Upon reading a blog written by a Top, I've been contemplating the differences between compliance and true obedience. I read many other blogs when I have free time, though very few are written by Tops. Not that I avoid them, that isn't it at all, I have just found very few that are written by what I term *real* Doms. With the help of a girlfriend of mine, I have found one.
Perhaps I took to his writings because he, too, is a professor and so I feel a bit more open or trusting. Regardless of the reasons, the blog is very thought-provoking and it is nice to see or hear the view from the other side of this thing we do.
For aside from my own Dom, I tend to annoy or irritate many I know and thus the true conversation never really transpires. :) Professor having the patience of a priest, is willing to answer any question I ask him, and often does, therefore giving me a tiny glimpse of the other side. Of course, it should go without saying that there is one Top/Dom in this world that I would be crazy if I aimed to annoy or irritate.....for that one is mine, and I am his and my bratty behavior is only tolerated in teeny tiny doses. :)
I digress, the topic of this rambling post is the difference in compliance versus true obedience. Below I will share the quote from this Top that really got me analyzing the differences and trying to ascertain which of the two I exhibit most often with Professor: Am I complaint? Or am I obedient? You can practically see the little wheels in my mind turning without the help of a hyper hamster now, can't you? :)
"I have to pay taxes, buy auto insurance and keep more or less to the speed limit or I could wind up in jail. That doesn't make me obedient, simply compliant under threat of sanction. Obedience is doing what the other instructs, regardless of threat. Because there is delight in acquiescence; a personal reward in doing what the other requires. That reward usually takes the form of approval from the other."
See? I told you....thought provoking, huh? I think in theory we (submissives/bottoms) strive for true obedience and that is without a doubt what most of our Doms/Tops aim to inspire.
But....I can think of many instances where I have only complied....that is, I have done as I was told because the implied consequences for doing the opposite was my biggest deterrent. Perfect example of my being compliant.....a girlfriend of mine & I are in the middle of a heated argument with two other ignorant girls and aforementioned ignorant girls began insulting our children as a way to escalate the fight. My girlfriend and I wanted to hit these idiots....and my girlfriend even found a *legal* way to stage this physical altercation. Problem? Professor, regardless of the legal ramifications, would not agree to allow me to fight because not only would it risk a lot personally, professionally, legally, etc if I did it, but because it wasn't the right thing to do. He ended his email with a promise to seriously punish me if I did not do the right thing. Having just been punished last week with a harsh, never-ending spanking.....another one didn't sound all that appealing. So, I complied.
Then there are things that I had at first been compliant about, but that now, after 8 months being Professor's girl, I have morphed from compliance to obedience in. Example of my swapping from compliance to obedience.....my drinking. My favorite alcoholic beverage has long been a Long Island Iced Tea and it has an insane alcohol content in each and every glass. My cardiologist had warned me away from them for years now, but that fell on deaf ears because I came to think I was Wonder Woman and would be just fine regardless of what I drank. Professor strongly dislikes my 'Wonder Woman complex' and has punished me for it many times. When he heard the medical advice versus my own illogical argument to the contrary, he told me I was banned from ever again consuming a Long Island Iced Tea and he went a step further in setting a 2 drink limit for me, if and when I do drink. At first, I hated this rule and only *barely* complied with it because after testing it once and being punished hard, I decided the consequences were not worth that one damn drink. So I complained and whined about it, but I was compliant to save my own ass (literally). But now, after several months of this limit being my 'normal', it doesn't bother me at all. The weekend before my birthday when friends of mine screwed with me and tricked me into exceeding my drinking limit, I was devastated the next day when I thought Professor was disappointed in me. Through that process, I realized that the limit didn't matter to me anymore.....pleasing Professor was more important to me than any drink. So whereas I had been simply compliant in the beginning to save myself from serious consequences, I now am completely obedient in respecting this limit because I want only to truly please my Dom.
Next is true obedience....yes, yes even for a stubborn brat like me, obedience is possible.....now stop laughing! :) There are certain things that I have never fought, never argued, never tested......things I have simply always obeyed. Open and honest with Professor about all things, no one else is allowed to spank me, do not chop off my hair. Things I have just always obeyed because I know in doing so, I am pleasing Professor.
Professor is a very reasonable man and doesn't have the time to micromanage me with never-ending lists of rules and restrictions....that's simply not how we work. Most of what my Dom insist on are things I refer to as a behavioral compass. Principles, morals, guidelines. He has given me the tools I need, along with his expectations and I am granted the freedom to make my own decisions and to live within those limits. Of course there are a few specific rules now in areas I tend to flounder in (i.e. cursing, speeding).....but for the most part, it is a compass to help guide me to where I want & need to be to attain happiness & success. "Open & Honest....no editing"......"Do what you know is right"......see? Not overly specific, but still tailored to everything I do in my life.
I know I prefer to please my Dom than to upset, displease, anger, irritate, disappoint or infuriate him. I'd always rather get a "good girl" or "I'm proud of you" than a "bad girl" or "that disappoints me, young lady." Unlike some brats I know, I am not bribed to behave.......I do not get to go buy a dozen handbags for simply behaving myself and not breaking rules. That's just not how we work. Professor is very convincing and can be extremely persuasive in earning my submission, but he is not going to bribe me or reward me for doing what I should do in the first place. He has always made his expectations of me crystal clear so I know what will please him......and I know what will not please him. I feel like I have always aimed to please Professor. I truly get great satisfaction in knowing he is proud of me, in knowing that I have pleased him, in offering my submission to him.
Reading through this other Tops posts on his blog, this one in particular, has gotten me to think about all sorts of new things. But the thoughts inspired by his comments about the differences between compliance and true obedience has made me think that maybe I would be happier...maybe I'd be in trouble less often...maybe I'd truly please Professor more if I made a conscious effort to be unquestionably obedient rather than hesitantly compliant. Maybe if I kept that thought in the forefront of my cluttered little mind, then perhaps I'd struggle less on my journey in submission to Professor. If I looked at every naughty situation as a choice between:
#1:obeying him because I know it is right, it will please him and in turn please me
~OR~
#2: simply being compliant to avoid unpleasant consequences which in turn frustrates me and irritates Professor because I made the choice to avoid consequences, not because I knew it was the 'right' thing to do
Recognizing there is a discernible difference between the two and striving for true obedience over compliance may end up saving my oh-so-innocent-naughty-lil-bottom from having to endure more "Do what you know is right, young lady" punishment spankings.....and will surely please my Professor and make him proud of me......which, for a girl like me, is probably the best feeling in the world! :) Mission defined....now I just have to accomplish it!
BTW....Susan, thanks for the recommended reading & Mr. Dev, see not *all* Doms are useless :)
***If you haven't checked out Dev's blog, here is the address: www.devlinoneill.com
No, not raindrops on roses ~ or whiskers on kittens ~ not bright copper kettles ~ nor warm woolen mittens :)
Cute little catchy song & a great musical to watch on a rainy day... but nothing to do with this post.....well other than the fact that I am going to compose my *own* list of favorite things. Each partner in any relationship, whether romance or friendship or D/s, has a list of things about the other that they love. Physical characteristics, personality traits, cute lil quirks....all sorts of things that combine to make that person unique, desirable, and perfect for you.
