07/31/2014
I am stuck in a rut.
An emotional and psychological black hole that continues to suck me deeper down into its' miserable depths. Ughh. I hate feeling like this.
Constantly overwhelmed. Feeling incredibly stressed to the brink. Utterly exhausted. Hopeless at times, like this evening.
Daddy continues to tell me to "be patient." Hilarious, right? A patient Irish girl? It is a genetic impossibility.
He gives me this pep talk, of sorts, often when I am in one of these moods. He calmly lays out every single life stressor that I am allowing to drive me insane at the moment and then he methodically addresses each one, telling me what we are doing to change it and how much better things will be once we have.
And the things that annoy me that I can not change, like Giants fans & Republicans, well for those he simply recites The Serenity Prayer to me. Neither I, nor my Daddy are religious but the prayer is an applicable saying to most circumstances.
And naturally, Daddy points out that my allowing life or anything for that matter to drive me so crazy means that it has control over me and/or my emotions. He knows that I *hate* admitting that anything or anyone can control me, aside from Him.
Tonight, I was feeling so downright rotten I could have cried and in fact I had for the majority of my evening, in between reckless conspiring and verbal outbursts that would have made a sailor blush.
At almost the lowest point my phone came to life and sounded his ringtone. I actually hesitated in answering.....#1 because I have been uncharacteristically mouthy & less than respectful toward him today as I struggled with my emotions.....and #2 because it was well after 10pm and he was sick and should have been in bed. My good sense allowed me to take the call though and I am so glad that I did.
Even if what he said to me tonight was nothing new, and in fact something he has told me & reminded me of time and again......I somehow felt better. I spoke very few words, simply listened as his deep, silky smooth voice reiterated the patience lesson and lulled me into a submissive state. It caused me to pause my over-analyzing and close my eyes as my body warmed almost as if I were in his strong arms......and once again, tears streamed down my face......though this time for an entirely different reason. It is in my subspace that I feel most anchored, most secure, protected & safe, most loved and perhaps more importantly.....closer to my Daddy Dom.
So I will go to sleep tonight with the exact same stressors present, but I have found some more patience or tolerance and I won't feel overwhelmed as I drift off to sleep.
I know that I am not fighting the world alone.......I am my Daddy's little girl......and he is *always* with me.
07/30/2014
Ahhh bliss! :)
I *love* when he tucks his massive paw under my chin to raise my face to his. Even if, at times, it is the last place I want to look at the moment because of the scowl on his handsome face. The way his large, strong hands can completely envelope my face make me feel so incredibly small.
And the caption? Talk about making a naughty girl swoon. Yummy. I adore belonging to my Daddy Dom. Couldn't possibly imagine my life without him; and as he often tells me when I say that very phrase to him......
"good, you don't have to, you're MINE and stuck with me forever." :)
Wouldn't have it any other way!
07/28/2014
***A late night exchange between Daddy and I. From 2 nights ago.***
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me: I know; I am not stupid, Daddy.
Dad: I know. Just reminding.
Me: Reminding = annoying.
{{Rolls my green eyes at Him before shooting him a glare.}}
Dad: Annoying = Shut up & Accept.
{{He meets my glare and narrows his gorgeous, dark brown eyes at me.}}
Me: Shut up & accept = More annoying and possible tantrum & back talk on your horizon. Tread lightly.
{{He chuckles slightly at my threat, lowers his voice a full octave to reply and shoots me a penetrating glare that I quickly whither under and lower my eyes as my tummy knots.}}
Dad: More annoying and possible tantrum & back talk on my horizon = Strap on your horizon....and bottom....and thighs. And do not dictate my tread, little girl.
{{Nervously chews the corner of my bottom lip.}}
Me: Alright, okay, you win, yes Sir. And I love you.......a lot.
{{Scurries over to him and curls up in His lap, kisses his cheek, pulls his left arm tightly around my body and rests my head on his shoulder gazing up innocently at him.}}
Dad: Uh huh. I thought you might see it my way. My little girl always does; perhaps not initially, but we always get there in the end.
{{Hugs me tight and kisses my forehead.}}
Me: I kind of love being yours, you know?
Dad: Good, because you don't have a choice.
Me: I love that even more. The way you said it was incredibly possessive and hot. You, Sir, should be in bed. Please send me to bed early too and tell me my cleaning can wait until tomorrow.
{{Pouts up at Him pleadingly as I cuddle up closer in his lap and he strokes my long red hair.}}
Dad: To bed...NOW...young lady. I will lead the way.
