Just One of Those Days

07/17/2014

Whatever you do in life, give 100%.   ~~~~~~~~~~   Um...what about when I donate blood?

I expect you to be tactful.   ~~~~~~~~~~   Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.

You need to manage your anger.   ~~~~~~~~~~   I wouldn't need to manage my anger if everyone else would manage their stupidity.

You do not have to be sarcastic.   ~~~~~~~~~~   Oh but I do, because beating the shit out of people is still illegal.

You can not judge a book by its cover.   ~~~~~~~~~   Oh puh-lease, tell me you have never looked at a person and knew the wheel was turning but the hamster was dead.

You can not call people "douche bags".   ~~~~~~~~~   Okay, okay is "vinegar sack" less offensive? Polite way of saying the same thing.

You can not "hate" all people.   ~~~~~~~~~   You're right, "hate" is a strong word, let's just say I am not overly excited about their existence. And perhaps if they were on fire I might consider roasting marshmallows. Totally different than "hate."

Alcohol does not solve problems.   ~~~~~~~~~   Neither does milk.

You are more intelligent than that.   ~~~~~~~~~   Yes, I am but in this case intelligence is not a gift, it is a punishment because I still have to put up with every fucktard who doesn't have it.

Who cares what they think? Just be yourself.   ~~~~~~~~~   Do you realize "be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give to some people?

You have to work on your people skills.   ~~~~~~~~~   My people skills are just fine, it is my tolerance of idiots that needs work.

What has gotten you in this mood today?   ~~~~~~~~~   I simply dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned. Is that really so much to ask for?

Perhaps you need to try some Midol.   ~~~~~~~~~   No, what I need is a large dose of Fuckitol.

Go to bed!   ~~~~~~~~~   Aww you mean it? Before 10pm? You're so sweet. I love you like a back-alley hooker loves crack.