Sunday, September 8, 2013
Struggling the last couple days with doing what I know I should. I'm loud, abrasive, stubborn, hard headed and just about every other label you could apply to an Irish girl. So when things reach my boiling point and I'm about to explode.....I typically set out in that direction.
Small problem with my MO...........My Daddy doesn't allow it. He won't allow me acting out in anger or over impulse causing a much bigger issue than what had originally sent me off in the first place.
Typically Dad's first line of defense will be to talk some sense into me.....try to reason with me......offer rational suggestions. A good amount of the time......this works like a charm and combined with his voice, I calm down immediately and reassess.
When rationalizing with me doesn't work then he will flip to the emotional pulls and Toppy stuff. "Because I said so."....."You are MINE."......"Screw the logical arguments, you'll stop because that's what I told you to do and my daughter does not defy me." I'm typically a bit more irrational at the point these tactics are needed.........but particularly on phone with his voice, this too will ultimately be effective.
We had a close call the other day.......a very close call. I was intentionally ignoring his calls, texts, IM, etc because I did *not* want talked down. I wanted to just explode and lash out because it feels so much better than exhibiting restraint.
Cooler heads finally prevailed and though I'd originally said "No" when Dad ordered me to call him, I did in deed call him back. He began to reason with me......then ditched the rational argument and aimed straight for my heart with the emotional aspects that bind us together. He slowly (again) talked me back from the ledge of insanity and all was good in our world......or was it?
After hanging up with Daddy I heard the voicemails he had left when I was being stubborn and ignoring his attempts of contact when I said "No" to his request I call. EVERYTHING about that voicemail just broke my heart. His tone of voice, the words he chose to you, the hypotheticals......I hated it and cried just listening to it. I tried to find Dad in IM to discuss it because I was now confused and feeling insecure about us.....no reply. I sent him a card via email.
I spent the next 3 hours worried sick that I'd somehow harmed what we have built with one another. I was just devastated; and waiting for confirmation was like pouring salt on the wound. I was miserable.
Finally I missed a call from Dad at 6:50pm that night. I quickly returned it.
He had sent messages I must not have gotten saying we were more than okay. And all of the unpleasant things said in that voicemail would have been the unfortunate truth had I not returned his call and done the impulsive thing I was considering. But I hadn't/ I was eventually a good girl and I called him back and he talked me down........so we are and were perfectly fine.
**Huge Sigh of Relief**
In trusting and respecting my Dom, I have given him the authority to make decisions for me both in a scene and in my day to day life. No picking and choosing when to obey. Simply unquestioned acquiescence.
He always has my best interests at heart and he meets needs for me on a level no one else simply ever could. He's earned my trust and my respect and my complete adoration.
My Daddy had my *ABSOLUTE* submission.
I am his to lead, his to guide, his to teach, his to discipline, his to mandate anytime he so chooses........
And he is mine to offer my absolute submission to......he deserves no less.