A friend recently asked me what it is I love about Professor and why I am so connected to my Top. So I started thinking and analyzing and here is the product of that internal dialogue.
My favorite things about my Dom......and not necessarily in any particular order. Enjoy!
#1: Intelligence: This particular trait is critical for me. There is nothing I hate more than a weak or ignorant man. I'm an intelligent girl and that often intimidates the men in my life and while I may enjoy that intimidation in my professional life, the last thing I want is for my Dom to be ignorant & intimidated by my intelligence. I enjoy picking my Professor's brain and love that he can challenge me intellectually.
#2: His Career: Yes, you all know that he is an educator....but what he teaches is intriguing to me. Dr. Uber Geek is an affectionate pet-name I use from time to time, typically when I am giving him a hard time because I am oh so sweet :) Honestly, I've visited Professor on his campus and toured his building...and while my favorite memory of that day remains my good girl caning in his office :) ....I loved seeing what he has built professionally over the last 20 years. My Professor is a genius and I love that about him.
#3: Creativity: My personal favorite example of Professor's creativity was converted to a post here on my blog (Naughty Girl's Bill of Rights).....if you haven't yet read it, please do, you'll laugh. :) Professor is diabolically creative and though my innocent bottom has been victim to his creativity a time or two....it is a character trait that I absolutely love in him.
#4: Intuitive: I've said it dozens of times, Professor always seems to know exactly what I need, whether or not I even know myself or can articulate it. His intuition went a long way in the beginning to solidify my trust in him and continues to reassure me today.
#5: His Voice: I l-o-v-e Professor's voice. It is deep, steady, silky-smooth. I'm confident I could pick the man from a line-up by simply hearing that voice. Dependent on his tone, his voice can elicit a response from calming to nervous panic. I actually have several voicemails that he has left me that I saved and can listen to when I'm having a bad day :) And of course, one particular message in a not-so-comforting tone that is set as my mobile ringtone to prevent my texting & driving.
#6: His Eyes: Professor has gorgeous chocolate brown eyes and they are extremely expressive. He can easily communicate with me through his eyes alone, not a word spoken. Looking into his eyes is by far the simplest way to gauge his mood. In scene or when he is displeased, they are dark, set, piercing....when he is happy and content, they are warm, bright and inviting. It shouldn't be difficult for you to guess which I prefer.
#7: Dominant: I believe early on I coined the phrase "overwhelming dominance" to refer to Professor....it is a spot-on description. In scene and out, he has a very commanding presence. Everything from his tone of voice, body language, measured reactions....everything about Professor is dominance in motion and it leaves me breathless when I am with him. Very seldom is he forceful, though he certainly can be & that could be fun in the right circumstance :) , he isn't an overbearing prick....he knows he doesn't have to be....I don't believe the man has ever had to *try* to be dominant....he just IS....and I love it. Simply being in the same room with Professor throws me into that submissive, 'naughty lil girl', 'young lady' mindset.
#8: His Hands: Professor has very large "spanker's hands". He is a lefty, though he reassured me early on that he is 'ambispankstrous'....lol. When he spanks me, his hands are hard, strong, stinging implements of bratty bottom destruction. When they're entwined in my hair or stroking my arm they are gentle, loving and reassuring. When he snaps his fingers to grab my attention, it makes me jump. When he completely encircles my wrist or arm in his hand to pull me to my impending fate, I am aware of his strength, quickly transformed into a 'small' mindset and though nervous, reminded and comforted by the fact that I am *His*.
#9: Sense of Humor: When I am not in trouble, Professor is actually *very* easy to talk to and he has a great sense of humor. We can talk and laugh about any number of things from our kids, careers, sports, politics, etc. He has a beautiful smile and infectious laugh.
#10: Sadist: I have referred to Professor a few times on here as my favorite sadist. :) He is a very caring man but I am transfixed when his inner sadist comes out to play. I actually enjoy watching this man transform from the calm, kind, loving man that the world sees into that demanding, intense & overwhelmingly dominant Disciplinarian that only I have the privilege of 'playing with' who truly enjoys punishing his girl for my own good and his pleasure. His tone of voice is deeper but soft, his eyes flash and darken as they focus on his naughty girl, he folds his strong arms across his broad chest and his entire body seems rigid, his lips set in a hard line......I feel absolutely helpless as I watch this but I can't seem to turn away......it pulls at every fiber of my submissive core and I am swept up and lost in the moment with this man.....without a doubt, my Professor is my favorite sadist. :)
So there you go Blogger.....10 things, in somewhat random order, that I absolutely love about Professor. I could go on and list even more......there are dozens of amazing things about my Dom that I have come to love, but this list of 10 are certainly my *favorite* things.
Thursday August 23rd, 2012
I did this to myself. Professor had been away on his annual family vacation for the first 3 weeks of August and though I missed him and felt disconnected from him, I maintained good girl behavior for the first 2 weeks....and I was so proud of myself that by the start of week #3, I thought I had it in the bag. I started counting down to his return and let my guard down in the process. BIG mistake! I stumbled & I struggled and I ended up making a mess of everything that last week.
I went out with friends and got pulled over. That traffic stop added 4 offenses to my Punishment List.....1:speeding, 2:defying authority, 3:cursing & 4:not doing what is right. Unfortunately, all 4 of those were repeat offenses.....i.e. *VERY* bad girl! Then when Professor returned and we spoke by phone, I had been disrespectful to him when he was scolding me. I laughed, I argued, I talked back, I made excuses, I threatened to disobey him. I knew I was in serious trouble when we could finally get together to address my behavior.....and I felt absolutely horrible for disrespecting Professor. A couple days of my horrible mood and I was disrespectful again!
Something was wrong with me. Professor said I was out of control. We both knew something had gotten into me, but what? It made no sense. My behavior was surprising in and of itself, but adding outright disrespect toward Professor was just way out of character for me. I felt pretty lousy. Professor & I were going to see one another for lunch on Thursday but wouldn't have time to address my recent behavior.....so I would have more time to analyze it, worry, feel like crap....ughhh. Then Wednesday afternoon he called & told me our third party for lunch had cancelled. Since both he & I had cleared our afternoon, he decided that we would get together and spend the afternoon addressing my bad behavior now.
I began to panic inside. On one hand, I couldn't wait to see him.....it had been a month since I last saw my Professor. On the other hand, I was scared now. I knew I wouldn't like the tone of voice he had to use. I knew the look on his face would bring me to tears. I knew the spanking would be harsh. I knew afterward, I would feel a lot better.....but getting to that point was going to be difficult. I began to prepare for the trip down to see him and sent an email, again apologizing for my behavior and telling him I was nervous. He usually replies to these messages from me and is somewhat reassuring.....not this time. He didn't reply at all. :( I didn't sleep the night before, I just couldn't. I felt horrible and I was scared.
