Okay, in an especially naughty mood right now so going to write this little post, laugh at my wit, go to work and forget I authored this & then probably try very hard not to laugh when I'm asked about this post by my Professor in the next few days. :)
Do all of you have a Dominant or Top that likes to lecture? I was 'lucky' enough to find this amazingly annoying trait in both of my Disciplinarians. My Professor, however, has got this mastered into some sort of art form. Suppose I need it at times and others I just tolerate it because I know better. You know how mid-lecture they make some ridiculous statement or ask some rhetorical question that makes it really difficult to control your sass & laughter?? Yeah, mine does this......a lot. So this post is going to be a list of those things said and/or asked by my Disciplinarian at some point......then I'll tell you what I *wanted* to say.....and finally what I ended up saying because though I may be stubborn & witty, I'm not stupid enough to attempt these cute little remarks when the distance between my Disciplinarian and my bottom is less than 3 feet and closing quickly. :)
Professor: "Tell me why you are being punished Natalie Lynn?"
What I *wanted* to say: "Well good freaking Lord, if you don't even remember, then how can you honestly expect me to remember? I mean the list of 'naughty' is pretty lengthy Professor :) Of course then again, it could be any number of non-naughty reasons.....are you bored Professor? Nothing on tv? Having a bad day? Just want to spank an angel?" :)
What I actually say: "My attitude Sir." (I keep it short & sweet and always have a 9 out of 10 chance of getting it right if this is my answer.....the attitude constantly needs 'adjusted' *sighs* )
Professor: "How many times do I have to tell you.......?"
What I *wanted* to say: "Ummm how about never? Yes, never works for me. I'd rather not hear that lecture like ever." :)
What I actually say: "I'm sorry Sir" (and that isn't typically a sarcastic apology......I genuinely *am* sorry......as much as I'm sorry because my bottom is going to be soundly spanked, I am equally as sorry for making him have to repeat himself, it irritates him.....a lot)
Professor: "What could you have done instead?"
What I *wanted* to say: "Holy hell Professor, I don't know. You tell me......you're the rocket scientist." :)
What I actually say: "Anything other than what I did Sir?" *fingers crossed this answer is acceptable*
Professor: "Are you serious? Tell me you're joking."
What I *wanted* to say: "Yep yep, totally joking. Had nothing cute or witty to say so decided I'd confess to some driving calamity. Can I *not* be spanked now since I told you I was joking?" :)
What I actually say: "No Sir, not joking. I'm sorry."
Professor: "Haven't we discussed this before Natalie Lynn?"
What I *wanted* to say: "Hmmm.....define the word 'discuss' Professor. I'm not certain Webster's defines that word as 'spanking the living daylights out of'' but who knows, maybe I'm wrong.....I guess there is usually dialogue involved, but you Sir need a lesson in anatomy.......the EARS are for hearing a discussion.....not the bottom." :)
What I actually say: "Yes Sir, we have discussed this before." (And usually multiple times.....geesh, you'd think an educated girl would learn quickly.....damn stubborness.)
Professor: "What did you just say?"
What I *wanted* to say: "If you didn't hear it, I'm sure as hell not going to be stupid enough to repeat it. Do you think I am that stupid? Perhaps next session I'll wear my glasses instead of my contacts.....that'll make me look much more intelligent."
What I actually say: (repeat what I've previously said and then apologize quickly and hope it helps.......it *never* helps)
Professor: "Why did you do that?"
What I *wanted* to say: "Who me? Moi? Your innocent red-headed angel?" :)
What I actually say: "Because I am impulsive Sir & didn't think it through."
So you see......if a stubborn, witty, loud-mouthed, naughty Irish imp can bite her tongue.....there is hope for the rest of you lovely ladies too. :)
Honestly.......though much of this post is humorous, I honestly respect this man far too much to say these things to him. His approval is extremely important to me and I'm not certain there is anything I would *not* do to please him, make him proud of me, or win his approval & admiration.........so as funny as these comments are, this is likely the only time and place they'd ever appear.