Feeling Like a Failure

07/07/2013


I don't know what has gotten into me lately. 

What the hell is wrong with me???

I'm stressed and dealing with medical issues and other situations that have me at times, feeling like I am at my breaking point......and beyond. 

Typically, when I feel backed into a corner, I know I have a safe place to fall.....my Daddy. I can run to him and I know he will hide me away from the world in his arms and lull me back to sanity with his deep, resounding voice. He "fixes" the chaos and protects me from the insane world in which we reside. 

But this time.......with this mess.......and latest stress and bout of medical mishaps.......I've not run to him. :( I've run in the opposite direction. 

*I've ignored him, 

*Pushed him away, 

*Been abrasive, 

*Withheld information, 

*Sworn at him,

*Stuck to my typical "I'm fine" theory, 

*Argued with him, 

*Told him flat out "NO!" multiple times, 

*Made him repeat himself, 

*Made him argue with me over stupid shit, 

*Made him raise his voice at me, 

*Made him mandate things I should have willingly done on my own. 

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I know I'm stressed but that is absolutely no excuse for how I've behaved. 

I just feel like such a failure right now. And I've again, done it to myself. 

WHY DO I DO THIS???

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???