Thursday morning, I began my drive down to meet with Professor. He told me to cancel lunch, that we would meet for punishment before any sort of friendly chatting. I cried for a good amount of my 3 1/2 hour drive and I kept checking my email, hoping for a message from Professor to put my panic-stricken mind at ease......it never came. I emailed again, apologized again and still not one word from Professor. :( This sucked. I arrived at the hotel and checked in before texting Professor the room number and telling him how scared I was. He sent a quick reply that only seemed to make me feel worse, "I'll be there in a few minutes, young lady." I tried to calm myself down and stop crying as I waited. My heart hurt.....I felt so broken-hearted. I knew I had really messed up this time, but being used to having somewhat reassuring contact with Professor prior to every meeting and noting the absence of it completely this time really broke my lil heart.
I heard someone outside the door, turning the knob. My stomach sank as I stood frozen, staring at the door like a deer in headlights. Knowing any moment, he would walk through that door and he was not going to be happy to see me. The noise continued, but the door didn't open. After what seemed an eternity, there was a loud knock on the door. I stepped up onto my tippy toes and looked through the peep hole.....there he was. My Professor waiting on the other side of the door for me to let him in since his key wouldn't work. Standing just inches from me, separated by only a door. I was scared, sorry and nervously pulling at my jeans. He stood tall, confident.....wearing a polo shirt & perfectly pressed slacks and those piercing brown eyes seemed to be already set, intent, determined. He looked good.....he had gotten a nice tan on vacation. I slowly opened the door for him and his towering frame entered the room as all the breath in my lungs seemed to escape. My head felt as if it were spinning. I fumbled with my cell phone to turn it off.
"Put it down Now." His silky-smooth voice causing me to sharply inhale. "Yes Sir." I whispered and after turning it off, placed my phone on the dresser top. He stood next to the table and glanced at the copy of my Punishment List as he opened the bottle of water I had brought for him. I stood several feet away from him, nervously fidgeting with my hands and my eyes cast down toward the floor in an effort to avoid his steely gaze.
"Take your pants off. Not down....completely off and go put your nose in that corner now, Natalie Lynn." His voice echoed in the small room and caused me to jump slightly. My heart sunk and I began fumbling for the button on my jeans as I kicked my Skechers off and mumbled a soft, "Yes Sir." I slid my jeans down over my hips and began to step out of them. As I stood and began hastily folding them, I saw his legs against mine and looked up to see him right next to me. I continued to fold and kept my eyes locked on his legs, avoiding his eyes. "What did you just say to me, young lady?" He asked. My mind began to swim in a panic. What had I said? Oh no.....what had I said? I swallowed hard and tried to think as I tossed my jeans to the dresser top. "I...um..." I couldn't manage a response.
His left hand reached forward and he swept the long, red hair back from my face and tugged slightly raising my face to look up to his. "What did you say to me?" His voice was menacingly soft and I felt sick as I scrambled inside to recall what I had said. "I said, yes Sir?" I meekly mumbled it as more of a question than a statement. I looked up hesitantly, meeting his firm gaze for the first time today and he took my breath away. His eyes narrowed at me, "You said yes Sir?" He questioned. I quickly nodded my head and whispered again, "Yes Sir." His jaw was clenched, he was the picture perfect portrait of irritation. "Ah, there it is again. Yes Sir. Wow. Hmmm.....you sure you don't mean WHY....or NO I DON'T WANT TO.....sure you don't want to question me or laugh at me or backtalk me now, Natalie Lynn?" His voice dripping with frustration and hints of anger. I shook my head and lowered my eyes away from his intense, penetrating stare as I whispered, "No Sir. I'm so sorry." He immediately reached forward and tucked his hand under my chin, raising my face again to meet his. "You will look at me when I am speaking to you." He warned. I felt absolutely horrible for what I'd done and it killed me to have to look into his eyes and see how my disrespect had upset him. I fought to maintain eye contact with him and continued to blink back my tears as they threatened to spill out onto my cheeks. I wanted to badly to reach out to him.....to wrap my arms around his waist, hugging him tight as I cried my remorse onto his chest.....I wanted to fix this.....I needed to fix this. He continued to look into my eyes, not saying a word....he didn't have to, we both knew how wrong I was, how horrible I felt and how serious this spanking needed to be.
His eyes were dark...deep...cold...and I fought the urge to turn away because I didn't want to upset him more by disobeying him now. The longer he looked down into my green eyes, the harder it became. I was so ashamed of myself for how disrespectful I had been toward him. I respect this man greatly and have never been so outright defiant toward him before. After several minutes, standing in complete silence as his penetrating gaze thoroughly chastised me for my behavior, I stopped fighting to blink back my tears and one slowly cascaded down my right cheek....followed quickly by another down the left. He stared for a minute or two more before again speaking.
"I got your email and I got the card you left with the key for me this morning. I know you feel bad for how you spoke to me. And I know you're scared right now. You have a very good reason to be. This is serious, Natalie Lynn....as serious as it gets." He paused, as his eyes gauged my emotion. "I know. I'm so sorry Sir." I meekly whispered up to him, tears continuing their descent down my cheeks as I looked up sheepishly at him. "I know you're sorry. This wont be easy. Go put your nose in that corner and think about that. This is going to be a very hard lesson, young lady and you need to understand that you deserve everything you're about to get. Understood?" I shook my head and offered a quiet, "Yes Sir." before heading to the corner.
Standing there facing the wall, I sobbed softly and wished the wall would swallow me up. I just wanted to disappear. I hate when he has to look at me like that. I wanted so badly to please him while he was away. I was so angry at myself. Today could have been so different if only I'd behaved. He could have come home proud of his little girl for behaving in his absence and we could be having a fun afternoon together. But I blew it.....not just a little bit.....I completely screwed it all up. Me and my stupid mouth. I don't know what had gotten into me but I wanted so badly to just fix it and fix us. This sucked so bad. My heart hurt. I was angry at myself and I was disappointed and I had no one to blame for this debacle but ME!
"I want you to listen to me. Usually you read through this list, but I think it is important right now for you to listen while I read out these offenses. Something has gotten into you, I don't know what it is but we are both intelligent, analytical people and we are going to figure it out. And whatever it is, over the course of the next 3 or 4 hours, I am going to whip it out of you. I'm home now and I will not allow my daughter to continue to be out of control like this. Are we clear?" His deep, steady voice resonated throughout the room. I shook my head, sniffled a little and answered with a, "Yes Sir."
