I read your blog and several other from
the blog roll of DD couples, D/s relationships and the like. I can say the idea
intrigues me but I can not get over a few alarming questions, perhaps you can
help. For both of you involved in these relationships, how does safety not
concern you? For her, what if he goes too far? For him, what if she calls the
cops? Doesn't take a rocket scientist or a brain surgeon to see how a fairytale
DD,D/s night could end with domestic violence charges right? I've not read of a
safe word being used in any of your posts, even your first meeting; why
not?
Wow.....where to begin? I suppose my typical self will point out the irony
in your statement of not needing a rocket scientist or brain surgeon.....my Top
is a rocket scientist and in 4yrs I will be a brain surgeon.....lol. What if I
called the cops.....they would likely applaud Professor for disciplining me and
might put him on the payroll....lol. Okay, enough silliness, back to the
questions posed.
Safety is a very large concern in these type of relationships. Safety
referring to physical safety, privacy & discretion, emotional &
psychological well-being, etc. I have heard of or seen some of these
relationships go wrong, but thankfully I've not ever been involved in one that
has went crazy. I can only speak for myself and answer your questions from my
personal point of view, so other DD ladies, gentlemen & couples who read my
blog....please feel free to post your own thoughts on this topic.
Not finding a safe word in my posts.....the reason being, I have not ever
used one in the two relationships I write about on this blog. The Marine was my
husband, my partner, my best friend and I would trust him with my life.....my
safety was paramount to him. The Professor is my disciplinarian now and no, he
and I never had a safe word. I do not recommend to others that they meet
a new partner without using a safe word.....I actually always recommend
that people DO use one.....Professor and I just did not. A relationship
is built on trust; whether it is a vanilla relationship or a DD, D/s
relationship......honesty and trust is what builds the foundation of your
relationship. Prior to meeting Professor in person for the first time, I could
honestly say I did trust him....completely. We had spoke for some time, both by
phone and online (email, IMs, etc). I knew who he was and he knew who I was.
Aside from all he told me when answering every question I asked, I also read a
lot about him from his previous D/s partner and several things about him
professionally as well. By the time I was meeting with him in person, though I
was nervous, I felt like I had known him for years. My safety was not ever a
concern on my radar that afternoon. Again, I do NOT recommend anyone not use a
safe word when meeting a potential partner for the first time, Professor & I
didn't but we have been pretty lucky in this entire thing. If I was at all
uneasy, I would have had one.....if he was at all uneasy, he would have insisted
on one because he has been doing this longer than I have and knows the risks
involved.
The risks, obviously are not just one-sided. The first you mention was the
woman's physical safety. I am not a tiny girl and I grew up with big
brothers....who taught me young how to fight....combine that with years of
competitive martial arts, I am relatively confident in my ability to physically
defend myself if I had to do so. As I said though, my physical safety was not
even a concern registering in my mind the first day I met Professor. The other
risk you mention is his personal risk....legal ramifications, etc. That is
something I have always kept in the back of my mind, I am not the only one
vulnerable here.....he is risking a lot personally, professionally, legally,
etc. I can not speak for Professor, but I can say I am certain as with
everything else, he weighed those risks every time he has began to mentor a new
girl, and thankfully he determined I was worth that risk.
Do I ever worry if he would go too far? Never once has that thought crossed
my mind. I feel incredibly safe when I am with Professor....if I feel anything
more than safe in his presence it has to be really cared for. I trust him
completely and his judgement. I feel like I have known him for years and I rely
on him for far more than correcting my naughty behavior. He is the first person
I call for advice....always. He gives me advice on issues with parenting. He has
helped to make several important decisions in my career. I trust him completely.
He is a very disciplined man, a very good man and I know he would never hurt
me.....not physically, not emotionally, not at all. Not only would he not hurt
me himself, I know he wouldn't let anyone else hurt me when I am with him. I
know he would protect me and I would protect him as well. We are above
everything else, friends. I am sure physical safety is probably a concern for
many people dabbling in this lifestyle without a solid partner, but for me it is
not an issue at all; I would trust Professor with my life.
I suppose if I have advice for you it
would be to get your questions or concerns answered BEFORE you enter into a DD,
D/s relationship. The risk for physical harm is there but there is more often
the risk of emotional harm and that can be far worse than physical injury. The
body heals remarkably well, the mind & heart not so much. I don't think this
relationship dynamic is for everyone and I am certain it is not for dabblers at
all. Those of us who were born this way, have navigated these waters and had
tidal waves along our journeys....but personally, speaking for myself here,
every bump in the road along my journey into D/s has been worth it and I am
thankful that I have an amazing partner to share this part of my life with. :)
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