Perhaps it's because I am a hard-wired spanko, or maybe I just have an eclectic taste in music, but I can find D/s or BDSM-themed lyrics in oh so many songs :) Below are some of my favorite.......feel free to share your own kink songs/lyrics!
"I want you to be my keeper......but not if you are so reckless........"
"You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And you say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours"
"Before I put another notch in my lipstick case, you better make sure you put me in my place. Hit me with your best shot"
"Cause I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me"
"You see these shackles, baby
I'm your slave
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave
It's just that no one makes me feel this way"
"It's you, babe
And I'm a sucker for the way that you move, babe
And I could try to run, but it would be useless
You're to blame
Just one hit of you, I knew I'll never be the same"
"Pain without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all"
"You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me, and take my hand
When the lights go out, you'll understand"
"Once you put your hand in the flame, You can never be the same,
There’s a certain satisfaction, In a little bit of pain"
"I’m dominant by definition, I’m turned on by your submission,
The dark side is how we’ve been living, Let me show you what you’ve been missing"
"Dominated, humiliated, hear my command
immobilized, tranquilized, obey my demand."
"Domination’s the name of the game, In bed or in life they’re both just the same
Except in one you’re fulfilled, At the end of the day"
"I wanna be your dominated love slave, I wanna be the one who takes the pain
You can spank me when I do not behave, "
"I will dress you in constraints, with the promises of pain, let me show you what I can,
I will tie you to a chair, kiss your neck and pull you hair,"
"Some of them want to use you, Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you, Some of them want to be abused"
Naughty Irish Imp
Thursday, August 15, 2019
Big Difference.....Be Honest
I am so very tired of seeing other kink friends hurt. I'm not certain why this isn't somehow obvious......but allow me to share something with you:
There is an enormous difference between wanting a playmate and wanting a submissive.
One requires only physical acquiescence, while the other involves emotion and a deep trust and connection. One is for now, in scene only while the other is a commitment and transcends time.
Dominating a body isn't difficult, dominating a mind, heart and soul is a very intricate balance.
Do NOT confuse the two. Do NOT use the terms interchangeably. Playmate and submissive are NOT synonymous.
Know what you want. If you don't know, say so. But don't lie to prospective partners. Don't intentionally mislead people and toy with their emotions to get what you want at the expense of their emotional pain. If you just want to play.......say so! Many people will play with you no strings attached. But don't encourage and initiate connection and trust if you're only in it for the fun and "good times".
Much in D/s, as in life, is emotional. Some people aren't equipped to handle emotion. Some are emotionally ignorant. Others still, have no emotional integrity. And unfortunately for all of us there are a few sociopaths out there that prey on emotion, are devoid of empathy and couldn't care less who they hurt as a means to their end.
Seeking submission when you're not willing or able to care for the gift it is, is setting your relationship up for failure. Encouraging a submissive to depend on you, trust you, share with you, grow with you, build with you, want you and need you without committing to responsibly caring for that dynamic is cruel.
Seeking a casual playmate only but expecting benefits of a D/s relationship like loyalty or exclusivity without committing to earning trust and working to remain worthy of submission is one-sided and selfish.
You have far more than a responsibility to assure another's physical safety when you're accepting submission. You have a responsibility to assure emotional and psychological safety as well. If you can not accept that responsibility, perhaps power exchange isn't for you........get a pet rock.
Hurt happens, sometimes inadvertently. But there would be so much less of it if people were honest about their intentions, expectations, capacities and emotions.
There is an enormous difference between wanting a playmate and wanting a submissive.
One requires only physical acquiescence, while the other involves emotion and a deep trust and connection. One is for now, in scene only while the other is a commitment and transcends time.
Dominating a body isn't difficult, dominating a mind, heart and soul is a very intricate balance.
Do NOT confuse the two. Do NOT use the terms interchangeably. Playmate and submissive are NOT synonymous.
Know what you want. If you don't know, say so. But don't lie to prospective partners. Don't intentionally mislead people and toy with their emotions to get what you want at the expense of their emotional pain. If you just want to play.......say so! Many people will play with you no strings attached. But don't encourage and initiate connection and trust if you're only in it for the fun and "good times".