"The first two weeks I was gone, you were actually a very good girl, Natalie Lynn and I was very pleased with that. Only two small infractions in those two weeks. Number 1 was your essay being 4 days late to me and number 2 was the incident at work where you didn't use your better judgement. Both spankable offenses, but very minor all things considered and I was okay with that. Make sense?" He asked. I nodded again and answered, "Yes Sir." I stared at the wall and nervously popped my knuckles as he began to read the balance of the offenses. "Traffic stop with Kristina for speeding, cursing at the cop, defying authority, refusing to do what you knew was right. All four repeat offenses and all four from one single incident. Sure it was amusing in the moment, but was it worth it?" I slowly shook my head and whispered, "No Sir." I closed my eyes, I knew the worst was yet to come. "Laughing at Professor scolding me, arguing with Professor, whining to Professor, making excuses for my bad behavior, contemplating disobeying Professor to go out when I was grounded, trying to negotiate consequences with Professor, emailing threatening to deliberately disobey Professor, challenging Professor's authority over me.....these all sound familiar from our chat Saturday, Natalie Lynn?" He asked, his voice hinting at his anger. I sobbed softly and answered him quietly, "Yes Sir. I'm so sorry I was so disrespectful to you, Sir. I'm really so very sorry." I cried my remorse to him and internally lectured myself. It hurt to hear him read this to me, I hated that I had done it. If only I could go back in time and fix this. :(
"Yep, you were really sorry huh? Then just 3 days later you did it AGAIN! Arguing with Professor, negotiating consequences with Professor, QUESTIONING Professor, challenging his authority.....really sorry right? You did it AGAIN!" He elevated his voice at several points, emphasizing his words and causing my stomach to turn as I listened. I sobbed and sniffled in the corner, my head hung in shame and regret.
"This is bad, Natalie Lynn. As serious as it gets. I don't understand where it came from and I know you don't either, but this is not ever going to happen again....I promise this will be a one and done lesson, young lady. Understood?" His voice echoed and his words somehow seemed reassuring. "Yes Sir." I spoke softly, in between sobs.
"You need this spanking. This is going to be a very long and very hard punishment. You brought this on yourself. I am not going to spank you and send you to the corner in between lessons like we usually do. We have discussed each offense already, so I am going to spank you and I am not going to stop until I believe you've learned your lessons and have been sufficiently punished for the things you've done this last week. No warm-ups, no breaks, no corner-time Natalie Lynn. I'm going to start hard and it will continue to be hard until I am finished. I don't want to ever have to punish you for disrespecting me again so I am going to make sure this is severe enough to be a memorable deterrent. You knew better than to talk to me the way you did but you did it anyway. You felt horrible for it but you did it again. I earned your respect and I deserve to be shown it, little girl. None of my children speak to me like that; not more than once. This was your once and now you're going to pay for that once and it wont happen again, clear?" He scolded. I felt my panic rising again as I listened to him tell me this entire punishment would be continuous. I answered quietly, "Yes Sir." I sobbed and struggled to stand still in the corner.
SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK
"Oww" I squealed out as I jumped, startled by his rapid swatting on my bottom with an unknown wooden implement as I stood facing the corner. "Save it. We haven't even begun yet, little girl. That is just a little sting to make sure I have your attention." He barked. I heard him moving things around behind me and the sounds of young girls laughing in the room next to us, probably housekeeping. I hung my head and tried to wish away the sting as I resigned myself to the fact that the hotel staff was going to be hearing my punishment. "You know better. You knew better when you did it, but you did it anyway. My daughter speaks to me with respect and when she doesn't, she is punished.....HARD." His voice trailed off just as his strong left hand completely encircled my wrist. He spun me out of the corner and drug me along behind him toward the chair he had placed in the center of the room. He sat down and quickly pulled me down hard over his capable lap.
His thighs were hard against my stomach. He grabbed my waist with his right hand and held me tightly to his body. His left hand immediately slid between the waistband of my panties and my skin and in one quick, fluid motion he had them down to my knees. "Get comfortable, this is going to be a very long spanking and I'm not stopping until I'm finished, understood young lady?" His words caused me to sob even harder, I knew I had done this to myself but now that I was about to pay for it, I began to feel sorry for myself.....or at the very least, sorry for my bottom. "Yes Sir. I'm sorryyyy." I answered and cried out one more apology as he spaced his legs further apart, forcing me up onto my tippy toes as I lay upended over his knee. "I know you're sorry and I know by the time I'm done with you, you're going to be even more sorry and extremely sore. You deserve this, Natalie Lynn....you deserve this." His words tearing at my broken little heart, I knew he was right and I knew with how horrible I felt for the disrespect, he could chain me to a post and whip me all day long and it wouldn't be enough....not in my mind.
SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT
SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT He spanked hard and quickly, it took him very little time to have my entire bottom and thighs stinging. I sobbed quietly as I lay over his knee. He took his time, making sure to cover every inch of my bottom thoroughly and of course paying close attention to my sit spots. He didn't lecture, he didn't have to. I had my own tape of self-lecture replaying in my head over and over for several days now. I had never prior to this been scared before a spanking, but without his typical words of reassurance this time, I was so scared. I'm not scared of Professor, I know he would never hurt me (aside from my bottom) and he wouldn't allow anyone else to hurt me either; but I was scared about having to face him. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT I'd never been disrespectful like that to him before, and I didn't know how he would react. Knowing him for 7 1/2 months now, I think the man has very little, if any, temper and he is always very measured in his reactions but the irrational, insecure part of my mind had me convinced maybe he wouldn't keep me after this disrespect, maybe I'd been too bad, pushed too far......I played all of the insecurity games in my mind leading up to him coming into this room and now that I was draped over his lap, having my bare bottom very soundly spanked, I knew we were going to be okay. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT He loves me.....good or bad.....I am his. He cares enough to correct me, to hold me accountable, to punish me......even if I was a disrespectful little brat......I am *HIS* disrespectful little brat. Just feeling that sense of relief mixed with the self-loathing thoughts of 'I don't deserve his patience' & 'why does he put up with me' etc......had my mind on overdrive........and then he stopped.......his hand softly caressing my pinkened bottom, momentarily soothing the stinging skin......when he combines soft, gentle touch with harsh, stinging swats it always sends me into a deep subspace. Completely quieting my mind......pressing a Reset button deep within me and allowing me to drown out everything but the moment......focusing on nothing but this man......my Top, my Disciplinarian, my Dominant......*my* Professor.......no matter how bad I was, I am still *His* and he is still *mine* and WE are going to be just fine.
SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT "Owww.....I'm sooo sorryyyyy." I cried out to him over my shoulder. I am usually very stoic when I am punished and make very little, if any, noise at all but today I couldn't contain it. I'd felt horrible for days and the emotional build up was more than I could quiet now. I sobbed audibly as I lay helpless over his lap and he continued to rapidly spank with his hard, left hand. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT "You're not nearly as sorry as you're going to be, young lady." He assured. He paused his swatting and leaned back in the chair, reaching for an implement off of the dresser top behind him. I braced for the first swat but it didn't land. He again opened his legs, further now, and with his right arm wrapped securely around my waist, he re-positioned me again......his legs intentionally spaced far enough apart that I could no longer touch the floor with my feet.
