Monday, April 2, 2012
I suppose the dynamic in a D/s relationship is as unique as each couple involved but some things are likely identical across the board. I've received messages from several people who read my blog and they've asked how I define my relationships, how I define our dynamics, how I define dominance and submission so I am going to offer my thoughts on all of the above.
I suppose to much of the world, Id be the *last* woman youd expect to find in a domestic discipline relationship. Im educated, intelligent, independent, outspoken, abrasive at times, wild, stubborn.....actually all of those attributes, to me, are what make up a naughty girl in the first place. :) I imagine to many people, when they think of a DD relationship or dominance vs submission, they are picturing some sort of Master/slave arrangement. While that dynamic is right for some people and I am not judging it, it is certainly not my forte. I am not a slave, not a door mat, not a play toy. And while within the confines of my DD relationship, with my Dominant, I am submissive......I am certainly not a submissive woman by nature. Likely the last you'd suspect of being submissive at all. That *is* what makes this dynamic. I dont have to be submissive, but with the two men I have belonged to, I want to be submissive. And though I am submissive within these relationships, I am certainly not nor will I ever be with other people with whom I interact.
In my marriage, domestic discipline was a foundation. A safe place for me to fall after taking on the world all day long. My security, my safety net. In my husband I found not just a partner in life but a best friend. A sounding board, a lover, a protector. He earned my respect very early on and maintained it through hard work throughout our relationship. It was never a question for me as to whether or not I could be submissive to him. While I am in control of everything in my outward life, when it comes to home and relationships, I have very traditional views of the roles of a man and his wife. A man is naturally a disciplinarian traditionally, a provider, a protector. A woman is traditionally a nurturer, a comforter, a help mate. Obviously I am more than capable of providing for and protecting myself.......and he was more than capable of being nurturing and comforting (well in his own little Marine Corps way :) ). My husband took on many titles within our marriage. Spouse, partner in parenting, lover, friend, comforter, confidante, protector, disciplinarian, defender. Dependent on the circumstance he could wear any one of those hats and did each with ease. He was the leader of our home and I developed more respect for this man than any other person I had in my life to this point. He was always there when I needed him. Rarely was his dominance used solely to gain control or get his way. There was always a purpose and I always knew he was making sure to do what was best for me, for us. It also is worth mentioning that within a domestic discipline marriage, I never had to worry with the days long fights and constant battle of the wills that many of my friends struggle with in their relationships. We didnt go to bed angry. We didnt ignore one another. When something was wrong, we discussed it.......without fighting, without personal attacks, without ignorance. Whether I was right or wrong, I always knew I was loved and respected. Domestic bliss :)
In my current relationship with Professor the dynamic is very similar. Our contact is not solely about my misbehavior.....though it does take up a good chunk of our time. He is more than my Disciplinarian, he is my friend. He earned my respect and proved to me that I could trust him, that he was safe, that he cared. For a girl who naturally doesnt trust and always analyzes and scrutinizes things before taking it at face value, I am still often perplexed when I think about how quickly this man had me. He is amazing and exactly what I needed, exactly when I needed it. A solid, secure, safe place to fall. A valuable resource for advice on any number of things. Is it within his ability to demand my respect and obedience? Sure it is, but he never has. He earned it and continues to show me everyday that I made a damn good choice in opening up to him. He truly cares for me and that puts a smile on my face every day. He didnt have to......he isnt biologically mandated......unlike my Marine, he wasnt matrimonially obligated.......he simply chooses to do so. Though to the rest of the world I am tough, unfazed, abrasive.......with this man, I am putty in his strong hands. Small......a very good small. I dont have to be submissive to him, I *want* to be submissive to him. I want to please him. I want to make him proud of me. I want to be *his*. My submission is a gift......a gift born of love......earned through respect, trust, admiration........and to me, his dominance an equally important gift.......earned, trusted, respected.......providing me a solid foundation upon which to grow, a partner in taming my bad habits and promoting my assets, a firm & unwavering Disciplinarian to hold me accountable and provide me guidelines and consequences to truly better myself. A win-win situation and a dynamic I absolutely love with a man that has quickly earned his place in my heart.