Friday, August 31, 2012
Upon reading a blog written by a Top, I've been contemplating the differences between compliance and true obedience. I read many other blogs when I have free time, though very few are written by Tops. Not that I avoid them, that isn't it at all, I have just found very few that are written by what I term *real* Doms. With the help of a girlfriend of mine, I have found one.
Perhaps I took to his writings because he, too, is a professor and so I feel a bit more open or trusting. Regardless of the reasons, the blog is very thought-provoking and it is nice to see or hear the view from the other side of this thing we do.
For aside from my own Dom, I tend to annoy or irritate many I know and thus the true conversation never really transpires. :) Professor having the patience of a priest, is willing to answer any question I ask him, and often does, therefore giving me a tiny glimpse of the other side. Of course, it should go without saying that there is one Top/Dom in this world that I would be crazy if I aimed to annoy or irritate.....for that one is mine, and I am his and my bratty behavior is only tolerated in teeny tiny doses. :)
I digress, the topic of this rambling post is the difference in compliance versus true obedience. Below I will share the quote from this Top that really got me analyzing the differences and trying to ascertain which of the two I exhibit most often with Professor: Am I complaint? Or am I obedient? You can practically see the little wheels in my mind turning without the help of a hyper hamster now, can't you? :)
"I have to pay taxes, buy auto insurance and keep more or less to the speed limit or I could wind up in jail. That doesn't make me obedient, simply compliant under threat of sanction. Obedience is doing what the other instructs, regardless of threat. Because there is delight in acquiescence; a personal reward in doing what the other requires. That reward usually takes the form of approval from the other."
See? I told you....thought provoking, huh? I think in theory we (submissives/bottoms) strive for true obedience and that is without a doubt what most of our Doms/Tops aim to inspire.
But....I can think of many instances where I have only complied....that is, I have done as I was told because the implied consequences for doing the opposite was my biggest deterrent. Perfect example of my being compliant.....a girlfriend of mine & I are in the middle of a heated argument with two other ignorant girls and aforementioned ignorant girls began insulting our children as a way to escalate the fight. My girlfriend and I wanted to hit these idiots....and my girlfriend even found a *legal* way to stage this physical altercation. Problem? Professor, regardless of the legal ramifications, would not agree to allow me to fight because not only would it risk a lot personally, professionally, legally, etc if I did it, but because it wasn't the right thing to do. He ended his email with a promise to seriously punish me if I did not do the right thing. Having just been punished last week with a harsh, never-ending spanking.....another one didn't sound all that appealing. So, I complied.
Then there are things that I had at first been compliant about, but that now, after 8 months being Professor's girl, I have morphed from compliance to obedience in. Example of my swapping from compliance to obedience.....my drinking. My favorite alcoholic beverage has long been a Long Island Iced Tea and it has an insane alcohol content in each and every glass. My cardiologist had warned me away from them for years now, but that fell on deaf ears because I came to think I was Wonder Woman and would be just fine regardless of what I drank. Professor strongly dislikes my 'Wonder Woman complex' and has punished me for it many times. When he heard the medical advice versus my own illogical argument to the contrary, he told me I was banned from ever again consuming a Long Island Iced Tea and he went a step further in setting a 2 drink limit for me, if and when I do drink. At first, I hated this rule and only *barely* complied with it because after testing it once and being punished hard, I decided the consequences were not worth that one damn drink. So I complained and whined about it, but I was compliant to save my own ass (literally). But now, after several months of this limit being my 'normal', it doesn't bother me at all. The weekend before my birthday when friends of mine screwed with me and tricked me into exceeding my drinking limit, I was devastated the next day when I thought Professor was disappointed in me. Through that process, I realized that the limit didn't matter to me anymore.....pleasing Professor was more important to me than any drink. So whereas I had been simply compliant in the beginning to save myself from serious consequences, I now am completely obedient in respecting this limit because I want only to truly please my Dom.
Next is true obedience....yes, yes even for a stubborn brat like me, obedience is possible.....now stop laughing! :) There are certain things that I have never fought, never argued, never tested......things I have simply always obeyed. Open and honest with Professor about all things, no one else is allowed to spank me, do not chop off my hair. Things I have just always obeyed because I know in doing so, I am pleasing Professor.
Professor is a very reasonable man and doesn't have the time to micromanage me with never-ending lists of rules and restrictions....that's simply not how we work. Most of what my Dom insist on are things I refer to as a behavioral compass. Principles, morals, guidelines. He has given me the tools I need, along with his expectations and I am granted the freedom to make my own decisions and to live within those limits. Of course there are a few specific rules now in areas I tend to flounder in (i.e. cursing, speeding).....but for the most part, it is a compass to help guide me to where I want & need to be to attain happiness & success. "Open & Honest....no editing"......"Do what you know is right"......see? Not overly specific, but still tailored to everything I do in my life.
I know I prefer to please my Dom than to upset, displease, anger, irritate, disappoint or infuriate him. I'd always rather get a "good girl" or "I'm proud of you" than a "bad girl" or "that disappoints me, young lady." Unlike some brats I know, I am not bribed to behave.......I do not get to go buy a dozen handbags for simply behaving myself and not breaking rules. That's just not how we work. Professor is very convincing and can be extremely persuasive in earning my submission, but he is not going to bribe me or reward me for doing what I should do in the first place. He has always made his expectations of me crystal clear so I know what will please him......and I know what will not please him. I feel like I have always aimed to please Professor. I truly get great satisfaction in knowing he is proud of me, in knowing that I have pleased him, in offering my submission to him.
Reading through this other Tops posts on his blog, this one in particular, has gotten me to think about all sorts of new things. But the thoughts inspired by his comments about the differences between compliance and true obedience has made me think that maybe I would be happier...maybe I'd be in trouble less often...maybe I'd truly please Professor more if I made a conscious effort to be unquestionably obedient rather than hesitantly compliant. Maybe if I kept that thought in the forefront of my cluttered little mind, then perhaps I'd struggle less on my journey in submission to Professor. If I looked at every naughty situation as a choice between:
#1:obeying him because I know it is right, it will please him and in turn please me
#2: simply being compliant to avoid unpleasant consequences which in turn frustrates me and irritates Professor because I made the choice to avoid consequences, not because I knew it was the 'right' thing to do
Recognizing there is a discernible difference between the two and striving for true obedience over compliance may end up saving my oh-so-innocent-naughty-lil-bottom from having to endure more "Do what you know is right, young lady" punishment spankings.....and will surely please my Professor and make him proud of me......which, for a girl like me, is probably the best feeling in the world! :) Mission defined....now I just have to accomplish it!
BTW....Susan, thanks for the recommended reading & Mr. Dev, see not *all* Doms are useless :)
***If you haven't checked out Dev's blog, here is the address: www.devlinoneill.com