Letting Go

February 23rd, 2015


"Tomorrows freedom is found in today's surrender.
When I let go, I can live fully."


It did not come easily for me. Surrender. Submission. Oh I wanted it, but on my terms and under my micromanagement. :)

I had to learn to truly let go. Let go of the control I *thought* I had over my life, in actuality I had very little. I had to stop forcing my own will onto reality, it was a losing battle. I had to truly understand that there are things in life of which I have zero control, and those things I needed to accept.......with grace (my Daddy Dom's addendum).

It wasn't easy. Actually for the longest time it was pure hell for me. I *needed* control. I *needed* power. Without either, I felt too vulnerable. My tough girl façade had no allocation for the feelings of fear, helplessness, weakness.

I am far from perfect. I am still learning. But, I am no longer grasping at every ounce of control with a white-knuckled fist. I am okay with selective surrender. I am learning to truly love and bask in my unquestioned submission.

I know he will take care of me. I know I am not alone. I know my trust is well-placed. I know he will test my limits and deliver me safely to the other side.

I have found no freedom more rewarding than unabashed acquiescence and complete submission to this man.

Euphoric

February 22nd, 2015


Funny, isn't it?

The most basic and simple of praises from his lips can make me melt.

"Good girl."

From anyone else that phrase might seem almost condescending. As if I were a small child or a Yorkshire terrier who sat when directed. :)

But from *Him*, it is a welcome and coveted statement.

From my Dom, this is music to my ears.

Simple. Poignant. Entrancing. Euphoric.

For His Pleasure

February 18th, 2015


I saw my Daddy Dom on Monday of this week. We hadn't seen one another since before Christmas, so it was L-O-N-G overdue. I only had one entry on my PL to be punished for and it wasn't a major offense or anything, but we addressed it none the less, along with several other "reminders" (as Daddy called them) to keep me on track and behaving like the angelic little Daddy's girl that I am. :)

It felt so amazing to be wrapped up in his arms. He felt amazing. He sounded amazing. He smelt amazing. God had I missed this man.

The scheduling was a fiasco and he ended up driving 45 minutes out of his way to come to me, even picking me up, which was incredibly sweet. I fought the entire 15 minute drive to our destination not to attack him in the car. I hadn't seen him in several weeks and I was right beside him but unable to wrap myself around him......talk about a test of patience. :)

It was snowing and still bitter cold, but I opted for a short skirt and heels because I know he enjoys it. After spending several hours together talking, spanking, laughing, and just being together we finally had to leave.....far too soon for my liking, but then again I always feel that way. :) As we were bundling up to go back out into the cold, he noted my attire and thanked me. :)

"You must be freezing. I mean I absolutely appreciate it, but you've got to be so cold. That is sacrifice."

I smiled up at him and responded,

"Sacrifice, submission, whatever you'd like to call it.......I just prioritize your pleasure over my own......it's kind of part of our dynamic, Daddy.......and I actually sort of love it."

He smiled and enveloped me in another tight embrace.

Ahhh.......a relaxing day with my favorite man in the world, a nice tender red bottom, and his verbal acknowledgement of my efforts to please him.......Blissful way to start the week!

Temptation & Boundaries

 

February 15th, 2015


Temptation can be a bad thing. My handbag addiction comes to mind :) Or the frequent temptation to run my naughty mouth. Temptation can certainly bite you in the ass, but it is not always bad.

Most normal, healthy people set boundaries for themselves and/or their relationships. It's simply how the world works. We all need and crave boundaries, self-imposed or otherwise.

But should your boundaries be set in stone?

Is there room for negotiation?

Are you adventurous enough to explore the lines of those limits?

I tend to be the kind of girl who constantly revises my boundary list. Not foolishly, but analytically. I simply don't want to look back on my life and have regrets. I want to explore, to experiment, to grow, to change, to experience the adrenaline producing moments that take my breath away.

Simply stated, I want to live.

Mushy Stuff

 

February 14th, 2015

 

 

For the majority of the planet, today is a holiday, of sorts. Well, at least for the romantic at heart. It is of course Valentine's Day.

