Today I'm choosing, as I have so many times before, to answer publicly a question that a reader of my blog posed to me privately. It is a question I have been asked a number of times before, so perhaps answering it in a public post will shed some light on my perspective. Let's begin, shall we?
Can you tell me why both you and your Dom have chosen the relationship you have despite your age difference? Don't you ever wish you had a partner your own age to spank you?
I can only speak for myself, not for my Dom, but I imagine our answers would closely mirror one another's.
First of all, you asked with the phrase "despite your age difference".......whatever made you think that I am my Dom's girl *despite* age? To be perfectly honest, I am his girl *because* of his age. I am drawn to him *because* of his age. Some people may derive from that explanation that I have 'daddy issues' and I suppose on some level you may be right. There is something incredibly reassuring to a girl about having an older male authority figure in her life. A 'daddy.'
But it is more to me than the simple, first pass of 'I want a daddy.' because quite honestly, when I first met my Dom, I was not, had never and wouldn't have ever even contemplated looking for a 'Daddy Dom.' It just wasn't within my broad range of kink interests. I did not seek a daddy but the nameless, faceless man I sought had always, in my own mind, been older than I am. I craved his age, his life experience, his status, his stability, his plethora of knowledge. I needed the cool, calculating confidence in domination that ONLY a man of a certain age could possess. I wanted his age, and our age difference, to immediately inspire an authoritative undertone. It was the dynamic I sought because the niche of spanking in which I needed to explore, learn and grow was the disciplinary realm.
I have always been an independent, dominant, type A personality, outspoken, intelligent and abrasive kind of girl. I often, quite easily, intimidate men in my personal and professional lives. And while there are many twice my age that fall into this category, it is *far* less likely to occur than with men closer to my own age. There was also the element of me knowing what I wanted and expecting, actually refusing to accept anything less than, a man who knew *both* what he wanted and what I needed. This kind of intuition and the confidence to act on it without reservation comes only with a certain level of maturity. I did not want to have to coach or teach a man how to discipline me. I have one son to raise, I did not care to add another young man to my life that needed constant cues or reassurance.
It is so very difficult for a highly intelligent and independent woman to shut her brain off. This is part of the joy I find in being a submissive. None of the decisions are mine to make past the initial decision to consent or submit, and to be quite honest with you, even that is no longer a conscious choice.....it is simply who I am. Often times when I am being punished, the only thing I know about what is going to happen next, is that I will have absolutely no control over it. When you can not speak, can not refuse, can not even move from position the voice inside of my over analytical mind fall silent. All I can do and all I am permitted to do is to feel.
And perhaps my inner independent feminist found the allure of his age gave me a rational license to surrender.
I needed a man with enough experience, both in the kink as well as in life, to fully grasp and understand the nuances of true discipline, true dominance, true submission. A man intelligent enough to realize that once he had earned my trust and respect that it is both the pain he would choose to inflict as well as that he chose not to that would ultimately make me feel the safety and the security I desired.
I did not want a power tripping psychopath, but I desperately needed an unwavering, strict disciplinarian with a penchant for sadism. It is an incredibly delicate balance to find unconditional love, support & understanding combined with firm, sadistic, unrelenting resolve within a man......and even less likely to find a man with these attributes that possesses the sense of self to recognize this phenomenal coalition and fully grasp the responsibilities it entails. Again, this comes *only* with age.
I craved a man that would make me weak in the knees as I was about to be pulled down across his.
I longed for a man that could not only implore my cries, but also relish in my tears.
I dreamed of a man who understood that to win my heart & invade my mind, he must mark my body.
A man who would not only help solve the puzzle of who I was, but then challenge me to be it and once I succeeded, push me further.
I wanted a man who would see to it that when life gave me more than I could stand, I could come to him and I could kneel. And he would protect me, soothe me, and shelter me away from the chaotic world for a while.
A natural alpha male who sought not to break me, but rather to build me....understanding, of course, that to trust him fully to dominate me, he must prove he was able to tame me.....and realize that once that irrevocable trust had been earned he'd have the literal power to reduce me to absolute defeat.....and *never* misuse that power.
I wanted a man who grasped the concept that while I, as a masochist, derive pleasure from pain, the ultimate pleasure I can experience is found *only* through truly providing him the pleasure of my willing and complete surrender to any and all pain he chose to inflict.......in layman's terms, it truly pleases me to please Him.
A man who was able *and* willing to work toward not only gaining my trust and respect, but also my adoration both for the man he is, as well as for the man he is not.
A man who with just his voice murmuring in my ear, or his touch on my skin, or his glance from across a room could implore me to slip seamlessly from my independent, intelligent, witty self into his naughty, wanton, willing submissive.
So to answer your second question for you, no I can very quickly & confidently say that I do not ever wish I had a Dom my own age. To be blunt, there are very few real 'men' my age to start with, only boys really....and of those rare men, expecting mastery in dominance would be so absurd it would be comical.....I simply don't believe it is possible.
I did not connect with my Dom *despite* his age, I selected him *because* of his age. My Daddy is exactly what I needed, exactly when I needed it. His age, intelligence & experience has proven to be crucial in the re-raising of this naughty girl and I could not be more appreciative of the changes he has made in my life. Age is a *HUGE* factor for many, many people within this kink and for likely just as many varied reasons.....but you now have some insight into my own personal thought processes and reasons.