Restraint

06/25/2013

Unfortunately, I'm not discussing the above pictured restraint in this post. :)  

If the insanity over the last 48 hours had happened say about 2 years ago.......my reactions would have been a bit more explosive. I managed to keep it together and practice self-restraint. My poor Daddy has had to watch this craziness via Instant Messages & phone calls.......but he has, as always, been right there with me through it all. He's kind of amazing like that.

When we spoke tonight, he told me he was proud of me for the restraint I'd shown. Regardless of reason, I always smile hearing that sentiment from him; I far prefer pleasing him over disappointing him. 

But thinking after our phone call, I realized something. The restraint I've shown hasn't truly been self-imposed. Personally, I would have *loved* to respond in an opposite manner than I did. :)  I wasn't stopped from misbehaving because I cared about what could happen if I reacted with my temper......frankly, I didn't give a damn. The ONLY thought that weighed the scales in these situations was "would Daddy approve?" That's it......the single, solitary deciding factor......the reaction of my Dom. As is often the case now. 

So technically I didn't show self-restraint.......I showed His restraint. Even when he isn't physically with me, he is *always* with me now. I've called Professor a "world-class mind fuck" a number of times on this blog......I promise it is an accurate assessment. The man is definitely inside of my head.......always. For the rest of society.....that is a good thing. :)  For the intelligent, independent, forward thinking feminist I am.......well I suppose it makes me a walking contradiction of terms. 

Control is sort of my thing. I love it......can't get enough of it......fight for it......relish in it. And yet with one man, and one man alone......I happily surrender it. More than 'happily' even.......relinquishing control to this man is an amazingly freeing feeling for me. While I may demand control in every other facet of my life......I don't want or need it with my Daddy. There is something so primal and intoxicatingly exciting in complete acquiescence to a dominant man who has earned my trust, my respect and my adoration. 

He has long been able to elicit a submissive response from me when we are together. His hand tucking under my chin to tilt my face up toward his as I'm quietly kneeling in front of him.......ensuring eye contact. His piercing brown eyes stopping me in my tracks when I contemplate a flippant response. His deep, silky smooth voice completely quieting my chaotic internal dialogue whether in person or by phone when I'm in a difficult mood. The man has had me securely wrapped around his finger for a year and a half now......but I believe I just became aware of the true control he has over me tonight when I realized that self-restraint hadn't inspired my good behavior......His restraint had. 

D/s relationships are, in my experience, typically very intense. Perhaps it is the level of trust or respect required......or maybe it is the openness and vulnerability.....perhaps it is the primal statement of ownership and possession.......whatever the reason, a solid connection in a well-orchestrated D/s relationship brings about a level of emotional connection, intensity & intimacy that can not possibly be paralleled. I've been aware of this for some time but perhaps I just wasn't as cognizant of it until this very moment in time, with this very amazing man I quite happily belong to.  

Physically, my Daddy was not with me throughout this ordeal.......but then again, he didn't even have to be. I made the 'right' choice because regardless of geography......He is *always* inside of my head......and He is *always* inside of my heart.......and though the distance between us may change, His control over me remains very firm. That's a very reassuring feeling.........almost as warm, comforting and restraining as a cute little collar.  :)