I lay completely vulnerable across his lap, my long red hair blanketing the carpet beneath me, my feet helplessly dangling unable to even graze the floor, one hand firmly planted on the floor and the other holding onto his right ankle, tears spilling out onto the floor. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK Professor wasted no time at all in applying our bathbrush to my upturned bottom. It stung like crazy and within just a minute or two, he had me kicking my legs and struggling in a futile attempt to escape the burning pain he was now expertly inflicting. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK
"Ouchh.....pleasseee....it hurtssss." I whined as my legs continued to flail around. He swatted my thighs several times, rapidly placing one searing swat after another in the same spot a half dozen times before moving onto another spot....paddling my sit spots and upper thighs very harshly with that damn brush. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK "It is supposed to hurt. You were a very bad girl and when my little girl is bad, she gets punished. How do I punish my daughter when she is a naughty girl, Natalie Lynn?" He asked as he continued his assault on my bottom and thighs. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK "Owww....you sp-p-pank me Sirrrr." I squealed and sputtered out the answer as I continued to kick my legs wildly at the pain in my bottom. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK "That's right. You knew if you misbehaved while I was away, that you'd be punished when I returned. You knew that I punish you by spanking your bare bottom and you CHOSE to be naughty anyway so now I'm doing my job and giving you exactly what your bad behavior has earned you, young lady." He scolded as he peppered my bottom again. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK
I sobbed uncontrollably as he paddled me with our brush. When he relented, I tried to slow my breathing as I lay limp over his knee, only to have him begin paddling me again with one of our small maple paddles. Harder than with the brush and just as quickly, spanking me with the focused determination of a disappointed father. SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK My legs again kicked carelessly, and I squeezed his ankle tightly in my hand fighting the urge to reach back and protect my poor bottom. Each volley of merciless swats took my breath away; it hurt a lot. I cried uncontrollably and squealed out my apology over and over.....not that I thought it would help lessen my punishment, but I couldn't contain the raw emotion anymore, I felt so horrible for what I had done and though 'sorry' hardly seemed to cover it, it was all I could manage to say between my cries. SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK "Owwiee....Im sorryyyy." I cried and held tightly to his leg. My own legs had stopped kicking and trying to escape the spanking. I kept telling myself over and over that I deserved this. I lay limp over his lap and crossed my ankles so I wouldn't kick anymore....I needed to accept and fully submit to my punishment and I knew that. He paddled hard and I sobbed harder. SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK
He stopped and laid the paddle down on the dresser top and I braced for the next implement to begin its assault on my tender skin. Professor gently ran his hand across the burning skin for a moment or two and then slapped my sit spots hard and ordered, "Up." I slowly slid off of his lap and hadn't even stood upright completely yet when he grabbed my wrist again in his strong left hand and pulled me roughly over to the bed, pushing me up onto it. "Over those pillows right now, young lady." He barked. I pleadingly looked up at him and was met with his steely, determined gaze and he stopped me before I could even speak, "I said over the pillows NOW....I will NOT say it AGAIN, little girl....DO IT NOW!" His raised voice quickly quieted my weak resistance and made me cry harder, but I quickly laid over the pillows as I was told and squeaked out, "I'm so sorryyy." I laid my dampened face on the backs of my arms and quietly cried. "I know you're sorry but that doesn't change the fact that you need and deserve this punishment to be severe. Don't move." He warned.
I lay still and the bed dipped down as he knelt on the mattress next to my shaking body. He slowly rubbed the aching skin and then began to apply something warm and wet to my bottom. I closed my eyes, relishing his touch and trying to calm myself down as I realized what he was doing. He applied a nice thick layer of oil to my bottom and thighs, all the way down to the backs of my knees before standing up again. "Do not move or put your hands back, clear?" His voice again very soft but his warning ominous. "Yes Sir." I managed to quickly mumble out before again burying my face in my arms and waiting.
WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK The first dozen searing swats bit harshly into my wet skin and the sting was incredible. It was such an intense pain that I honestly couldn't tell if he was whipping me with his belt or with our thick leather strap.....I can usually tell those two implements apart, they have a distinct feel all their own.....but on a wet bottom, it seemed all a blur. My only focus was the intense pain in my bottom and knowing that my whipping had only just begun and though I wanted to move, to hide, to run.....I had to accept this because I had more than earned every single swat. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK Professor strapped me with purpose; very deliberate swats expertly applied one right after the next, connecting with the previous swat to effectively cover every single inch of my bottom and thighs. I cried into the backs of my arms. He walked from one side of the bed to the other, applying several dozen swats each time with substantial force. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK My bottom was on fire! A punishment whipping from Professor is a very memorable experience in and of itself......but applied to wet, freshly oiled skin??? There aren't words to describe the intensity. My legs were quickly kicking the bed to show my displeasure and I continued to sob and sniffle as he whipped me. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK
I hadn't noticed the strapping subside until I felt his touch. His right hand gently rubbed my arm back and forth as I sobbed into a pillow that I had in a vice grip. He tucked a tendril of my flowing hair back behind my ear and wiped at my tears with his thumb. "Look at me, Natalie." I sniffled and slowly, hesitantly looked up into his chocolate brown eyes as I choked on my sobs. He ran his hand up and down my arm again as he looked into my puffy, green eyes. "I know how horrible you've felt, I know you're sorry....I believe you. I know you do respect me. I still am not sure what has gotten into you but we are going to figure it out....together. Clear?" His silky smooth voice reassured me and put my mind at ease. "Thank you Sir." I whispered to him. His eyes softened briefly before he stood again. He had laid the strap down right next to my face and again sat next to me on the bed, dripping more oil onto my skin and hastily evening it out across my bottom and thighs before standing again and resuming my whipping.
WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK I held tight to the pillow and balled my fists into it, squeezing with all of my strength. The intensity of the wet whipping is indescribable and it pushed me to my limits and then some. I buried my face sobbing and let my legs lay still, no longer kicking and fighting, I was determined to take the punishment that I had so richly deserved. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK Several dozen harsh swats bit into my thighs in quick succession and I threw my head back gasping for air and as I did my tears pouring down my face to the pillow beneath me, were mixed with blood.......the dry air in the room had given me a nosebleed. I grabbed my face and pinched my nose and said, "Sir I have a nosebleed." I heard the strap hit the floor and his voice trailing off as he rushed to the bathroom, "Don't move." I sat up on my knees and turned to see Professor reaching toward me with tissues. I smiled and took them from him and pressed them to my nose, then stood up and went off to the bathroom.
After about 5 minutes, I had the bleeding stopped and was cleaned up and exited the bathroom, my panties tangled up at my ankles. "Are you alright?" Professor asked. I smiled at him, trying to ease the evident concern on his face. "Yes Sir, I'm fine. It's just the dry air in the room. I'm okay, I promise. Thank you Sir." He studied my face for a moment and then spoke, "We will use a different position to keep your face up for now." I nodded and whispered, "Yes Sir."
