Friday, March 15, 2013
Look What I Found :)
L-O-V-E this pic/figurine by the way! It is made by a lovely artist for a collection called 'Willow Tree.' I collect them and have several. They are simplistic in their anonymity but speak volumes in their intricate and emotionally derived scenes. This one above, 'Daddy's Lil Girl', is not one I yet have added to my collection, but I fully intend to now that I've come across it and fallen in love with it's intimate and touching design.
Just over a year ago, I made a choice. A simple choice really for most girls in the spanko community, but a HUGE leap of faith for a walled-off girl like me. I chose to trust. H-U-G-E!
What I chose and truly believed I needed and sought was a strict disciplinarian. An all-business, no-nonsense dominant man who would hold me accountable for my frankly ridiculous and at times, dangerous behavior. I had tasted the discipline I needed before and I knew it was again missing in my chaotic little world. I knew I needed held to high standards......a harsh task-master with a purpose. A formidable man who wasn't the least bit intimidate by my abrasive, "fuck the world" attitude. An older, wiser, stern man who had no qualms with putting me firmly in my place.....even if that 'place' was upended across his capable lap.
I was rebellious. Bucked at authority of any kind. Believed that others limits were simply roadblocks for me to overcome. Made my own rules and broke everyone elses'. Rushed trough life without a care or concern for the thoughts, feelings, or concerns of others.....sadly, even those closest to me to whom I truly did love and care for.
I was hurt. I was bitter. I was abrasive. I was angry. I was a B-I-T-C-H with a capital B and quite proud of that label. At least, outwardly. Internally, my self-dialogue was a mixture of misery and fury. I was in a downward spiral and I knew it. I also, knew what I needed.....I simply did not know if he truly existed.
I needed a disciplinarian. Not a playmate.....not at first, anyway. I had very real issues that could and were negatively impacting my life. I needed a Dom.......a Top.......a firm & strict man who would see past my pleading emerald eyes, ignore & wade through my endless excuses, provide me the structure I needed, the discipline I craved, the tangible consequences I could depend on.
And, thus my search began slowly. I found some interesting prospects.....but most were not the right fit. Several wanted romance......which I was completely opposed to. Some were complete idiots with no idea what being a Dominant man entailed. I slowly waded through prospects and eventually chose to just give up. Until helping a much younger spanko girl find her own disciplinarian.
Ah.....Fate.....Luck......Whatever it was, I was dumbfounded. Because of our mutual caring for this girl and interest in helping her, we realized that we too, had a connection that is next to impossible to find in this kink. I could not have scripted this man any better myself. He was everything I had hoped for. Early on in just emails, and long before I heard his deep, resounding voice or saw his piercing chocolate brown eyes.....simply reading the words "young lady" or "little girl" in his emails gave me goosebumps. By the time we had our first phone call, this man had me......hook, line and sinker. I was *His*......putty in his hands and better yet? He knew it.
Several of my regular blog readers have emailed me recently asking if I had changed Doms/Tops because they noted the change in my referring to my Dom as "Professor" for the first 6 months or so and now, I often will refer to him as my father. To satisfy your curiosities.......my Professor and my Daddy are one in the same.
I *never* intended to search for, play with or submit to a "Daddy Dom." Actually, in the infancy of our disciplinary relationship, the term "Daddy" was listed early-on as off limits.......which didn't bother me as it was a term I never saw myself using.
However, as our relationship has evolved......as we have navigated one issue to the next......our relationship and our bond strengthened. I do still very much enjoy the nostalgia of calling him "Professor." I also have from day number one used the universal term "Sir".....particularly when I know I am in trouble. :) Several serious issues have arisen over the last year and without fail, every single time, I have had one man in my corner consistently. One man who has never had to be in the first place. One man who was neither biologically nor matrimonially obligated to support me. It took me some time to accept this and come to terms with it.......but I finally processed it. He does it because he wants to do it. He does it because he meant what he said, he wants to make me happy and successful. He does it because, quite simply, I am *His* little girl.
I never entered this relationship seeking a father........but I could not possibly begin to explain to you all what it means to me that I now have one. He teaches me every day......he supports me every day......offers advice.....provides guidance......disciplines me when I fall short......cradles me in his arms as I cry onto his chest after a well-deserved punishment.
I sought a disciplinarian..........I found a best friend, I found a true role-model, I found *my* Daddy! :)