Thursday, July 31, 2014
I am stuck in a rut.
An emotional and psychological black hole that continues to suck me deeper down into its' miserable depths. Ughh. I hate feeling like this.
Constantly overwhelmed. Feeling incredibly stressed to the brink. Utterly exhausted. Hopeless at times, like this evening.
Daddy continues to tell me to "be patient." Hilarious, right? A patient Irish girl? It is a genetic impossibility.
He gives me this pep talk, of sorts, often when I am in one of these moods. He calmly lays out every single life stressor that I am allowing to drive me insane at the moment and then he methodically addresses each one, telling me what we are doing to change it and how much better things will be once we have.
And the things that annoy me that I can not change, like Giants fans & Republicans, well for those he simply recites The Serenity Prayer to me. Neither I, nor my Daddy are religious but the prayer is an applicable saying to most circumstances.
And naturally, Daddy points out that my allowing life or anything for that matter to drive me so crazy means that it has control over me and/or my emotions. He knows that I *hate* admitting that anything or anyone can control me, aside from Him.
Tonight, I was feeling so downright rotten I could have cried and in fact I had for the majority of my evening, in between reckless conspiring and verbal outbursts that would have made a sailor blush.
At almost the lowest point my phone came to life and sounded his ringtone. I actually hesitated in answering.....#1 because I have been uncharacteristically mouthy & less than respectful toward him today as I struggled with my emotions.....and #2 because it was well after 10pm and he was sick and should have been in bed. My good sense allowed me to take the call though and I am so glad that I did.
Even if what he said to me tonight was nothing new, and in fact something he has told me & reminded me of time and again......I somehow felt better. I spoke very few words, simply listened as his deep, silky smooth voice reiterated the patience lesson and lulled me into a submissive state. It caused me to pause my over-analyzing and close my eyes as my body warmed almost as if I were in his strong arms......and once again, tears streamed down my face......though this time for an entirely different reason. It is in my subspace that I feel most anchored, most secure, protected & safe, most loved and perhaps more importantly.....closer to my Daddy Dom.
So I will go to sleep tonight with the exact same stressors present, but I have found some more patience or tolerance and I won't feel overwhelmed as I drift off to sleep.
I know that I am not fighting the world alone.......I am my Daddy's little girl......and he is *always* with me.