He spun the chair around in the center of the room and pointed, "Bend over the back of the chair, hands flat on the cushion, face up.....it's time for the rubber strap." He instructed. My stomach threatened to implode....just hearing that instruction from him made me feel nauseous. Tears again began their descent down my cheeks as I slowly walked over to the chair and bent over it as I was told to do. "Please Sirr.....please.....anything but the rubber strap.....pleasseeee?" I begged in between choking on my heavy sobs. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK A dozen very sharp, heavy swats from his heavy paddle connected with my raised bottom and clipped my thighs. "Owww" I cried out, not anticipating a wooden implement. His left hand entangled in my hair and pulled my face up to his firm, all-business stare. "What did you just say to me?" He asked way too quietly. I bit my bottom lip and pleadingly looked into his narrowed eyes. "I'm sorryyyy. I..." He raised his right hand to my mouth, his left still entwined in my long, flowing locks. "Stop! You are not the one in control here, young lady. When are you allowed to speak to me? And what are you allowed to say, Natalie Lynn?" He asked. I closed my eyes briefly and then returned to his gaze as I answered, "I am only allowed to speak when spoken to Sir. I may answer your questions with 'yes Sir' or 'no Sir' unless you ask for elaboration Sir. I'm sorry." I kicked myself for being so stupid, especially in the middle of a punishment for disrespect, why would I break this rule and challenge him for control? He held my gaze for a minute longer, then spoke again, "I decide what implements I use and when, NOT YOU! You do not question me, young lady. Apparently you're still having a difficult time remembering who is in charge. Bend over the chair and keep your mouth shut!" His tone was harsh and I slowly lowered my eyes from his and returned to position over the back of the chair.
SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK He strapped quickly with our heavy rubber strap. Rubber compared to leather is a totally different sensation. It is heavy, thuddy.....quiet on impact but emits an overwhelming sting. Very productive noise to effectiveness ratio. Professor whipped my thighs and sit spots thoroughly with that strap. Each volley of swats would cause me to dance up onto my tippy toes which unintentionally thrust my bottom and thighs higher in perfect alignment for more punishing strokes. He paced from side to side, strapping both front and backhanded. SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK "Did you really think that asking me to use something else would work? You thought I'd say 'oh sure, no problem'??" He questioned as he continued to whip my naughty bottom. SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK SWACK "Owww.....nooo Sirrr....I'm sorryyy, I wasn't thinking. I just sort of panicked because I thought you were referring to the other strap. I'm sorryyyy." I cried out to him and I fought to remain still, bent over the chair and keeping my hands flat though I was dancing around trying to evade the sting.
THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK "Oh, I see....you meant this one?" He asked mockingly as he whipped my oiled bottom with our double-looped rubber strap (loopy johnny is what it's really called I think). I threw my head back and inhaled sharply as my hands gripped the chair cushion with all of my hand strength. "Owww.....yes Sirrr.....I'm sorryyy.....please noooo.....I'm so sorryyyy." I cried out, begging him not to use that implement. It is by far the implement I hate the most. The sting is overwhelming. Trying to maintain position when being whipped with this implement is next to impossible.....it is a definite test of my obedience and submission. I'm a stubborn girl and don't always learn easily.....but if a hard line is drawn and this implement is the punishment I'll face for crossing that hard line.....I wont go anywhere near that limit. I'd do anything to avoid a whipping with this thing. THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK "It is not your place to suggest implements, young lady. I bet you wish now that you had kept your mouth shut, huh?" He asked as he whipped me hard with that stupid strap. Each time it bit into my thigh or hip, I squealed and sobbed uncontrollably. "Yess Sirrr.....I'm so sorryyy." I cried out to him as I kicked myself for opening my mouth. "You know better, young lady." He scolded as he walked to my left side and applied another dozen swats in rapid succession. THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK I lectured myself, he was right, I DO know better. I earned every single swat of this punishment and I needed to submit and accept that without question.
Professor's hand brushed my hair back off of my wet cheek and leaned in to speak into my ear, "Do you hear the girls next door giggling?" I instinctively leaned into his touch, his large left hand cradling my head as I nodded and softly answered him, "Yes Sir." His thumb brushed stray tears from my face as he spoke again, "They sound like they're having a good time. But my little girl chose to be naughty last week and then be disrespectful to her Disciplinarian about it....so she doesn't get to spend this afternoon having fun, she has to spend the afternoon having her naughty bare bottom spanked good and hard for her misbehavior. Right?" He knows when he says phrases like that in a session, it makes me blush. I'm sure my cheeks were as red as my poor bottom as I answered him, "Yes Sir." He stood again and walked to my right side and applied another dozen harsh swats with that strap as I danced up onto my tippy toes and gasped for air between sobs. THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK
I heard Professor lay the strap down and I breathed a sigh of relief as I stood draped over the back of the chair, sniffling. He pulled the other chair in the room over and placed in right in front of the one I was bent over and he sat down. "Come here." He instructed. I slowly stood up, feeling my aching skin stretch taut with every movement I made. I wanted so badly to rub the sting out, but I knew better and I was determined to be a good girl and accept my punishment like he expects of me. "Look at me, Natalie Lynn." I stood directly in front of him, my hands clasped in front of me, my panties around my annkles, my hair a disheveled mess as I looked into his piercing eyes.
"Do you think you've been punished enough?" He asked softly. I bit my lower lip as I stood looking into his eyes for several long moments. Fresh tears filled my eyes and began spilling out onto my cheeks as I shook my head.....no. "No Sir." I whispered. "So if I were to end the spanking now, you wouldn't learn your lesson? You'd disrespect me again tomorrow?" He questioned, his eyes studying my face intently. "No Sir, that's not what I meant. I've learned my lesson, I promise I have and it wont ever happen again....I've felt so horrible for how I spoke to you Sir, that alone is a strong deterrent....but I'm so disappointed and angry at myself for how I chose to talk to you and I did it twice.....I haven't been punished enough for that, Sir." I sputtered out my run-on explanation and cried as I watched his face gauging my response. "That's what I thought." He said as he stood up and walked toward me. His left hand again encircled my wrist and he marched me to the wall across the room.
"Put your hands flat against the wall and stick your bottom out, feet shoulder width apart, young lady." He instructed. I quickly got into position and hung my head, quietly sobbing. My brain telling me to shut up, I had already been spanked for almost 2 hours and it had been hard and continuous and I had had enough.....but my heart was solidifying my response.....I was still disappointed, still ashamed, still guilt-ridden and I had to be spanked past that in order to let this go.
CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK Professor quickly began applying harsh swats with a wooden implement that I hadn't seen. I lifted my foot and shifted from foot to foot in an effort to remain still.....whatever he was spanking me with stung like crazy and seemed to be igniting another fire on my already ridiculously sore bottom. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK He paddled rapidly, leaving me again choking on my sobs and fighting to stay in position. Professor walked over to my right side and outstretched his right leg between me and the wall, pushing me forward over his right thigh with my hands still on the wall.....he wrapped his right arm around my waist securely tucking me underneath his arm, pinning me to his thigh and with his left hand he began to paddle my bottom furiously with that implement. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK
After several dozen punishing swats to cover every single inch of my bottom, he turned his focus and attention to my thighs and sit spots. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK
Professor paddled hard and feverishly fast and in less than 2 minutes I was crying uncontrollably again and struggling to get free from his grip. "Owww....pleasseee....owwww....I'm sorryyyy...." I squealed up to him. Professor is a very tall, physically strong, athletic man.....I'm not a tiny girl and I'm also physically strong but being tucked under his arm, pinned to his thigh.....there was no way, despite my best efforts, that I was going to break free of his grip. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK
The more I fought and the harder I struggled, the tighter his grip on me became. He was practically playing the drums on my poor bruised thighs with that wooden spoon and the song in his head was apparently a very upbeat and fast composition! I squealed and sobbed and realized that no matter how hard I fought, he had me and I was not getting away and though my bottom & thighs were absolutely on fire, it was kind of a reassuring feeling. "Owww....pleaseeee" I begged and squealed but it fell on deaf ears, he paddled furiously. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK After realizing that I wouldn't be able to plead my way out of this or struggle my way to escape, I was so panic-stricken that I momentarily lost my mind and did something I have *NEVER* done before.....something that Professor warned me from Day #1 that I'd better *never* do, and if I was ever stupid enough to do it, he promised that he would make me a *very very sorry girl*......I apparently forgot that warning, or at the very least did not heed it because I did exactly what I had been warned to *NEVER* do........I threw my hand back to cover & protect my bottom! UH OH!
No sooner had I thrown my hand back to cover my bottom, did Professor release his grip on my waist and grab my wrist, completely encircling it inside of his right hand as he yanked it up and away from my bottom, securely pinning it to my lower back, thrusting me further forward bent over his thigh and he kept his promise......he made me a *very very very sorry girl* for ever putting my hand back to cover my poor bottom! His left arm swung again and again and again......rapidly blistering my thighs, bottom & sit spots with that horrible wooden spoon. I felt as if my skin was literally on fire!! CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK "Ouchhh, I'm sorryyy Sirrr.....I didn't mean to do it.....I'm so sorryyyy.....owwwww...." I squealed back at him over my shoulder. I was completely helpless now. Pinned to his strong thigh, his upper body pushing me forward, his right hand pinning mine to the small of my back and his left thoroughly punishing his naughty little brat's bare bottom. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK I finally gave up....completely submitting to the spanking and relinquishing all control completely back to where it belongs....my Professor. I sobbed and sniffled but no longer struggled and squirmed.....I stayed still for the duration of the paddling. CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK
As soon as he stopped paddling me with the spoon, he took me back over to the chair and stopped directly in front of it, still holding me by the wrist, and tucking his left hand under my chin to raise my tear-streaked face to meet his gaze. "I'm not going to lecture or say even one word now. I want you to talk so I can hear you for the duration of your punishment. Get all of your frustration at yourself, guilt, apologies to me.....get all of it out. I want to hear your voice over this spanking, understand?" He questioned, his dark brown eyes holding my puffy, green eyes captive. I nodded my head and whispered, "Yes Sir." His jaw unclenched and his eyes softened for a moment, and though my spanking was not yet over with, I knew he had forgiven me in that moment.....and again, I cried.
He sat down in the chair and pulled me over his lap again, much less forcefully this time. I held his ankle again with one hand, while the other planted firmly on the floor. Professor ran his left hand across the smoking hot skin for a moment before spanking me again. Slow, deliberate and unforgiving swats at first.....each making me bite my lip or whimper at his strength. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT "I'm so sorry.....I'm just so sorry." I sobbed. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT "I don't know what got into me but I promise my moodiness wasn't directed at you Sir. I shouldn't have ever taken it out on you.....I don't understand why I lashed out at you. I'm just so very sorry." I whimpered and mumbled out as he spanked. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT "I was just so upset with myself for not behaving perfectly while you were away. I wanted you to come home and be proud of me for being a good girl in your absence and the traffic stop completely blew that for me. I was so disappointed and angry at myself and I just lashed out at the people I'm closest to....I lashed out at the one person I never should have....you, Sir. I'm sorry." I cried hard and my body lay limp over his lap, offering no resistance or clenching in anticipation of swats, I'd completely resigned myself and submitted to the punishment I truly felt I'd deserved. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT "I never meant to be so disrespectful. I *do* respect you tremendously....I hope you know that. I promise it wont happen again. I'm so sorryyyy.....please forgive me....I'm sorryyyy." I was crying so hard by this point that my entire body was shaking.
Professor knew I'd felt absolutely horrible for how I'd disrespected him....the other offenses didn't even matter to me anymore....I only cared about 'fixing' what I had done with regards to my disrespect and defiance toward him. He picked up the pace, knowing I needed to let it all go....I'd needed that emotional release all week.....and he pushed me to the point that I could now, finally let it all go. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT He continued to spank me for several more minutes as I just lied over his lap and cried to my little hearts content. He wasn't spanking nearly as hard as he had been for the majority of this punishment now, he had forgiven me and his swats now were of a caring father who thought I'd had enough but knew for me to forgive myself, I needed a little more....and he provided that....slowly but firmly swatting my properly punished bottom as I lay sobbing across his lap. SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT SWAT.
When the swats stopped raining down, he just let me lie across his lap while he softly rubbed my bottom and traced his fingertips across the marks that were left behind by our straps. I slowed my breathing and just lingered there, relishing in his touch and lost in subspace. As he caressed my sore, tender skin I began to think about the roller coaster of emotion that this past almost 8 months has been. When I met Professor this past winter, I thought that perhaps I had found a strict Disciplinarian that I'd needed for too long and maybe even a partner in the kink with which to share all things spanking. I had never anticipated what I'd truly come across and the bond that was to form. I've tested and pushed and fought this man many times along the way, but he has not wavered. The chance I took in trusting him and opening up to him seemed like such a huge risk in the beginning that it threatened at times to swallow me alive.....but with his words of encouragement, I was able to take that leap of faith and open myself up allowing him to earn my trust and respect. The girl I was In January would hardly recognize the girl I am now as we're nearing September. So much has changed....and both Professor & I have worked so hard these last 8 months. Throughout this journey, so much has changed for the better and I am truly grateful for the things he has taught me and all he has opened my eyes to. I fully expected a partner in spanking and in behavior modification but I've gotten so much more than that.
Professor is my Disciplinarian. He is my Top in spanking. My Dominant in the scene. My academic motivator. My mentor. My professional & career counselor. My own Dr. Phil for family & friend drama and conflict. My go-to-guru for parenting advice. My fellow Pats fan. My behavioral compass. One of my best friends in the world. The closest thing to a father that I have ever had. My Professor is all of those things to me and more. I still don't know why he puts up with me at times.....and when I ask, he says it is a silly question. :) I guess I don't really ever need to know the 'why'.....I am just content knowing how lucky I truly am to have found him and how honored I am to know that he calls me his own.