Much in D/s, as in life, is emotional. Some people aren't equipped to handle emotion. Some are emotionally ignorant. Others still, have no emotional integrity. And unfortunately for all of us there are a few sociopaths out there that prey on emotion, are devoid of empathy and couldn't care less who they hurt as a means to their end.
Seeking submission when you're not willing or able to care for the gift it is, is setting your relationship up for failure. Encouraging a submissive to depend on you, trust you, share with you, grow with you, build with you, want you and need you without committing to responsibly caring for that dynamic is cruel.
Seeking a casual playmate only but expecting benefits of a D/s relationship like loyalty or exclusivity without committing to earning trust and working to remain worthy of submission is one-sided and selfish.
You have far more than a responsibility to assure another's physical safety when you're accepting submission. You have a responsibility to assure emotional and psychological safety as well. If you can not accept that responsibility, perhaps power exchange isn't for you........get a pet rock.
Hurt happens, sometimes inadvertently. But there would be so much less of it if people were honest about their intentions, expectations, capacities and emotions.
Trust.....Thought Provoking
"When you trust someone completely, fully and without any doubt or reservations, you will end up with one of two results: a person for life or a lesson for life."
"The person who wants to tear down your walls is the same person who will ultimately break your boundaries. You taught me to fly, but then you shot me down."
"Stop asking me to trust you when I am still choking on water from the last time you let me drown."
Very thought provoking quotes on trust
"The person who wants to tear down your walls is the same person who will ultimately break your boundaries. You taught me to fly, but then you shot me down."
"Stop asking me to trust you when I am still choking on water from the last time you let me drown."
Very thought provoking quotes on trust
Sharing Is Caring.....My Thoughts on Poly
Poly isn't everyone's cup of kink, and I respect that. If it offends you, move along.
I, personally, have never had an issue sharing my Top/Dom/Disciplinarian. I think it is egotistical at best and delusional at worst to believe that any one person can meet and fulfill all the needs of any other person entirely. This is why my thoughts on monogamous marriage are less than traditional.......ah I digress......that's the topic of another entry.
We all have our "people" in life that meet different needs for us. Different relationships meeting different needs. Parents, friends, colleagues, romantic partners, siblings, kink partners, etc. Human beings are social creatures. We are all capable of loving, caring for and committing to numerous relationships with numerous people at the same time.
Similar to a parent with more than one child, each relationship is as unique as the individuals involved. You love out of separate accounts.
If navigated appropriately, poly kink relationships can be phenomenal. The health of one relationship only strengthens the next relationship and the next. Unfortunately, not everyone is capable of or understanding of poly kink relationships.
Honesty is paramount! Not simply to your partners, but also to yourself.
Don't convince yourself you have the capacity to fully love, guide, lead, support 6 different submissives if you truly don't. Particularly if you're in a power exchange relationship and encouraging submission, you choosing not to be honest with yourself or your partners is likely to emotionally devastate one or more people who look to you for guidance.
Don't compare the relationships or partners. Every human being is different, every connection is different and every relationship is different........its truly apples to oranges, so don't make comparisons and turn it into a competition..........they should be entirely separate yet complimentary relationships.
Be patient. Not everyone adjusts to this dynamic overnight. If you're patient and open with your partners you can create an amazing poly kink dynamic. If you hide it or rush it or force it you are just going to truly hurt people who love you.
Don't insult one partner by saying "you're just jealous of relationship #1" simply because they're asking you about changes or challenges in relationship #2.
Similarly, don't put that burden of responsibility on partner #1 by saying "partner #2 and #3 are jealous of you." Its cruel to make someone feel responsible for something over which they have no control.
Don't insult one relationship to another partner. Assuming we "want to hear" that our relationship is the best/most important/most valued...........you're really just making us wonder what you're saying about our relationship with you to your other partners behind our backs. If you're insulting one partner to another, we know you're insulting all of us.
Don't minimize or lie about how much you care about another partner. We are happy if you are happy..........there is no competition here. Downplaying or hiding another partner by saying things like "oh she's just a playmate, not my sub" or "oh she's just a girl I knew years ago" makes us wonder what else you're lying to us about when we find out the truth. Being honest upfront about your poly kink is not only right, it will also help you avoid hurt feelings and lost trust.
