**Quick Updates: I am still away from home. 1100 miserable miles between me and my Daddy/Dom. I've been moody lately and I did something ignorant today because of it. So below you will find the letter of apology I just sent to my Dad and the 4 (family & friends) who were present.
I know you all noticed my sucky mood today. It was clearly evident in differing manifestations but one in particular is now actually bothering me quite a bit.....and thus this email. Early afternoon, when I finally checked my emails, I read through my Dad's aloud and added my own smart assed commentary. At the time I hadn't thought it was necessarily bad or wrong.....I tailor to my audience.....meaning I would *never* respond to him like this, but thought doing so in front of my friends was amusing. I suppose it was amusing for a while......just not so much now.
I truly was only being a smart mouthed brat and sarcastic in my rebuttals.......but I have not, I do not and I would not say those things to him. And this evening when portions of my sass was relayed to him, he responded with "young lady" & "Natalie Lynn"......aka I'm in trouble. He, too, knows I would never say those things to him, whether to his face or even in email text, it just wouldn't happen....I'm not stupid. But, particularly when the topic is serious (ie. my health), I shouldn't say it at all. Respect is not only how I obey in front of his face.....probably more important is how I behave behind his back. And today, I kind of sucked at behaving. The comments I made were unnecessary and disrespectful to him.......and I *hate* that. I do respect him tremendously.....you all know that and I know he knows that......but my words/actions today showed the exact opposite. I know better......he has raised me better than that......regardless of my mood, regardless of the physical distance between my ass & his belt, regardless of the topic of conversation......I should always show that respect for him in my interactions.
Daddy I'm really sorry for how I behaved and the things I said today. I'd never call you "Captain Obvious" to your face....unless I wanted slapped. I shouldn't have said any of it at all and my mood is not an excuse. I was disrespectful to you and I *hate* that.....I truly hate it. I'd never intentionally disrespect you, Dad, and I'm so sorry that I did today being a smart ass. I added it to my PL for a later lesson and noted your "beating deficiency" diagnosis (which is probably accurate). I feel pretty horrible now for the things I said because you were only giving me directions to improve my physical health. You've bent over backwards the last several weeks to be here for me and to help me when I need you.......and I was a sassy brat today and I disrespected you and I'm *not* okay with that.....I'm never okay with that. I'm really sorry Dad......really, really sorry. I never intended to be disrespectful.....but I was and I'm incredibly sorry. :( I do take everything you say to me seriously......and I obey you most often without question......and Daddy I do appreciate everything you have done for me to help me throughout this entire ordeal. You have been amazing and kept me sane......and most days, pretty happy. I love you Daddy and I *do* respect you.......more than anyone else I could think of. I may not always *like* what you say to me or tell me to do....BUT....I *always* know the decisions you make for me are made from your love for me. You've always taken great care of me as your little girl......and I'm sorry I was sarcastic about that today. I feel horrible for being disrespectful to you. I promise I'll fix my mood and regardless, what happened today will not happen again. I'm sorry Daddy and I love you.