He's *Always* Here

01/15/2013

So much has been happening in my personal life in the last two months or so. It was hectic before then, but my God how it's picked up. Ughhh. I'm so ready for a break. 'Normalcy' sounds ideal.....and unlikely......but I think I'd settle for just a little down time these days. 

A lot of the things I've been dealing with in my 'real life' are not things I've discussed at depth here on my blog, though a couple things are referenced in related punishments from Nov-present. So I wont go into an inordinate amount of details regarding the things I've been struggling with lately......but there are several things happening at once, some work related, some family issues, etc. And many of these things are difficult emotionally to face. 

I'll be blunt: The last 60 days of my life has been hell. 

My 4 year old son always provides perspective and a bright spot to my days. As do my little, loyal wiener dogs. I have a couple of amazing friends and some great family as well who have been awesome at helping where they can. But this post, is kind of a "thank you" to the one man who is *always* there and never even had to be in the first place. 

Professor and I's relationship would be so much less stressful if we could reside in our D/s roles and world forever.....but we can't and we don't. We both have very 'real' lives, responsibilities, careers, families. At times I worry that I might stress him too much, that I might get far more from our relationship than he does. I've always been a highly guarded girl....I don't trust easy and I don't let people 'in'.....but Professor won his way 'in.' He doesn't simply spank me for our enjoyment......he is also a HUGE support for me in my 'real life.' 

When I need to talk......he listens. When I need career advice......he will give it. When I have parenting questions......he answers them. When I just need to hear his voice......he always answers. When I just want nothing more than a hug and to hide away from the world for a while in his arms......he's more than happy to pull me in close and hold me. 

The man is just phenomenal. A year ago I sought a disciplinarian......nothing more, nothing less. What I found, surprises me even now, a year later. This man has become one of my best friends in the world. His approval means more to me than I could tell you. Disappointing him breaks my heart. He is the closest thing to a father I've ever had. My behavioral compass and mentor. 

When I think about how challenging these last 60 days have been.......I can't imagine how I would have endured it all without his constant, unwavering support. He's simply *always* there. He always makes time for me.....always. He always checks on me.....always. I haven't been the easiest to deal with lately either; more than once my stress has ran over into influencing my attitude and mouth when I've been speaking to him. I've cursed....I've lacked respect.....a couple of "no"s.....once or twice I was downright defiant (health issue).....but he hasn't wavered. He doesn't get intimidated by my abrasive attitude.....he's stands his ground and is just *always* there for me. And I love that. 

I've come to depend on him so much more than I ever dreamed I would ever depend on any other human being. When I look back at our last year together.........there were times that I really needed him........and he was *always* there.......even when I hadn't expressed that need to him, hadn't articulated my thoughts or feelings.......he simply knew and has always been there for me. I can't think of even one instance where I've truly needed this man and he hasn't been right there beside me. Adding the facts that we don't live together, both have separate families, careers, etc.........only makes it more amazing that he has still, some how, *always* been here for me. He has become my anchor in this crazy world and I'll never be able to repay him for all he does for me. 

Thanks Dad.....for *always* being here for me.  :)  You're amazing and I'm incredibly lucky to be your little girl.