Don't sacrifice quantity for quality. I assure you that we would rather see you once a month and have an amazing kink experience versus seeing you every week and you being exhausted and overwhelmed cheating us out of what could have been a great time. Particularly if we've historically always had amazing disciplinary scenes with you and now our kink is some last minute after thought rushed in at the end of an evening. I can promise you we'd rather see you less often and know our time together is mutually beneficial versus feeling like we are a chore.
Don't openly talk to partner #2 about all of the amazing kink scenes you're dying to live out with partner #1.........when you're only giving partner #2 whatever energy you have left at 9pm on a Friday after working all week.
Don't shame a partner for being emotional simply because they "were never emotional before". And don't assume it has anything to do with your other relationships. Just listen and support your partner(s). Not everyone is comfortable sharing emotion........if we are sharing emotion, it's because we trust you........don't violate that.
Everyone is capable of making mistakes........several mistakes........particularly where emotion is concerned. Yes, even you, Mr Dom are capable of making mistakes. Acknowledge them! Don't justify them with "I did/said that because I didn't want to hurt you". We probably already know you didn't want to hurt us........but guess what, Derp......you did, so own it, apologize sincerely and learn from it.
Don't belittle us for feeling hurt by your words/actions. Emotion is not logic and insulting a person's emotions is insensitive and devastating to the person who loved & trusted you enough to share those emotions.
Being comfortable with another person is great but the same as men complain about the "wife who gained 30 lbs and never wore makeup after the wedding"......don't just stop caring or trying with one partner.........they will notice.......and intentionally or not, you're sending the message that "you're just not important enough for my effort".
Don't insist one partner help find you new "playmates" if you're then going to hold them accountable if the new prospects don't work out. You're sending the message that your current partner doesn't matter and your relationship is contingent upon them finding you "new toys". And holding anyone responsible for the actions of others simply isn't fair.
Don't micromanage side connections between your various partners. If you're not comfortable with your partners talking to one another then either A) you don't trust your partners or B) you're concerned what they each may find out if they speak outside of your presence. "Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing."
Let's be honest.......whether your kink relationships are overtly sexual or not, there are underlying erotic undertones.......don't get so comfortable with a partner that you've been with for a long period of time that you stop caring or trying to fuel their kink fantasies. Relationships are not one sided. Relationships take work. If your partner is putting in effort to their attire, hair and appearance to be pleasing to you.......but you show up in your pajamas or sweatpants.......you're sending a very clear message of "I don't care enough to try for you anymore."
Don't expect one partner to excuse your behavior, explain your choices or apologize for your mistakes to another partner. I assure you that if you'd just acknowledge and apologize to all involved yourself it would be received far better than having sub #3 explain to sub #1 why you did or said something wrong.
Communication is key to every relationship in life. Don't lie about your own thoughts, feelings or struggles. If you need support........allow your partners to help you! Don't say the crap response of "nothing is wrong. Everything is great" when you're asked "what's wrong?". Its bullshit and we know it is bullshit.
Poly kink can be truly amazing for all involved if given the care, concern and transparency it demands. Unfortunately, it can be emotionally devastating to multiple people if not conducted appropriately.
Just my own two cents
I, personally, have never had an issue sharing my Top/Dom/Disciplinarian. I think it is egotistical at best and delusional at worst to believe that any one person can meet and fulfill all the needs of any other person entirely. This is why my thoughts on monogamous marriage are less than traditional.......ah I digress......that's the topic of another entry.
We all have our "people" in life that meet different needs for us. Different relationships meeting different needs. Parents, friends, colleagues, romantic partners, siblings, kink partners, etc. Human beings are social creatures. We are all capable of loving, caring for and committing to numerous relationships with numerous people at the same time.
Similar to a parent with more than one child, each relationship is as unique as the individuals involved. You love out of separate accounts.
If navigated appropriately, poly kink relationships can be phenomenal. The health of one relationship only strengthens the next relationship and the next. Unfortunately, not everyone is capable of or understanding of poly kink relationships.
Honesty is paramount! Not simply to your partners, but also to yourself.
Don't convince yourself you have the capacity to fully love, guide, lead, support 6 different submissives if you truly don't. Particularly if you're in a power exchange relationship and encouraging submission, you choosing not to be honest with yourself or your partners is likely to emotionally devastate one or more people who look to you for guidance.
Don't compare the relationships or partners. Every human being is different, every connection is different and every relationship is different........its truly apples to oranges, so don't make comparisons and turn it into a competition..........they should be entirely separate yet complimentary relationships.
