Over Rated

January 20th, 2015


I have had moments like this. Lots of them.

Mind numbing rage, anger, disdain, blinding fury.

I imagine most of us have had moments like this in our lives, at one point or another.

Some of us, ahem Irish, have far more triggers to our blind rage, but the beast of anger lives within us all. I believe it is how we handle it that is what differs.

My anger today is the direct result of someone else's misplaced anger. And it is truly upsetting to me on so many different levels.

I struggled with self-discipline regarding controlling my own anger for the vast majority of my young life. I was always angry. I had a wire-hair trigger and a viscous mouth. I lashed out a lot. Looking back now I understand a lot of my rage moments had nothing to do with being angry at all, aside from the fact that anger was my go-to emotion because it is always easiest to deal with compared to the true, deeper issues of insecurity, fear and sadness. Tough girls don't get sad or scared, we get pissed the f*ck off. Or so was the motto for my first 25 years of existence.

 Actually, even now I wouldn't say I have the "self-discipline" to control it, but I do have the "Daddy-discipline" to keep it contained.

One of the most valuable lessons my Daddy Dom has taught me is how to control my temper. Daddy says "anger is an over rated emotion, young lady." I have always understood the principle behind this lecture, but tonight it may just be truly registering inside of my head for the first time on this level.

This morning another loose canon entered a sister facility, asked for one of my colleagues/friends/professors and shot him. Twice.

Why?

Because he was angry. He was furious that this incredibly skilled surgeon could not defy the laws of mortality, perform an unachievable miracle and save this person's ailing, elderly mother a few months back.

That's it.

Anger.....as a blanket disguise for this person's true feelings of sadness, pain, fear. Just like I was not that long ago. How senseless. How unfair. How downright wrong.

This amazing human being who I respect and look up to....this selfless man who spends 16-36 hours at the hospital at a time....this incredibly skilled surgeon who has saved or positively impacted countless lives in his short career now clings to life in critical condition as we do all we can to grant him the same miracle he has performed for so many patients himself.

Nothing good came out of today.

Nothing good came from this anger.

More hurt. More fear. More pain. More fury.

Can the world not heed this lesson?

ANGER IS OVER RATED!