Sunday, July 13, 2014
From time to time, here on my blog, I will answer a question in its' own post. Occasionally because I think the subject is important enough to warrant it; and occasionally because I just have too much to say in a comment.....and naturally, sometimes it is both.......because, well, I am a woman. :)
Today's question falls into the "both" category. I believe it is a subject a lot of submissives and their Tops will eventually have to address within their relationship. And I personally think anything that deals with boundaries is incredibly important in TTWD.
Please also realize that my answer is simply what pertains to my relationship with my Daddy Dom.......I am not suggesting it is the "right" way or the "only" way to do things as every relationship and the people involved within them are individuals; thus what works for me may not work for you.
Have you ever just flat out refused? A rule or a punishment you disagreed with, have you ever just said "nope"? Has you ever thought about refusing? How did/would your Dom react? Thanks.
That's actually multiple (related) questions all wrapped into one. Any way, enough rambling, onto my answer.....aka more rambling. :)
No, I have never refused to submit to my Daddy. Never, not once. Not to a rule. Not to a punishment. Never. Period.
Again, I am not saying this is right for everyone or every D/s relationship; though I must say in theory I believe it should be this way. Let me delve in a little deeper and explain my thought process.
I *wanted* a disciplinarian.....a Top.....a Dom. I *needed* boundaries set and correlating consequences to help me make changes in my life to make me happy. I *craved* the word "No!".
I have always been in control of everything in my life personally, professionally and otherwise. I also am often in control of many other people. Being a control freak, I do not mind or shy away from the task, in fact, in most instances I relish control. It has always been a double edged sword for me though, because as much as I fight for it, I have always longed for a dominant man to take it from me. I need the bliss of power exchange. I need to be held accountable. I need to not have any decision to make beyond that of my submission.
I would not submit to simply any self identifying Dom. I did my homework. I searched for a long time, all that while my needs not being met. I had actually close to given up when I stumbled across my Daddy. From quite literally Day #1, I knew this man was exactly what I needed, wanted, craved, dreamt of, longed for. We began on our D/s journey the same as anyone else. We compared wants, needs, desires. We explored, we tested, we talked. Communication was key and remains to this day. He quickly earned my trust and my respect. He was the yin to my yang.
Most rules that I must abide by were discussed, often times at great length. Even the rules he has chosen to set without my expressed consent are things I know he has put a great deal of thought into. He does not need my consent on every individual rule because my submission is consent. I know in my heart that he limits and restricts me because he loves me. I know he weighs my happiness against every decision he is tasked with making for me. He does not dictate arbitrarily. He is an incredibly reasonable an understanding man.
Yes, he is demanding, but that is exactly what I need and want. The love that I feel when he tells me, "No", or punishes me for toeing a line a little too closely is so very difficult to put into words. It is an amazingly freeing feeling for me to submit completely to him and know that he will take care of me, he will protect me, he will teach & guide me, he will love me, he will make me happy and make me the young woman we both know I can be.
And as for punishments, again, no I have not ever one time refused to submit. I have on one occasion disagreed with the reason I was being whipped, but I submitted any way and took my punishment as I know he expects of me. And honestly, not long after that I reassessed and agreed with him in that I did deserve that punishment. But on that day, when I stood on my wobbly legs before him, I was absolutely in disagreement.......but I had to remind myself that I asked for his guidance & discipline......there was no preamble of: "only if I agree" or "only if I like it".......it was ABSOLUTE. It was me trusting my Dom to act in my best interests, and I know in my heart that he always has.
Again in the future there may come another instance where I don't like or agree with the reason behind a punishment.......and I again will submit to it because my trust in him is far stronger than my own sense of doubting responsibility. I am *His* girl. It is not my decision how I am punished; it is His.
My "job" is simply to offer my Daddy Dom my absolute submission in all things, without reservation. He EARNED that trust and works every day to maintain it.
As for the "what if" portion of your question, if there ever truly came a time that I would not submit then he and I would have to sit down and figure out what went wrong in our relationship to the extent that trust or respect was lost. I don't ever foresee that being an issue for us, but I know it is for others, so I addressed it. I come back to.....COMMUNICATION IS PARAMOUNT. If you can not trust absolutely in your Doms' intentions, then you have a much bigger issue than simply refusing a spanking.