After laying upended over his lap for several minutes, lost in my peaceful little subspace and distracted by thought, he helped me up and immediately pulled me into his strong arms for a hug that confirmed his forgiveness. In my day to day life, I don't feel overly-short...lol...but when Professor pulls me into an embrace and I fit perfectly under his arm and my head sits level with his chest...I feel kinda short-ish. :) Literally or figuratively, I feel small when I'm with Professor....and I really kind of love that. We spent the next hour talking & catching up, as we typically do....although one of us was chatting while sitting on an extremely sore, well-spanked bottom.
This punishment was without a doubt the hardest to get through emotionally and physically.....but I needed it. And I am so appreciative that Professor knows what I need when even I have no clue what it is I need or how to articulate it. This man rocks my world and knowing I belong to him puts a smile on my face every day. Again, ladies, I can very confidently say that my Dominant truly is THE BEST! I can also *very* confidently say that this was and will be the first and the *last* punishment I ever receive for deliberate disrespect toward my Disciplinarian......I hope Blogger enjoys this session FAR more than I did......there will be *NO* Repeats of this lesson.....E-V-E-R!
Yep....that's me....a disrespectful lil brat! Or at least that's how I have been acting lately.
If you read my last post, then you got a good preview of my sassy behavior.....and how bad I felt after speaking so disrespectfully toward Professor last weekend when he was scolding me via phone about my bad behavior during the last week of his absence. I had argued with him, whined, laughed at him, tried to negotiate consequences, then just flat out threatened to ignore him and do what I wanted to do anyway. Ughhh. I hate even typing it. I truly felt horrible.
I respect Professor tremendously. He is an amazing man and he does so much for me. He earned my respect very early on and apparently last week I forgot that he deserves to be shown that respect in every interaction.....particularly when he is doing his job as my Disciplinarian and calling me on my poor behavior. I was so mad at myself and I emailed him apologizing for how I had spoken to him. He told me to add it to my Punishment List for a 'discussion' in the near future. I apologized again by phone on Monday this week. He said he knew I was sorry.....but would make sure I had more reason to be sorry when he got his hands on me. That's not ever good in this relationship....statements like that turn my stomach. My Professor isn't one for idle threats.....he prefers to make heart-felt promises (or bottom-felt promises, depending on which side of this relationship you are examining).
So I added the disrespect to my list, along with the repeat offenses of the traffic stop. I still felt pretty crumby for how I'd interacted with Professor. I know better. And I have never blatantly been disrespectful toward him.....never one time. I would have never laughed in his face if he had been scolding me in person.....I wouldn't have argued......I wouldn't have whined.....and unless I had a death wish, I sure as hell wouldn't have told him I'd do what I wanted to and ignore his instructions. So why then did I do it by phone??? Just thinking about it made me feel worse and that along with other life drama had me in quite a mood by Tuesday.
Surely with how bad I felt for being so disrespectful toward Professor on Saturday, I sure wouldn't be dumb enough to do it again.....right? I wish I could say I didn't do it again.....but I can't. :( Tuesday afternoon Professor & I were discussing me planning to go out that evening with friends.....Professor consented if I agreed to follow 2 tiny little instructions.....I was still in a pissy mood and I emailed back just one word.....one stupid stinking word.....
"Why?"
Yep, lost my ever loving mind and only days after being so disrespectful, I managed to do it again. Intentionally let my mood run my mouth and questioned him. He replied telling me I know better than to question him, he had been more than reasonable in his 2 requests and since I obviously still thought his authority was questionable then I had now earned myself a night home to think about how out of control I was. Yep, well I didn't like that much either so I replied and told him how much I disliked it.....in a less sweet & more sassy fashion.
Even through email, he interpreted my tone spot on absolutely correctly. He had me. This is way out of character for me.....like WAY OUT OF CHARACTER. I have not *ever* been disrespectful to him consciously.....and now I had done it TWICE in just 4 days! He was surprised and irritated at my audacity to question him when I was already in serious trouble and he was being lenient enough to allow me to go out.
He called to figure out what had happened to his respectful, obedient daughter in his 3 week absence and to straighten out the impostor running my mouth.
BIG problem.....I didn't know he was calling. In fact, I was waiting for a call from my realtor, who happens to have the same area code. I was driving and glanced quickly at my phone, saw the area code and answered short & snappy, "Yep? What?" Silence on the other end briefly.....I imagine that rendered him momentarily speechless.....very momentarily.
"Excuse me? Is that how you answer the phone to me now? Three weeks away and I come back to this from you? You felt so bad for being a disrespectful brat to me this weekend and now just days later you give me attitude in email, question me and now answer the phone with attitude as well? What has gotten into you?" His voice was dripping with irritation and hinting at anger.
"I...uh...I didn't know it was you. I'm sorry, Professor." I meekly mumbled into the phone. My stomach knotting. "Uh huh. It doesn't matter young lady. Your mouth in email was more than enough. I don't know what has gotten into you but I promise you I am going to find out and whip it out of you. You don't question me! You don't talk back to me! You're grounded, do *not* go out tonight. You are to stay home and think about your behavior and why you now think it is okay to disrespect me and why you are so out of control. Something is going on with you and I want to know what it is. I am not going to tolerate this defiance from you, young lady. Do you hear me?"
I just wanted to cry. I knew he was right. Something was wrong with me. This isn't how I interact with him. What am I thinking? I feel like shit for doing it, so why did I do it again? I don't understand and I hate it as much as he does. I whispered a barely audible, "Yes Sir. I'm sorry."
I knew I'd be seeing him for lunch on Thursday and though I wouldn't be getting spanked, he had promised me that I had a nice, long lecture to look forward to during lunch. I couldn't wait to see him but I was certain I wouldn't care to see the look on his face or hear his tone of voice giving me a very public scolding in the restaurant we were to meet at.
The next day, Wednesday I missed a call from Professor and when I checked my voicemail, my heart jumped into my throat. We had a change of plan and things were altered. Because we had both reserved the afternoon, he decided with the third partys cancellation that he and I would now devote the entire afternoon to my discipline that I was apparently sorely lacking and to the serious punishment session I had more than earned myself over the last week. My mouth went dry, my heart threatened to burst out of my rib cage, I was in full panic mode.
I knew I was in for a severe spanking but I had thought I'd have at least another week to prepare and now I was being told it would happen in less than 24 hours. I called him back and mentioned needing more time to form my defense......which he found less than amusing and pointed out in his seriously strict tone that a 'defense' is equivalent to an EXCUSE and he has taught me better than that. I sulked. He told me to print out my Punishment List, bring ALL of our implements and cancel lunch......we would meet at 12:30p for punishment first....no friendly lunch, no catch-up chat....nope, none of that.....all business.
I am always nervous before being punished but this seemed to be overwhelming. I couldn't sleep Wednesday night. I emailed Professor, I apologized more....not that I expected it to help me get a lighter sentence, but I hoped he knew it was sincere because I hated the fact that I had disrespected him twice in a row. He didn't reply. He always replies.....nothing. Now I was beyond nervous......I was scared. I am never scared.......but now, I am really scared. :(
Why did I do this to myself??? What was I thinking??? What is wrong with me??? What has gotten into me??? Why?? Why??? Why?? Why??? :(
