someone you don't have to 'edit' with, someone who knows the 'real' me and loves me any way. My poor Dom.....I may have taken this too literally and tend to "overshare" all sorts of things I am sure he wishes he *never* had to hear. Lol. :)  

I still kind of suck at adhering to this rule completely. When it is something simple, I am typically good about obeying immediately and without question. But when it is a more complex or emotionally-charged issue, I tend to try to debate, argue, negotiate, etc. My Daddy will always listen to my point of view or concerns, as long as I offer them respectfully, but at times if I can't convince him to change his mind & agree with me I will dig in my heels and argue or question him even after his mind is made up or he has issued a mandate. Like many of these other rules.....I am not perfect at obeying this one yet......but it is a nice goal to have. 

Needy Lil Sub Girl

11/27/2013

Needy........such a perfect word to describe how I am feeling right now. It is more than accurate; a precise, exact diagnosis. 

I am incredibly needy at the moment. I miss my Daddy so much that it hurts. I have not been in the physical presence of my amazing Dom in almost 3 months now. Sure we have still spoken nearly every day via phone, email or instant message as we always do in between our times together.......but it simply is not the same. I've had to wait longer than this only once before in our 2 years together.........and it sucked, much like this, but somehow this time seems far more difficult at the moment. 

As with the only other lengthy delay, this is not something we can control, which for some may make it easier to accept.........but for me it simply makes the ache of longing seem unbearable because I *need* control. 

My Daddy has been amazingly supportive throughout the medical ordeals I've faced since we last were with one another. He understands how difficult this has become for me and he has made sure to be available to me on an almost constant basis.......even losing sleep multiple times in order to keep his Yahoo instant messenger on 24/7 so I can reach him at even 3 in the morning. Today he even created a "Daddy App" for me to install on my phone with several key phrases I love to hear from him.  :)  It definitely put a smile on my face and drastically improved my mood. He is kind of amazing like that; I'd venture to say he is "sweet" but that might just get my ass whipped.  :)  

Perhaps the worst part of this entire thing is unlike the other delay, we are not separated geographically right now. I *AM* close to him.......close enough to simply drive to him......but we have yet been able to make that work due to schedules, conflicting appointments and a steady stream of medical chaos. Ughhhh.

I just want to scream!!!!! 

The more I think about it, the more needy I feel. I miss him so much that it truly hurts and it is a deep, nagging sort of hurt. I'm so very close to him but still unable to be with him and it is driving me slowly insane. I often think of our times together when I'm having a particularly challenging or stressful day because it quiets and resets my overwhelmed little mind; but the more I recall our amazing time together, the more desperate I feel right now. I've cried so much these last few weeks especially. The holidays are right around the corner, as is his birthday, and I want nothing more than to be with him. I definitely need a Daddy-daughter day. 

I miss my Daddy. I need him, I want him, I long to be in his presence. As each day ticks by, that aching & burning need only intensifies. I depend on my Dom for far more than a hot scene. He is my anchor in the chaotic sea of life. He calms and balances me like nothing else ever has or possibly could. When my world goes haywire and I feel I might lose my sanity, I know I can run to him and hide away from it all in his strong arms and he will shield me from the world for a while. His touch & embrace absolutely melt me, his deep & steady voice lulls me, his dark expressive brown eyes quiet my over-analytical mind and send every nerve ending in my body into a heightened sense of over-drive. 

He is my serenity. He is my Dom. He is my favorite way to spend a day.....simply basking in his overwhelming dominance. He is my behavioral compass. He is the shoulder I cry on. He is the strong arms that hold me. He is my best friend. He is my playmate. He is the silky smooth voice that invades my naughty dreams. He is my Daddy. 

I need to be with him......soon......very, very soon. I need an escape from my chaotic & crazy reality. I need to submit to him. I need his touch. I need that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as his penetrating stare stops me dead in my naughty tracks. I need his voice in my ear. I need him methodically whipping my bare bottom. I need his dominance to overwhelm me. I need to surrender all control and power to him, allowing myself to simply relish in the sensations of being his girl, his property, his daughter, his playmate, his submissive. 

Needy............hit the nail right on the head!

Respecting Authority

11/27/2013

I am in a bratty mood today and decided to post about one of the most popular topics of my punishment sessions. 

This is an offense I am quite often guilty of. 

As a matter of fact, I believe historically, this particular offense would be in my Top 3 most recurrent offenses. 

It is a lesson my darling Daddy Dom has repeated to me *multiple* times over the last 2 years.

Though every time we revisit the "discussion" there really isn't a whole lot of discussing........

No give & take conversation, 

No ebb & flow, 

No back & forth.

Nope.........it is most commonly a very one-sided conversation between his trusty leather belt and my bare ass. 

To be perfectly honest with all of you, this is an offense I have committed and repeated over & over throughout my life..............and I know I am certainly NOT the only spanko sub girl who has struggled with this particular offense either.

DISRESPECT FOR AUTHORITY

• Sassing a cop who dares pull me over for speeding...........GUILTY
• Blowing up on my boss/supervisor............GUILTY
• Shooting off with a smart-ass remark to a professor..............GUILTY
• Back-talking my Daddy..............GUILTY

All of these bratty, snotty, curt little remarks, gestures or rants fall under the category of disrespecting authority.............and I cross that line all the freaking time! I've done this my entire life. It is almost a knee-jerk reaction for me........if I sense authority, I *MUST* test it, poke it, challenge it, rebel against it. 

Of course if you've read my blog long, you know that *ANY* time my Daddy Dom has to repeat himself to me or revisit a prior lesson he increases the severity of the punishment spanking because he assumes that the first time he "taught" the lesson was not sufficient if I have anything higher than a 0% recidivism rate. 

Oy vey........my poor, innocent, delicate bottom. 

I've tried to convince my Daddy that I don't always intend to be disrespectful.........I am simply an opinionated girl and used to "sharing" my unedited thoughts. Unfortunately for my ass, my father doesn't think telling a judge: "your honor this court is a fucking circus" , is appropriate "sharing". 

And thus my angelic little ass has been spanked, paddled & whipped more times than I care to count for this naughtiness. 

Daddy tends to believe our society would be pure chaos without some sort of authority structure. He agrees with me that respect is earned, not given to individuals........but then insists that while I may not respect the *person* necessarily, HIS daughter *MUST* show respect for the position of authority that person holds. He has lectured me numerous times about "think it, don't say it".........it is just so damn tempting at times and I have no muzzle, so keeping my mouth shut is somewhat of a umm......errr.......challenge.  :)   

My Daddy is repeating this lesson far less often to me now than he had 2 years ago when I first became his little girl.........but it is still a problem that will pop up from time to time. I think I may actually even truly agree with my Dad on the principle now.........so it is simply a matter of controlling my smart, sassy mouth now.........which is much easier said than done. 

Ahhh but don't count me out and give up all hope now, my friends........because as my naughty bottom can attest, my Daddy's well-worn, thick, brown, leather belt can soundly strap all of the sass out of even the most stubborn of Irish Imps.  :)