 

By 9am this morning most retailers were flooded with husbands, boyfriends and significant others rushing to get something for the lady in their life in hopes of getting laid later on. :)

 

And there is certainly no shortage of ideas for the guys shopping for their girl today.

 

 

Obviously the card is a given. Who better than Hallmark to express your deepest love, emotion and affection.

 

 

 

Flowers, roses in particular, were murdered in droves over the last couple weeks in preparation for this day.

 

 

 

For the girls who don't care for flowers, or have allergies, a balloon bouquet is a sweet alternative.

 

 

 

 

You could give her an adorable stuffed animal to cuddle when you're not there to keep her warm. Whether she is 4 or 94, women loves stuffed animals.

 

 

 

 

Chocolate is almost always a safe bet! And the fact that it is sold in velvet heart shaped boxes is a mushy little bonus.

 

 

 

Some guys will get their girl her favorite fragrance. Other practical gifts for the holiday include candles, handbags, spa gift certificates, etc. All likely to be appreciated.

 

 

 

Those of you who really want to score, or maybe are celebrating your first Valentine's Day married will want to buy her something that sparkles. Diamonds are in deed a woman's best friend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some of you may have a dense or self-centered girl so you'll want to get a gift that reminds her to uphold her end of the bargain later tonight after the candle-lit dinner. Lingerie is a great idea.

 

 

 

 

Then of course, there are the girls like me who view this holiday as just another day on the calendar. For us, the only red we care to see today are those lovingly applied marks on our naughty bare bottoms. :)

 

 

Happy Valentine's Day!

 

 

 

Spot On

February 11th, 2015


I saw this whilst browsing today and absolutely loved it.

I am not certain a more accurate statement has ever been made.

There are literally dozens of people toward which you could conceivably have a strong physical attraction. We all have a "type" as far as what we find appealing. And even those with very specific tastes, are bound to see many people who fit their mold in this department.

A mental attraction is an entirely separate ball game; and in my own personal opinion, far more valuable. If you're being honest with yourself, most people don't even truly know the 'real you'......sure they know you, but they know the 'public you', the 'professional you', the 'perfected for public scrutiny you'.......rarely do we let down our guards and invite random people into meet, court, understand and truly know the 'real' us.

Why?

The answer is actually probably rooted in our own insecurities. We know the real us......every flaw, every issue, every imperfection. Even the most confident of human beings has a 'private self' versus a 'public self.' It is an innate self defense mechanism. We don't host walk throughs or open houses of the 'private self' because even if we've grown and learned not to be too self conscious about our flaws, we certainly don't want random people throwing them in our faces.

If you are honest with yourself and truly think about it, you've probably shown the 'real you' to a very limited number of people. Some spouses, parents, best friends, significant others, etc don't ever truly know the 'real' person.

When we do let down every defense and open ourselves up on a level that deep it is often only to those you love and know you can trust. Some people trust far easier than others, but even the most naïve of human beings prioritizes some level of self preservation and is cautious as to who enters this select group.

Connecting with someone physically is great but not enough, not sustainable. The physicality will inevitably change. We aren't all young and gorgeous forever; though as my 30th birthday approaches later this year I am still hopeful. :)

A mental connection is absolutely where the magic happens. It doesn't take much effort to stimulate a body, hell I have battery operated toys that do an amazing job of that! :) But to stimulate a mind, to truly intrigue ones' mental self, to connect on that intimate level is a feat some never experience.

When you have someone who understands the 'real you', and loves you anyway, you've got it made.

Someone who knows each flaw and embraces them as your 'cute quirks' or extends themselves to support you in changing those flaws and bettering yourself.

Someone who you could talk to for hours or simply sit in dead silence with and be content.

Someone you don't have to explain the root cause of each emotion to because they know you on the deepest of levels and fully understand what makes you tick.

Someone who finishes your thoughts, as if they could read your mind, because often times, they can.

Someone who rarely asks "are you okay?" because they know by the look on your face, the expressions you make, your body language.

Someone who challenges you, inspires you, drives you.

Someone who can tap into your emotions, your intellect, your inner self.

A person who knows you inside and out, possibly better than you do yourself. That is a rare and beautiful thing.

Some of us will never have this.

Others will be lucky enough to find it but may lose it before ever realizing the phenomena it is due to insecurity, "young & dumb syndrome", fear, etc.