Be patient. Not everyone adjusts to this dynamic overnight. If you're patient and open with your partners you can create an amazing poly kink dynamic. If you hide it or rush it or force it you are just going to truly hurt people who love you.
Don't insult one partner by saying "you're just jealous of relationship #1" simply because they're asking you about changes or challenges in relationship #2.
Similarly, don't put that burden of responsibility on partner #1 by saying "partner #2 and #3 are jealous of you." Its cruel to make someone feel responsible for something over which they have no control.
Don't insult one relationship to another partner. Assuming we "want to hear" that our relationship is the best/most important/most valued...........you're really just making us wonder what you're saying about our relationship with you to your other partners behind our backs. If you're insulting one partner to another, we know you're insulting all of us.
Don't minimize or lie about how much you care about another partner. We are happy if you are happy..........there is no competition here. Downplaying or hiding another partner by saying things like "oh she's just a playmate, not my sub" or "oh she's just a girl I knew years ago" makes us wonder what else you're lying to us about when we find out the truth. Being honest upfront about your poly kink is not only right, it will also help you avoid hurt feelings and lost trust.
Don't sacrifice quantity for quality. I assure you that we would rather see you once a month and have an amazing kink experience versus seeing you every week and you being exhausted and overwhelmed cheating us out of what could have been a great time. Particularly if we've historically always had amazing disciplinary scenes with you and now our kink is some last minute after thought rushed in at the end of an evening. I can promise you we'd rather see you less often and know our time together is mutually beneficial versus feeling like we are a chore.
Don't openly talk to partner #2 about all of the amazing kink scenes you're dying to live out with partner #1.........when you're only giving partner #2 whatever energy you have left at 9pm on a Friday after working all week.
Don't shame a partner for being emotional simply because they "were never emotional before". And don't assume it has anything to do with your other relationships. Just listen and support your partner(s). Not everyone is comfortable sharing emotion........if we are sharing emotion, it's because we trust you........don't violate that.
Everyone is capable of making mistakes........several mistakes........particularly where emotion is concerned. Yes, even you, Mr Dom are capable of making mistakes. Acknowledge them! Don't justify them with "I did/said that because I didn't want to hurt you". We probably already know you didn't want to hurt us........but guess what, Derp......you did, so own it, apologize sincerely and learn from it.
Don't belittle us for feeling hurt by your words/actions. Emotion is not logic and insulting a person's emotions is insensitive and devastating to the person who loved & trusted you enough to share those emotions.
Being comfortable with another person is great but the same as men complain about the "wife who gained 30 lbs and never wore makeup after the wedding"......don't just stop caring or trying with one partner.........they will notice.......and intentionally or not, you're sending the message that "you're just not important enough for my effort".
Don't insist one partner help find you new "playmates" if you're then going to hold them accountable if the new prospects don't work out. You're sending the message that your current partner doesn't matter and your relationship is contingent upon them finding you "new toys". And holding anyone responsible for the actions of others simply isn't fair.
Don't micromanage side connections between your various partners. If you're not comfortable with your partners talking to one another then either A) you don't trust your partners or B) you're concerned what they each may find out if they speak outside of your presence. "Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing."
Let's be honest.......whether your kink relationships are overtly sexual or not, there are underlying erotic undertones.......don't get so comfortable with a partner that you've been with for a long period of time that you stop caring or trying to fuel their kink fantasies. Relationships are not one sided. Relationships take work. If your partner is putting in effort to their attire, hair and appearance to be pleasing to you.......but you show up in your pajamas or sweatpants.......you're sending a very clear message of "I don't care enough to try for you anymore."
Don't expect one partner to excuse your behavior, explain your choices or apologize for your mistakes to another partner. I assure you that if you'd just acknowledge and apologize to all involved yourself it would be received far better than having sub #3 explain to sub #1 why you did or said something wrong.
Communication is key to every relationship in life. Don't lie about your own thoughts, feelings or struggles. If you need support........allow your partners to help you! Don't say the crap response of "nothing is wrong. Everything is great" when you're asked "what's wrong?". Its bullshit and we know it is bullshit.
Poly kink can be truly amazing for all involved if given the care, concern and transparency it demands. Unfortunately, it can be emotionally devastating to multiple people if not conducted appropriately.
Just my own two cents
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