I love your blog.It sounds as if the 2 of you have quite an extensive collection of implements,what is her favorite?What is his favorite?How does he decide what implement to use?Are there certain implements used for certain offenses?
MY ANSWER: Yes, between the two of us we have several implements, and with the help of 'friends', keep acquiring more. Lol. My 'favorite'...his hand. Although I know when I am going to be punished, many more will be used...I like the skin to skin touch & the closeness of the OTK position typically used with his hand. Punishment is as much emotional as it is physical....the closeness and connection with his hand is very important to me when Im being punished. Aside from that...a favorite would be anything other than his belt or looped strap...hence his selecting those two when I've really messed up. His favorites.....from what he has told me, his hand then his belt. As for how he decides, he would have to answer that. Certain implements for certain offenses...none that I know of yet.
Cara H. wrote:
I am not a 'spanko' but my husband is.He has been trying to convince me to let him find a partner to discipline and he showed me your blog to prove his point that it can work.Im hesitant about the whole thing.How do the two of you share something like dominance and submission, or spanking which typically are very intimate, yet not have a romantic relationship?I love my husband and trust him but dont know that I could trust her or his insisting it would be discipline only.Are you okay with your relationship being nonsexual?How can I cope with this?
MY ANSWER: The discipline is a very important part of my life and I am much happier when I have that.Obviously with my husband being my Disciplinarian during our marriage, I didnt have to be concerned with the seperation of the two.It was about a year after losing my husband that I realized the discipline aspect was something I very much still needed and wanted....but I did not and could not look for that in a romantic partner because I am still very much emotionally unavailable for a romance.I think honesty is paramount for this to work, as are compatible expectations.I didn't meet Professor outside of this dynamic.It isn't like we worked together professionally, or dated one another, or anything like that....we met one another through this shared passion and I was pleased to find his wants,needs & expectations aligned perfectly with my own.And yes, you are correct in your statement that D/s & spanking is intimate...I think people can share intimate experiences without them necessarily being sexual.As for 'how to cope'...I cant answer that for you.That is all dependent on your relationship and the understandings & sacrifices you & your spouse are willing to make for one another.I never had to contemplate this in my marriage because we were both into it.Within my relationship with Professor, I know he is married and has a partner in life...and I'm his partner in discipline & D/s and yes, I'm more than 'okay' with it...I love our dynamic & very much value our relationship.Now...if he started spanking other girls that I didn't know about, I WOULD have a problem with that. ;)
Have you ever been spanked unfairly?Or disagreed with a punishment?Have you ever resented him for punishing you?
MY ANSWER: Hmmm....have I ever disagreed, yes I have disagreed during my marriage....but not yet in my relationship with Professor. Resentment....never. It takes a very strong man to lead & accept responsibility for holding me accountable. Though in my eyes my Professor is perfect...he is human and will inevitably make mistakes, same as I do...why would I resent him for that? If he loves me enough to act in my best interest then what is there to resent? As for 'unfair'...I probably deserve far more spankings than I've ever received...lol. I have to this point, always agreed with Professor that I deserve to be punished...and if I ever do not agree, I may say so respectfully to him but the decision is ultimately his to make, not mine. I am not the one who determines what 'fair' is in this relationship. I trust him completely and his judgement of what is 'fair', so even if there does come a time that I ever do disagree, I would always submit to him.
Does he yell at you when you've done something that upsets him and he is scolding you or about to spank you?
MY ANSWER: He has raised his voice at me...emphasizing a certain point or word or phrase....but 'yell' at me? No, he hasnt. He doesnt have to. I respect him tremendously and listen when he speaks to me. The volume of his voice is nowhere near as important as the tone and context of what he is saying to me. He could practically whisper the 'right' thing to me and elicit the same unnerving response. He is a very disciplined man and easily controls every aspect of a scene or situation....if I ever did something that truly pushed him to the point that he lost that self-control and yelled at me....I'd be heart broken and very scared. So, no, and I hope that is the same answer if the question is asked again years from now.
What, if any, non-spanking punishments do you use?
MY ANSWER: Professor has grounded me or restricted me in certain things (i.e. cell phone, driving, etc). I have had to write lines while being paddled....that sucked. He obviously scolds me and uses corner time. He has threatened to wash my mouth out with soap....but has not yet done it....thank God. :)
Do you really call him 'Professor'? What is your favorite pet-name he uses for you?
MY ANSWER: Yes, always. I have not ever referred to him by his name. I know he has one...lol...his parents didn't name him 'Professor'...I have just not ever called him by his name, and I likely never will. I always address him as Professor or Sir. My favorite....hmmm, not sure if I have just one favorite....I love anything possessive,so anything with 'My' before it (my brat, my daughter, my little girl, etc). Love hearing it and smile every day quite happily knowing I am *His*.
Do you (her) like spanking? If you do, then how is it an effective punishment?
MY ANSWER: Yes, I am a spanko, so I do like to be spanked. However, a punishment spanking is not an experience I enjoy at all. If I am being punished then I know I have screwed up...I have let myself down and I have let my Professor down and that hurts....alot. I've said many times that discipline is as much psychological and emotional as it is physical. For days after I've done something wrong and days leading up to my punishment, I am miserable. Replay self-lecture over and over, over-analyze, self-doubt, anger, frustration, guilt, shame.....it absolutely sucks. I usually will email or IM Professor and let him know what I am going through and he has coined the phrase 'self punishment' to describe it. When I finally have to face him and answer for my actions I am practically sick with nervousness and worry. I hate to see the look of disappointment on his face...especially when I know it was caused by my actions. The spankings he gives me for punishment are not fun or enjoyable....they hurt, a lot. It is his way of correcting me, showing me his displeasure in the choices I've made, reaffirming his authoritative place in my life as my ever-watchful Disciplinarian, giving me incentive for it not to happen again.....my submission to the punishment & my submission to him is my way of 'fixing' what is broken, paying for what I did wrong, making it right with him, again trusting him and placing myself under his firm control in my life. It is hard to get through all of the self-punishment beforehand, and even harder still to get through the punishment session....but when it is over, when he pulls me close, smiles at me, calls me *his* good girl....that's when I can let it go and forgive myself....and we move on. My reactions and responses to a spanking are tied directly to the circumstances surrounding the spanking....and I can enjoy any spanking (role play, stress relief, maintenance, etc)....except a punishment spanking. The only aspect of it that I enjoy is knowing that after I will have a clean slate & be forgiven....then able to forgive myself and again behave as I know I am expected to and in the process, please a man who has quickly become very important in my life.