Me: Yes Sir; and naturally, I will follow.
{{Hugs me incredibly tight and I jump up onto my tippy toes to kiss His cheek again before he swats my bottom and sends me off to bed where we will find each other in our dreams.}}
07/26/2014
Unless you happen to live under a rock, there is no way you made it through this week without noting that the trailer has been released for the upcoming, Fifty Shades of Grey, movie. And of course every under-fucked soccer mom in America is anxiously awaiting the full movie set to open in February 2015.
While I have no problem with people indulging in this film, the trilogy of books, etc.......I do have an issue with the stereotypes so clearly evident in this "literature".......and the fact that the world is buying into the negative connotations thrown at people in the REAL world of D/s, BDSM, DD, TTWD.
I, out of curiosity, read the trilogy of books. I had an open mind and was hopeful that it would be written accurately and depict our kink in a positive light.....as so many others have failed to do......2002's The Secretary comes to mind. Ughh.
What I found was poorly written "vanilla logic" used to explain why BDSM exists. Note, naturally, poor Mr. Grey just *had* to have something 'wrong' with him in order to be a Dom. He had to have serious psychological issues which he repressed and masked by seeking to control naïve young women. Because this would sooo naturally explain his inner sadist.
Oh and not to mention poor Anastasia. She was young, insecure, naïve and oh-so trusting. And she naturally fell head over heels in love with this man (or his money) and was tricked into submission. WTF? Really???
Why does there have to be a 'reason' or an 'explanation' for why we indulge in our kink? Why do we have to have a justification? Is the world truly that blind?
I get that not everyone is going to understand, per se, why some people enjoy inflicting pain and others love receiving it. But perhaps, since you don't understand it or have a grasp on it, you should NOT write about it as the facts of the matter.
Disgusting.
True, there are MANY in this kink who have psychological issues......and those of us who are responsible, avoid them like the plague. But the majority of us 'spankos', 'sadists', 'masochists', etc are perfectly N-O-R-M-A-L human beings. We are educated, have successful careers, loving families, we pay our taxes, we coach our kid's sports teams, we live right next door to you and you'd never even suspect.
My Dom is an amazing man. Yes, he has a penchant for disciplining his naughty girls and has a darker inner sadist that I adore having the privilege of provoking in scene.......but he truly is one of the best men I have ever met in my life. Incredibly warm, well-spoken, gorgeous, caring, a doting father, an amazing and loving man. As far as being psychologically 'deviant'......I pause to laugh here.....the man is about as on-base and even-keeled as they come. Perfectly N-O-R-M-A-L!
I, on the other hand, am an entirely different story when it comes to "normal." :)
Throughout the books, the sex was great......who doesn't want to have their hair pulled as they're fucked like there will be no tomorrow? Aside from the sex, it was literary vomit. And I do not know how many times any self-respecting author can repeat his or herself in a single chapter. I do not think I could possibly count the times I scanned the phrase "inner goddess" throughout the three books. I, personally, know a more talented literary genius in the form of a 16 year old CHILD.
Another *way off base* aspect she writes of is punishment. Did ANY of you NOT laugh hysterically when she imagined the "worst possible punishment" Mr. Grey would inflict upon his new submissive was 6 swats with a belt??? I could have choked reading that chapter. On what planet does this woman reside? For fuck's sake, at least visit a scene club to get an idea of a true punishment for your book, lady. I would love to see the expression on my Daddy's face if I told him that when I displease him, he is *only* allowed to give me 6 swats.......with any damn implement.
I try not to be judgmental, but I am also incredibly protective of those people and things that are close to my heart. There was no way I could *not* be critical of this Fifty Shades phenomenon. If you want to write about kinky sex, then label it as such. If you want to write about REAL D/s, BDSM, TTWD then do your research, talk with those of us who live this every day.
And lastly, if you want to work on "explaining" the "why" behind a kink........leave us spankos alone........go find out why some people get off fucking kids, others screw corpses, and still more are raping Chihuahuas! Those kinks are deviant and need explained........me getting off by kneeling before my Dom or submitting to him whipping my ass......not so much. And I *promise* you, the world is a MUCH better place *because* I am spanked.
And in case you do live under a rock........here is the trailer:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4nJX8snP4s
07/22/2014
Oh why, oh why is this so hard to understand?
You'd think, particularly those in our community, would grasp this concept.
Ah, one can dream, right? :)
The stories I hear from my scene girlfriends who are wading through the waters in search of their dream Dom/Top are pitiful.....some of these men truly do *not* "get it."