The luckiest of us will find this connection, embrace it, nurture it and grow.....fully realizing the value of this level of intimacy......and they will cherish a life and a love fulfilled.

Snow Snow, Go Away

February 8th, 2015


So the corner of this country that I inhabit has been quite literally pummeled with snow in the last 2 weeks. Living up here in New England, I am not a whiner when it comes to winter precipitation. But enough is enough.

Our winter started off mild enough. A few passing flurries and lots of cold; no big deal. Then came storm #1......a historic blizzard that dumped 4-6 foot on the region in under 36 hours. As we began to tunnel out from that we were hit again with another 18-36 inches. Living in large cities, there is literally nowhere for that snow to go. Now after 4 days of relative calm, we are getting slammed with yet another 2 feet in the next 24 hours! Ughhh.

I am so over the snow this year!

There are of course many different ways to stay warm in such weather, something to suit just about every taste.

 

 

Some girls prefer a nice, long workout. Cardio gets the blood pumping and is sure to warm the body.

A fuzzy, fleece blanket to cuddle up under is especially effective. You can vary this one to your tastes.....add a cuddly puppy, furry slippers, or a partner for additional heat.

A seasonal favorite: a nice warm cup of hot cocoa (or coffee.....Mama Suzi). Warms your hands, smells amazing and warms you from the inside out as it is consumed.

A toasty fireplace has appeal. The flickering light of the embers dancing and the radiant heat it produces will have you comfortably cozy in no time.

And of course, for girls like me there is a more hands-on old-fashioned way to warm ones self up during the frigid weather. Go annoy your Dom, cross a line, get a sassy attitude.....or if yours is as wonderful as mine you could bypass the naughtiness and just ask for a spanking. :) It takes a little longer than a couple of the aforementioned techniques, but it is by far the best. The heat builds as swats rain down covering your unprotected bottom and before long you'll be snug as a bug in a naughty lil spanko rug. :)

You're welcome.

 

Fortune

February 7th, 2015


Mmmm.

I have always loved Chinese food.

And I even love the little cookies.

But now.......

I think I may feel oddly let down by fortunes I receive in the future. :)

Sadist

02/06/2015


No Sir.

It's not at all a bad thing.

Quite the contrary.

It's an amazing thing.

I actually get offended when I hear people use the term "sadist" in a derogatory manner.

I love your inner sadist.

The perfect match for my inner masochistic pain slut.

I relish my time with Him.

Dancing in the flames.

Captivated by the light flashing off of your dark expressive eyes.

Transfixed by the deep, low growl of your voice purring in my ear.

Satiated by the kiss and stinging bite of the implements you wield on my bare skin.

I am completely certain that your sadist is a good thing, Sir.

A very, deliciously, overwhelmingly, amazingly good thing.

Held

February 4th, 2015


I love how you care for me.

I love how fiercely protective of me you are.

I love how you guide me, teach me, discipline me, motivate me, mold me.

I love how you take care of me and always support me.

I love how you hold me, close to you and safe from the world.

I love the way you love me.

Somewhere Out There

 

 

 

January 29, 2015


"And even though I know how very far apart we are;
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star."

Loved this song when I was a little girl (chronologically).

I've had it in my head the last several days as I am home struggling with health issues and my Daddy Dom has been away on business and then delayed by the blizzard when he was to originally come back home to me.

I am always pouty when he is geographically further from me. Even if we still have constant contact. It's odd, that, I know he is always with me even if we aren't physically together.....and when we are both home we are still not physically in one another's presence often enough for my liking.....but when one or the other of us have to travel I start to feel disconnected, pouty, adrift, alone almost instantaneously.

I am a strange creature.

Actually, I'm not. I know many other sub girls feel this sort of emotional rollercoaster when separated from their own Dom. I am simply a very attached Daddy's girl. And that's okay.

We have spoken every single day of his absence, multiple times. He has tucked me into bed every single night with his silky smooth voice lulling me off to dreamland. And yet, I miss him. I miss him so very much. I get teary-eyed even typing that. :(

Of course my mood isn't helped by the fact that my  10th wedding anniversary to my Marine was yesterday.

