I read other blogs here in my spare time and one of my regular reads is the blog written by playfullilbrat. Reading her last post and seeing her frustration, again, about her Dom not communicating made me grateful that I don't have this problem with Professor. She had a serious issue and is now just left to wonder if his silence is because of a hectic schedule in his real life or if he is intentionally ignoring her. That would drive me crazy.
Just last week, actually, I did something incredibly stupid and emailed Professor about it then waited for his reply. Day #2 without a response from him, I let those irrational lil abandonment fears kick in and worried that maybe the delay in response was intentional because I had upset him. Rationally, of course, I know better. I know Professor is a busy man and has a life. I also know that I have not ever had to guess where I stand with him. He will tell me when he is displeased or if I am in trouble for something, he doesn't play the head games. I can typically guarantee myself that Professor is busy if I'm not getting immediate responses from him. This open and honest concept seems self-explanatory to me; so why, I wonder, do some Doms insist on the game playing?
The silent treatment game.......what good could possibly come of this tactic? Making her worry and guess is just going to upset her, so why do it? I've heard the tactic defense of: "she wants attention so I wont give it to her & reinforce bad behavior." I'm just not sure I follow this logic. If she has done something wrong, don't you think you should discuss it rather than play psychological head games with her? If you have her respect, you shouldn't have to ignore her to get your point across. Open communication in any relationship is imperative; but in a D/s relationship, it's crucial. Withholding communication from your partner isn't going to change her behavior long term, but it will likely strain her trust in you and create resentment and/or a hesitancy of admitting her mistakes to you, for fear you may ignore her. Communication or the lack there of shouldn't be used as a weapon in a relationship.
I suppose that not all Doms are are wise and mature as yours - or as you.
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm just curious as to why anyone would utilize silence in behavior modification.....it seems so counter-productive to me. I just read about it in other people's relationships and see how much it screws with these girls and I feel kind of bad for them. If a Dom knows what he is doing, he would realize that he is hurting far more than he is helping, don't you think? Ughhh....who knows. I will say again that I am sooooo thankful that Professor is not like that....I'd kick his butt....lol. :)
ReplyDeleteOf course silence is counter-productive. How can you possible change if you don't know in what direction you are supposed to be going?! But, you see, it is a game that the Dom will always win, if he is into games, because he can blame everything on the sub - he won't reinforce her behavior, she should have known better than to do it, and so on, and so forth.
ReplyDelete"If a Dom knows what he is doing...." I think that the key word there is IF. The Professor wants you to be a better person, I have no doubt. Do you think that all Doms care that much? Are they all as skilled at making their expectations clear? (I think that is what the Professor has given you, in the main, "expectations" not "rules" as such.) Are they all as consistent? Or do some of them just get off on being the in charge guy?
Then there is you, of course, the woman who is so naturally submissive. (Like me, I should note.) I believe you would kick his butt. Well, not literally, but I think you would have ended the relationship if it were doing you more harm than good. I'm glad for you that the reverse is true.
"The woman who is so naturally submissive".....LMAO. Oh I love ya for that one Susan....LOL!
ReplyDeleteI guess you have a point...perhaps some don't care. I'm glad Professor cares...and you're right, if there is one thing the man can do, it is make his expectations crystal clear :) I kind of like that he cares, I kinda care for him too :) And of course I'm sure he does get off on being in charge....then again, I kind of get off on him being in charge too. :) Lol.