This is so totally me when I am waiting to be spanked.
I am always ready for Daddy long before our scheduled meeting time, since the one time I was late & introduced him to "Natalie time" and he introduced me to the consequences for wasting his time.
So now, and for the last couple of years, any time we are to meet for a punishment session, I am ready with more than an hour to spare.
I pace around the room nervously, peeking out the curtains every couple minutes to see if he has arrived, even if I know he won't be for another half hour or better. Every time I hear a car door, I jump and check the window again. I play with the television, my cell phone, the A/C....anything to distract myself, though it rarely works.
I read and re-read my current Punishment List multiple times and cringe at the thought of having to explain each offense as I look up into his dark, penetrating, chocolate brown eyes. Any time I have a repeat offense on the list, the panic is ten fold because I know my pending punishment will be far more severe if I am making my Daddy repeat a previous lesson to me.
I nervously pick up each implement of our collection and run it across my hand as my mind drifts back to the last time I felt it connect with my naughty, unprotected bottom. I wonder what implements of our collection he may be bringing along with him this time, or what new implements he may have acquired since our last session.
I chew the corner of my bottom lip incessantly and pace some more as the nervous anxiety builds in the pit of my stomach, my heart pounds inside of my ribcage, that lump appears at the back of my throat, my ass & thighs tingle in anticipation, my eyes well with unshed tears, and my mouth feels suddenly dry.
I rehearse my defenses in front of the mirror, though I know I will never end up utilizing them. Funny, I always put so much time and effort into making sense of my misbehavior ahead of time but when I am standing there on my wobbly knees with my pants at my ankles and I have the opportunity to try to justify my actions, I have nothing to say for myself.
I mindlessly twirl locks of my long red hair around my fingers like a dumb high school girl. I call or text a friend. I send Daddy several "I love you" messages. I make sure everything is clean, orderly, neat. I make sure Daddy has a cold Diet Coke & bottle of water waiting for him on his desk beside my Punishment List.
And finally after exhausting myself with worry, nervous energy expenditure, and preparations......I sit quietly on the corner of the bed and simply wait for my Daddy to arrive and met out the consequences I am due. Some times I bury my face in a pillow and scream. Other times I sit stoically holding a paddle or strap and slowly running my hand over it as I pout & ponder.
Daddy knows I go through this, we have discussed it many times. He most always mandates I arrive first so that I have this time of anxiety build up prior to his arrival. Occasionally he will send me a text or two that exacerbate my nerves, such as: "I will see you soon, young lady." or "I love you too, but sucking up won't save your ass, little girl." But most of the time he goes completely quiet & says nothing to me until I hear his knock on the door & my mind drowns in panic. His inner sadist enjoys this a little too much.....my Daddy Dom has completely mastered the art of the pre-punishment mind fuck.