Or the fact that I am still practically buried in snow with more than another 2 foot on the way over the next 4 days.

I am just a mess. A huge jumbled emotional mess.

The bright spot of my night at least is knowing that at this very moment, my Daddy is boarding his flight back home to take care of his little girl. It took 3 separate changes in itinerary and close navigation of the approaching storm as the last departed but finally, he found a 4-6 hour slot of time where he could make it safely home, after more than a week away.

Somewhere out there, up in the dark night sky is a jet bringing this man back home where he belongs, to the waiting & whiny arms of his emotional little girl. :(

Trust Issues

 

January 23, 2015


It is no big secret that I have trust issues. I can't actually remember a time when I didn't. It's just something I long ago determined was an innate part of me that I had to accept.

I guess somewhere inside of my cluttered mind I am convinced, if I don't extend trust then I don't open myself up to being hurt or let down. Over the last three years, my Daddy Dom has tried to show me that trusting selectively can be and most often is worth it. By refusing to trust the nature of others, I protect myself from inevitable disappointment but I am also missing out on a full, happy life. I suppose on some level I understand his logic.

It isn't as if I trust no one at all. I implicitly trust my Daddy Dom. I have a very small group of true friends that I trust as well. My brothers make the list as well. And anything with four legs has my vote of confidence. That is likely about the extent of the list.

As I face yet another health care hurdle, I am having issues with letting go of the control and trusting my physicians. Even though they are world-class doctors, personal friends of mine, colleagues who have only my best interest at heart. I know it makes no sense, but I am struggling. It isn't that I doubt their abilities. It is simply the lack of control. I can not seem to let go of the reigns long enough to allow them to help me beat this.

Strange, that. I am a submissive AND a control freak. Odd combination, I know but it is absolutely an accurate depiction of the paradox that is me.

It is different with him.......because HE is different. HE has never let me down, never disappointed me, never deceived me, never failed me, never left me. I can trust him. I can let go of control with him. I can submit, acquiesce, give in and know in my head and in my heart that he will take care of me. Placing that trust in others is incredibly difficult and bordering on impossible for me.

I need to make a decision in the immediate future regarding my care and I still find myself struggling with the prospect of fully trusting and relinquishing control to my medical team. But Daddy doesn't and insists I should be able to do this. To trust them, to give up some control for a short time.

Why is this so difficult for me?

Perhaps if I can not convince myself that it is okay to relinquish control to them, I can convince myself to relinquish control to Him and rely on my trust in him and his trust in them.

It is similar to my own children and I, in a way. My kids do not trust their pediatrician, but I do, which makes them okay with it. My kids do not select and trust their own educators, daycare providers, coaches, tutors.....but I do and I trust them, which makes them also okay with trusting these people. I am teaching my children to selectively trust other people to act in their best interest, and yet I, myself, continue to struggle with it at 29. Mind boggling.

But perhaps I can use the same logic to make this decision. If I can not give up control enough to put my full trust into my medical team when I know the decision needs made, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I *can* fully trust my Daddy and relinquish the control to him and depend on his trust, as my protector, in them.

So many thoughts.

So little time.

Friendship

January 21, 2015


It may have taken me 26 years but I, too, found my best friend. My Daddy.

He knows me. All of me. Not just the 'public face me'. Not just the 'happy me'. Truly, all of me. And he loves me any way.

There is not another person I trust like I trust my Daddy.

There is not a person I respect more in the world.

When I am lost, he is my guide.

When I am scared by my freedom, he is my anchor.

When I am hurt, he is by my side.

When I am stressed, he is my voice of reason.

When I cry, it is only on his shoulder.

When I vent, it is to his ear.

When I overstep my boundaries, it is his hard hand that metes out my consequences.

When I am overwhelmed & need to run away and hide, it is always to his protective embrace.

We can talk for hours or say nothing at all; and I am content.

His presence alone lulls me.

The rhythm of his heart beating, his scent, his strong arms, his intoxicatingly piercing brown eyes, his deep silky smooth voice.

Whenever I need him, he is here. Always with me. Often times before I have ever even verbalized that need. He simply knows.

My rock. My #1 fan. My moral compass. My sounding board. My disciplinarian. My confidante. My Daddy. My very best friend.