Wrapped Around a Finger

05/07/2012

So some of my girlfriends and I were talking this weekend about disciplinary relationship dynamics and one of them said she "has my Disciplinarian wrapped around my little finger." She seemed quite proud of this and continued with, "I could probably get away with murder with him, as long as I played my cards right." I know the man and I've seen them together many times, she is 100% right, he is wrapped and she can do no wrong. One of our other friends said she "wished I had mine wrapped".......I thought, 'then what's the point?' Call me crazy, isn't the point of having a Disciplinarian to have someone to hold you accountable, someone to set ground rules to help you improve, and punish you when you fall short?

Maybe I'm weird. I know I dont have my Disciplinarian wrapped around my finger......and I wouldn't ever want to feel as if I do. Actually, if anything, I'd go as far as to say I am wrapped around his finger. There isn't anything I wouldn't do to please him.

I'll say in my previous relationship , my marriage to my husband, I probably did have a little more power than I'd wanted. At times, even if I was dead wrong, he would give in to my whining or putting up a fight. It always pleased me in the moment to know I had 'won' but later it really kind of sucked. I would get angry at him for letting me win, resent him for giving up when he knew he was right. I told him early on in our relationship, I'm a confrontational girl by nature and I like a challenge, especially in the form of a fight or argument. When I get into that confrontational mindset, I'll keep going and while it may be exhausting to keep arguing with me, do not ever be stupid enough to lose a battle of the wills with me. You will regret it.

I did not have to say that to Professor, he picked up on my combative personality within days of speaking to me and he has been on me since that day, any time he hears it he immediately calls me on it and corrects it. I may roll my eyes and it may irritate me in the moment, because I don't want to admit he is right.....because that means I am wrong.....but I know he is right and I really love that he has not ever backed down from me. It is kind of nice to have that solid wall to run in to, nice to have someone stand firm & not waver despite my abrasive attitude, nice to know he is not going to simply give me my way.

In my relationship with Professor, he has not ever caved to me. I tried early on to whine my way out of being restricted in my driving when I'd gotten pulled over for speeding just days after a session about my driving. He listened to it for about 30 seconds.....but stood his ground. So I got creative, and decided I'd barter my way out of it.....I asked him if I could be unrestricted on my driving and he could just give me extra swats at my next punishment session. Want to guess how well that turned out for me? **Rolls my eyes** He 'loved' that idea.....so much that he gave his naughty girl BOTH. I still had to drive the freaking speed limit and he still gave me extra swats for trying to weasel my way out of it. After that session, I've not tried to get out of trouble with him. Not attempted any more whining, pouting, bribery, etc. I usually always will apologize but I dont do it to get out of trouble. I apologize because I genuinely regret doing something that has displeased him.

I really kind of like how we are. It is kind of reassuring to know that I may be able to win and get my way in every other arena of my life with every other person with whom I interact, but with this man I'm not going to get my way. If he says he is going to do something, he follows through, always. His expectations of me and my behavior are always the same. If I intentionally do something wrong, he will address it. If I push, he will push back.

I suppose every once in a while I might still 'test' his determination or see if I can sneak a sassy comment in here or there to walk on that thin ice just to see what will happen. Like last week, I was in a bitchy mood and sent him a really snotty email, just because. I would have never said any of it to his face so I have no idea why I was brave enough.....scratch that, stupid enough to send it via email, regardless of how it was communicated, it was definitely disrespectful. I knew I wouldn't get away with it. I'm seeing him this Friday for a session and I'm more than certain that email will be coming back to haunt me. I knew better before I even clicked on 'send' but I did it anyway. Maybe just to again test the waters. See how far I could push before he would push back. As with every other time I've misbehaved since becoming *his* girl, he caught it, did not approve and will be addressing it. And regardless of how well behaved I am between now and then or how much I bat my green eyes at him or how much I whine.......it is not going to help me one damn bit. In fact, as it did the last time, if I whine, pout, argue, etc it will likely only end up hurting me in the long run. This man is as strong-willed as I am and at the end of the day, I may be stubborn but I am also a submissive girl to a certain man and I will ultimately end up doing exactly what he tells me to do. No amount of cutesy charm is going to change his mind once it is set. I'm still going to be punished and I'm still going to submit and I think I really kind of like that consistency.

So my girlfriend will continue to get away with murder, having her Disciplinarian securely wrapped around her little finger. And I will continue to work to please mine & better myself because I am quite happily, wrapped around his finger. :)