{{Shakes my head & sighs}}
I am so thankful to have my Daddy and to be done dealing (for the most part) with over-confident, self-identifying Doms who are nothing but obnoxious.
07/20/2014
Saw it.......
Loved it.......
Shared it.
~Imp~
07/17/2014
Whatever you do in life, give 100%. ~~~~~~~~~~ Um...what about when I donate blood?
I expect you to be tactful. ~~~~~~~~~~ Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.
You need to manage your anger. ~~~~~~~~~~ I wouldn't need to manage my anger if everyone else would manage their stupidity.
You do not have to be sarcastic. ~~~~~~~~~~ Oh but I do, because beating the shit out of people is still illegal.
You can not judge a book by its cover. ~~~~~~~~~ Oh puh-lease, tell me you have never looked at a person and knew the wheel was turning but the hamster was dead.
You can not call people "douche bags". ~~~~~~~~~ Okay, okay is "vinegar sack" less offensive? Polite way of saying the same thing.
You can not "hate" all people. ~~~~~~~~~ You're right, "hate" is a strong word, let's just say I am not overly excited about their existence. And perhaps if they were on fire I might consider roasting marshmallows. Totally different than "hate."
Alcohol does not solve problems. ~~~~~~~~~ Neither does milk.
You are more intelligent than that. ~~~~~~~~~ Yes, I am but in this case intelligence is not a gift, it is a punishment because I still have to put up with every fucktard who doesn't have it.
Who cares what they think? Just be yourself. ~~~~~~~~~ Do you realize "be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give to some people?
You have to work on your people skills. ~~~~~~~~~ My people skills are just fine, it is my tolerance of idiots that needs work.
What has gotten you in this mood today? ~~~~~~~~~ I simply dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned. Is that really so much to ask for?
Perhaps you need to try some Midol. ~~~~~~~~~ No, what I need is a large dose of Fuckitol.
Go to bed! ~~~~~~~~~ Aww you mean it? Before 10pm? You're so sweet. I love you like a back-alley hooker loves crack.
07/10/2014
I spent the majority of my birthday with my Daddy.....and I am absolutely on cloud nine. :)
The past 3 years, since becoming Daddy's girl, he has always made my birthdays special. He is a very early riser, and always makes certain to be the first person to call me and tell me "Happy Birthday".......and in fact, will sing it to me. :)
Last year he was actually away on business on the day of my birthday; and this year he was due to be but at the last minute his schedule changed and instead of filling it with other important things he had to do, he insisted he spend the day with me.....which just made me swoon. :) I knew I had entries on my Punishment List that had to be addressed, but I didn't care......I got to spend my birthday with my Daddy. :)
The entire session will be published at a later date, as I am still finishing up our last 2 punishment sessions for the blog, but I had to share this now.
The second I opened the door to him, he scooped his baby girl up into his strong arms and hugged me tight while singing "Happy Birthday" to me. I smiled from ear to ear and just clung tightly to him. I'd brought him lunch and we chatted as he ate. Eventually the tone changed and I was made to answer for my misbehavior, and no amount of "but Daddy pleaseee it's my birthday" swayed his resolve in blistering my bottom just as harshly as any other punishment.
After I had been properly punished and was a contrite, remorseful, sobbing little girl he gave me a card and a present. :) My very own paddle......strictly for decorative purposes (I swear, he even mounted it so I can display it rather than be spanked with it.....thank goodness because it is very heavy and awfully mean looking). I love it.......and it is now proudly displayed atop my dresser with my framed Serenity Prayer and oak hairbrush (both also gifts from my Daddy), and my Father & Daughter figurine from Willow Tree.
He sat on the bed and called me to him once more, grasping my wrist and pulling me back down across his capable lap, his thighs hard against my torso, as he firmly spanked my bottom reciting each count in unison with me to total my age, 29 this year. I kicked my legs and giggled. His swats were very firm and on top of my punished bottom and thighs it stung like mad......but I still smiled. There is not a place in this world I would have rather been than draped over his knee getting a birthday spanking. I was an incredibly happy girl.
He even brought me a cake. He forgot it in the car and was going to go grab it but I told him that wasn't necessary, just let it melt all over his new car because I wasn't letting him leave now that I had him.......and he did. :)
He has been having some back issues as of late, which concerned me so I gave him an exam, diagnosed the problem, demonstrated exercises for him to do each day, prescribed medication and gave him a 20 minute deep tissue massage.
When he finally had to go, he held me tightly in his embrace for several minutes while telling me how proud he was of me and how much he adored having me as his little girl. I smiled and almost started crying again as I clung to his chest, my sentiments mirroring his own.
The next day, when out with some friends and family for my official birthday dinner, they gave me a gift from the entire group of them and told me that Daddy had a huge role in selecting this gift for me and had helped them purchase it. I was at a loss for words. The gift was so incredibly touching and something I have wanted for years and knowing they all had collaborated with Daddy to find this gift and make it my very own brought me to tears.
I do not know what I have ever done to deserve this man in my life but I am so incredibly grateful that we found one another and that he chose to make me his girl. I love him more than I could ever verbally express. I cherish our time together. I respect him and admire him and look up to him in awe much the same way any other little girl looks at her daddy. I am so fiercely protective of him because I realize how rare and special the relationship we have built and share is. I truly adore being his little girl and pleasing him each day.
He is my best friend, my rock, my anchor, my father.......and I simply could not love him more.
07/11/2014
I suppose that title could imply a great many things. :)
Where my 6 year old has placed my car keys, for example.
Ooh, or perhaps where I intend to hide my Daddy's paddle no that I have it. :)
But, for today, that title refers to where we meet our friends.
I have a very small handful of human beings that I consider my "true friends" I have many, many acquaintances but only a select few "friends" that I know would do anything to help me should I need it, and vice versa.
Now, being an animal lover, I have quite a few more 4-legged friends than 2-legged ones. An animal never has ill intent, will never lie to you, rarely talk back and will be loyal to their last day.
I have a photographic memory in most things so I can easily recall when, where and how I met most of my true friends.
This post is simply in memory of one of them.
His name was Saffron, and he was a gorgeous, loving ball of fluff and amusement. Saffron was a kitty and I met him via Blogger. :) I know many of you are scratching your heads right now, or at least shaking them thinking I am crazy.....I assure you, I am not.
Saffron belonged to my Mama. She and I connected here, via my blog, more than 2 years ago.
Now, one of three things will naturally occur most every time she & I talk by phone: #1. The call will drop ; #2. The police will show up at her house/pull me over ; or #3. Saffron and I will talk. Thankfully, number three was the most common (though the other two happen at an alarming rate).
As soon as he noticed it was me on the phone, he would make a point of howling to let me know he was starved.....or at the very least had forgotten where his food was. Or he would jump into Mama's lap and purr so loudly I could hear him all the way across the country. He was a darling. I have never been particularly fond of cats, as I prefer dogs.....but this little kitty pawed his way into my heart. I even sign my emails to Mama : "Kiss Saffron for me. Love you." :)
Yesterday was my 29th birthday, but it also ended up being the day Mama had to say "good bye" to dear Saffron. He lived 18 long, lovely years with her since she rescued him as a kitten. I was with Daddy when I got the email and had to call and check on Mama. I only wish I could have been there to hug her......and my furry brother, Saffron, before he had to go.
I miss him already, our last call simply wasn't the same without his insistent howl.
I love you, Saffron....the gorgeous ball of orange fluff that I met via Blogger, talked with by phone, and fell in love with on opposite coasts of the country. You were a *very* special & loved cat. XOXO
07/13/2014
From time to time, here on my blog, I will answer a question in its' own post. Occasionally because I think the subject is important enough to warrant it; and occasionally because I just have too much to say in a comment.....and naturally, sometimes it is both.......because, well, I am a woman. :)
Today's question falls into the "both" category. I believe it is a subject a lot of submissives and their Tops will eventually have to address within their relationship. And I personally think anything that deals with boundaries is incredibly important in TTWD.
Please also realize that my answer is simply what pertains to my relationship with my Daddy Dom.......I am not suggesting it is the "right" way or the "only" way to do things as every relationship and the people involved within them are individuals; thus what works for me may not work for you.
The question:
Imp,
Have you ever just flat out refused? A rule or a punishment you disagreed with, have you ever just said "nope"? Has you ever thought about refusing? How did/would your Dom react? Thanks.
Corey
That's actually multiple (related) questions all wrapped into one. Any way, enough rambling, onto my answer.....aka more rambling. :)
No, I have never refused to submit to my Daddy. Never, not once. Not to a rule. Not to a punishment. Never. Period.
Again, I am not saying this is right for everyone or every D/s relationship; though I must say in theory I believe it should be this way. Let me delve in a little deeper and explain my thought process.
I *wanted* a disciplinarian.....a Top.....a Dom. I *needed* boundaries set and correlating consequences to help me make changes in my life to make me happy. I *craved* the word "No!".
I have always been in control of everything in my life personally, professionally and otherwise. I also am often in control of many other people. Being a control freak, I do not mind or shy away from the task, in fact, in most instances I relish control. It has always been a double edged sword for me though, because as much as I fight for it, I have always longed for a dominant man to take it from me. I need the bliss of power exchange. I need to be held accountable. I need to not have any decision to make beyond that of my submission.
I would not submit to simply any self identifying Dom. I did my homework. I searched for a long time, all that while my needs not being met. I had actually close to given up when I stumbled across my Daddy. From quite literally Day #1, I knew this man was exactly what I needed, wanted, craved, dreamt of, longed for. We began on our D/s journey the same as anyone else. We compared wants, needs, desires. We explored, we tested, we talked. Communication was key and remains to this day. He quickly earned my trust and my respect. He was the yin to my yang.
Most rules that I must abide by were discussed, often times at great length. Even the rules he has chosen to set without my expressed consent are things I know he has put a great deal of thought into. He does not need my consent on every individual rule because my submission is consent. I know in my heart that he limits and restricts me because he loves me. I know he weighs my happiness against every decision he is tasked with making for me. He does not dictate arbitrarily. He is an incredibly reasonable an understanding man.
Yes, he is demanding, but that is exactly what I need and want. The love that I feel when he tells me, "No", or punishes me for toeing a line a little too closely is so very difficult to put into words. It is an amazingly freeing feeling for me to submit completely to him and know that he will take care of me, he will protect me, he will teach & guide me, he will love me, he will make me happy and make me the young woman we both know I can be.
And as for punishments, again, no I have not ever one time refused to submit. I have on one occasion disagreed with the reason I was being whipped, but I submitted any way and took my punishment as I know he expects of me. And honestly, not long after that I reassessed and agreed with him in that I did deserve that punishment. But on that day, when I stood on my wobbly legs before him, I was absolutely in disagreement.......but I had to remind myself that I asked for his guidance & discipline......there was no preamble of: "only if I agree" or "only if I like it".......it was ABSOLUTE. It was me trusting my Dom to act in my best interests, and I know in my heart that he always has.
Again in the future there may come another instance where I don't like or agree with the reason behind a punishment.......and I again will submit to it because my trust in him is far stronger than my own sense of doubting responsibility. I am *His* girl. It is not my decision how I am punished; it is His.
My "job" is simply to offer my Daddy Dom my absolute submission in all things, without reservation. He EARNED that trust and works every day to maintain it.
As for the "what if" portion of your question, if there ever truly came a time that I would not submit then he and I would have to sit down and figure out what went wrong in our relationship to the extent that trust or respect was lost. I don't ever foresee that being an issue for us, but I know it is for others, so I addressed it. I come back to.....COMMUNICATION IS PARAMOUNT. If you can not trust absolutely in your Doms' intentions, then you have a much bigger issue than simply refusing a spanking.
07/09/2014
I am full of anxiety and nerves tonight. Tomorrow is my birthday, and I am going to be spending a good portion of it with my Daddy. :) I am beyond ecstatic that I'll be spending the day with him and getting a proper birthday spanking.......
But that sinking feeling has settled into the pit of my stomach and I am a walking ball of nervous energy, because along with my 'good girl' birthday spanking, I will be getting a 'bad girl' punishment spanking for lapsing on a couple of Daddy's hard line rules.
The night before a punishment I am always uneasy to some degree, but Daddy intentionally being quiet and mind fucking me with silence only intensifies the anxiousness.
Off to bed.......though sleep is a stretch :)
07/05/2014
The moment I stumbled upon this I smiled, it reminded me so very much of my Daddy Dom and I.
Every line resonates and makes me swoon.
I quite enjoy being his prized possession, his project, his little girl.
*His*........Always. :)
06/30/2014
I'd say that overall I agree with this statement ; but it did cause me to stop and think......perhaps it needs rephrased?
First, it is not I who is training my mind or body, that is the role of my Dom. I am an eager and most often pliable student, but I am not teaching myself.
Second, he does seek to meet my needs and protect me but that is reciprocated, as meeting your partner's needs is a goal from both sides (or should be).
Third, though submission is not 'about' pain, per se, I know I am not the only masochistic submissive in this world, and for us, pain is very much a part of our submission. There are many facets to my submission, and more nuances than I could possibly explain, but included in this delicate mix is certainly the pain I endure, whether for punishment or pleasure.
Maybe I am being too analytical today? :)
.jpg)
